Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.72.21
Current Song - Just The Two of Us (Bill Withers)
Apparently in this time of progression in one's life, I am in decline for some reason.
Apparently I'm not on top of things. Apparently my three little brothers have all passed me over and have discarded me as nothing but unsalvagable trash. What did I do to deserve that? Is it because I try to be true to my oldest-brotherly obligation to give them the world? I try to do things to help establish themselves as prepared individuals for the real world, and apparently that is a stupid mistake. Apparently I've taught them so much that they are unhappy with how I go about my own business.
I mean, try to establish a relationship with a girl. I'll try to go the extra mile for my brothers in this case, because I know it is too late for me. It was too late for me a long time ago.
If you were at it on your own, what would you do? Don't rely on me to spoonfeed you whenever I am present. Bad decision.
Now they've surpassed me in more terms than imaginable, and I'm paying for it. They're smarter than me, and how did that happen????
I think I know why. What did they have that I didn't? Yes, some sort of social life.
I've told this story countless times, but in a nutshell it was difficult for me to make friends. I made a few, but I just never seemed to keep up my end of the rope. There were things that I wanted to do, and morals that I stuck to, and things kind of drifted apart.
One worshipped things I didn't like, and another passed around a joint. My morals come first. In fact, there is this real cute girl I like somewhere in northern Illinois, but I will stick with my morals and say that I am too old for her and this is not right. I want do do the right thing, but sometimes that leads into a deeper downward spiral. Thank the Lord that I don't drink, smoke or snort. Any dismissal of what morals that had been mentioned will lead to a bad reputation, and I don't want that.
Up until my freshman year, I had "best friends." Then one thing led to another and it was me that did the pulling away from them. They made some choices that I didn't agree with, and I simply walked away. I wanted to look for more lifelines, and I event went backward for a while (to Rock Falls). Nothing truly materialized.
Now I am sitting on a chair in front of a computer for most of the day. And when I'm not doing that, I'm covering a sports event or sleeping.
High school sports is really the only thing that is keeping my mouth moving, and I've made friends through that circle. But when I'm covering games, often times I don't know anyone else at the particular game. I have had people tell me that I should do more Sterling and/or Rock Falls games, and that way I would be around people that I know, but there is this thing called journalistic neutrality that beckons me away from that.
Lately I have tried to establish friendships with coaches and athletes during games I cover. The key word is "try." Obviously they have lives of their own, and I don't see them hardly any more after the postgame interview.
***
So getting back to the current day, I think my lack of social life has made me extremely so in so many regards. There is a bag of chips that is sitting on top of my computer printer, and I don't know when I'll ... okay, I just put them back downstairs.
It's things like that which are mentally pummeling me at this time. I apparently forget to do a lot of things, and get ticked off when I'm told to do something - but that is because my train of thought has just been interrupted. I'm likely formulating a story and then I'm told to pick up Dan at the school; my train of thought has just been interrupted.
Things like this are drawing the ire of my own parents. Now their patience has worn thin. If I don't do something about it, things are going to get worse. But how do I start? Where do I start? What's it going to take to contribute my fair share in this house that me, my parents and Danny all live in. The sacrifices just seem like too much.
My parents are worn out themselves, and here I am struggling to get my mind in order.
I think back to how Mike, Chris and Dan are all as good as they are. What's the X-factor in all of this? An enjoyable, worry-free life with a strong support group. I have none of that.
It's going to be a long, tough road.
These are the things that make me cry.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
A Christmas Present Well Worth Creating and Sharing
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.52.21
Northern Illinois looks to have a green Christmas this year with no snow on the ground.
But that's quite alright.
Whatever we are celebrating at this moment – be it Christmas, Hannukah or Kwanzaa – paints us a picture filled with snow and songs. But don't need snow in order to get into the Holiday spirit. Typically today is spent around lots of family. For some families, it's the only other time outside of maybe Thanksgiving that a bunch of family members will gather around.
When you see your family today, think about how you are made up as a person. Very likely, it is because of those family members that are a generation or more older.
“You are who you are because of the people around you” is a philosophy that I often use to trace backward the traits that define ourselves. The people around you, if you are planning or attending a gathering today, is most likely family.
Family is an important aspect in the life of yours truly. Perhaps it's because so much of it is close around.
Nearly everyone on both my mother's side and father's side of my family reside somewhere within northern Illinois. Sure, there are a few people that have went far, far away, but most have remained not too far away from where I live and thus are more available during great times of need.
2011 had its fair share of sorrow when it came to my extended family. My great uncles Roger and Elmer, brothers, lost battles with cancer within eight months of each other. My great aunt Carol, the pair's sister, saw Alzheimer's get the best of her on the day we laid Roger to rest. Three siblings that were no longer a part of us on this Earth in eight months is more than enough to bear. Cancer also claimed the life of my great-granduncle Everett this year. So I've been at more than enough funerals this year.
Perhaps the saddest thing about funerals is that it is one of the rare times that the extended family all flocks together for something. Because me and my brothers are so young – I'm 25 years old and the oldest of four brothers – we don't recall some people that come up for the deaded occasion, even though we know they are related to us.
I had some personal losses as well outside my family, and after a few things came together I set out on a project to work on. I wanted to get this done by Christmas.
What I've been working on over the past four months, when I'm not doing anything high school sports-related, is a family record that details all of our relatives – direct relatives, aunts, uncles and cousins – and tells how they are related to us. (By “us” and “we” I refer to the four Cutter Boys: myself, Michael, Christopher and Daniel). I gave them copies of the book for Christmas presents.
“The Six Degrees of the Cutter Crew” lists every possible relative that we have from four generations above us, and then descending back down across many different paths that detail the families of our aunts and uncles, great aunts and great uncles, and great-grandaunts and great-granduncles. In essence, we each have eight sets of great-great-grandparents, and the book tracks down every every descendant of each of the eight sets.
The book details exactly how we are linked with certain cousins of ours. For me and my brothers, it also tells us how many more cousins we have in addition to what we already know.
Are you related to me? If you live in northern Illinois and your last name is either Cutter, Reeser, Holder, Metzler, Holloway, Tighe, Roselieb or Hanell, chances are there is some sort of easy-to-explain relation between us. Then there are many other names that would take up most of this piece and make it cumbersome.
In my work with area high school sports, I was able to trace what schools have educated my ancestors and cousins. I was also able to figure out which of my ancestors, and their descendants, have served the United States in our past wars.
One relative that comes to mind is my great-granduncle Homer Roselieb. Homer was the second-oldest of 13 Roselieb children born between 1898 and 1918 in the Erie-Prophetstown area, and was the first of four siblings to serve. Homer was in the Army during the first World War as a young man, but died during the Influenza outbreak.
Because Homer died a young man without any children, there was little to tell of him as his brothers and sisters lived out their years. All of the 13 Roselieb children have since passed, leaving no one left with any direct link to him. In addition, Homer is buried at a cemetary in Erie while his brothers and sisters are all buried at a cemetary near Spring Hill, just south of Erie.
The purpose behind this book is to ensure that such relatives like Homer Roselieb, a very young man who served his country, are not forgotten as the four Cutter Boys grow older.
Another relative, my half-great-uncle Jarrod Roselieb, served during the Vietnam War and received a Purple Heart after his plane was shot down. None of my brothers knew that, or even know who Jarrod was, until they read the book.
Within the brotherly quartet, we take for granted our familiarity with our aunts, uncles and first cousins. Researching involved asking my oldest relatives what they know of their aunts, uncles, great aunts and great uncles, and first cousins. I could recall such relatives in a heartbeat, but it was a little difficult for the older folks to recall theirs. That's because there was no concrete record of such. Now, within the Cutter Crew, there is a solid object that can be preserved and passed on to future generations.
As we grow older, generations before us will eventually pass on. I have only remembered one great-great-grandparent, and that was who we called “Granny Perry.” All of my great-grandparents have passed away, the last coming in 2009. Only one direct relative from three generations ahead of me is still living, and that is my great-granduncle Sam. Another great-granduncle of mine, George, has passed but his wife, Geraldine, is still living. Another great-granduncle of mine, Stan, has passed but his wife, Lucy, is still living.
It so happens that the age gap between me and my youngest brother, Daniel, is great enough that he cannot recall as many older relatives as I can. As we were gathering in our living room during this green Christmas, I took more time to show Danny around the book because he recalls so little.
The present was well worth the drives to Rochelle for information on the Holloways and Rockford for information on the Tighes.
Snow may not be on the ground to make it feel like Christmas, but the Christmas feeling in terms of family was certainly there.
Northern Illinois looks to have a green Christmas this year with no snow on the ground.
But that's quite alright.
Whatever we are celebrating at this moment – be it Christmas, Hannukah or Kwanzaa – paints us a picture filled with snow and songs. But don't need snow in order to get into the Holiday spirit. Typically today is spent around lots of family. For some families, it's the only other time outside of maybe Thanksgiving that a bunch of family members will gather around.
When you see your family today, think about how you are made up as a person. Very likely, it is because of those family members that are a generation or more older.
“You are who you are because of the people around you” is a philosophy that I often use to trace backward the traits that define ourselves. The people around you, if you are planning or attending a gathering today, is most likely family.
Family is an important aspect in the life of yours truly. Perhaps it's because so much of it is close around.
Nearly everyone on both my mother's side and father's side of my family reside somewhere within northern Illinois. Sure, there are a few people that have went far, far away, but most have remained not too far away from where I live and thus are more available during great times of need.
2011 had its fair share of sorrow when it came to my extended family. My great uncles Roger and Elmer, brothers, lost battles with cancer within eight months of each other. My great aunt Carol, the pair's sister, saw Alzheimer's get the best of her on the day we laid Roger to rest. Three siblings that were no longer a part of us on this Earth in eight months is more than enough to bear. Cancer also claimed the life of my great-granduncle Everett this year. So I've been at more than enough funerals this year.
Perhaps the saddest thing about funerals is that it is one of the rare times that the extended family all flocks together for something. Because me and my brothers are so young – I'm 25 years old and the oldest of four brothers – we don't recall some people that come up for the deaded occasion, even though we know they are related to us.
I had some personal losses as well outside my family, and after a few things came together I set out on a project to work on. I wanted to get this done by Christmas.
What I've been working on over the past four months, when I'm not doing anything high school sports-related, is a family record that details all of our relatives – direct relatives, aunts, uncles and cousins – and tells how they are related to us. (By “us” and “we” I refer to the four Cutter Boys: myself, Michael, Christopher and Daniel). I gave them copies of the book for Christmas presents.
“The Six Degrees of the Cutter Crew” lists every possible relative that we have from four generations above us, and then descending back down across many different paths that detail the families of our aunts and uncles, great aunts and great uncles, and great-grandaunts and great-granduncles. In essence, we each have eight sets of great-great-grandparents, and the book tracks down every every descendant of each of the eight sets.
The book details exactly how we are linked with certain cousins of ours. For me and my brothers, it also tells us how many more cousins we have in addition to what we already know.
Are you related to me? If you live in northern Illinois and your last name is either Cutter, Reeser, Holder, Metzler, Holloway, Tighe, Roselieb or Hanell, chances are there is some sort of easy-to-explain relation between us. Then there are many other names that would take up most of this piece and make it cumbersome.
In my work with area high school sports, I was able to trace what schools have educated my ancestors and cousins. I was also able to figure out which of my ancestors, and their descendants, have served the United States in our past wars.
One relative that comes to mind is my great-granduncle Homer Roselieb. Homer was the second-oldest of 13 Roselieb children born between 1898 and 1918 in the Erie-Prophetstown area, and was the first of four siblings to serve. Homer was in the Army during the first World War as a young man, but died during the Influenza outbreak.
Because Homer died a young man without any children, there was little to tell of him as his brothers and sisters lived out their years. All of the 13 Roselieb children have since passed, leaving no one left with any direct link to him. In addition, Homer is buried at a cemetary in Erie while his brothers and sisters are all buried at a cemetary near Spring Hill, just south of Erie.
The purpose behind this book is to ensure that such relatives like Homer Roselieb, a very young man who served his country, are not forgotten as the four Cutter Boys grow older.
Another relative, my half-great-uncle Jarrod Roselieb, served during the Vietnam War and received a Purple Heart after his plane was shot down. None of my brothers knew that, or even know who Jarrod was, until they read the book.
Within the brotherly quartet, we take for granted our familiarity with our aunts, uncles and first cousins. Researching involved asking my oldest relatives what they know of their aunts, uncles, great aunts and great uncles, and first cousins. I could recall such relatives in a heartbeat, but it was a little difficult for the older folks to recall theirs. That's because there was no concrete record of such. Now, within the Cutter Crew, there is a solid object that can be preserved and passed on to future generations.
As we grow older, generations before us will eventually pass on. I have only remembered one great-great-grandparent, and that was who we called “Granny Perry.” All of my great-grandparents have passed away, the last coming in 2009. Only one direct relative from three generations ahead of me is still living, and that is my great-granduncle Sam. Another great-granduncle of mine, George, has passed but his wife, Geraldine, is still living. Another great-granduncle of mine, Stan, has passed but his wife, Lucy, is still living.
It so happens that the age gap between me and my youngest brother, Daniel, is great enough that he cannot recall as many older relatives as I can. As we were gathering in our living room during this green Christmas, I took more time to show Danny around the book because he recalls so little.
The present was well worth the drives to Rochelle for information on the Holloways and Rockford for information on the Tighes.
Snow may not be on the ground to make it feel like Christmas, but the Christmas feeling in terms of family was certainly there.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Life as NISB Publisher, With a 64 oz. Mega Chill
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.02.21
Current Song - Just The Two of Us (Bill Withers)
Every night is becoming a long one.
It's 4:45 a.m. as I type this line in my Blog.
Recently, I made a decision to increase my work load as far as Northern Illinois Sports Beat is concerned. I'm not employed right now, and when there's no high school sports stuff going on, I tend to get bored. With the personal funds fizzling and no money for gas in my car, I'm literally rotting at home. So I decided to do something about this emptiness, and that was to simply write more stories.
It all started last week, when trying to figure out an assignment scenario with Bill. Somehow we wound up talking about the possibility of getting something on the website every day. Now we came to this conclusion, I'm not certain. Would it happen together? Not likely. But on my own?
I go to my thinktank every time such a situation occurs. This thinktank is my car, and I travel around my "NISB kingdom" to try to generate a thought. Knowing this would require some thought, I stopped at the Super Pantry in Dixon and picked up a 64-ounce Mega Chill cupfull of Dr. Pepper to keep me awake and stimulated. I literally know all of the backroads of northern Illinois, and I wound up driving somewhere near Serena on a backroad (ironically, not too far from where Bill lives) before I turned off onto a gravel road all of a sudden.
This was at 1:30 in the morning. I stopped along the road and shut my car off. Nothing but pitch black, the moon, a large cloud, and some raindrops here and there. It was at that time when I thought about a couple of features that I once did for the website: Athlete Q&A and Team Spotlight.
I had always thought about bringing them back, but I haven't written any of them in almost five years. But if this was going to fill up content, then so be it. Somewhere in my files, I thought I had a list of specific TS and QA questions but wanted to draft up another just in case I didn't find it. Then of course, with the commitment to more writing I had to think about how to rearrange other things in my life to accomodate this.
Ever wonder why such a setting allows me to think better? It's dark, so there is not much for my eyes - and thus my brain - to comprehend. And since I'm at an unfamiliar place, there is not any memory recall of where I'm at or where I had been at one time. It feels like I'm disappearing into thin air. At home I see the same things every day. So that explains it. Call it Aspergian.
When I got back home I plopped my IHSA calendar on my desk and looked up a bunch of high school sports schedules. One day at a time I started to fill in assignments to do up until Jan. 10. A mix of game stories, columns, as well as the Team Spotlight and Athlete Q&A.
Then I drafted up the questions to ask on a piece of paper to carry around to the games I am going to cover. Every night I'm tweaking the piece of paper and it is a mess at the moment.
Friday is the big day: game article on the Forreston Boys Basketball Holiday Tournament championship game, a Q&A on a player from Rockford Christian Life, and the Team Spotlight on either Aquin or Byron. Since Forreston and RCL were playing in a fifth-place game, the Q&A came first. It was kind of a different scenario than in sessions past, as the kid lost his game. Only after doing the interview did I realize that my questions were flat and corny. But the session was done, and I planned it for a Wednesday release. Then came the 2-in-1 sessions with the Byron people. My TS questions were okay, but thought I could do better. But still, the session was done and I planned it for a Monday release.
Since the Forreston Tournament article was a 1 3/4 gamer, I figured it would take me a while to write it. Sure did, and I only had four hours of sleep before needing to wake up and make the drive to St. Bede for the Lady Bruins' game against unbeaten Annawan. The plan was to do a gamer and a TS on the winner. I didn't have time to change my TS question sheet, but figured the second time around would bring better results. Kind of. Got home, and another gamer written.
Then the next day I pieced together the Byron Boys Basketball Team Spotlight. I hadn't written one in five years. When I got done with it, I said to myself, 'Damn this is long.' The next night with Annawan's wasn't much of an improvement - four typed pages.
Before writing the Annawan piece, I went to the gas station to refill my 64-ounce cup. Only $0.84. I planned for a busy night tonight, writing both the Annawan TS and the Athlete Q&A.
And this is just the overnight session. During the afternoon and evening, it's likely that I get a phone call from one of my writers. This time I was going back and forth between Bill and Brian over a game at Hinckley-Big Rock. Then sometimes pressure will mount and I'll just say to myself 'forget it, I'll cover it.' That's been resolved.
After writing the TS and Q&A, more thoughts occured to me. Great, more things to think about late at night after getting done laying out the website.
I just did a Team Spotlight on Annawan Girls Basketball. Then I get to thinking someone is going to ask me when I'm going to write one on the Aquin girls, or the Hinckley girls, or the Marquette girls, or the Newark girls, or the Sterling girls. Or the Moline swimming team. Then how many athletes are going to call me and say that they too want a Q&A?
Luckilly, my Mega Chill is only 3/4 empty. But there's no gas in the car.
I'm not covering anything today (Tuesday) and already have the Q&A written, so the time spent with the website tools will be minimal until Wednesday night: posting the H-BR/Marquette gamer, and covering a wrestling meet at Sterling.
