Heart Shaped Box

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.20.21
Current Song - She's Always A Woman (Billy Joel)

In the past couple of days, I had attempted to reconnect with someone that I consider my No. 1 crush from my school days. We've exchanged a couple of messages.

I mention this in the entry titled, All Crush Remnants Have Been Eradicated

It's been hard to let go of her, but through this communication I think we were able to let go at the same time.

My love life, having strung numerous crushes on girls for 21 years, had finally been locked away. Now is the time to build a new one, using the experiences - both failure and success - to help build the foundation to hopefully find the girl (now lady) I've been looking for. And all as, hopefully, a much lighter person that I am now in terms of my size.

***

Not too long ago I was trying to find a picture of a girl, one I had a big crush on, that I have known for years. She gave it to me after I wrote a letter to her about how much she meant to me. The back of the picture had "Thank you for your letter, it made me smile." I used it as a bookmark at one time, but after digging around everywhere in my new house I just could not find it.

While digging through boxes in my attic, I stumbled across old graduation invitations. I was only invited to five graduation parties in 2005: three girls and two boys - and all from Rock Falls. Along with the invitations were "Thank You" cards from the girls. I couldn't help but re-read them. Two of them signed with a heart. These mementos were scattered in a box, and I wanted to find a smaller one to isolate them.

For years I kept an empty heart-shaped chocolate box in my desk: a Whitman's "Solo" sampler. While I had many traces of memories of my girls from Rock Falls, I had very little from my Sterling girls. The only real concrete memory would be my Fifth Grade Diary. I had to read that once more as well.

(The Fifth Grade Diary would be my first foray into journal writing, eight years before the launch of this Blog in 2005, and would document much of the second half of 5th Grade)

That led me to the girl that I consider my No. 1 crush. If I couldn't find that one picture I had been looking for, perhaps I had one somewhere of this one. Turns out I did, but only in a bunch of old discarded high school yearbook photos.

She was the one I sent that final Love Letter to. I sent it in August, and never heard back from her. I thought back to that letter, and wanted to devote a day toward trying to get that. That was yesterday. During this process, any doubt that existed of her not being No. 1 were forever erased. Then, with her help, I was able to let go.

That gave me a good idea for this heart-shaped box.

When I get done with this Blog entry, I will be writing endlessly about me and her. Then I'll stuff the printed copy, and this picture, into this heart-shaped box.

Then I'll find another box, and gather all of those graduation invitations and thank-you cards. Also to be put into the box are copies of the letters I sent to all of the Rock Falls softball girls at graduation - which are actually rough drafts (and chronicles much deeper feelings). Plus, two softball game balls that the girls gave to me after their freshman-season ending game against Belvidere. Then endless photos and such. An old Top 50 List from middle school. Printed copies of my Blog entry about the 10th Anniversary of the Geneseo Bikeride (both the Blog version, and the NISB website version).

Also to be put in the box are all my 2nd grade "Get Well" cards, one of which was made by a future crush, as well as copies of Merrill yearbook pages, containing two particiular girls.

Lastly, an index of all of the girls I ever had a crush on. I've held back on the names, until now. I'm only giving out initals because of confidentiality, but I know some initals are more recognizable than others. You can play a guessing game with these, I guess. Some of these girls know. Some don't. And for those that don't, don't worry it was a long time ago when we were all going through the motions. Each time I tried to let her know my feelings, but almost each time I had failed.

This is in timeline order, starting with the first girl I liked 21 years ago and moving on (except for the "three"):

M. G.
K. O.
J. B.
S. H.
S. S.
S. C.
C. H.
K.  B.
J. T.
B. J.
J. V.
S. B.
M. K.
A. T.
K. G.
K. H.
T. G.
C. R. K. M.
A. L.
T. M.
J. C.
R. N.
L. B.
- I haven't had an active crush since the Spring of 2010

The 3 that I couldn't let go of for years, until recently:

Jennifer M.
Emily C.
and finally,
Amber C.

