Current Song - The Best Is Yet to come (Frank Sinatra)
I saw this posted on a friend's Facebook wall not too long ago. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
Probably because I don't find it "funny" at all.
Okay, maybe I have failed to find the humor behind this because of my condition, you say. NOPE. I really don't find it funny at all.
This is because I have friends that were called "whores," "hoes," and "sluts" in school. This card made me think of them, and how sorry I felt for them having been called such things.
Even worse, there have been classmates that have told me to stay away from either a certain girl or a group of girls because of this. They'll throw in such words as "STD's," "everyone in town has had a ride," and my least favorite of all, "diseased."
I know of classmates that have referred to certain girls as "diseased," and I swear I wanted to knock them upside the head. I never did, because I didn't want to get in trouble. However, when you hear such things said, it will linger in your mind for a long time - even longer when more and more people are saying the same thing.
Every school had a few. The negative connotations start in middle school (junior high) when the kids start to learn about such language. Most of the time, they get the connections wrong by jumping to conclusions about people.
Here's how it happens: The kid becomes introduced to the descriptive word and its everyday use. "She is (this)." Then the kid tries to associate such a connotation to someone they know. "That's kind of like (her)." Then such information gets leaked out to the vast groups of people that middle school was created for (as a merger of two or more groups of different kids from different elementary schools).
This is how every clique takes shape. Cliques are a part of every middle school, but the most degrading one are that of the "bitches, hoes and whores." When the kid tries to think of a more local association for the "whores," they really have very little to go by. Looks are a huge factor in this. However, the person doesn't quite understand the meaning of not judging a book by its cover. ("If she looks like a whore, then she must be a whore.")
This negative connotation is further strengthened by relationship histories. People that have heard of these negative descriptions of girls will associate the large tally of "known" relationships with that of that of what they know a "whore" does. This is not true, as you just don't know when someone is unsure about relationships and simply going through the motions; as everyone learns in different ways.
What we fail to see growing up is what goes on inside the person's mind. We can see things such as a person's clothing, a person's looks, and we can understand a person's attitude and the way they talk. We don't know what goes in inside the person's mind.
In middle school, I was the person that already knew it all. When all the rest of the kids were learning and experimenting with such things, I was sitting at the corner of the building (at the back of Challand) and observing all of this, thinking to myself: "Look at him, there's another person that just doesn't get it." I would see the "crowning" of "whores" and just shook my head.
I was trying to better understand different types of people when I was shy all of the time. A lot of my shyness had to do with failing to get across to someone in a way they could understand. Sure, there were people telling me that so-and-so was a "whore" and to stay away from her any time she would approach me. I'd just sort of stared at him and tried to find a way to tell him that he was a jerk for thinking about that.
I feel that in order to know a person well, you have to tap into their mind and understand them. Not go by what you see. I "saw" the filtering of all of my middle school classmates into certain cliques (and as the rump of the pile that never got filtered, I was classified as one of the outsiders).
It was in middle school when I could see the intermixing of qualities between two different cliques. There existed classmates that looked like an emo, but could tell you everything you wanted to know about chemistry. There were people considered to be jocks that could also tell you everything you wanted to know about chemistry. I knew outsiders who were great class speakers (I was not one of them). When I saw multiple qualities of what defines a certain clique in someone, I realized that the very existence of cliques themselves was a bunch of rubbish.
Another, more understandable, example of finding a positive from a negative are those black classmates that always got in trouble, and were always goofing off. I would see the times when they would be offended by racism, and they would all of a sudden burst into the words of Dr. King and such. All of a sudden they were not the troublemaking kid, but a person that actually had some sort of logical sense. While these matters would only come up at times when provoked, it proved that these positive qualities did indeed exist in the person.
Most people come to that realization during high school, when they see it more and more. Some still fail to see that. I saw it all in middle school, when others were bring introduced to the concept.
All of that being said, I know of such girls to be real smart, real athletic, real nice, and had other multiple positive characteristics. I would see that in them, and hold on tight to that. I knew all of these "associations" made no sense at all.
We really do not know about the sexual history of those that have been labeled as "whores." In middle school, we take only the trace of evidence and blow it out of proportion. It is all not true. I knew these feelings deeply hurt such girls, and whenever I could I would try to find a way to help cure it all.
And it's not just girls. There are boys whom have had multiple relationships and were also subject to the name calling; some in terms of being "plagued" by such. It just isn't true.
I know of one girl that I consider a good friend. Her and her group of friends, at one time growing up, decided that it was fun to nickname themselves after me. This girl was called "Hody Slutter". I do not know who came up with that, but once I heard it for the first time I was real unhappy. Here was my own name being used to describe someone I know in such a negative way. I'm sure this nickname wound up hurting her somehow, and the first person that comes to mind whenever the nickname comes up is Cody Cutter. I had nothing to do with the nickname, and I've always felt bad about it. Truthfully, she is the very opposite of what her nickname suggests.
It's been more than 10 years since graduating from the 8th grade. These "whores" have turned out to be just fine, thank you.
It shouldn't take time to bust the cliques (Cliquebusting it what I call it). We can eliminate these early on by real keen observations of what goes on around us, and knowing that we simply cannot judge a book by its cover. At least that's the way I did it.
So it's NOT funny that the girls considered whores that are now married with children are now posting bible verses.
I find it to be a positive change in their lives to overcome the negative connotations that grew up with them in school. These girls, now women, are the strongest people I know.
And I'm proud to call some of them my friends.
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