Why can't I just disappear into thin air right now?
So if you are out driving in the middle of nowhere at 1:30 in the morning and see a green car parked along the side of the road ...
No, you idiot! I'm brainstorming under absolute silence!
Either way, please do not disturb :)
Current Song - Just The Two of Us (Bill Withers)
Every night is becoming a long one.
It's 4:45 a.m. as I type this line in my Blog.
Recently, I made a decision to increase my work load as far as Northern Illinois Sports Beat is concerned. I'm not employed right now, and when there's no high school sports stuff going on, I tend to get bored. With the personal funds fizzling and no money for gas in my car, I'm literally rotting at home. So I decided to do something about this emptiness, and that was to simply write more stories.
It all started last week, when trying to figure out an assignment scenario with Bill. Somehow we wound up talking about the possibility of getting something on the website every day. Now we came to this conclusion, I'm not certain. Would it happen together? Not likely. But on my own?
I go to my thinktank every time such a situation occurs. This thinktank is my car, and I travel around my "NISB kingdom" to try to generate a thought. Knowing this would require some thought, I stopped at the Super Pantry in Dixon and picked up a 64-ounce Mega Chill cupfull of Dr. Pepper to keep me awake and stimulated. I literally know all of the backroads of northern Illinois, and I wound up driving somewhere near Serena on a backroad (ironically, not too far from where Bill lives) before I turned off onto a gravel road all of a sudden.
This was at 1:30 in the morning. I stopped along the road and shut my car off. Nothing but pitch black, the moon, a large cloud, and some raindrops here and there. It was at that time when I thought about a couple of features that I once did for the website: Athlete Q&A and Team Spotlight.
I had always thought about bringing them back, but I haven't written any of them in almost five years. But if this was going to fill up content, then so be it. Somewhere in my files, I thought I had a list of specific TS and QA questions but wanted to draft up another just in case I didn't find it. Then of course, with the commitment to more writing I had to think about how to rearrange other things in my life to accomodate this.
Ever wonder why such a setting allows me to think better? It's dark, so there is not much for my eyes - and thus my brain - to comprehend. And since I'm at an unfamiliar place, there is not any memory recall of where I'm at or where I had been at one time. It feels like I'm disappearing into thin air. At home I see the same things every day. So that explains it. Call it Aspergian.
When I got back home I plopped my IHSA calendar on my desk and looked up a bunch of high school sports schedules. One day at a time I started to fill in assignments to do up until Jan. 10. A mix of game stories, columns, as well as the Team Spotlight and Athlete Q&A.
Then I drafted up the questions to ask on a piece of paper to carry around to the games I am going to cover. Every night I'm tweaking the piece of paper and it is a mess at the moment.
Friday is the big day: game article on the Forreston Boys Basketball Holiday Tournament championship game, a Q&A on a player from Rockford Christian Life, and the Team Spotlight on either Aquin or Byron. Since Forreston and RCL were playing in a fifth-place game, the Q&A came first. It was kind of a different scenario than in sessions past, as the kid lost his game. Only after doing the interview did I realize that my questions were flat and corny. But the session was done, and I planned it for a Wednesday release. Then came the 2-in-1 sessions with the Byron people. My TS questions were okay, but thought I could do better. But still, the session was done and I planned it for a Monday release.
Since the Forreston Tournament article was a 1 3/4 gamer, I figured it would take me a while to write it. Sure did, and I only had four hours of sleep before needing to wake up and make the drive to St. Bede for the Lady Bruins' game against unbeaten Annawan. The plan was to do a gamer and a TS on the winner. I didn't have time to change my TS question sheet, but figured the second time around would bring better results. Kind of. Got home, and another gamer written.
Then the next day I pieced together the Byron Boys Basketball Team Spotlight. I hadn't written one in five years. When I got done with it, I said to myself, 'Damn this is long.' The next night with Annawan's wasn't much of an improvement - four typed pages.
Before writing the Annawan piece, I went to the gas station to refill my 64-ounce cup. Only $0.84. I planned for a busy night tonight, writing both the Annawan TS and the Athlete Q&A.
And this is just the overnight session. During the afternoon and evening, it's likely that I get a phone call from one of my writers. This time I was going back and forth between Bill and Brian over a game at Hinckley-Big Rock. Then sometimes pressure will mount and I'll just say to myself 'forget it, I'll cover it.' That's been resolved.
After writing the TS and Q&A, more thoughts occured to me. Great, more things to think about late at night after getting done laying out the website.
I just did a Team Spotlight on Annawan Girls Basketball. Then I get to thinking someone is going to ask me when I'm going to write one on the Aquin girls, or the Hinckley girls, or the Marquette girls, or the Newark girls, or the Sterling girls. Or the Moline swimming team. Then how many athletes are going to call me and say that they too want a Q&A?
Luckilly, my Mega Chill is only 3/4 empty. But there's no gas in the car.
I'm not covering anything today (Tuesday) and already have the Q&A written, so the time spent with the website tools will be minimal until Wednesday night: posting the H-BR/Marquette gamer, and covering a wrestling meet at Sterling.
Why can't I just disappear into thin air right now?
So if you are out driving in the middle of nowhere at 1:30 in the morning and see a green car parked along the side of the road ...
No, you idiot! I'm brainstorming under absolute silence!
Either way, please do not disturb :)
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Promises, Promises
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.51.21
Current Song - Promises, Promises (Naked Eyes)
To the fans and followers of Northern Illinois Sports Beat.
I'm sorry.
I'm extremely sorry.
We were hoping for no special delays in things.
That was my goal, something NISB has never done.
I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this.
You will never see any high school sports journalist in the country work as hard as I will work the rest of the high school sports season.
You will never see someone push this website as hard as I will push it the rest of the season.
You will never see a sportswriting team work harder than we will the rest of the high school sports season.
God bless.
Current Song - Promises, Promises (Naked Eyes)
To the fans and followers of Northern Illinois Sports Beat.
I'm sorry.
I'm extremely sorry.
We were hoping for no special delays in things.
That was my goal, something NISB has never done.
I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this.
You will never see any high school sports journalist in the country work as hard as I will work the rest of the high school sports season.
You will never see someone push this website as hard as I will push it the rest of the season.
You will never see a sportswriting team work harder than we will the rest of the high school sports season.
God bless.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Dates of the Blind Kind
Cutter's Log - Supplemental
The last blog entry made me think of a struggle I've had since I first laid eyes on this girl in preschool. That was 20 years ago and nothing has worked on other girls since.
I mentioned a little about how temporary work is like going on a blind date.
Knowing me, if someone set me up on a blind date it would be with the worst girl in the school. It's a dead-end street: either you become humilated because of who your date is, or you become looked at as horrible because you made someone sad. The chances of me - someone who has never had a girlfriend - having a good blind date is one in a million. A bad blind date? one in one.
Ladies and gentlemen, the above paragraph is why I bitch a lot. And probably why no one has dared to set me up on a blind date. I don't even have mistakes to learn from yet.
They say I don't even try. That's probably I'm not at the "trying stage" yet, in fact I'm probably at some negative step, step no. -13 or something. Fix this, fix that, fix this, and tweak that and maybe - just maybe - I'll have a long shot.
Then I know now that it's all a matter of "you don't have confidence in yourself." Truthfully I don't see it, and to do at it blindfolded would lead to worse effects. Other than taking my body to American Restoration (the TV show), how do I renovate myself?
But wait, doesn't renovating myself lead to me not "being myself."
Well, crud. Back to square -13.
One college day I was bored and decided to take the eHarmony test simply to pass time. There were 258 questions, encompassing 29 dimensions of compatibility, and I must have failed somehow. 258 questions is probably the amount of questions I have to ask myself about a girl in order for her to become compatible to me.
I've tried trimming down the number of questions to ask myself. But still I can see small details that raise a red flag telling me that this is not going to work out between us. I'm too finite, and I don't know how to stop myself.
Just came to a realization - I'm too finite. That's why I can't succeed.
I think the way to cure this in regards to my struggle with girls is going through the relationship motions. From there, I can ask myself whether or not I can truly deal with such issues. When an issue arises, to stop and think about how to correct the issue and make it positive - in other words, what can I do to make it better?
If I am to improve on getting rid of my finite details, I need to have a girl above my expectation level - and at the same time be someone who is barely above, at, or barely below her expectation level. The most perfect scenario would be to pair myself with someone who looks at me as far below her expectation level, and thus be able to learn more ways to correct things. But that's just not going to happen.
It's going to take some tries in order to become perfect in this situation. I think most of my friends my age have gone through five girls already. With my special-case scenario, it'll probably take 10.
Tonight I learned that there is indeed a tomorrow.
Now it's just a matter of breaking the ice.
Any input is welcome.
The last blog entry made me think of a struggle I've had since I first laid eyes on this girl in preschool. That was 20 years ago and nothing has worked on other girls since.
I mentioned a little about how temporary work is like going on a blind date.
Knowing me, if someone set me up on a blind date it would be with the worst girl in the school. It's a dead-end street: either you become humilated because of who your date is, or you become looked at as horrible because you made someone sad. The chances of me - someone who has never had a girlfriend - having a good blind date is one in a million. A bad blind date? one in one.
Ladies and gentlemen, the above paragraph is why I bitch a lot. And probably why no one has dared to set me up on a blind date. I don't even have mistakes to learn from yet.
They say I don't even try. That's probably I'm not at the "trying stage" yet, in fact I'm probably at some negative step, step no. -13 or something. Fix this, fix that, fix this, and tweak that and maybe - just maybe - I'll have a long shot.
Then I know now that it's all a matter of "you don't have confidence in yourself." Truthfully I don't see it, and to do at it blindfolded would lead to worse effects. Other than taking my body to American Restoration (the TV show), how do I renovate myself?
But wait, doesn't renovating myself lead to me not "being myself."
Well, crud. Back to square -13.
One college day I was bored and decided to take the eHarmony test simply to pass time. There were 258 questions, encompassing 29 dimensions of compatibility, and I must have failed somehow. 258 questions is probably the amount of questions I have to ask myself about a girl in order for her to become compatible to me.
I've tried trimming down the number of questions to ask myself. But still I can see small details that raise a red flag telling me that this is not going to work out between us. I'm too finite, and I don't know how to stop myself.
Just came to a realization - I'm too finite. That's why I can't succeed.
I think the way to cure this in regards to my struggle with girls is going through the relationship motions. From there, I can ask myself whether or not I can truly deal with such issues. When an issue arises, to stop and think about how to correct the issue and make it positive - in other words, what can I do to make it better?
If I am to improve on getting rid of my finite details, I need to have a girl above my expectation level - and at the same time be someone who is barely above, at, or barely below her expectation level. The most perfect scenario would be to pair myself with someone who looks at me as far below her expectation level, and thus be able to learn more ways to correct things. But that's just not going to happen.
It's going to take some tries in order to become perfect in this situation. I think most of my friends my age have gone through five girls already. With my special-case scenario, it'll probably take 10.
Tonight I learned that there is indeed a tomorrow.
Now it's just a matter of breaking the ice.
Any input is welcome.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Job Update 12/9
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.80.21
Current Song - Keep Feeling Fascination (Human League)
I'm waiting for an offer to come forward from a gas station about an hour and a half away from home. It's the line of work I'm used to.
I had a couple of stops there in the past week, and it's a good $15 in gas per day. Figuring it's about a seven-hour work day, at $8.50/hr, total pay without taxes taken out would be $59.50/day. Take that figure multiplied by .80 for about $47.60. Then take that new figure and subtract $15 to make for $32.60/day.
Still, $32.60/day is better than $0.00 I'm making currently.
Christmas is 17 days away, and it's extremely sad to me that I'm looking at the day as a stimulus rather than the Christmas spirit. A gift card for fuel (note that the term "gas card" isn't correct because they can be used for other store things) would help me get around to at least a week's worth of games in the coverage area.
Another week and a half until I have bills to pay. I know I can get through that, but if no job comes up after that then I'm really screwed. That doesn't mean that I'll close NISB; I have plenty of plans for that if the "Day of Zero" comes.
At this point I'm getting a little worried. I have six more reasonable chances left before looking at breaking my back every day. Then again, I'm worried because I bring so little to the general table of things.
***
This is like trying to hook up with a potential girlfriend. And those that know me over the years know that my luck in hooking up with girls is next to zilch.
Getting a job that I don't want to do is like going out with a girl that you don't want to go out with. You REALLY don't want to do this, and you feel that you won't make the place better with your presence.
Even worse is the blind date: temporary agencies saying that there is simply a "job opening" for a generic title. The who and what is unknown, and you only find it out when you get there.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out how to get this triangle-shaped thing into this circular hole.
Current Song - Keep Feeling Fascination (Human League)
I'm waiting for an offer to come forward from a gas station about an hour and a half away from home. It's the line of work I'm used to.
I had a couple of stops there in the past week, and it's a good $15 in gas per day. Figuring it's about a seven-hour work day, at $8.50/hr, total pay without taxes taken out would be $59.50/day. Take that figure multiplied by .80 for about $47.60. Then take that new figure and subtract $15 to make for $32.60/day.
Still, $32.60/day is better than $0.00 I'm making currently.
Christmas is 17 days away, and it's extremely sad to me that I'm looking at the day as a stimulus rather than the Christmas spirit. A gift card for fuel (note that the term "gas card" isn't correct because they can be used for other store things) would help me get around to at least a week's worth of games in the coverage area.
Another week and a half until I have bills to pay. I know I can get through that, but if no job comes up after that then I'm really screwed. That doesn't mean that I'll close NISB; I have plenty of plans for that if the "Day of Zero" comes.
At this point I'm getting a little worried. I have six more reasonable chances left before looking at breaking my back every day. Then again, I'm worried because I bring so little to the general table of things.
***
This is like trying to hook up with a potential girlfriend. And those that know me over the years know that my luck in hooking up with girls is next to zilch.
Getting a job that I don't want to do is like going out with a girl that you don't want to go out with. You REALLY don't want to do this, and you feel that you won't make the place better with your presence.
Even worse is the blind date: temporary agencies saying that there is simply a "job opening" for a generic title. The who and what is unknown, and you only find it out when you get there.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out how to get this triangle-shaped thing into this circular hole.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Smoothing Things Out
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.50.21
Current Song - One Headlight (The Wallflowers)
I went downstairs to get a sandwich and a pop before writing this blog entry. Just by walking on the floor I woke up the dog. Thus, I woke up my dad. When I can't even move around the house at night, that's a problem. At night I feel like I'm pinned to a particular spot in my house.
Then again, most people are pinned to a particular spot at night - their beds.
I've been reminded many times over the years that it's best for me to wake up in the morning and sleep at night. When I was working, I couldn't be up all day and then go to work because I was slack around 11 p.m. and not get stuff done. I changed my routine around to where I woke up an hour before going into work for the night. That worked out well and I got my stuff done, and then when I came home I was wanting something to do. That's how I got introduced to Antenna TV: Hitchcock at midnight, Burns and Allen at 1 a.m., Jack Benny at 2 a.m., then to ESPN for Sportscenter at 3 a.m. and going to bed after that.
Even for covering games a considerable distance from home; I'd get home at midnight and have a story to type. The line of work pretty much makes me stay awake at 1 a.m. Now with this going on at home, I really don't know what to do. It has been suggested to me that I stay in one location during the night, either upstairs in bed, upstairs on the computer, or downstairs on the couch. Not going back and forth. Pretty much, getting my sandwich and pop at 11 p.m. and heading upstairs for the computer without having to go down at night.
Then if I get a job that makes me walk in the back door at 2:30 a.m., what's going to happen then? Do I sleep in the car and wake up at 7 a.m.? Roy's going to wake up no matter what, and when he wakes up he think's it's morning when it's really nighttime.
If only I could wake up as quick as Roy, and sleep as quick as my dad. BTW my dad works at the new wind farm near Paw Paw, which is a lot of work to do so he does get really tired when he comes home.
But other than getting to a regular sleep schedule, the reason why I wanted to write this post was to try to figure out how to get myself back into physical confidence. Since I literally cannot afford to eat out, this helps me from not eating things that are not good for me.
Now to find a way to move more. Today I went out grocery shopping for the home. Since I rarely do major grocery shopping, I'm one of those guys who you see at the market making an appearance in aisle 1, then 6, then 4, 5, 9, 7, 2, 1 again, 3, 5 again, etc. Most regular shoppers, since they've done it enough to know where everything is, will tailor the grocery lists up and down according to aisle. Mentally I can't do that. But physically, I don't mind doing that because I move around a lot. Plus, what always helps is parking at the far end of the parking lot.
As to outside of grocery shopping, going on a walk is going to be a little difficult for me because its is cold outside. But that's pretty much what I'll have to do in order to get myself going physically. Walking when its cold out is nothing new to me. Challand and SHS were a 3/4-mile walk from where I live, sometimes in the dead of winter with snow on the ground. There were times that I walked from my house to RFHS for basketball games, which is a four-mile round-trip. I wonder if the more I walk will help me, or will I bail out due to the weather?
It also used to be that when I went on drives to games, I would stop at the gas station and not just put gas in my car, but grab a bite to eat along the way. Can't do that anymore. Then with concession stand prices are what they are, I'd rather bring my own stuff in my bookbag.
I have also thought of incorporating walking exercises with the locations of where I cover games. Park elsewhere in town and walk to the school, and walk back when done. It's not like I'm on deadline or anything with the stuff I write. I have something in Sandwich and Rochelle this week, so I'll scope something out maybe.
Just anything to get myself back in good health. Who knows, maybe I'll be well enough to start, oh, running?
For confidence, I look no further than the previous post (see the post below):
Current Song - One Headlight (The Wallflowers)
I went downstairs to get a sandwich and a pop before writing this blog entry. Just by walking on the floor I woke up the dog. Thus, I woke up my dad. When I can't even move around the house at night, that's a problem. At night I feel like I'm pinned to a particular spot in my house.
Then again, most people are pinned to a particular spot at night - their beds.