I do want to make one thing clear: I am not taking my entire memory of these girls and locking it away in a box. Rather just any memories of love and only up to this point (barring any future interactions). The friendships will continue, I hope, and I always wish the best for them and would do anything for them if they ever asked me to.

If you're reading this and your initals not listed, I'm sorry but that's all I can recall. I think there are more that had crushes on me, but I never knew of them at the time, or never could quite figure it out, or knew much later on. Just for the heck of it, I'm interested in hearing some of THOSE names pop up. I think only 2 or 3 names are on both lists.

I shall go write some more, put the box together, and find a place to store it.

And then flying free as a bird to construct a new timeline of love searching.

(Oh, and perhaps that lost picture will turn up soon - then I'll have to reopen this box.)

Enough Is Enough, And It's Time To Change

Cutter's Log - Special Entry

It bears repeating, but it's the truth. This has been a very difficult time for me.

One year ago, I considered myself to be at the bottom of my world. I was without a job, and it was difficult for me to find something up my alley. It was either try to fight through something I knew I couldn't do, or continue to hold out and wait to find light at the end of the tunnel.

It was at last year's IHSA football state finals when I felt renewed in a way. Or, at least I felt that way. It turned out to be a disaster for me personally, and during the summer I had to put on the brakes and start all over again. I rambled for 30 minutes on a video about how things were going to change on NISB, and put a plan in place for this year.

I'm still trying to recover from that seven-month period that I was out of work. Then I got an opportunity I couldn't pass up: my own house.

For years I had tried to multi-task things and be flexible. I am now coming to the realization that this is putting a pain on me. There is simply too much to do right now. Managing a home – something that I have to do for the rest of my life – is becoming more and more of a priority. Factor in my real job into this and there's literally little time to devote to things that I need to focus on.

This gives me a headache when trying to do that and keep a commitment to a website that I consider my presence in the high school sports scene and news media scene.

Fighting some back pain, a minor headache, some stomach issues, a questionable transmission in my car, little sleep from working on Black Friday, and maintaining a small budget, I went down to Champaign on Friday to go cover Stockton, Alleman and Morris in the football finals. As I was drving down I-74 from Bloomington, I had to fight myself to keep awake. I may have run a stop light on Neil Street, I don't know.

Trying to open the door at Gate 10 at Memorial Stadium was quite a task. I fell over as the wind held the door shut. Turns out I was one of the first media guys in the press box. Nowhere to take a nap. I needed one. So I kept awake, knowing I was sick and was going to try to muscle it all out up until the end of Alleman's game. I ran into a couple of friends, and I had to get up to talk to them because I was too out of it to maintain a conversation.

Covering Stockton's game was a bit too much for me and I couldn't concentrate on anything. I couldn't keep this up any longer and left at halftime back to my hotel room ... in Bloomington. As I went down the elevator I bumped into to Matt, who's in charge of the media. I said something and I can't remember what I said. I needed help to push out the Memorial Stadium door. After sitting in my car for a few minutes I slowly made my way back to Bloomington: through I-57 to I-74 and going maybe 55 miles per hour on the right lane with the cruise on. I had booked the hotel in Bloomington because all of Champaign was full, and stupid me didn't think of LeRoy or Mahomet.

I got the the hotel and I must have said “I have an appointment” because the lady there mentioned that when I checked out. I had enough in me to find the room, but not before falling up the stairs. I plopped on the bed and lied there for a while. I woke back up some time later and just lied there with my eyes open.

It was 3 p.m. maybe? All I could do was get on my phone and watch the Facebook feed come and go. I felt a little better, and for a brief moment thought I could race back down to Champaign to cover Alleman's game. But then it came to me that it wouldn't be fair to those from Stockton that I covered the other two and not theirs. I even pulled the plug on the Morris game. (Now I find out my teams were 0-3 this weekend. Sorry guys.)

All while lying there, staring up at the ceiling, I wondered why was all of this happening to me?