I've been reminded many times over the years that it's best for me to wake up in the morning and sleep at night. When I was working, I couldn't be up all day and then go to work because I was slack around 11 p.m. and not get stuff done. I changed my routine around to where I woke up an hour before going into work for the night. That worked out well and I got my stuff done, and then when I came home I was wanting something to do. That's how I got introduced to Antenna TV: Hitchcock at midnight, Burns and Allen at 1 a.m., Jack Benny at 2 a.m., then to ESPN for Sportscenter at 3 a.m. and going to bed after that.
Even for covering games a considerable distance from home; I'd get home at midnight and have a story to type. The line of work pretty much makes me stay awake at 1 a.m. Now with this going on at home, I really don't know what to do. It has been suggested to me that I stay in one location during the night, either upstairs in bed, upstairs on the computer, or downstairs on the couch. Not going back and forth. Pretty much, getting my sandwich and pop at 11 p.m. and heading upstairs for the computer without having to go down at night.
Then if I get a job that makes me walk in the back door at 2:30 a.m., what's going to happen then? Do I sleep in the car and wake up at 7 a.m.? Roy's going to wake up no matter what, and when he wakes up he think's it's morning when it's really nighttime.
If only I could wake up as quick as Roy, and sleep as quick as my dad. BTW my dad works at the new wind farm near Paw Paw, which is a lot of work to do so he does get really tired when he comes home.
But other than getting to a regular sleep schedule, the reason why I wanted to write this post was to try to figure out how to get myself back into physical confidence. Since I literally cannot afford to eat out, this helps me from not eating things that are not good for me.
Now to find a way to move more. Today I went out grocery shopping for the home. Since I rarely do major grocery shopping, I'm one of those guys who you see at the market making an appearance in aisle 1, then 6, then 4, 5, 9, 7, 2, 1 again, 3, 5 again, etc. Most regular shoppers, since they've done it enough to know where everything is, will tailor the grocery lists up and down according to aisle. Mentally I can't do that. But physically, I don't mind doing that because I move around a lot. Plus, what always helps is parking at the far end of the parking lot.
As to outside of grocery shopping, going on a walk is going to be a little difficult for me because its is cold outside. But that's pretty much what I'll have to do in order to get myself going physically. Walking when its cold out is nothing new to me. Challand and SHS were a 3/4-mile walk from where I live, sometimes in the dead of winter with snow on the ground. There were times that I walked from my house to RFHS for basketball games, which is a four-mile round-trip. I wonder if the more I walk will help me, or will I bail out due to the weather?
It also used to be that when I went on drives to games, I would stop at the gas station and not just put gas in my car, but grab a bite to eat along the way. Can't do that anymore. Then with concession stand prices are what they are, I'd rather bring my own stuff in my bookbag.
I have also thought of incorporating walking exercises with the locations of where I cover games. Park elsewhere in town and walk to the school, and walk back when done. It's not like I'm on deadline or anything with the stuff I write. I have something in Sandwich and Rochelle this week, so I'll scope something out maybe.
Just anything to get myself back in good health. Who knows, maybe I'll be well enough to start, oh, running?
For confidence, I look no further than the previous post (see the post below):
Sunday, December 4, 2011
In the Best Way I Can Describe It
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.40.21
Current Song - Love Is Blue (Paul Mauriat)
I'm one of those guys who believes in love at subsequent sights. First sight just isn't right; once you get to know the girl then the feeling start to build.
I'll never forget laying my eyes on the most beautiful girl in the world. I don't know if there's any other girl I want to look for after this one. Everything about her struck me as beautiful. But there's more to just that. I actually got to talk with her, and I could feel the magnetic vibe - at least on my end - as our eyes crossed paths, more like a tunnel of emotion. I was in love, love with the most beautiful girl in the world.
Normally, talking to her would be difficult to do since it is very diffiult for me to get into discussion with anyone. Her? Somehow my conversation pieces went very smoothly - but about something else and not love. I almost always got a stutter when talking to ANYONE. Not her. I don't think it was me, but someone was helping me. I was trying to break away because we both had to go away at some point. But the lasting memory I will never forget. Certainly someone who looks so beautiful can act so beautiful. She had it all, and I wanted more.
I felt like I was in another world as we talked, all the weight - a lot of it for me - was lefted from the ground. Literally I felt like I was in heaven, and she was right there to guide me along the way. Her smile and the way she spoke to me made the feeling get deeper. Somehow I got teh impression that she enjoyed this conversation well, evident in how our eyes fixed on each other.
I know I'll see her again. When, I'll never know. But preferably the choice should not be my own, but rather by the powers to be. As for now there will be plenty of reminders all around me, reminding me of the most beautiful girl in the world. I yearn the paths to cross once more, and may one day let my true feelings known. Missing her will make me feel blue, and they say love is blue.
But blue is love. Love = blue - that color alone will remind me of the most beautiful girl in the world.
I love you.
Current Song - Love Is Blue (Paul Mauriat)
I'm one of those guys who believes in love at subsequent sights. First sight just isn't right; once you get to know the girl then the feeling start to build.
I'll never forget laying my eyes on the most beautiful girl in the world. I don't know if there's any other girl I want to look for after this one. Everything about her struck me as beautiful. But there's more to just that. I actually got to talk with her, and I could feel the magnetic vibe - at least on my end - as our eyes crossed paths, more like a tunnel of emotion. I was in love, love with the most beautiful girl in the world.
Normally, talking to her would be difficult to do since it is very diffiult for me to get into discussion with anyone. Her? Somehow my conversation pieces went very smoothly - but about something else and not love. I almost always got a stutter when talking to ANYONE. Not her. I don't think it was me, but someone was helping me. I was trying to break away because we both had to go away at some point. But the lasting memory I will never forget. Certainly someone who looks so beautiful can act so beautiful. She had it all, and I wanted more.
I felt like I was in another world as we talked, all the weight - a lot of it for me - was lefted from the ground. Literally I felt like I was in heaven, and she was right there to guide me along the way. Her smile and the way she spoke to me made the feeling get deeper. Somehow I got teh impression that she enjoyed this conversation well, evident in how our eyes fixed on each other.
I know I'll see her again. When, I'll never know. But preferably the choice should not be my own, but rather by the powers to be. As for now there will be plenty of reminders all around me, reminding me of the most beautiful girl in the world. I yearn the paths to cross once more, and may one day let my true feelings known. Missing her will make me feel blue, and they say love is blue.
But blue is love. Love = blue - that color alone will remind me of the most beautiful girl in the world.
I love you.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
A Word About This Blog, and Recent Posts
Cutter's Log - Supplemental
It's been about an hour since I posted the recent Job Update. After looking at it once more, it seems like I am doing a lot of whining and complaining.
That made me look back at recent posts, and it's more of the same - whining and complaining. I live in a city where kids my age wanted to take the first train out of town after graduation because they were "sick of all the drama that goes on in this town." In other words, they were sick and tired of people like me talking about my problems and such.
I realize I have this problem of talking up way too much drama. But one day I don't want to be displaying drama as much as I have lately. If all goes well, I won't do this anymore.
Once all of the drama goes away, perhaps better things will come to my life. Like, I don't know, a girl? As mentioned in the last post I had a soft spot for a bunch of girls in my life, but working so much has caused that to fade away. Don't get me wrong, there are still those times when my heart spins and beats wildly, but after that nothing's there.
And it's not just a girl, but spending more time with the people I enjoy hanging out with and not have to worry about so much.
I hope that one day, soon, this will be a reality.
It's been about an hour since I posted the recent Job Update. After looking at it once more, it seems like I am doing a lot of whining and complaining.
That made me look back at recent posts, and it's more of the same - whining and complaining. I live in a city where kids my age wanted to take the first train out of town after graduation because they were "sick of all the drama that goes on in this town." In other words, they were sick and tired of people like me talking about my problems and such.
I realize I have this problem of talking up way too much drama. But one day I don't want to be displaying drama as much as I have lately. If all goes well, I won't do this anymore.
Once all of the drama goes away, perhaps better things will come to my life. Like, I don't know, a girl? As mentioned in the last post I had a soft spot for a bunch of girls in my life, but working so much has caused that to fade away. Don't get me wrong, there are still those times when my heart spins and beats wildly, but after that nothing's there.
And it's not just a girl, but spending more time with the people I enjoy hanging out with and not have to worry about so much.
I hope that one day, soon, this will be a reality.
Job Update 11/30
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.03.11
Current Song - Miami (Will Smith)
I decided rather than drive into Rockford, or the Quads or DeKalb, that if this recent round of gas stations does not work out, then I'll consider light factory work locally.
There are a few stations left on the "hoping" list that I have sent applications to. I'm hoping to get an answer by late next week or else I will move on. It won't be the first time I literally wrecked my body in order to sustain an income.
I once had a packing job for two months, and a factory job for three hours. The latter was at Dana, where hand skills were plenty and I had none.
After high school I needed money to help fund my college education and there were no newspaper openings available. I hated walking into temporary agencies because I felt like I was better than this kind of reputation. (I sure had an ego back then). Burton found me work at Crest Foods in Ashton.
The first days are literally orientation: food safety, OSHA, and a couple of other meetings. Then we went into the factory area, and I was placed on Line 2, which I think is one of the three fastest lines. When applying at Burton, I had to take a skill test with my hands. Apparently I didn't do so well, and they didn't put me in a packing position. Instead they looked at big, burly me and thought I was good enough to stack boxes onto pallets.
That first week was an uphill climb. The last day of training on that line involved packing six boxes of packaged something into a box - which meant boxes were flying off of the line. I was just too slow to keep up with it and the trainer did most of the work that day. But I was stuck to my own line, Line 25, which was upstairs in a seperate room.
I worked two months on Line 25. Once in a while I would fill in on Line 24. The particular line was a rice line, meaning there were 24 packages of rice in each box that I had to stack on pallets. There were certain ways these boxes had to be stacked, and certain ways boxes had to be wrapped. Since boxes were coming off of the line non-stop, and pallets could only be stacked so high, sometimes I was pushing pallets outside the room and seeing boxes fall off of the line because I was so slow.
Then the feet were killing me every day. They laid out this rubber "comfort" rug that had circular holes in them - hardly confortable. I didn't think the maximum Dr. Scholl's padding would do much help. Every night when I came home from work I had to lay down and rest. My back was sore from lifting. My feet were sore from standing on them for a long time. Eventually I had to ask for restroom breaks just to catch some sitting time.
I finally left when Sauk started its fall semester, because my classes were in the morning. But the toll this job took on me was what I called devestating. I'm very reluctant to do work and chores that involve bending my back. Instead of bending over, I have to balance my body on one foot and keep my back fixed on one position. Standing on my feet made me not want to walk around a lot (and by looking at me, you can figure out what THAT led to). Even when I worked at gas stations I couldn't stay on my feet for hours at a time. I needed to sit down and catch breaks. With every passing day the pain would lead to a more sedentary me, and making me worse physically. And even mentally because I wasn't able to move around as much as far as personal emotions go. I used to be energetic when it came to trying to find a girl of my dreams. It just seems anymore that this has been buried deep underneath other worries.
My biggest problem is that physically I don't know if I'll be able to stay on my feet for hours at a time doing repetivitve motions. I think the only way that can be fixed is if I am able to drop some weight - and that cannot be simply done overnight.
Right now I have to decide if my body will be able to do so much work in order to get so much money. I don't want to tear apart my body, but if this job economy stays this way I don't think I'll have a choice other than to ruin my body - both physically and mentally - in order to survive and make ends meet.
Current Song - Miami (Will Smith)
I decided rather than drive into Rockford, or the Quads or DeKalb, that if this recent round of gas stations does not work out, then I'll consider light factory work locally.
There are a few stations left on the "hoping" list that I have sent applications to. I'm hoping to get an answer by late next week or else I will move on. It won't be the first time I literally wrecked my body in order to sustain an income.
I once had a packing job for two months, and a factory job for three hours. The latter was at Dana, where hand skills were plenty and I had none.
After high school I needed money to help fund my college education and there were no newspaper openings available. I hated walking into temporary agencies because I felt like I was better than this kind of reputation. (I sure had an ego back then). Burton found me work at Crest Foods in Ashton.
The first days are literally orientation: food safety, OSHA, and a couple of other meetings. Then we went into the factory area, and I was placed on Line 2, which I think is one of the three fastest lines. When applying at Burton, I had to take a skill test with my hands. Apparently I didn't do so well, and they didn't put me in a packing position. Instead they looked at big, burly me and thought I was good enough to stack boxes onto pallets.
That first week was an uphill climb. The last day of training on that line involved packing six boxes of packaged something into a box - which meant boxes were flying off of the line. I was just too slow to keep up with it and the trainer did most of the work that day. But I was stuck to my own line, Line 25, which was upstairs in a seperate room.
I worked two months on Line 25. Once in a while I would fill in on Line 24. The particular line was a rice line, meaning there were 24 packages of rice in each box that I had to stack on pallets. There were certain ways these boxes had to be stacked, and certain ways boxes had to be wrapped. Since boxes were coming off of the line non-stop, and pallets could only be stacked so high, sometimes I was pushing pallets outside the room and seeing boxes fall off of the line because I was so slow.
Then the feet were killing me every day. They laid out this rubber "comfort" rug that had circular holes in them - hardly confortable. I didn't think the maximum Dr. Scholl's padding would do much help. Every night when I came home from work I had to lay down and rest. My back was sore from lifting. My feet were sore from standing on them for a long time. Eventually I had to ask for restroom breaks just to catch some sitting time.
I finally left when Sauk started its fall semester, because my classes were in the morning. But the toll this job took on me was what I called devestating. I'm very reluctant to do work and chores that involve bending my back. Instead of bending over, I have to balance my body on one foot and keep my back fixed on one position. Standing on my feet made me not want to walk around a lot (and by looking at me, you can figure out what THAT led to). Even when I worked at gas stations I couldn't stay on my feet for hours at a time. I needed to sit down and catch breaks. With every passing day the pain would lead to a more sedentary me, and making me worse physically. And even mentally because I wasn't able to move around as much as far as personal emotions go. I used to be energetic when it came to trying to find a girl of my dreams. It just seems anymore that this has been buried deep underneath other worries.
My biggest problem is that physically I don't know if I'll be able to stay on my feet for hours at a time doing repetivitve motions. I think the only way that can be fixed is if I am able to drop some weight - and that cannot be simply done overnight.
Right now I have to decide if my body will be able to do so much work in order to get so much money. I don't want to tear apart my body, but if this job economy stays this way I don't think I'll have a choice other than to ruin my body - both physically and mentally - in order to survive and make ends meet.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Job Update 11/28
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.82.11
Current Song - Sweetheart (Franke and the Knockouts)
Serious blow to my morale today.
Since I left Shell, it seems like I've been having a bout with dementia. With each passing day and each passing rejection, this gets worse. Matters with NISB makes things a whole lot worse. Somehow the will to get out and do something just isn't there. It's like my world is simply falling apart - AND NO THIS ISN'T MEANT TO BE CREATIVE PROSE WRITING, IT'S THE DARN TRUTH!!!!
I'm beginning to find out that most of the places I'm applying for conflict with the very existance of Northern Illinois Sports Beat. It's either one or the other. Seems like an easy decision, right? My sportswriting career means more to me than anything else. If I destroy that, I will have nothing left - because outside of that I truly do have nothing else.
So, to the job update. More places were dropped from consideration because it seems like the usual scheme of things is starting on "nights and weekends." Nights and weekends literally destroys the website, and thus my goals and ambitions. There's got to be another way.
Hope for something that fits well is fading fast. But I'll continue the calls. Off to the next round.
Current Song - Sweetheart (Franke and the Knockouts)
Serious blow to my morale today.
Since I left Shell, it seems like I've been having a bout with dementia. With each passing day and each passing rejection, this gets worse. Matters with NISB makes things a whole lot worse. Somehow the will to get out and do something just isn't there. It's like my world is simply falling apart - AND NO THIS ISN'T MEANT TO BE CREATIVE PROSE WRITING, IT'S THE DARN TRUTH!!!!
I'm beginning to find out that most of the places I'm applying for conflict with the very existance of Northern Illinois Sports Beat. It's either one or the other. Seems like an easy decision, right? My sportswriting career means more to me than anything else. If I destroy that, I will have nothing left - because outside of that I truly do have nothing else.
So, to the job update. More places were dropped from consideration because it seems like the usual scheme of things is starting on "nights and weekends." Nights and weekends literally destroys the website, and thus my goals and ambitions. There's got to be another way.
Hope for something that fits well is fading fast. But I'll continue the calls. Off to the next round.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Job Update 11/24
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.42.11
Current Song - Ride Captain Ride (Blues Image)
Made some callbacks this morning, even though it was Thanksgiving morning. Normally managers are not in, but I decided to take my chances today.
No progress was made, but I eliminated two more candidates today because they had already hired: Ladd Casey's and Spring Valley Shell.
That leaves five Casey's stores, the Geneseo Beck's and two Family Video stores left to look at. I'm making the Casey's callbacks on Monday, with the other three being made on Friday morning. Clinton Kwik Star has yet to call me back after an inquiry.
I have one more gas station in mind, in Somonauk, that I'll look at on Monday. If that fails to pan out, I have two more favorable chances left, both pizza delivery.
NEXT STEPS:
1. Then it will be off to the next round of job applications: Kewanee, LaSalle-Peru, Cambridge, Utica, Sandwich, Somonauk, Plano, Genoa, and Hennipen.
2. DeKalb/Sycamore
3. Rockford
4. Quad Cities
5. Temp agency, breaking my back and destroying my mental capacity - I may not be the same person again after this.
There has been NOTHING in the local newspaper classified section other than jobs with prior experience necessary.
Current Song - Ride Captain Ride (Blues Image)
Made some callbacks this morning, even though it was Thanksgiving morning. Normally managers are not in, but I decided to take my chances today.
No progress was made, but I eliminated two more candidates today because they had already hired: Ladd Casey's and Spring Valley Shell.
That leaves five Casey's stores, the Geneseo Beck's and two Family Video stores left to look at. I'm making the Casey's callbacks on Monday, with the other three being made on Friday morning. Clinton Kwik Star has yet to call me back after an inquiry.
I have one more gas station in mind, in Somonauk, that I'll look at on Monday. If that fails to pan out, I have two more favorable chances left, both pizza delivery.
NEXT STEPS:
1. Then it will be off to the next round of job applications: Kewanee, LaSalle-Peru, Cambridge, Utica, Sandwich, Somonauk, Plano, Genoa, and Hennipen.
2. DeKalb/Sycamore
3. Rockford
4. Quad Cities
5. Temp agency, breaking my back and destroying my mental capacity - I may not be the same person again after this.
There has been NOTHING in the local newspaper classified section other than jobs with prior experience necessary.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Job Update 11/22
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.22.11
Current Song - Magnet and Steel (Walter Egan)
Three callbacks to places resulted in three different outcomes.
The first one, to the Savanna BP, can now be thrown out the window because they had hired someone during the time my application letter was being sorted in the US postal service.
The second one, to the Ashton Casey's, hadn't recieved it yet and told me they would probably recieve it by Wednesday. But the call was salvaged in a sense by letting them know that I mailed an application.
The final one, to the Thomson Casey's, so far nearly sunk the ship. They weren't hiring yet, but did get my mailed application. The comment of my hopes being diminished because I lived in Sterling really ticked me off - but I didn't show any anger at all. Then came question to me as whether or not Sterling was hiring. I said no (three weeks ago I called Sterling's Casey's with a no answer). In the end, though, the application is still out there in the waiting pile. It still made me want to inquire to Sterling's Casey's once more, though.
Given the mailing time of my most recent stack of application letters, I'll make my next call-around before Dakota Football kicks off @ State on Friday morning.
As mentioned yesterday, I made a callback to the Kwik Star in Clinton, and I'm waiting for a call back from them today - just as to the status of the job application.
Some people think getting a job is a right-there-right-then process, and you know of your chances once you hand over that application. That's not the case in this day of age. It takes a while, and I respect that. I learned from the Cash For Gold inquiry nearly a month ago that there are people out there more desperate than I am. I just don't want to be one of those people.
Current Song - Magnet and Steel (Walter Egan)
Three callbacks to places resulted in three different outcomes.
The first one, to the Savanna BP, can now be thrown out the window because they had hired someone during the time my application letter was being sorted in the US postal service.
The second one, to the Ashton Casey's, hadn't recieved it yet and told me they would probably recieve it by Wednesday. But the call was salvaged in a sense by letting them know that I mailed an application.
The final one, to the Thomson Casey's, so far nearly sunk the ship. They weren't hiring yet, but did get my mailed application. The comment of my hopes being diminished because I lived in Sterling really ticked me off - but I didn't show any anger at all. Then came question to me as whether or not Sterling was hiring. I said no (three weeks ago I called Sterling's Casey's with a no answer). In the end, though, the application is still out there in the waiting pile. It still made me want to inquire to Sterling's Casey's once more, though.
Given the mailing time of my most recent stack of application letters, I'll make my next call-around before Dakota Football kicks off @ State on Friday morning.
As mentioned yesterday, I made a callback to the Kwik Star in Clinton, and I'm waiting for a call back from them today - just as to the status of the job application.
Some people think getting a job is a right-there-right-then process, and you know of your chances once you hand over that application. That's not the case in this day of age. It takes a while, and I respect that. I learned from the Cash For Gold inquiry nearly a month ago that there are people out there more desperate than I am. I just don't want to be one of those people.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Job Update 11/21
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.12.11
Current Song - Ride Like The Wind (Christopher Cross)
Monday is the first business day back, and I woke up a little too late to make morning status calls.
But I still tried to call a couple of places to see what the status of my applications were. The Clinton Kwik Star would let me know tomorrow. On a down note, Sterling's Dollar Tree had already hired its seasonal staff - therefore rejecting me.
Tuesday will be a very busy day. I'll go back to making status calls in the morning before making a drive up north for a little bit. Then at 4:00 I'll be covering the Dixon-Sterling girls bowling meet. It's been a long time since I covered bowling, but I feel I'm prepared for it.
Current Song - Ride Like The Wind (Christopher Cross)
Monday is the first business day back, and I woke up a little too late to make morning status calls.
But I still tried to call a couple of places to see what the status of my applications were. The Clinton Kwik Star would let me know tomorrow. On a down note, Sterling's Dollar Tree had already hired its seasonal staff - therefore rejecting me.
Tuesday will be a very busy day. I'll go back to making status calls in the morning before making a drive up north for a little bit. Then at 4:00 I'll be covering the Dixon-Sterling girls bowling meet. It's been a long time since I covered bowling, but I feel I'm prepared for it.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friends Keep You Afloat
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.91.11
Current Song - One More Time (Daft Punk)
Right now I'm not doing so well, if you haven't figured that out already. I just mailed more applications tonight on my way back from the Boylan-Lake Zurich football game. Having to apply to such places like Kingston, Ladd and Geneseo are a big sign of things not going so well.
More often than not when I feel down like this, I tend to rant, complain, explode, and get very angry as I write these things on my Blog. Then posting things like that on Facebook's news feed and giving people the impression that I'm some sort of whinebag.
Maybe I am a whinebag when it comes to times like this. However, if I kept it all inside I would feel much worse than how I am now. So I sometimes feel the need to post angry diatribes on my blog and snippets of it on Facebook. At the same time, I have to remember that there are people I know that are faring much worse than I am at this time; it's mentally difficult to do that, but I want to try.
Right now is a perfect example; but I don't want to get angry right now.
If you are reading this, and accessed this from my Facebook wall, you are on my Facebook friends list for a reason - as a friend or a relative. See, I only have 175 Facebook friends. Most of my more active friends have over 500 Facebook friends. Now I know more than 1,000 people through many different sources. But only a select few (and those few who I've asked and they've ingored) get to be my Facebook friends.
Most of you I have known since school. I grew up with you. You know as much as I do that I wasn't much of a chatterbox growing up. I'm still not that way, although I have tried to break out of that shell on occasion. So we don't hang out that much, but I have looked to you as inspiration of some sort.
To be concise, I thank you, everyone, for all of the times we have shared over the years. Hopefully one day I'll be able to recover from this mess and once again find the passion to be a better person. I'm always looking for support, and when a similar time comes regarding you, I will try to do my best to return the favor.
Peace all!
Current Song - One More Time (Daft Punk)
Right now I'm not doing so well, if you haven't figured that out already. I just mailed more applications tonight on my way back from the Boylan-Lake Zurich football game. Having to apply to such places like Kingston, Ladd and Geneseo are a big sign of things not going so well.
More often than not when I feel down like this, I tend to rant, complain, explode, and get very angry as I write these things on my Blog. Then posting things like that on Facebook's news feed and giving people the impression that I'm some sort of whinebag.
Maybe I am a whinebag when it comes to times like this. However, if I kept it all inside I would feel much worse than how I am now. So I sometimes feel the need to post angry diatribes on my blog and snippets of it on Facebook. At the same time, I have to remember that there are people I know that are faring much worse than I am at this time; it's mentally difficult to do that, but I want to try.
Right now is a perfect example; but I don't want to get angry right now.
If you are reading this, and accessed this from my Facebook wall, you are on my Facebook friends list for a reason - as a friend or a relative. See, I only have 175 Facebook friends. Most of my more active friends have over 500 Facebook friends. Now I know more than 1,000 people through many different sources. But only a select few (and those few who I've asked and they've ingored) get to be my Facebook friends.
Most of you I have known since school. I grew up with you. You know as much as I do that I wasn't much of a chatterbox growing up. I'm still not that way, although I have tried to break out of that shell on occasion. So we don't hang out that much, but I have looked to you as inspiration of some sort.
To be concise, I thank you, everyone, for all of the times we have shared over the years. Hopefully one day I'll be able to recover from this mess and once again find the passion to be a better person. I'm always looking for support, and when a similar time comes regarding you, I will try to do my best to return the favor.
Peace all!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Search Update 11/18/11
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.81.11
Current Song - Sign Your Name (Terence Trent D'Arby)
During the last application go-around, I put in for all three Clinton Kwik Stars, Thomson Casey's, Savanna BP (the one attached to the McDonald's), Dollar Tree in Sterling for seasonal help, Jewel-Osco in Clinton, Target in Clinton, and the Family Video stores in Byron and Princeton.
So far I have only heard back from the Target store in Clinton - no luck there.
So I had to go to the next round of searching. This search pretty much extends to 80% of the NISB coverage area.
During this search I found 6 Casey's stores, two more gas stations and a grocery store.
The Casey's stores are in Amboy, Ashton, Oregon (for assistant manager), Ladd, Kingston and Dakota. The two other gas stations are the Shell (not a Johnson station) in Spring Valley, and a third-shift position at the Beck's 66 in the south side of Geneseo. The grocery store opening is the Sullivan's in Lena, which is a nights/weekends thing.
I will be busy tomorrow with sports stuff, but will begin the arthritis moment on Sunday after lunch with a friend.
If this round (and the prior round) of applications doesn't work, I will try the following areas: Kewanee, LaSalle-Peru, Cambridge, Utica, Sandwich, Somonauk, Plano, Genoa, and Hennipen. (So I have tried everywhere in between these places). The round after that will be DeKalb/Sycamore, and after that will be the QCA and lastly Rockford area. I may also inquire as to Dubuque or Aurora, but after that my well-being may just be in jeopardy.
I've driven to Ashton daily before for a job at Crest Foods, and Amboy is a closer drive.
But the beat goes on, and so does the beating ...
Current Song - Sign Your Name (Terence Trent D'Arby)
During the last application go-around, I put in for all three Clinton Kwik Stars, Thomson Casey's, Savanna BP (the one attached to the McDonald's), Dollar Tree in Sterling for seasonal help, Jewel-Osco in Clinton, Target in Clinton, and the Family Video stores in Byron and Princeton.
So far I have only heard back from the Target store in Clinton - no luck there.
So I had to go to the next round of searching. This search pretty much extends to 80% of the NISB coverage area.
During this search I found 6 Casey's stores, two more gas stations and a grocery store.
The Casey's stores are in Amboy, Ashton, Oregon (for assistant manager), Ladd, Kingston and Dakota. The two other gas stations are the Shell (not a Johnson station) in Spring Valley, and a third-shift position at the Beck's 66 in the south side of Geneseo. The grocery store opening is the Sullivan's in Lena, which is a nights/weekends thing.
I will be busy tomorrow with sports stuff, but will begin the arthritis moment on Sunday after lunch with a friend.
If this round (and the prior round) of applications doesn't work, I will try the following areas: Kewanee, LaSalle-Peru, Cambridge, Utica, Sandwich, Somonauk, Plano, Genoa, and Hennipen. (So I have tried everywhere in between these places). The round after that will be DeKalb/Sycamore, and after that will be the QCA and lastly Rockford area. I may also inquire as to Dubuque or Aurora, but after that my well-being may just be in jeopardy.
I've driven to Ashton daily before for a job at Crest Foods, and Amboy is a closer drive.
But the beat goes on, and so does the beating ...
Monday, November 14, 2011
The Battle Continues ...
Cutter's Log - Supplemental
Since the local and favorable options have been exhausted, I decided to start on the extended search for the job. I spent most of the morning in Clinton, IA job hunting. It is the closest town of over 25,000 people from Sterling/RF.
For those not familar with Clinton, it is divided into four districts pretty much: Lyons, Downtown, Lincolnway and Mill Creek. I am familar with Lyons and Lincolnway, but not so much Downtown and Mill Creek. So I drove around trying to find places.
My strategy (to ease on stop-and-go car starting) was to go to the Shell station, buy something to eat, sit at the table and dig through the phone book. Then I did some calling to about 25 different places. Needing some breathing room, I went and sat on a bench near the Candlelight Inn and did my calling.
My Clinton leads are as follows: the BP near the 136 Bridge (by next month), Jewel-Osco (cashier), Target (all), Kwik Shop on Bluff (cashier), and Sears (holiday).
The Kwik Shop is obviously the best lead of them all, since it is gas station work and that's what I have been doing for the past five years. Jewel-Osco's cashier spot is sort of similar to the position I tried to apply for at Sterling Kroger, except it is not overnight. Target seems to the the third-best lead, followed by BP and Sears.
After funneling all of that into a plan, I went back to my car and was about to drive home. However, I thought better and went back and thought of places in similar radiuses: Savanna, Fulton, Lanark, Mt. Carroll, Oregon, Byron, Freeport, Rochelle, Mendota and Princeton. Since I was trying to jot down places by simply memory, the list isn't complete. Once you've driven in these towns a lot, you start to know what's where.
Out of those came fewer leads: the Family Video in Byron, the Family Video in Princeton, part-time nights and weekends at the Savanna BP (attached to the McDonalds), and a soon-to-be-created overnight shift at the Thomson Casey's. Sullivan's in Princeton was looking for a deli person, but seriously I'm not the food-handling type of person.
I got home and was alerted that Dixon Furnitire Store would also be a good place to look into. That'll be my first call tomorrow.
I have also kept as a possibility pizza delivery jobs at Sterling Domino's and Morrison Casey's. But that may be too exhausting on the car and too risky considering what else I do (the website). I also recalled that both Family Dollar and Radio Shack in Sterling were both looking for seasonal help.
On Saturday I plan on covering the Boylan-Lake Zurich football game in Rockford. Along the way I'll be driving by Oregon and Byron, so I'll see what else is there that I missed. Worst case scenario is having to drive into Rockford, the Quads, Kewanee or L-P for jobs. But that is a future step in case nothing comes through.
I'm scarred, I'm bleeding, but I'm still fighting.
Since the local and favorable options have been exhausted, I decided to start on the extended search for the job. I spent most of the morning in Clinton, IA job hunting. It is the closest town of over 25,000 people from Sterling/RF.
For those not familar with Clinton, it is divided into four districts pretty much: Lyons, Downtown, Lincolnway and Mill Creek. I am familar with Lyons and Lincolnway, but not so much Downtown and Mill Creek. So I drove around trying to find places.
My strategy (to ease on stop-and-go car starting) was to go to the Shell station, buy something to eat, sit at the table and dig through the phone book. Then I did some calling to about 25 different places. Needing some breathing room, I went and sat on a bench near the Candlelight Inn and did my calling.
My Clinton leads are as follows: the BP near the 136 Bridge (by next month), Jewel-Osco (cashier), Target (all), Kwik Shop on Bluff (cashier), and Sears (holiday).
The Kwik Shop is obviously the best lead of them all, since it is gas station work and that's what I have been doing for the past five years. Jewel-Osco's cashier spot is sort of similar to the position I tried to apply for at Sterling Kroger, except it is not overnight. Target seems to the the third-best lead, followed by BP and Sears.
After funneling all of that into a plan, I went back to my car and was about to drive home. However, I thought better and went back and thought of places in similar radiuses: Savanna, Fulton, Lanark, Mt. Carroll, Oregon, Byron, Freeport, Rochelle, Mendota and Princeton. Since I was trying to jot down places by simply memory, the list isn't complete. Once you've driven in these towns a lot, you start to know what's where.
Out of those came fewer leads: the Family Video in Byron, the Family Video in Princeton, part-time nights and weekends at the Savanna BP (attached to the McDonalds), and a soon-to-be-created overnight shift at the Thomson Casey's. Sullivan's in Princeton was looking for a deli person, but seriously I'm not the food-handling type of person.
I got home and was alerted that Dixon Furnitire Store would also be a good place to look into. That'll be my first call tomorrow.
I have also kept as a possibility pizza delivery jobs at Sterling Domino's and Morrison Casey's. But that may be too exhausting on the car and too risky considering what else I do (the website). I also recalled that both Family Dollar and Radio Shack in Sterling were both looking for seasonal help.
On Saturday I plan on covering the Boylan-Lake Zurich football game in Rockford. Along the way I'll be driving by Oregon and Byron, so I'll see what else is there that I missed. Worst case scenario is having to drive into Rockford, the Quads, Kewanee or L-P for jobs. But that is a future step in case nothing comes through.
I'm scarred, I'm bleeding, but I'm still fighting.
Still Battling
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.41.11
Current Song - Holding Back The Years (Simply Red)
The battle to keep afloat is still continuing on.
I've had a few shots of stimuli lately in the form of donations and light work. The job search around a 30-mile radius seems to be deadening. Plus, there's little hope for the places that I have already applied to.
I'll now take my job search a little farther. After finishing some yard work today, I'll spend some time in Clinton to see what is there. If there's nothing, I will be extending my search to Savanna, Freeport, Rochelle, Oregon, Mendota, Princeton and maybe Geneseo. The daily commutes are a beast, but I did it once before.
Here's a theory as to why this is going oh so bad right now: As I'm being passed for these jobs, those that are getting them are those who are in worse financial shape than I am in. So what that means is that I would cycle down to the bottom of the barrel, only finding myself in a very uncomfortable position.
On top of that, I'm getting the feeling that sportswriters want to see my website die. If not that, then they probably want to see my career destroyed. They know what I'm capable of, and it can hurt. My warning to them: You will be getting a fight.
Current Song - Holding Back The Years (Simply Red)
The battle to keep afloat is still continuing on.
I've had a few shots of stimuli lately in the form of donations and light work. The job search around a 30-mile radius seems to be deadening. Plus, there's little hope for the places that I have already applied to.
I'll now take my job search a little farther. After finishing some yard work today, I'll spend some time in Clinton to see what is there. If there's nothing, I will be extending my search to Savanna, Freeport, Rochelle, Oregon, Mendota, Princeton and maybe Geneseo. The daily commutes are a beast, but I did it once before.
Here's a theory as to why this is going oh so bad right now: As I'm being passed for these jobs, those that are getting them are those who are in worse financial shape than I am in. So what that means is that I would cycle down to the bottom of the barrel, only finding myself in a very uncomfortable position.
On top of that, I'm getting the feeling that sportswriters want to see my website die. If not that, then they probably want to see my career destroyed. They know what I'm capable of, and it can hurt. My warning to them: You will be getting a fight.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Entire Day of Covering Preps Becomes Learning Experience
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.13.01
Current Song - My Sharona (The Knack)
I came into this past Saturday thinking I could cover three things. As the day drew closer, I didn't actually think this was possible. But I wanted to try to do it anyway.
The three events were: the Oregon XC Sectional, the Forreston Football game against Hales Fransicsan, and the Harlem Football game against Hononeagh.