Well, I took on way too much, for starters. I felt like I HAD to be in Champaign and it was my duty to be there, regardless of whatever condition I was in. I didn't volunteer to work Black Friday at the gas station, and didn't quite know how to handle this, and the Thanksgiving gathering the day before. It was a long string of things in a row, and I failed at it. While working Black Friday at the gas station was a blast (a couple of friends of mine even brought over some food), this whole experience was a disaster and perhaps even an embarrassment.

While going in that thought pattern, I thought back to my car accident I had outside of Lacon in February. I was en route to the Varna Midland sectional semifinal in girls basketball (the game was between Marquette and Wethersfield) when my car slid into a ditch. I told the Marshall County Sheriff to tow my car to Henry and asked if he drive me over to Midland High. I called my dad to pick me up, all the way from Sterling. I was dead set on covering the other sectional semifinal between Annawan and Hinckley-Big Rock (two programs that I enjoyed covering that year) and did NOT want to miss this game. My dad ended up dropping me off in Henry to get the car, and then drove over to Midland to cover the game.

My parents chided me throughout the week and told me that this was not commitment, but stupidity; and that I should have taken care of these problems before covering more games. I had the Thursday final on my agenda, too, but wound up giving that assignment to Bill. That alone told me to not head back to cover Alleman on Friday night.

Taking care of problems became the dominant thought of the whole hotel stay. The “biggest” problem that I have right now is my health and wellness.

I have constantly found myself wearing out after coming back from covering games. In other words, I didn't have the gumption to write the article when I walked in the house. The first thing I would do is fall asleep. Combine that with a poor diet, and all hell happens. My lack of concentration and lack of commitment has caused me to abandon many projects I had lined up for this fall sports season. I'd work the sidelines at football games and the media tables at volleyball matches, but not put things together either at all or in a timely manner. I started to realize this after the weekend I had at State Volleyball with Keith, Dakota, Riverdale and Richmond-Burton (and how forever it took for me to write these articles), and putting off coverage I did for the Morris-Sacred Heart-Griffin football semifinal.

All that and juggling around a house.

I already had a hiatus already. It would feel foolish to have another one. However, after thinking about it, if I continue to go forward I am just going to get worse.

So I'm announcing another hiatus from the website. An indefinite one.

Well, not totally indefinite. I still plan on writing the occasional column whenever I get the chance. I'm just taking a break from traveling to games and sitting through them. My concentration is not there, and I feel that I should be at the top of my game in these situations. I am not. I don't want to give my area sub-par coverage because my area doesn't deserve that.

340 is unthinkable for someone my height and someone my age. Goal No. 1 is 300 and I can start to pick up the work from there, but only lightly.

Right now, my mind is on trying to get my health and wellness in order.

As I am writing this, my back is killing me. I can't stand up straight. I have to work tonight. That's real important money I'm missing out on if I call off.

Why is my back killing me? Probably because of my weight. This has been an ongoing problem for years. I thought I had it tackled a couple of years ago, when I dropped 40 pounds from my then-highest weight I had been. So much for that. I can stand to lose, I don't know, 150??

Trying to lose weight on a budget is very tough. I am not at the point financially to spend money on a program and be committed to it. Plus, fasting does not help. Eating right is a problem, especially when on the fly because of tight time commitments. I think the first thing I need to do is get my time management in order – making a plan and sticking to it to a T.

There's a running topic on the Turk's Place message board that is devoted to weight loss challenges. It's called the “Fat Man Challenge.” It's motto is “Do More, Eat Less.” I'll post my introductory topic later.

My weight is the root of whatever problems that I have. I can't fix my autism. But I can fix my weight. I have listened to people say just how great they feel after being lighter. They can move more, they can do more, they feel great and think they can do anything in the world. That's where I aspire to be.

“You know that fat kid from school, he's lost a lot of weight,” – I can name a few people that fall under that statement. Not me, unfortunately.