I did research and alerted beforehand that I was going to cover the first two games. I didn't tell anyone about covering Harlem-Hononegah because I wasn't sure if I had enough energy to do so, and didn't want people to waste time. Thankfully the gate honored the pass on the fly.
If I wasn't covering anything, this would be a typical day in high school sports paradise. There is a pencil holder on my desk that reads "I want less WORK and more $$$ for not doing it." If money grew on trees and I could do what I want - this is what I would be doing.
I also came into Saturday wanting to tweak the way I cover things, as well as tweak the way I write. In this day of age in the journalism business, sticking to one tried and true format doesn't go far in the ever-changing scheme of things.
I challenged myself to write just 600 words on each game. This is a far cry from the typical 1,000+ I'm used to in website writing. I write long on the website in order to explain detail and how things led to another - in other words make the newspapers look like MASH unit doctors. (Okay, a more nicer term would be "supplementary coverage.")
Thousand-word stories have no place in newspapers. If I want to prepare for that next level, I need to shorten my stories and cram it all into fewer words. I try doing this all of the time, but I had something going for me that day: Because of a tech snafu with the website, I stayed up all night after covering Sterling soccer on Friday night. So I went into the triple-dip with no sleep. By the time I would be getting home from this, being so tired would literally force me to write just 600 words.
***
So here's an account of the Saturday triple-dip:
I was running a little late getting to Oregon for the Sectional Meet. I tried to catch some shut-eye around 8 a.m. and got about two minutes worth. Then that turned into a slow time in the shower and getting cleaned up. Knowing I was going to stumble, and possibly run off the road, I had three bucks on me to go to Aldi for a 12-park of pop. I got to Park West in Oregon late enough to where I parked in the school parking lot and ran the 1/4 mile to the finish line.
They say covering cross country is one of the easiest things to do. However, research and knowledge of the effects of running three miles will make for a good story (as opposed to fact-and-stat writing). There was a back-to-back series of XC meets at Erie and then Byron that helped me understand cross country a little better. When football is dominant and volleyball is also as dominant, sometimes cross country gets shuffled behind.
Charlie and Andy were also there covering the meet, and I stuck by them for most of the time. I also saw one of my Winnebago friends, Bruce, there as well. I got my pics in one spot, then video in another spot not too far away. See how easy it is? Right. After the meet, however, it took nearly two hours to finalize the results and print them off. Not good for someone like me who was up for now 24 straight hours. (Here's the NISB Article)
By the time I walked all the way back to my car, it was 1 p.m. with the football game at Forreston starting at 1:30. I'm already past my pre-game comfort zone as far as getting there early is concerned. I go the wrong way out of Oregon and after exiting Mt. Morris I Chuck Yeager'ed it to Route 72. The car topped at 93 MPH (one shy of the car's best of 94 on the Abe Lincoln Bridge in LaSalle).
Sure enough, I get to Forreston with 11 minutes on the pre-game clock. Andy had also made the drive (probably much safer than my drive). The morning was cold and I had my jacket on, but it got warm soon after and I was alright with my short-sleeved shirt. Forreston is a confusing place to cover a football game at sometimes, since the scoreboard is slow and I can't get an accurate reading on yardage lines. Other than that covering the game went off without a hitch.
Since this was a much-hyped game, I was asked beforehand to text updates to my friend Patrick in Chicago. I don't mind doing that, but sometimes it takes away from the job I'm trying to do. So along with Patrick, I added Edgy Tim, Bill and my friend Rick to the text update list. It's hard for me to do that with the buttons on my phone being so small, and my fingers too big. Just call me old-school in this regard, I would simply like to concentrate on covering my game and not worry about what's going on elsewhere. Maybe if I wasn't trying to snap a picture or take video I would have an easier time providing updates.
Forreston won a good game 31-28. (Here's the NISB Article)
One thing I learned from covering this game is to not use cheap pens to write things down on. My pen didn't run out, but was kind of a nuisance. The way I cover football games changed after the next game.
The break before the Harlem-Hononegah game was changed. I was supposed to meet Rick for a quick bite to eat before we went to the game, but he had other plans. So this gave me some time to drive to Harlem and walk around to keep myself awake. The weather got much colder as game time fell.
Cheap pens and fat notepads do not mix when it's bitter cold outside. My jaw was stammering and my knees were buckling as I roamed around the Hononegah sideline throughout the game. Not to mention, plenty of scoring and little defense. I tried to keep up with the game, and was able to get plays written down. However I was not able to mentally formulate a storyline inside my head - and thus called the game off. I figured that would be the case.
By the time I left Harlem, I had been awake for 31 straight hours. Then came the drive down home. You try driving down Route 2 in deer-infested late October, at night, after being up for 31 straight hours!
Of course I went to sleep right after I got home, but awoke enough to get the two articles written in timely fashion (to my standards). I didn't go as in-depth as I normally did, but at the same time didn't go below 600 words on each article.
***
What I learned from this Wild Ride:
1. The football notes formula I had been using for years turns obsolete when trying to meet a maximum-word limit. I have recently begun using a football stats worksheet to help in setting up box scores. If I just used that as my game notes, and writing a scoring summary (agate-style) on the back of the worksheet, it may clear my head a little easier and prevent arthritis. I will begin experimenting with this strategy on Friday night - where as of now I don't know.
2. Never write 1,000+ word soccer articles. Never.
3. Aren't individual sectional results available on the IHSA website? Even in this particular meet where almost all of NISB's small schools were in, going by that is data enough to supplement the margin notes and interviews during the race.
4. Set a "leave-the-house" deadline, even for the shortest of car rides. Oregon isn't much of a car ride for me, but you never know with traffic in Sterling and Dixon.
5. Don't buy a pork chop at Forreston. Worst ever.
6. Tell people that I see no sense of urgency in knowing what a quarterly score is during a football game - unless you are my boss. The less time I text updates, the more time I have to do stats at halftime. And for crying out loud, NEVER EVER call me during a game, especially if you know that I am covering a game!!!!
7. Protect the head, regardless of what it does to my hair. Hoods on top, stocking hat, whatever. This will take a long time for me to learn because I naturally just don't do it.
8. I can't do a triple-dip after staying up all night. Just can't. However, if this comes up another time I'll be sure to get plenty of sleep before. I've covered multiple basketball games at tournaments, but this is a completely different situation.
Hopefully lessons are learned, and the opportunity comes up again. Next week is Volleyball State Tournament time, which should be another absolute meylay.
Current Song - My Sharona (The Knack)
I came into this past Saturday thinking I could cover three things. As the day drew closer, I didn't actually think this was possible. But I wanted to try to do it anyway.
The three events were: the Oregon XC Sectional, the Forreston Football game against Hales Fransicsan, and the Harlem Football game against Hononeagh.
I did research and alerted beforehand that I was going to cover the first two games. I didn't tell anyone about covering Harlem-Hononegah because I wasn't sure if I had enough energy to do so, and didn't want people to waste time. Thankfully the gate honored the pass on the fly.
If I wasn't covering anything, this would be a typical day in high school sports paradise. There is a pencil holder on my desk that reads "I want less WORK and more $$$ for not doing it." If money grew on trees and I could do what I want - this is what I would be doing.
I also came into Saturday wanting to tweak the way I cover things, as well as tweak the way I write. In this day of age in the journalism business, sticking to one tried and true format doesn't go far in the ever-changing scheme of things.
I challenged myself to write just 600 words on each game. This is a far cry from the typical 1,000+ I'm used to in website writing. I write long on the website in order to explain detail and how things led to another - in other words make the newspapers look like MASH unit doctors. (Okay, a more nicer term would be "supplementary coverage.")
Thousand-word stories have no place in newspapers. If I want to prepare for that next level, I need to shorten my stories and cram it all into fewer words. I try doing this all of the time, but I had something going for me that day: Because of a tech snafu with the website, I stayed up all night after covering Sterling soccer on Friday night. So I went into the triple-dip with no sleep. By the time I would be getting home from this, being so tired would literally force me to write just 600 words.
***
So here's an account of the Saturday triple-dip:
I was running a little late getting to Oregon for the Sectional Meet. I tried to catch some shut-eye around 8 a.m. and got about two minutes worth. Then that turned into a slow time in the shower and getting cleaned up. Knowing I was going to stumble, and possibly run off the road, I had three bucks on me to go to Aldi for a 12-park of pop. I got to Park West in Oregon late enough to where I parked in the school parking lot and ran the 1/4 mile to the finish line.
They say covering cross country is one of the easiest things to do. However, research and knowledge of the effects of running three miles will make for a good story (as opposed to fact-and-stat writing). There was a back-to-back series of XC meets at Erie and then Byron that helped me understand cross country a little better. When football is dominant and volleyball is also as dominant, sometimes cross country gets shuffled behind.
Charlie and Andy were also there covering the meet, and I stuck by them for most of the time. I also saw one of my Winnebago friends, Bruce, there as well. I got my pics in one spot, then video in another spot not too far away. See how easy it is? Right. After the meet, however, it took nearly two hours to finalize the results and print them off. Not good for someone like me who was up for now 24 straight hours. (Here's the NISB Article)
By the time I walked all the way back to my car, it was 1 p.m. with the football game at Forreston starting at 1:30. I'm already past my pre-game comfort zone as far as getting there early is concerned. I go the wrong way out of Oregon and after exiting Mt. Morris I Chuck Yeager'ed it to Route 72. The car topped at 93 MPH (one shy of the car's best of 94 on the Abe Lincoln Bridge in LaSalle).
Sure enough, I get to Forreston with 11 minutes on the pre-game clock. Andy had also made the drive (probably much safer than my drive). The morning was cold and I had my jacket on, but it got warm soon after and I was alright with my short-sleeved shirt. Forreston is a confusing place to cover a football game at sometimes, since the scoreboard is slow and I can't get an accurate reading on yardage lines. Other than that covering the game went off without a hitch.
Since this was a much-hyped game, I was asked beforehand to text updates to my friend Patrick in Chicago. I don't mind doing that, but sometimes it takes away from the job I'm trying to do. So along with Patrick, I added Edgy Tim, Bill and my friend Rick to the text update list. It's hard for me to do that with the buttons on my phone being so small, and my fingers too big. Just call me old-school in this regard, I would simply like to concentrate on covering my game and not worry about what's going on elsewhere. Maybe if I wasn't trying to snap a picture or take video I would have an easier time providing updates.
Forreston won a good game 31-28. (Here's the NISB Article)
One thing I learned from covering this game is to not use cheap pens to write things down on. My pen didn't run out, but was kind of a nuisance. The way I cover football games changed after the next game.
The break before the Harlem-Hononegah game was changed. I was supposed to meet Rick for a quick bite to eat before we went to the game, but he had other plans. So this gave me some time to drive to Harlem and walk around to keep myself awake. The weather got much colder as game time fell.
Cheap pens and fat notepads do not mix when it's bitter cold outside. My jaw was stammering and my knees were buckling as I roamed around the Hononegah sideline throughout the game. Not to mention, plenty of scoring and little defense. I tried to keep up with the game, and was able to get plays written down. However I was not able to mentally formulate a storyline inside my head - and thus called the game off. I figured that would be the case.
By the time I left Harlem, I had been awake for 31 straight hours. Then came the drive down home. You try driving down Route 2 in deer-infested late October, at night, after being up for 31 straight hours!
Of course I went to sleep right after I got home, but awoke enough to get the two articles written in timely fashion (to my standards). I didn't go as in-depth as I normally did, but at the same time didn't go below 600 words on each article.
***
What I learned from this Wild Ride:
1. The football notes formula I had been using for years turns obsolete when trying to meet a maximum-word limit. I have recently begun using a football stats worksheet to help in setting up box scores. If I just used that as my game notes, and writing a scoring summary (agate-style) on the back of the worksheet, it may clear my head a little easier and prevent arthritis. I will begin experimenting with this strategy on Friday night - where as of now I don't know.
2. Never write 1,000+ word soccer articles. Never.
3. Aren't individual sectional results available on the IHSA website? Even in this particular meet where almost all of NISB's small schools were in, going by that is data enough to supplement the margin notes and interviews during the race.
4. Set a "leave-the-house" deadline, even for the shortest of car rides. Oregon isn't much of a car ride for me, but you never know with traffic in Sterling and Dixon.
5. Don't buy a pork chop at Forreston. Worst ever.
6. Tell people that I see no sense of urgency in knowing what a quarterly score is during a football game - unless you are my boss. The less time I text updates, the more time I have to do stats at halftime. And for crying out loud, NEVER EVER call me during a game, especially if you know that I am covering a game!!!!
7. Protect the head, regardless of what it does to my hair. Hoods on top, stocking hat, whatever. This will take a long time for me to learn because I naturally just don't do it.
8. I can't do a triple-dip after staying up all night. Just can't. However, if this comes up another time I'll be sure to get plenty of sleep before. I've covered multiple basketball games at tournaments, but this is a completely different situation.
Hopefully lessons are learned, and the opportunity comes up again. Next week is Volleyball State Tournament time, which should be another absolute meylay.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
It's not so busy now
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.03.01
Current Song - Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday (Stevie Wonder)
The high school sports happening has kind of fallen into place at the moment. This week will see a Thursday-Friday-Saturday string of volleyball-football-football.
Right now I'm trying to preserve finances, of course. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve at the moment. It may not be all that busy during the course of the week, but when there is something do to - it's a lot to handle.
Next week looks to be State Volleyball. The week after that is the start of girls basketball tournaments, with championships on Friday and another football game on Saturday.
The week after looks to be state football on maybe Friday (slight possibility for Saturday also) and then riding my bike to SHS for the annual Sterling-Rock Falls boys basketball tilt.
All if I still cannot secure a job. If I get that, then this schedule is subject to change.
Current Song - Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday (Stevie Wonder)
The high school sports happening has kind of fallen into place at the moment. This week will see a Thursday-Friday-Saturday string of volleyball-football-football.
Right now I'm trying to preserve finances, of course. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve at the moment. It may not be all that busy during the course of the week, but when there is something do to - it's a lot to handle.
Next week looks to be State Volleyball. The week after that is the start of girls basketball tournaments, with championships on Friday and another football game on Saturday.
The week after looks to be state football on maybe Friday (slight possibility for Saturday also) and then riding my bike to SHS for the annual Sterling-Rock Falls boys basketball tilt.
All if I still cannot secure a job. If I get that, then this schedule is subject to change.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Strapped Advantages?
Cutter's Log - Supplemental
While I have no income coming in at this time, I am resorting to some small things to make a buck.
For example, I'm trying to sell some of my things that I have kind of hoarded for years. I'll start with the keyboard I've been trying to sell for a long time.
But when I get a job somewhere, that shouldn't mean I should quit these unusual ways of building onto by finances. Rather, these things would be a supplement to what I would be already making.
How about that?
While I have no income coming in at this time, I am resorting to some small things to make a buck.
For example, I'm trying to sell some of my things that I have kind of hoarded for years. I'll start with the keyboard I've been trying to sell for a long time.
But when I get a job somewhere, that shouldn't mean I should quit these unusual ways of building onto by finances. Rather, these things would be a supplement to what I would be already making.
How about that?
Interesting TV
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.12.01
Current Song - Ah Leah (Donnie Iris)
In the past decade or so, there was never really anything on television that I would religiously watch. No real programming except the TV-6 News at Ten and Leno and Conan afterward. Sportscenter whenever I felt like it.
The only two times when I would go down from the computer to watch TV was when the Hallmark channel had MASH on at 4 pm, and when Family Guy was on Adult Swim at 2 pm. These runs ended after I saw pretty much evey single episode.
Lately there are four shows that, whenever they are on, I will attempt to watch: American Pickers, Hardcore Pawn, Pawn Stars and Storage Wars.
What amazes me about these shows is the items that they focus on; things that I have never heard of before. Also, that there is a value to pretty much anything unique out there.
These shows kind of make me want to go on a treasure hunt. Hunting for treasure is something that sound like a good idea RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
Current Song - Ah Leah (Donnie Iris)
In the past decade or so, there was never really anything on television that I would religiously watch. No real programming except the TV-6 News at Ten and Leno and Conan afterward. Sportscenter whenever I felt like it.
The only two times when I would go down from the computer to watch TV was when the Hallmark channel had MASH on at 4 pm, and when Family Guy was on Adult Swim at 2 pm. These runs ended after I saw pretty much evey single episode.
Lately there are four shows that, whenever they are on, I will attempt to watch: American Pickers, Hardcore Pawn, Pawn Stars and Storage Wars.
What amazes me about these shows is the items that they focus on; things that I have never heard of before. Also, that there is a value to pretty much anything unique out there.
These shows kind of make me want to go on a treasure hunt. Hunting for treasure is something that sound like a good idea RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Still Clawing For Hope
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.71.01
Current Song - Magnet and Steel (Walter Egan)
Since Plan B has gone dry in the job search, I am now on to Plan C.
Plan A was trying to get that newspaper opening. Plan B was trying to find a gas station job within 25 miles from home. Both haven't worked.
So Plan C involves calling local businesses to see if they are hiring or not. Five years ago I made a list of places where I could try to apply to. That was back when I didn't have a car. Now I do, and have expanded this list to within 20 miles from home.
I couldn't remember the exact list, but I wrote down all the places I could think of in Sterling, Rock Falls, Dixon, Morrison and Prophetstown. Of these places, I either got a "yes," "no," or "you can always fill out an application."
In this calling process, I have found four places with a "yes" that I could reasonably do. These places are: Domino's Pizza, Farm and Fleet, Kroger, and Aaron's. Three more places were found in the classifieds. One of which seems seasonal, another seems to be confusing (the job description was vague), and another maybe, just maybe seems like something that could prepare me for the future - and that is a typing job for a phone book company.
So far, I have filled out the online app for Kroger and emailed the cover letter and resume to the phone book company. The Kroger position is for overnight cashier, which I did for 19 months at BP.
Over the coming days, not only will I hope to hear back from the two places above, but try to tackle the Farm and Fleet and Domino's jobs. After that, I will go into the list of places that told me "you can always fill out an application" and have them on file - as well as get those other two ads from the paper.