I need look no further than the people I've been around. I have seen many classmates drop a bunch of weight and I know that they have never felt better in their lives. I'm going the opposite direction. They were in the same boat as I was when it came to finding a significant person in their lives. While they have felt better and feel happy in this regard, I have felt worse and felt sicker.

I have rambled on and on over the years about how unlucky I am at love. I feel that me being unhealthy has caused most of my aspirations to fall to dust. Sure, I have aimed high. People have criticized me for that. But the more I think of it, I'm glad I aimed high because it sets the standard for where I need to be. I choose to learn from my failures. I can't aim high at the same targets now, since much time has passed since those days.

My weight has affected my social life. Then it has affected my ability to perform my sports journalism duties. I can't continue to go forward like this.

I think that as I get lighter, more great things will come to my life.

I want to be that “Super Cody” that can do anything and everything, breaking out of the big shell that is the current me.

Of course, this goes against a belief that many people have told me over the years of, “Don't change who you are.” However, I have no choice. If I continue to go on the route I am going, I don't think I'll live for much longer. I need to do this to survive.

It's the “me” that should have been me a long time ago. With the love and caring still a part of me always.

Things I've Learned At Home

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.81.11
Current Song - Live and Let Die (Paul McCartney)

It's been almost 20 days since I have ventured out on my own two feet. Little by little I am learning a thing or two about life on my own and maintaining upkeep at a higher rate than when I lived with my parents.

I can't say enough about my parents. Even when they knew I needed to do certain things on my own time, they kept doing them for me. Things like buying food and even doing laundry are the two biggest ones. Now I have to manage EVERYTHING on my own - things that I never even had a chance to manage when I lived with my parents. While they are the go-to help, I am trying to learn a little more about putting my own fingerprints on the way I do things, rather than have everything be a carbon copy.

Almost all of my classmate friends started doing this around age 18, or before. Eight years later I am slowly catching up. Does this mean I live longer?

Here are just some of the things I am learning now (and most of these are truly embarassing and worth a facepalm):

1. Never stuff clothes in the washer - My first go-around with my own laundry resulted in damp clothes and detergent spots on most of my blacks.

2. Whip the wrinkles away from clothes - Another reason why my clothes wound up being so damp was because I didn't do this, and tossed lumps of clothes from washer to dryer.

3. Turn off the heater when I'm not home - What exactly am I heating when I'm not home?

4. In order to cook hamburgers, you need hamburger buns. In order to cook hot dogs, you need hot dog buns. They should be bought at the same time.

5. MUCH more time is devoted to straightening things out, such as putting things where they belong.

6. The longer dirty clothes are in a hamper, the more they stink.

7. Bread is meant to be used, and used often.

8. Because its now just mine, and no one elses, it's wise to shut off the computer when I'm not using it.

9. I need to look for those air freshener sprays that do not spray like string.

10. While the Dollar Tree may be cheap, some of the quality sucks. Try shaving with those. Or better yet, shaving more often. Then they won't hurt.

11. A colder house means more time under a blanket, and more likelihood to fall asleep when you don't want to.

12. Some waste products make great scratch paper.

13. Actually dry the dishes before setting them on the drying rack.

14. While I do not throw out much trash or recyclables on a weekly basis, that's no excuse for not moving the garbage bins to the side of the street EVERY week. Instead of letting stuff add up and then rolling it out.

15. There is life without cable.

16. There is no reason to mutter quietly to myself when I'm at home - no one can hear me. This should also help me from not muttering often and talk louder and clearly.

Memories of Highland

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.51.11
Current Song - Harbor Lights (The Platters)

I recently made the trek to Orangeville High School for a basketball game. I drove on some familiar roads. These were the same roads I drove back and forth on as I was attending journalism classes at Highland Community College in Freeport.

The up and down hills of Freeport Road. The winding curves of Fairground Road.

One day up there, I went to the Goodwill store to find some tape cassettes for my car (as it does not have CD capabilities). One of the tapes I bought was the Doobie Brothers' "Minute By Minute" album. For most of that school year, this would be the only tape in my car and I would listen to the album in its entirity, front and back, again and again. The songs became synonomous with the roads I would take up north.

So en route to Orangeville, I popped in the cassette.

Any time that I go to Freeport for something, I try to stop by Highland (where I spent the 2008-09 year) and pick up a copy of the "Highland Chronicle" newspaper. I paid the ol' college a visit, but just in enough time to pick up a paper.

Seeing the newsroom again brought back memories of the long nights I would spend in there writing articles, editing pieces, and surfing the Internet (when my home computer had failed).

It was at Highland that I learned a lot about the role of the college newspaper, and a lot about supervising a staff of young and old writers.

This opportunity came when Sauk's paper was axed due to budget cuts, and Highland offered its journalism classes for free.

I served as sports editor during the first semester, and had one writer under me. When he didn't return for the following semester, my "editorship" turned into that of "associate editor." I could have been THE editor, but I preferred that someone from the area and more familiar with HCC than I was take the spot. I was, by far, the most qualified person there: four months of actual newspaper experience, and two years of college newspaper experience (plus all that NISB and PSO experience).

In my role as Associate Editor, I was charged with the copy and proofreading. I wanted to bring a true journalism culture to the newsroom, but as the semester went on I kind of resorted to the fact that this staff was just not ready for AP style, news writing and interviewing. I was proofreading a bunch of Composition 101 papers, pretty much. No one could understand where I was coming from, and I think many were frustrated with me in the process.

In trying to bring a true journalism culture to the newsroom, I offered to bring in many newspapers from different areas that I have traveled to. "The box" included the QC Times, SVN, Rockford paper, Peoria Journal Star, New York Times, and many, many more including the papers I had brought back from my trip to Tucson. I collected these papers in hope that this group, and future groups, would look at them and come up with ideas and reading material to help them put together a unique newspaper.

The one article that I won an ICCJA award for was a volleyball preview piece. Highland had not participated in the ICCJA for quite some time, and I brought the idea to our advisor, Sam. After all, I had participated in the workships when I was at Sauk. We had to get the fee for the membership dues approved by the administration, and we were in business.

One of our writers, Jordan, won an award for a Music Review piece. However, perhaps the best thrill that I got out of all of the awards was that our editor, Marques, took first place for the logo design. His award was in an actual plaque. I can remember him personally thanking me for providing this opportunity. That meant more to me than the award that I won.

I also wanted to expand the presence of the Chronicle. I penned the column that introduced the newspaper's website (thehighlandchronicle.com), another wonderful work of art by Marques. Another big idea was the expansion of circulation.

The core areas of any newspaper are: advertising, editorial, marketing, production and circulation. I was the de facto circulation director as well. This is a role I took a lot of pride in.

When I first came to Highland, we had literally hundreds of past editions lying in a stack outside our advisor's office. This stack was expected to grow as the school year carried on. We had mentioned circulation in passing during a class session, and I inquired as to what areas outside of campus we send the paper to. I think when Sam replied that we had sent copies to the Jo Daviess County Prison for inmates to read did the thought of mass circulation come to me.

Finally, that stack of papers would have some use. I delivered them to gas stations around Freeport, Dakota, Rock City, Lanark, Stockton, Lena, Warren, Winslow, Forreston and Winnebago. Whether this worked, I will never know. I think the best spot was at Johnson's Stockton location, where I seemed to always come back to an empty slot.

My inital thought was that expanding the circulation of the Chronicle would lead to more content about college-related matters, as well as serving as a recruiting tool for future students (both young and old).

I don't think anyone else carried on what I brought to Highland, but hopefully I left somewhat of a lasting impact.

When the opportunity arises, I will pen my thoughts about "Circulation and the College Newspaper."

Trying to Keep Afloat

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.21.11
Current Song - Ride Captain Ride (Blues Image)

Getting settled has taken its time.

I'm still not ready to get the website back up and running in full force. I'm having to resort to spreading out my State Volleyball coverage over the course of the entire week, little by little. After that, I've got more plans for semifinal football and season-opening girls basketball.