Meanwhile, I have to go in front of the City of Sterling Liquor Commission tomorrow morning due to my sting. I hope the fine isn't as bad as I think it is. After that, I hope to get my finances in order.
Current Song - Magnet and Steel (Walter Egan)
Since Plan B has gone dry in the job search, I am now on to Plan C.
Plan A was trying to get that newspaper opening. Plan B was trying to find a gas station job within 25 miles from home. Both haven't worked.
So Plan C involves calling local businesses to see if they are hiring or not. Five years ago I made a list of places where I could try to apply to. That was back when I didn't have a car. Now I do, and have expanded this list to within 20 miles from home.
I couldn't remember the exact list, but I wrote down all the places I could think of in Sterling, Rock Falls, Dixon, Morrison and Prophetstown. Of these places, I either got a "yes," "no," or "you can always fill out an application."
In this calling process, I have found four places with a "yes" that I could reasonably do. These places are: Domino's Pizza, Farm and Fleet, Kroger, and Aaron's. Three more places were found in the classifieds. One of which seems seasonal, another seems to be confusing (the job description was vague), and another maybe, just maybe seems like something that could prepare me for the future - and that is a typing job for a phone book company.
So far, I have filled out the online app for Kroger and emailed the cover letter and resume to the phone book company. The Kroger position is for overnight cashier, which I did for 19 months at BP.
Over the coming days, not only will I hope to hear back from the two places above, but try to tackle the Farm and Fleet and Domino's jobs. After that, I will go into the list of places that told me "you can always fill out an application" and have them on file - as well as get those other two ads from the paper.
Meanwhile, I have to go in front of the City of Sterling Liquor Commission tomorrow morning due to my sting. I hope the fine isn't as bad as I think it is. After that, I hope to get my finances in order.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Freestylin' Once Again
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.51.01
Current Song - Moonlight Sonata (Ludwig von Beethoven)
Every waking moment without a source of income becomes dreadful and dreadful. At the same time, when I try to be organized, something always seems to get in the way. I tried making different use of my whiteboard, reserving computer time, and still I find myself falling behind in many things.
I've determined that I am planning too many things for one day. One day could see an article written, and a chore to do, and a blog entry to write, and a game to cover, etc. That's why I fall behind in these things. Perhaps if I do only one or two things a day, that will help get things done. This may stretch things out a long time, but if that's what it's going to take to simply get these things DONE, then so it is.
I have a football article to write tonight, as well as some video to upload. Sunday will be dedicated to the Week 8 Observations piece, and tallying up the pick'em standings. Monday will be dedicated to job finding and finance situations. Tuesday will be spent at the liquor commission hearing. Wednesday and Thursday are open as of right now. Friday will be dedicated to Kaneland at Morris football, while Saturday will be dedicated to covering the Stillman Valley Volleyball Invitational final.
What I can reveal about the job scenario is this - I haven't gotten any calls back from any of the gas stations I have applied at. I think it's time to find another route. The preferences didn't seem to work out. Now I'll have to go back to what I did before taking the BP job, and calling people up the wazoo.
But who?
The feeling right now is not so much wanting to cross my fingers - but just absolute nervousness in possibly having to do something I just do not feel comfortable with. What's worse is trying to click with fellow workers outside of work - something I just haven't been able to do, ever.
I want my dreams to be a reality, not to be destroyed by falling into place in a line in society.
Current Song - Moonlight Sonata (Ludwig von Beethoven)
Every waking moment without a source of income becomes dreadful and dreadful. At the same time, when I try to be organized, something always seems to get in the way. I tried making different use of my whiteboard, reserving computer time, and still I find myself falling behind in many things.
I've determined that I am planning too many things for one day. One day could see an article written, and a chore to do, and a blog entry to write, and a game to cover, etc. That's why I fall behind in these things. Perhaps if I do only one or two things a day, that will help get things done. This may stretch things out a long time, but if that's what it's going to take to simply get these things DONE, then so it is.
I have a football article to write tonight, as well as some video to upload. Sunday will be dedicated to the Week 8 Observations piece, and tallying up the pick'em standings. Monday will be dedicated to job finding and finance situations. Tuesday will be spent at the liquor commission hearing. Wednesday and Thursday are open as of right now. Friday will be dedicated to Kaneland at Morris football, while Saturday will be dedicated to covering the Stillman Valley Volleyball Invitational final.
What I can reveal about the job scenario is this - I haven't gotten any calls back from any of the gas stations I have applied at. I think it's time to find another route. The preferences didn't seem to work out. Now I'll have to go back to what I did before taking the BP job, and calling people up the wazoo.
But who?
The feeling right now is not so much wanting to cross my fingers - but just absolute nervousness in possibly having to do something I just do not feel comfortable with. What's worse is trying to click with fellow workers outside of work - something I just haven't been able to do, ever.
I want my dreams to be a reality, not to be destroyed by falling into place in a line in society.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Mind in Another Place
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.10.01
Current Song - Kicks (Paul Revere and the Raiders)
While I'm still trying to find job openings at places, my mind seems to be at another place.
I have found something. Not a job, but another ...
Well, this entity is strengthening my wills to kick some habits and become more orderly in a few things. Never before with similar ones in the past have I been prompted to go to such extremes.
Just f'in mesmerizing!
Current Song - Kicks (Paul Revere and the Raiders)
While I'm still trying to find job openings at places, my mind seems to be at another place.
I have found something. Not a job, but another ...
Well, this entity is strengthening my wills to kick some habits and become more orderly in a few things. Never before with similar ones in the past have I been prompted to go to such extremes.
Just f'in mesmerizing!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Today Concludes One of the Best Weeks Ever
Hello, my baby Hello, my honey Hello, my ragtime gal!
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2001.80.01
Current Song - Mo Money Mo Problems (Notorious BIG)
I may not have a job, but all of this downtime is being spent at peace with myself. For one, I have found myself doing extremely well in conversation. Talking to others has been my achilles heel for the longest time, because of the mental condition that I have.
Probably all of the pressure building up inside my head from working for the past three years is disintigrating.
On Sunday I got to have lunch with a friend of mine at Applebees. It was great talking with him. I seemed to carry over the chatting momentum to a cross country meet I went to on Tuesday down in Erie.
The cross country meet almost never happened. I planned on covering a boys golf regional at Sycamore but I overslept. So I scrambled to find something else.
When I'm the only reporter there, I tend to stumble and stutter when I ask these complex questions to people I would like to interview. Most times I will write down questions on my notepad and look at them in the middle of the interview as a cue to what to ask next. For some reason, at this cross country meet I would up freestyling my questions and got some good quotes. I must have figured, hey, I'm the only reporter there so the readers should be proud that they have at least something (not really my best work).
As my writing philosophy, I try to keep my questions simple and easy to answer, and just search for that string of words that fits beautifully with the story. Natrually they do come.
Turns out I had another cross country meet the following day and I once again freestyled my questions ... pretty much just like how I did it the day before. Once again, I was the only reporter there.
Two days of having real good interview sessions was a blast for me. My biggest challenge would come during Friday's Little 10 Tournament finals.
When doing interviews with young ladies, I sometimes tend to be very nervous when presenting myself - I will sometimes have that "ugly" feeling lurking somewhere in my mind. My hair was a mess, I hadn't shaved, and my shirt had chest hair sticking out of it, and here I was interviewing high school girls. This feeling is a habit from when I first started conducting interviews - I was still trying to work on conversation toward girls at that time.
After talking with the coaches I asked for two girls to have an interview session with. Normally I will NOT do a double-session with two people at the same time. However, since the night was fast concluding, I had no choice to do the double-interview with the two girls, both sophomores and probably hadn't been interviewed before. The conversation was a success. I have seen and heard a couple of my writers do these double-interviews, so I tried to act as if I were like them. The transitions worked out well and the whole thing just went very well.
During the volleyball event I at least knew some people that were there, one of them one of my writers who was on assignment for another newspaper. This is usually not the case at most games that I travel to. I was also able to break the ice on some volleyball talk with a football-junkie friend of mine.
More volleyball on Saturday. Surprisingly, I was the only reporter there at the Dixon Invitational. Especially since the title match had teams with a combined record of 59-3. Just call it momentum and following the game, I guess. The more games you get to cover alone, the more confortable you feeling with conversations after the game.
After the Invitational, I found myself engaging in smalltalk with one of the people that I interviewed. That's real odd because that doesn't happen. I guess I was just lucky to be at these games alone. Going back home I stopped by a former co-worker's farewell party at Kelly's Bar and Grill downtown. Had a blast as we wished Will the best at his new gig with the Chicago Tribune.
We all did a toast with a shot of (something), and I actually drank it. I'm not a drinker, nor will I ever be - but this was only the third such occasion that I took a shot of something: a shot of wine at my sister's wedding, a shot of Bud Light at my 5th class reunion, and a shot of this stuff that is unknown to me tonight.
Okay, before I go crazy that's enough fun for the weekend.
In addition to the conversational aspect of things, the gas station hopes got another boost as another opening nearby has been created. Still waiting for the call.
Another confidence booster is something related to what has been mentioned already, but is something I'll just keep to myself for the time being.
Here's to next week!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Time, a Luxury I Kind of Need Right Now
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.10.01
Current Song - It Ain't Over Till It's Over (Lenny Kravitz)
When you get canned, naturally there is plenty of time to kill. Apparently not.
It's been a rough 48 hours for yours truly. Froze myself at Friday's football game. Had a low battery on my camera. Had trouble figuring out yard stripes. Somehow I was able to scrap together a game article. Somehow.
Message board babysitting stuff seems to be getting a little better. The job outlook, however, is like the wheels of justice - it turns slowly.
At least the car shouldn't have any more problems, now that most of the stuff has been fixed and was paid for. So I have that going for me. I am having lunch with a former colleague of mine tomorrow, too.
What I'm having an extremely difficult time with is preparation and time management. Perhaps having so much time on my hands has thrown me off-balance in this regard. I have a website to maintain, and it seems like I'm doing things on the fly.
Now that I'm off work, every waking moment from 8 a.m. to midnight is a battle between Dan and I for use of the computer. Then either Mike or Chris will pop in every now and again. I want to find a way that works out for all of us, but since the computer that I'm on is mine I get some more say in things.
As of right now the biggest thing that is on my mind is the operation of NISB. Finding a job (and sticking to the job-finding plan posted on here earlier) doesn't really take all that long to do. Next week should be another packed week with good-sized trips. Balancing this financial aspect of things takes time, and I kind of need that right now.
***
Here's what I want to establish with Danny as far as computer time is concerned:
I get the computer from 9 a.m. until either 5 p.m. (or earlier when I have to prepare to leave for a game). If I sleep in past 9 a.m., he can have it until I wake up. After 5 p.m. he can have it until he gets tired (or until I arrive back home from a sporting event).
When I'm on the computer, I'll put matters toward the website on first priority. I'll tell him that. Working hard within the high school sports arena is what's going to help me persue my desire to stay involved with it for as long as I want. When I get that through his head, he'll understand.
***
I want to wake up at 9 a.m. and begin working on website ideas and concepts for the day. I'm not planning on covering anything that night, so the day will be devoted to internal and technological website matters. When I get off at 5 p.m., Danny can have the computer and I can do some personal things.
From here on out, I will be thinking of things to do with the website. Sometimes reinventing things is a good way to keep fresh. After having lunch with my friend tomorrow, I'll get to writing the Week 6 Observations piece and get it up ASAP.
This all starts with moving my white marker board to the other wall in my office area. It's something minor, but when you're me detail sometimes does matter.
Current Song - It Ain't Over Till It's Over (Lenny Kravitz)
When you get canned, naturally there is plenty of time to kill. Apparently not.
It's been a rough 48 hours for yours truly. Froze myself at Friday's football game. Had a low battery on my camera. Had trouble figuring out yard stripes. Somehow I was able to scrap together a game article. Somehow.
Message board babysitting stuff seems to be getting a little better. The job outlook, however, is like the wheels of justice - it turns slowly.
At least the car shouldn't have any more problems, now that most of the stuff has been fixed and was paid for. So I have that going for me. I am having lunch with a former colleague of mine tomorrow, too.
What I'm having an extremely difficult time with is preparation and time management. Perhaps having so much time on my hands has thrown me off-balance in this regard. I have a website to maintain, and it seems like I'm doing things on the fly.
Now that I'm off work, every waking moment from 8 a.m. to midnight is a battle between Dan and I for use of the computer. Then either Mike or Chris will pop in every now and again. I want to find a way that works out for all of us, but since the computer that I'm on is mine I get some more say in things.
As of right now the biggest thing that is on my mind is the operation of NISB. Finding a job (and sticking to the job-finding plan posted on here earlier) doesn't really take all that long to do. Next week should be another packed week with good-sized trips. Balancing this financial aspect of things takes time, and I kind of need that right now.
***
Here's what I want to establish with Danny as far as computer time is concerned:
I get the computer from 9 a.m. until either 5 p.m. (or earlier when I have to prepare to leave for a game). If I sleep in past 9 a.m., he can have it until I wake up. After 5 p.m. he can have it until he gets tired (or until I arrive back home from a sporting event).
When I'm on the computer, I'll put matters toward the website on first priority. I'll tell him that. Working hard within the high school sports arena is what's going to help me persue my desire to stay involved with it for as long as I want. When I get that through his head, he'll understand.
***
I want to wake up at 9 a.m. and begin working on website ideas and concepts for the day. I'm not planning on covering anything that night, so the day will be devoted to internal and technological website matters. When I get off at 5 p.m., Danny can have the computer and I can do some personal things.
From here on out, I will be thinking of things to do with the website. Sometimes reinventing things is a good way to keep fresh. After having lunch with my friend tomorrow, I'll get to writing the Week 6 Observations piece and get it up ASAP.
This all starts with moving my white marker board to the other wall in my office area. It's something minor, but when you're me detail sometimes does matter.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Just When It Couldn't Get Any Worse
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.92.90
Current Song - Sweetheart (Franke and the Knockouts)
The water pump on my car is broken.
Just a horrible string of bad luck just keeps on continuing. I don't know how much it costs to have a water pump replaced, but it's a very good chunk of what money I have left.
At least I have a bicycle.
Current Song - Sweetheart (Franke and the Knockouts)
The water pump on my car is broken.
Just a horrible string of bad luck just keeps on continuing. I don't know how much it costs to have a water pump replaced, but it's a very good chunk of what money I have left.
At least I have a bicycle.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Step Up The Game
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.72.90
Current Song - Love Is Blue (Paul Mauriat)
I may ben in an emotional whirlwhind at the moment, but I really do feel alright. I have applied at a couple of gas stations in the Sauk Valley, and may add in one more later in the week. I had to take a trip to these stations in order to scope them out and get a feel for how things are like at these places.
Yeah, I'm one of those people that likes to shop around for the perfect job. However, that is only because I want to be happy while I work. If I'm not happy working, I won't do a good job. That's just how my mind works. This is the same way I have tried to find girlfriends. Except the latter hasn't worked yet. Put me in an uncomfortable situation and I'll bolt.
I still haven't given up hope in this possible newspaper opening. However, just recently some other things have happened. All I will say about this is that it is time for me to step up my game as far as sportswriting is concerned.
The dream is not over. The other dream is also not over.
Current Song - Love Is Blue (Paul Mauriat)
I may ben in an emotional whirlwhind at the moment, but I really do feel alright. I have applied at a couple of gas stations in the Sauk Valley, and may add in one more later in the week. I had to take a trip to these stations in order to scope them out and get a feel for how things are like at these places.
Yeah, I'm one of those people that likes to shop around for the perfect job. However, that is only because I want to be happy while I work. If I'm not happy working, I won't do a good job. That's just how my mind works. This is the same way I have tried to find girlfriends. Except the latter hasn't worked yet. Put me in an uncomfortable situation and I'll bolt.
I still haven't given up hope in this possible newspaper opening. However, just recently some other things have happened. All I will say about this is that it is time for me to step up my game as far as sportswriting is concerned.
The dream is not over. The other dream is also not over.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Narrowing Things Down
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.42.90
Current Song - That Girl (Stevie Wonder)
Narrowed the choices down to three gas stations, that is if the newspaper thing doesn't go through. I'll give the newspaper some time to look thing over, but if I don't hear back soon I'll start moving on. If those three don't fly, I have one more option before going to Plan C in the Game Plan (the previous blog entry).
One of these stations has taken a lead, but could very well fall back into the same line as the other two.
Other than that, things are going well. I'm getting caught up on some things. Monday morning I will scope out the three stores and go on some other morning errands.
I've got a good coverage schedule lined up for this week on NISB.
I got a football piece to write for Monday, and then I'll be spending some time dealing with catch-up things before turning to high school sports for a while.
Current Song - That Girl (Stevie Wonder)
Narrowed the choices down to three gas stations, that is if the newspaper thing doesn't go through. I'll give the newspaper some time to look thing over, but if I don't hear back soon I'll start moving on. If those three don't fly, I have one more option before going to Plan C in the Game Plan (the previous blog entry).
One of these stations has taken a lead, but could very well fall back into the same line as the other two.
Other than that, things are going well. I'm getting caught up on some things. Monday morning I will scope out the three stores and go on some other morning errands.
I've got a good coverage schedule lined up for this week on NISB.
I got a football piece to write for Monday, and then I'll be spending some time dealing with catch-up things before turning to high school sports for a while.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Game Plan
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.20.90
Current Song - Simple Man (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
I went out on a walk at around 12:30 this morning. The purpose was to be able to think without distraction, about stretching what finances I have.
The walk quickly turned into a strategy for job inquiring. Along the walk, which was a good two of three miles long, I came up with a game plan toward getting back in the job world.
***
Objective No. 1 is to keep the dreams and goals intact. To do this, I will be focusing on two opposite ends: The here-and-now and the worst-case scenario.
Let's start with worst-case:
I cannot lose the Northern Illinois Sports Beat website, both physically and intellectually.
I am starting plans to fortify the website to prevent it from ceasing operation. At the worst-case, the website would have some changes in terms of content. Right now, I put in some money in order to keep the website as popular as it is. At the worst-case, it could be just me operating the entire website - which is nothing new, since I did it for a long time. The website would thus start fresh, and evolve into a new direction - and perhaps bring back some of the old.
Factoring in website costs, phone bills, gas money, and car insurance, if I remain unemployed I will empty the general fund no later than December, with only Christmas money keeping me from going bust after that. I'm not going to tell exactly how much money I have, but you get the picture.
I have established a couple of buoys in this downturn. One buoy will be the one that makes me go to a Temp Agency to work somewhere I really DO NOT feel like working at. The other buoy will be the time when I'll ask high school sports winter coaches if I could be of service in regards to video taping or statistics.
The here-and-now:
I am closer to getting the papers ready for inquiry into the possible newspaper void that I have discussed. The cover letter is done, the resume needs reviewed, the awards have yet to be copied, and I have one more clip to scan (the Tolstoy-ish piece that I wrote on the RF Softball team in '04). This should be finished by Tuesday night, and then I will immediately mail it.
If 10 days have passed with no response, or if there is an unfavorable response within those 10 days, I will move on toward looking elsewhere.
I noticed a favorable pinpoint on my drive from Big Bend yesterday, and that's the Casey's store in Erie looking for "positions." It seems like last time I went to Erie they were looking for people. That's a start, and I will try to see if there is anything closer before going after this.
I have been working at gas stations for five years, and that is the non-journalism position I feel most comfortable in right now. Erie is 25 miles away from home. I'll look at gas stations within a 25-mile radius (those I feel comfortable working at).
The first call will be to a gas station where a former co-worker of mine is now at. Given the circumstances of my departure from Shell, I will be attempting to see if there is a chance at even considering that particular chain. If that particular store isn't hiring, then I'll spread outward until I reach the 25-mile mark and then contact Erie.
If the gas stations have all been exhausted, then I'll look into the box stores in the Tri-city area. Then I'll start digging up the list of places that I tried applying to back in the summer of 2008 (my last stretch of unemployment).
If the box stores are exhausted, then the gas station radius will spread to 50 miles. If the 50-mile gas station radius is exhausted, then I'll extend the box-store radius to 50 miles. Cities included in this 50-mile radius include: Clinton (IA), the Quad Cities, the Rockford area, Kewanee, Princeton, LaSalle-Peru, Rochelle, DeKalb/Sycamore, Freeport, Oregon, Byron and Mendota.
By the time if any of these areas are exhausted (I would hope not), the first worst-case buoy should be reached.
If anything newspaper sports-like comes up during this time, I'll go after it and rework the game plan.
Your input is welcome.
***
Let's get out there, and FIGHT!
Current Song - Simple Man (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
I went out on a walk at around 12:30 this morning. The purpose was to be able to think without distraction, about stretching what finances I have.
The walk quickly turned into a strategy for job inquiring. Along the walk, which was a good two of three miles long, I came up with a game plan toward getting back in the job world.
***
Objective No. 1 is to keep the dreams and goals intact. To do this, I will be focusing on two opposite ends: The here-and-now and the worst-case scenario.
Let's start with worst-case:
I cannot lose the Northern Illinois Sports Beat website, both physically and intellectually.
I am starting plans to fortify the website to prevent it from ceasing operation. At the worst-case, the website would have some changes in terms of content. Right now, I put in some money in order to keep the website as popular as it is. At the worst-case, it could be just me operating the entire website - which is nothing new, since I did it for a long time. The website would thus start fresh, and evolve into a new direction - and perhaps bring back some of the old.
Factoring in website costs, phone bills, gas money, and car insurance, if I remain unemployed I will empty the general fund no later than December, with only Christmas money keeping me from going bust after that. I'm not going to tell exactly how much money I have, but you get the picture.
I have established a couple of buoys in this downturn. One buoy will be the one that makes me go to a Temp Agency to work somewhere I really DO NOT feel like working at. The other buoy will be the time when I'll ask high school sports winter coaches if I could be of service in regards to video taping or statistics.
The here-and-now:
I am closer to getting the papers ready for inquiry into the possible newspaper void that I have discussed. The cover letter is done, the resume needs reviewed, the awards have yet to be copied, and I have one more clip to scan (the Tolstoy-ish piece that I wrote on the RF Softball team in '04). This should be finished by Tuesday night, and then I will immediately mail it.
If 10 days have passed with no response, or if there is an unfavorable response within those 10 days, I will move on toward looking elsewhere.
I noticed a favorable pinpoint on my drive from Big Bend yesterday, and that's the Casey's store in Erie looking for "positions." It seems like last time I went to Erie they were looking for people. That's a start, and I will try to see if there is anything closer before going after this.
I have been working at gas stations for five years, and that is the non-journalism position I feel most comfortable in right now. Erie is 25 miles away from home. I'll look at gas stations within a 25-mile radius (those I feel comfortable working at).
The first call will be to a gas station where a former co-worker of mine is now at. Given the circumstances of my departure from Shell, I will be attempting to see if there is a chance at even considering that particular chain. If that particular store isn't hiring, then I'll spread outward until I reach the 25-mile mark and then contact Erie.
If the gas stations have all been exhausted, then I'll look into the box stores in the Tri-city area. Then I'll start digging up the list of places that I tried applying to back in the summer of 2008 (my last stretch of unemployment).
If the box stores are exhausted, then the gas station radius will spread to 50 miles. If the 50-mile gas station radius is exhausted, then I'll extend the box-store radius to 50 miles. Cities included in this 50-mile radius include: Clinton (IA), the Quad Cities, the Rockford area, Kewanee, Princeton, LaSalle-Peru, Rochelle, DeKalb/Sycamore, Freeport, Oregon, Byron and Mendota.
By the time if any of these areas are exhausted (I would hope not), the first worst-case buoy should be reached.
If anything newspaper sports-like comes up during this time, I'll go after it and rework the game plan.
Your input is welcome.
***
Let's get out there, and FIGHT!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Good Time To Catch Up On Things
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.91.90
Current Song - Baker Street (Gerry Rafferty)
One of the best things about not working at the moment is that I can get caught up on personal things.
One of the personal things I've been working on lately is to get in better shape. I'm not surrounded by packaged food at work anymore, so this eliminates the temptations. Also when hungry from work, I would make a trip to a drive-thru. Now that I'm on a tight budget, that overrules the fast food chains. I literally can't spend the money.
I'm also going to be a little lax on the games that I cover in the next couple of weeks, but still at the same coverage rate. Football will still be normal. Less trips - less money to spend.
Another way to cut back on spending is to not drive the car on in-town trips. The bike will be used for such, unless I bunch errands into an out-of-town trip.
All of which should help me feel better physically.
Today I plan on walking through Big Bend State Park in Prophetstown. I've been there a few times, but never really walked around it. While there, in town, I'm going to pick up a couple of newspapers. You know what for.
Tomorrow is a girls golf meet at Emerald Hill. The bicycle will be used. Let's see if this can hold up.
Current Song - Baker Street (Gerry Rafferty)
One of the best things about not working at the moment is that I can get caught up on personal things.
One of the personal things I've been working on lately is to get in better shape. I'm not surrounded by packaged food at work anymore, so this eliminates the temptations. Also when hungry from work, I would make a trip to a drive-thru. Now that I'm on a tight budget, that overrules the fast food chains. I literally can't spend the money.
I'm also going to be a little lax on the games that I cover in the next couple of weeks, but still at the same coverage rate. Football will still be normal. Less trips - less money to spend.
Another way to cut back on spending is to not drive the car on in-town trips. The bike will be used for such, unless I bunch errands into an out-of-town trip.
All of which should help me feel better physically.
Today I plan on walking through Big Bend State Park in Prophetstown. I've been there a few times, but never really walked around it. While there, in town, I'm going to pick up a couple of newspapers. You know what for.
Tomorrow is a girls golf meet at Emerald Hill. The bicycle will be used. Let's see if this can hold up.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Partial Lead
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.71.90
Current Song - Stranglehold (Ted Nugent)
I looked in a little deeper into that newspaper opening that has been discussed. After getting some info, the said roster spot may or may not be open. When I see or hear "may or may not be open", I have to treat that as if it was open.
The cover letter is in the works, and the resume needs to be polished and updated. I'm going to choose from five works to submit as well.
Of course, if I do get this position, what will happen to NISB? During my time with SVN, I was allowed to operate the NISB Message Boards (from June to September of 2004, NISB was just a message board). It just depends on what happens.
Current Song - Stranglehold (Ted Nugent)
I looked in a little deeper into that newspaper opening that has been discussed. After getting some info, the said roster spot may or may not be open. When I see or hear "may or may not be open", I have to treat that as if it was open.
The cover letter is in the works, and the resume needs to be polished and updated. I'm going to choose from five works to submit as well.
Of course, if I do get this position, what will happen to NISB? During my time with SVN, I was allowed to operate the NISB Message Boards (from June to September of 2004, NISB was just a message board). It just depends on what happens.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Plenty of Catch-up Time
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.61.90
Current Song - Something About You (Level 42)
I think I now have more time to write in this Blog because of what all happened.
I've since asked about that newspaper void, and circled a couple of different routes. One temporary route is still in the works, and is about 50-50 as of right now.
With the extra time, I took to one of my "Stretching Sportsfan Dollars" topics. (Who would have thought I would have to use them). I made a trip to both the Sterling and Rock Falls libraries and looked at some books that featured ways to save money. I'm not making any, so it's probably best for me to hold on to what I got.
Then I made a trip to the Silver dealer. Once in a grand while I would find silver in the cash register and trade it with a coin from my car. Well, since I'm not going to be surfing cash registers anymore, I figured I'd sell them. One quarter, two dimes and three war nickels - all for $8. It's right about what I expected.
I was going to make a trip to the Chamber of Commerce and put in an advertisement for the rummage sale I plan on having (as a part of Garage Sale Days on 9/24-25). Like I said, some things I kinda need to part with. The rummage sale is similar to the one I had in June - various knick-knacks, sports cards, and the keyboard. The Chamber is asking for $10.00 for the ad in its flyer (which it distributes to local businesses). If I can simply save that $10.00 and print out flyers on my own and place them places, it will be an improvement over last time with no advertising at all (except for two pieces of posterboard).
As far as fuel goes, the next two weeks I only plan on leaving the Twin Cities on two occasions. Everything else, such as Sterling events, will either be on bike or by foot.
Playing tactical analysis such as this can be stressful, too.
Current Song - Something About You (Level 42)
I think I now have more time to write in this Blog because of what all happened.
I've since asked about that newspaper void, and circled a couple of different routes. One temporary route is still in the works, and is about 50-50 as of right now.
With the extra time, I took to one of my "Stretching Sportsfan Dollars" topics. (Who would have thought I would have to use them). I made a trip to both the Sterling and Rock Falls libraries and looked at some books that featured ways to save money. I'm not making any, so it's probably best for me to hold on to what I got.
Then I made a trip to the Silver dealer. Once in a grand while I would find silver in the cash register and trade it with a coin from my car. Well, since I'm not going to be surfing cash registers anymore, I figured I'd sell them. One quarter, two dimes and three war nickels - all for $8. It's right about what I expected.
I was going to make a trip to the Chamber of Commerce and put in an advertisement for the rummage sale I plan on having (as a part of Garage Sale Days on 9/24-25). Like I said, some things I kinda need to part with. The rummage sale is similar to the one I had in June - various knick-knacks, sports cards, and the keyboard. The Chamber is asking for $10.00 for the ad in its flyer (which it distributes to local businesses). If I can simply save that $10.00 and print out flyers on my own and place them places, it will be an improvement over last time with no advertising at all (except for two pieces of posterboard).
As far as fuel goes, the next two weeks I only plan on leaving the Twin Cities on two occasions. Everything else, such as Sterling events, will either be on bike or by foot.
Playing tactical analysis such as this can be stressful, too.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Terrible Ordeal I've Been Going Through
I have posted on Facebook in the past couple of days that I was going through some extremely difficult times, and needed some support of any kind. However, I didn't tell anyone exactly what happened.
Right now, I will explain what happened. This is not a complete record of such, as there are some things I would not like to reveal in the blog entry at this current time – such as the names of people.
You'll only fully understand if you read the entire thing.
***
Ever since leaving the Gazette/Telegraph seven years ago, I always wanted to find some way to get back into the newspaper world (not journalism world, but newspaper world – there's a difference). Northern Illinois Sports Beat, the website that I run, was established to help me keep my journalism skills fresh and up-to-date.
Since writing things seemed to go very well for me (c. 2002), I always wanted to work for the local newspaper and one day be its sports editor. I came close to that ultimate dream seat when I joined the local paper for a part-time position in April of 2004.
That run ended and I was back to school for my senior year of high school. At the time my academics were not all that great, and they were the prime priority. But I figured that one day I shall return to the seat and cubicle that I once occupied at Sauk Valley Newspapers.
As most of you know, journalism has had a bunch of lows since 2004. Seven years and no real opportunity came along. There had been several openings throughout the NISB coverage area, but I simply wasn't ready to give up NISB and make that transition. I've had arguments with good friends over the fact that I can't simply just up and leave the home that I live in, and my parents own, in Sterling.
However, a possible opening was brought to my attention during the Saturday of high school football's Week 1 by a newspaper friend of mine. An opening at his paper was filled by someone else from a nearby paper, thus creating this void at this “nearby” paper. So at that time I knew this situation existed, and didn't think much of it because it was so early in the season and website plans would be paramount over anything.
The following week, out of the blue, I get asked about this newspaper opening while covering another football game. How my friend knew about the potential void I will never know. I tell him, “well I don't know, I have the website and all that.”
The week after that, someone else that I know heard something along the line of “I turned down the job offer at this newspaper.” One, there was no job offer – thus making this whole thing nothing more than a rumor. This person tells someone close to me, who tells another person close to me.
The latter person, always wanting the best of me and for me to follow my true dreams, is angry that I supposedly “turned down” this opportunity. A drive to the Shell station that I work out was apparently needed in order to inform me of my “stupid decision.”
We are arguing back and forth – no raised voices or anything – about the fact that I should have jumped at this offer. I point out that there was never a job offer and such was pretty much a rumor that I had “turned them down.”
As all of this is unfolding, I become absolutely flustered, confused, distraught, and blindsided enough to focus away from my duties as Shell gas station clerk. My autistic mind is mentally cramming, Aspergian style.
Then a customer buys a six-pack of Bud Light in bottles.
The a couple of minutes later, a couple of guys with clipboards come in.
The customer who bought the Bud Light was underage, and I didn't even think of carding him because of my mental state brought forth by this arguing.
Bottom line, I just sold alcohol to a minor.
I tell my adversary in this argument to “Get out.”
The bad news hit me hard. I cried. I didn't want to work the rest of the night. I went home early.
September 12, 2011. This, folks, would be the final night that Cody Cutter worked at the Shell gas station. Three years and 42 days.
Due to the seriousness of the offense, I had to be fired. My boss didn't want to fire me, and even the owner didn't want to fire me, all because apparently I had been a good worker and a loyal employee in the three years I had been there. However, the decision was the owner's, and he was going along the line of “If I gave you an exception, I would have to give everyone else an exception.” Which is very true in this case because I knew a lot of Shell workers.
During the cop's arrival that night, he had made a comment to me that I handled the situation very calmly – and that most others when they fail get all up and arms about the problem. I didn't scream, I didn't get pissed off, and I simply accepted the fact that this would be my final night at Shell. At the same time, I didn't want to hold off telling my boss what had happened. I called her and woke her up to tell her this. I felt this was the right thing to do, to admit it immediately and up-front.
I have been teary-eyed every moment since, and am teary-eyed as I type this. After some comforting by my parents, I'm still teary-eyed.
Meanwhile, the person that I was arguing with is in a world of hurt because of what had just happened to me. And this was because the need to address the situation had to be urgent, apparently. Please let it be known to everyone that while it cost me my job, I will always be close. I do not want anyone to hurt this person in any way. No rifts. Always close. Always. Forever.
***
As of Tuesday afternoon I am a free agent.
Now begins the search for another job. Already there are a couple of avenues that have opened up for me. One is something I had done before. Another is a one-off opportunity. Another is something I had never done before. One is close. Another is far. A quick look at the classifieds reveals things that I just cannot do. The best shot out of that listing was an opening for sales and delivery for the big ice business out of the town of Ohio.
So any help is greatly appreciated.
However, there is one better avenue that is worth persuing.
The whole point of that argument.
If I can get my mind straightened out, I'll look into that newspaper job. What that will mean for Northern Illinois Sports Beat is unclear. My best guess is that if I get this newspaper job, I will ask to retain the Message Boards. I'll have to shut down the content side of things, if I get this job, because of competition reasons.
Two years ago, I created an NISB Transition Plan that I simply made mention of in that year's State of the Site Address, but never publically revealed. The Transition Plan is the emergency operations of NISB when I am unable to run the website. So plans are in place when and if the time comes up. But the prime mission of the Transition Plan is to ensure the survival of Northern Illinois Sports Beat if and when I am gone.
Who knows what is going to happen right now.
However, I feel somewhat compelled to improve my life in this aspect. I hated, hated, hated, having to prioritize work, school and prep sports. Absolutely hated it. School is now out of the question until I get restabilized. I want to be happy and at peace with myself while making money and building my life. I feel that I'm happy and at peace when I'm out there writing about high school sports, and interacting with these people. I have mentioned on here many times that the sportswriters and media types that I cover games with are whom I consider my true circle of friends.
Cash flow is extremely critical right now. I have nothing coming in after the final paycheck, and have expenses and interests that I can try and squeeze somehow.
What's best about this is that I can kick the lottery habit, and the fast food habit. I have plenty of time right now to take some walks and at least try to get myself in some sort of shape. You see, I can find ways to turn these big negatives into positives that will help me. That is how, and why, I will fight through this whole ordeal.
I told my boss, “something good will come out of this,” and I will be on my way toward making that so.
Right now, I will explain what happened. This is not a complete record of such, as there are some things I would not like to reveal in the blog entry at this current time – such as the names of people.
You'll only fully understand if you read the entire thing.
***
Ever since leaving the Gazette/Telegraph seven years ago, I always wanted to find some way to get back into the newspaper world (not journalism world, but newspaper world – there's a difference). Northern Illinois Sports Beat, the website that I run, was established to help me keep my journalism skills fresh and up-to-date.
Since writing things seemed to go very well for me (c. 2002), I always wanted to work for the local newspaper and one day be its sports editor. I came close to that ultimate dream seat when I joined the local paper for a part-time position in April of 2004.
That run ended and I was back to school for my senior year of high school. At the time my academics were not all that great, and they were the prime priority. But I figured that one day I shall return to the seat and cubicle that I once occupied at Sauk Valley Newspapers.
As most of you know, journalism has had a bunch of lows since 2004. Seven years and no real opportunity came along. There had been several openings throughout the NISB coverage area, but I simply wasn't ready to give up NISB and make that transition. I've had arguments with good friends over the fact that I can't simply just up and leave the home that I live in, and my parents own, in Sterling.
However, a possible opening was brought to my attention during the Saturday of high school football's Week 1 by a newspaper friend of mine. An opening at his paper was filled by someone else from a nearby paper, thus creating this void at this “nearby” paper. So at that time I knew this situation existed, and didn't think much of it because it was so early in the season and website plans would be paramount over anything.
The following week, out of the blue, I get asked about this newspaper opening while covering another football game. How my friend knew about the potential void I will never know. I tell him, “well I don't know, I have the website and all that.”
The week after that, someone else that I know heard something along the line of “I turned down the job offer at this newspaper.” One, there was no job offer – thus making this whole thing nothing more than a rumor. This person tells someone close to me, who tells another person close to me.
The latter person, always wanting the best of me and for me to follow my true dreams, is angry that I supposedly “turned down” this opportunity. A drive to the Shell station that I work out was apparently needed in order to inform me of my “stupid decision.”
We are arguing back and forth – no raised voices or anything – about the fact that I should have jumped at this offer. I point out that there was never a job offer and such was pretty much a rumor that I had “turned them down.”
As all of this is unfolding, I become absolutely flustered, confused, distraught, and blindsided enough to focus away from my duties as Shell gas station clerk. My autistic mind is mentally cramming, Aspergian style.
Then a customer buys a six-pack of Bud Light in bottles.
The a couple of minutes later, a couple of guys with clipboards come in.
The customer who bought the Bud Light was underage, and I didn't even think of carding him because of my mental state brought forth by this arguing.
Bottom line, I just sold alcohol to a minor.
I tell my adversary in this argument to “Get out.”
The bad news hit me hard. I cried. I didn't want to work the rest of the night. I went home early.
September 12, 2011. This, folks, would be the final night that Cody Cutter worked at the Shell gas station. Three years and 42 days.
Due to the seriousness of the offense, I had to be fired. My boss didn't want to fire me, and even the owner didn't want to fire me, all because apparently I had been a good worker and a loyal employee in the three years I had been there. However, the decision was the owner's, and he was going along the line of “If I gave you an exception, I would have to give everyone else an exception.” Which is very true in this case because I knew a lot of Shell workers.
During the cop's arrival that night, he had made a comment to me that I handled the situation very calmly – and that most others when they fail get all up and arms about the problem. I didn't scream, I didn't get pissed off, and I simply accepted the fact that this would be my final night at Shell. At the same time, I didn't want to hold off telling my boss what had happened. I called her and woke her up to tell her this. I felt this was the right thing to do, to admit it immediately and up-front.
I have been teary-eyed every moment since, and am teary-eyed as I type this. After some comforting by my parents, I'm still teary-eyed.
Meanwhile, the person that I was arguing with is in a world of hurt because of what had just happened to me. And this was because the need to address the situation had to be urgent, apparently. Please let it be known to everyone that while it cost me my job, I will always be close. I do not want anyone to hurt this person in any way. No rifts. Always close. Always. Forever.
***
As of Tuesday afternoon I am a free agent.
Now begins the search for another job. Already there are a couple of avenues that have opened up for me. One is something I had done before. Another is a one-off opportunity. Another is something I had never done before. One is close. Another is far. A quick look at the classifieds reveals things that I just cannot do. The best shot out of that listing was an opening for sales and delivery for the big ice business out of the town of Ohio.
So any help is greatly appreciated.
However, there is one better avenue that is worth persuing.
The whole point of that argument.
If I can get my mind straightened out, I'll look into that newspaper job. What that will mean for Northern Illinois Sports Beat is unclear. My best guess is that if I get this newspaper job, I will ask to retain the Message Boards. I'll have to shut down the content side of things, if I get this job, because of competition reasons.
Two years ago, I created an NISB Transition Plan that I simply made mention of in that year's State of the Site Address, but never publically revealed. The Transition Plan is the emergency operations of NISB when I am unable to run the website. So plans are in place when and if the time comes up. But the prime mission of the Transition Plan is to ensure the survival of Northern Illinois Sports Beat if and when I am gone.
Who knows what is going to happen right now.
However, I feel somewhat compelled to improve my life in this aspect. I hated, hated, hated, having to prioritize work, school and prep sports. Absolutely hated it. School is now out of the question until I get restabilized. I want to be happy and at peace with myself while making money and building my life. I feel that I'm happy and at peace when I'm out there writing about high school sports, and interacting with these people. I have mentioned on here many times that the sportswriters and media types that I cover games with are whom I consider my true circle of friends.
Cash flow is extremely critical right now. I have nothing coming in after the final paycheck, and have expenses and interests that I can try and squeeze somehow.
What's best about this is that I can kick the lottery habit, and the fast food habit. I have plenty of time right now to take some walks and at least try to get myself in some sort of shape. You see, I can find ways to turn these big negatives into positives that will help me. That is how, and why, I will fight through this whole ordeal.
I told my boss, “something good will come out of this,” and I will be on my way toward making that so.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
10th Anniversary of 9/11
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.11.90
Why do we seem to place a connection between us and national tragedy?
When hearing the question of “Where were you when Jack Kennedy was shot?” asked to those older than me, I wondered why their location had anything to do with what went on in Dallas.
However, over time those that learned about it knew why it was worth asking – it was one of the first tragic national events to unfold over national television. President Kennedy had not yet died when the news broke, and people had one ear on the news and the other elsewhere.
My grandparents, fresh out of high school together, were transitioning into the next phase in their lives in November 1963. I was just getting used to high school life as a freshman in September 2001, and considered it a key transition in my life at that time.
You had to have understood what had just happened in order to realize how much these tragic events change what you see around you.
Where were you when Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot? Where were you when the Challenger exploded? Where were you when the Oklahoma City Bombing took place?
The earliest one I can truthfully answer is the question of where I was on September 11, 2001. Challenger took place two months before I was born, and I never really understood what had happened when the Murrah Building was blown up.
Like most Americans, I remember where I was when I heard the news of the attacks on 9/11/01.
Technically, Flight 11 hit the North Tower while I was getting books out of my locker on the first floor of Sterling High School. The time was 7:46, and I was never in a great hurry to get to my first-hour class. This class was considered a divided Humanities block, where first hour was the english and literature part of it, and the second hour was the world history part of it. I was never into literature, and dreaded going to the class.
The school day started at 8:00 with the morning announcements. No mention of the attacks were said. (At that time, CNN had broken in but the events that unfolded were considered nothing more than a plane hitting the World Trade Center. We didn't know that it was a planned attack until an hour later.) Throughout this literature class, no mention was made on a plane hitting the tower. This was an age before text messaging became popular on cell phones, and before Blackberrys. We were immensed in analysis on Homer's Odyssey the entire time.
So when 8:03 came and Flight 175 hit the South Tower, we were handing in Monday's homework or something like that. Furthermore, when Flight 77 crashed into the Pentagon, there was still more Odyssey talk.
First hour ended at 8:50, and there was an unusually loud pre-passing period hallway in the minutes before class. Our teacher at the time didn't like the fact that we would prepare to leave the classroom at 8:48 and hear zippers zip up and down and books being put away.
We were just leaving the classroom when the group of students coming in talked about how a plane had hit the World Trade Center. How they knew about it, I didn't know at the time.
The way this Humanities block works out is that one group starts with the world history class (at the other end of the school) and another starts with the literature part (my part). We switch rooms and teachers with the passing period, so almost everyone that was in the World History part of class was at the doorway when I left the literature class.
When we moved to our World History part of the block, Mr. Walton already had the radio on ABC News. This class wasn't all that time-consuming, meaning there was some free time during pockets of class. When that happened, Mr. Walton was on his computer or calling other teachers. That's how he knew of all of this before my literature teacher did.
During the first part of the history class, we were informed as to just how serious this really was. That it just isn't coinsidence that two planes hit both WTC buildings, and another hits the Pentagon.
There I was, three seats from the first row in Room 225. Appx. 8:55 a.m. Because of my mental condition (Asperger's Syndrome), I could not feel the impact of 9/11 that everyone else around me feels. I still cannot feel that impact of 9/11. Apparently it's an impact. People ask me why I can't feel it and simply come to the immediate conclusion that I don't have a soul; the “I felt it, therefore” theory.
ABC News was the first to report that the South Tower had collapsed (at 8:59) and we were listening ot it, and that was just before I had clawed back into reality after trying to figure out what had just happened.
The only phrase I can truly recall from Peter Jennings was the following, “The Southern Tower, 10:00 Eastern Time this morning, just collapsing on itself.”
Mr. Walton had the radio play all class, and thus the normal curriculum was put on hold. The same thing for Mr. Brown's health class the next period. During that class, an announcement was made that our Auditorium would be open for showing of news coverage until a certain time.
I didn't have any stunned looks on my face. My first reaction to hearing that the attacks were of a terrorist nature was a simple "whoa." I didn't cry, wave a flag, or anything like that. My thought process was: now the US is going to find the guys responsible, and have something similar to the Nuremberg Trials. A war may happen, too.
When I made my way to the auditorium, I noticed others were also going down. I wasn't doing well in health class, or next period's Spanish class also. The news reports kind of made it sound like the prelude to the Spanish-American War. Okay, we're going to have another Spanish-American War, but with the country that did this.
To those who have read all of this so far, it may seem as if I have no soul. I'm simply recalling my thoughts of the day. The reason I didn't get sad or anything was because it didn't effect Cody Cutter personally. So after sitting through all of the reactions, I began to wonder for a minute why my reactions were not the same as those persons on television. Why is everyone else reacting like this, and I'm not?
I think my reactions were missing because I didn't want to feel weak at the moment. I wanted to keep my head up and move on to justice. Sure, I acknowledged the horrors and the losses, but I didn't want that to change my life. I didn't want any outside force to change my life.
When we saw the video glimpse of a man with a turban and long beard (at the news reports in the Auditorium), "Is that the guy that did it?" was heard. No, I'm not going to let that guy throw me off-balance.
While everyone else was thrown off-balance with the news, I clung on to my axis and didn't move. You can pain me, but I'm not going to sit there and cry about it. I prefer fighting back. The Asperger's in me calls it a simple process of “do” and “do this” and life continues on. Business as usual. At times I even had this “why is everyone trying to cram this thing down by throat” feeling.
I wanted to remain strong, and still be able to think "oh my goodness" a little bit. With the news of Osama Bin Laden's death, and seeing the throngs of crowds everywhere, I began to think back at my inital reaction to 9/11. I didn't feel a thing then, and I didn't feel a thing that Sunday night.
But as the recent news events went on, it made me wonder about who I was and why I am who I am. Even as this 10th Anniversary goes on, I get that feeling still.
Since I didn't have an inital reaction to 9/11, my mindset since that Tuesday morning remains a pre-9/11 mindset. My current mindset is still pre-9/11. I was wondering why all these people were acting the way they were. I began to become more curious about why people think and act the way they do. At first I thought this was a growing-up process, but the more I think about it perhaps 9/11 made me think more psychologically about people. Are they trying to push me around?
Because I had no initial reaction to 9/11, people looked at me real differently (moreso than usual). Here I am, looking from the outside into the post-9/11 mindset that is around all of you. People are valuing things more than they did before. I just haven't found a way to do that yet.
A crime? With this mental condition of mine, am I guilty?
Why do we seem to place a connection between us and national tragedy?
When hearing the question of “Where were you when Jack Kennedy was shot?” asked to those older than me, I wondered why their location had anything to do with what went on in Dallas.
However, over time those that learned about it knew why it was worth asking – it was one of the first tragic national events to unfold over national television. President Kennedy had not yet died when the news broke, and people had one ear on the news and the other elsewhere.
My grandparents, fresh out of high school together, were transitioning into the next phase in their lives in November 1963. I was just getting used to high school life as a freshman in September 2001, and considered it a key transition in my life at that time.
You had to have understood what had just happened in order to realize how much these tragic events change what you see around you.
Where were you when Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot? Where were you when the Challenger exploded? Where were you when the Oklahoma City Bombing took place?
The earliest one I can truthfully answer is the question of where I was on September 11, 2001. Challenger took place two months before I was born, and I never really understood what had happened when the Murrah Building was blown up.
Like most Americans, I remember where I was when I heard the news of the attacks on 9/11/01.
Technically, Flight 11 hit the North Tower while I was getting books out of my locker on the first floor of Sterling High School. The time was 7:46, and I was never in a great hurry to get to my first-hour class. This class was considered a divided Humanities block, where first hour was the english and literature part of it, and the second hour was the world history part of it. I was never into literature, and dreaded going to the class.
The school day started at 8:00 with the morning announcements. No mention of the attacks were said. (At that time, CNN had broken in but the events that unfolded were considered nothing more than a plane hitting the World Trade Center. We didn't know that it was a planned attack until an hour later.) Throughout this literature class, no mention was made on a plane hitting the tower. This was an age before text messaging became popular on cell phones, and before Blackberrys. We were immensed in analysis on Homer's Odyssey the entire time.
So when 8:03 came and Flight 175 hit the South Tower, we were handing in Monday's homework or something like that. Furthermore, when Flight 77 crashed into the Pentagon, there was still more Odyssey talk.
First hour ended at 8:50, and there was an unusually loud pre-passing period hallway in the minutes before class. Our teacher at the time didn't like the fact that we would prepare to leave the classroom at 8:48 and hear zippers zip up and down and books being put away.
We were just leaving the classroom when the group of students coming in talked about how a plane had hit the World Trade Center. How they knew about it, I didn't know at the time.
The way this Humanities block works out is that one group starts with the world history class (at the other end of the school) and another starts with the literature part (my part). We switch rooms and teachers with the passing period, so almost everyone that was in the World History part of class was at the doorway when I left the literature class.
When we moved to our World History part of the block, Mr. Walton already had the radio on ABC News. This class wasn't all that time-consuming, meaning there was some free time during pockets of class. When that happened, Mr. Walton was on his computer or calling other teachers. That's how he knew of all of this before my literature teacher did.
During the first part of the history class, we were informed as to just how serious this really was. That it just isn't coinsidence that two planes hit both WTC buildings, and another hits the Pentagon.
There I was, three seats from the first row in Room 225. Appx. 8:55 a.m. Because of my mental condition (Asperger's Syndrome), I could not feel the impact of 9/11 that everyone else around me feels. I still cannot feel that impact of 9/11. Apparently it's an impact. People ask me why I can't feel it and simply come to the immediate conclusion that I don't have a soul; the “I felt it, therefore” theory.
ABC News was the first to report that the South Tower had collapsed (at 8:59) and we were listening ot it, and that was just before I had clawed back into reality after trying to figure out what had just happened.
The only phrase I can truly recall from Peter Jennings was the following, “The Southern Tower, 10:00 Eastern Time this morning, just collapsing on itself.”
Mr. Walton had the radio play all class, and thus the normal curriculum was put on hold. The same thing for Mr. Brown's health class the next period. During that class, an announcement was made that our Auditorium would be open for showing of news coverage until a certain time.
I didn't have any stunned looks on my face. My first reaction to hearing that the attacks were of a terrorist nature was a simple "whoa." I didn't cry, wave a flag, or anything like that. My thought process was: now the US is going to find the guys responsible, and have something similar to the Nuremberg Trials. A war may happen, too.
When I made my way to the auditorium, I noticed others were also going down. I wasn't doing well in health class, or next period's Spanish class also. The news reports kind of made it sound like the prelude to the Spanish-American War. Okay, we're going to have another Spanish-American War, but with the country that did this.
To those who have read all of this so far, it may seem as if I have no soul. I'm simply recalling my thoughts of the day. The reason I didn't get sad or anything was because it didn't effect Cody Cutter personally. So after sitting through all of the reactions, I began to wonder for a minute why my reactions were not the same as those persons on television. Why is everyone else reacting like this, and I'm not?
I think my reactions were missing because I didn't want to feel weak at the moment. I wanted to keep my head up and move on to justice. Sure, I acknowledged the horrors and the losses, but I didn't want that to change my life. I didn't want any outside force to change my life.
When we saw the video glimpse of a man with a turban and long beard (at the news reports in the Auditorium), "Is that the guy that did it?" was heard. No, I'm not going to let that guy throw me off-balance.
While everyone else was thrown off-balance with the news, I clung on to my axis and didn't move. You can pain me, but I'm not going to sit there and cry about it. I prefer fighting back. The Asperger's in me calls it a simple process of “do” and “do this” and life continues on. Business as usual. At times I even had this “why is everyone trying to cram this thing down by throat” feeling.
I wanted to remain strong, and still be able to think "oh my goodness" a little bit. With the news of Osama Bin Laden's death, and seeing the throngs of crowds everywhere, I began to think back at my inital reaction to 9/11. I didn't feel a thing then, and I didn't feel a thing that Sunday night.
But as the recent news events went on, it made me wonder about who I was and why I am who I am. Even as this 10th Anniversary goes on, I get that feeling still.
Since I didn't have an inital reaction to 9/11, my mindset since that Tuesday morning remains a pre-9/11 mindset. My current mindset is still pre-9/11. I was wondering why all these people were acting the way they were. I began to become more curious about why people think and act the way they do. At first I thought this was a growing-up process, but the more I think about it perhaps 9/11 made me think more psychologically about people. Are they trying to push me around?
Because I had no initial reaction to 9/11, people looked at me real differently (moreso than usual). Here I am, looking from the outside into the post-9/11 mindset that is around all of you. People are valuing things more than they did before. I just haven't found a way to do that yet.
A crime? With this mental condition of mine, am I guilty?
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