I need to get the clean-up things done, because if I don't do it right away it will NEVER get done. What's on my list of house things to do?

Dishes
Buy vacuum bags, clean out the vacuum, vacuum the house
Clean out my desk and file cabinets, seperating website stuff from personal stuff
Clean my bathroom
Unpack my bedroom
Hang more stuff around the house
Set up my finance desk

One thing that I have noticed with the groceries: Buying plenty of them has sort of helped me save money in the long run.

Time For a House Update, Don't Ya Think?

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.80.11
Current Song - Ladies Night (Kool and the Gang)

My last post was quite a while ago. I'm about 90% settled in at the moment.

There are still four boxes of journalism archive stuff remaining in my old bedroom, and that's it. Today I unpacked my office and set up the Internet connection, and can finally start writing from home.


HOUSE TOUR

I live in a neighborhood in Sterling that is historically called "Little Cicero." It is so named because at one point in time, it was the bad side of Sterling. I am one block from the Dillon Home and right along the bikepath in town that leads to the Pedestrian Bridge over the river and to the Canal. My grandparents have lived in the neighborhood for nearly 40 years, and are literally 50 feet away from me.

"Little Cicero" doesn't have much: The Palms tavern, Mr. Nifty Cleaners, a hair salon, a small recording studio and the State's Attorney's law office represent half of the business district that is otherwise empty. The train runs through about 100 feet from me, so I hear them each night. Speaking of night, I have windows that look out to the river and the pedestrian bridge, and at night the lights reflect across the water for a pretty sight. The neighborhood is home to 14th Avenue Park, so the kids have somewhere to play and go sledding at.

Off to the house. Starting with the porch, I have to worry about tracking in mud in the house. On my first laundry run (more on that later), I had to carry baskets to my car. The Water Company is doing work along the side, and I stepped in some mud and accidentally left a trail in my living room. I'm on the way to do laundry, and now I have to stop everything and get this carpet in order. While on my hands and knees, I said to myself that I was going to start taking my shoes off at the porch. Likewise, if anyone comes in the house I need their shoes off.

The porch itself has got my baseball/softball chair and my bike. That's it.

The living room was the first room to complete. I have the furniture arranged so that it circles around a corner, where my entertainment center sits. I have one of those "free tv's" I got at a rummage sale on it, plus my little jukebox radio on the top. An anniversary photo of my parents is next to the jukebox. So far, the radio is the only thing working at the moment.

My bedroom is a mess, and still has to be unpacked. Interesting story about the bedroom: when this house was first built, that was the dining room. Where closets are now was once an entry way to the kitchen. The porch is not original, and right when you enter the house, immediately to the left is my bedroom door. However, there is a window that leads into my bedroom from the front porch. Sounds scary, huh? But this is perfect for when people are at the door and I am sleeping, wanting to find out who it is. I have lately had trouble getting the blinds straight, and for one night I had open blinds looking in.

I have cut the living room in half, with the rear of it acting as a mini den. I have all of my books on a bookshelf there, as well as an old dresser drawer that I will be using as a "finance desk." I learned this tip from a book that if you have a seperate desk for strictly finances, you'll be more likely to tend to them and keep them up-to-date.

Go through the back of the living room (and pass the linen closet I also double as a laundry hamper) and you'll come upon a five-point hallway. What is that? It's like an upstairs landing, but is on the ground level and leads to five different rooms. Five? Spin around in the middle of this landing, and you'll hit five doors in succession. One leads to the living room, and going clockwise: the attic, kitchen, bathroom and office. On the tops of the doors are small flat spaces, and I put some of my signs, awards and such on the top of them.

The attic was going to be a bedroom at one time, and is unfinished. I'm using it for storage space, and when I moved I found out that I had a lot of stuff that I really didn't need in the living room.

My kitchen is small, but makes do. I have a glass table that sits next to a window (got it for $5 at Dalan's rummage sale), and I have all of my cabinets and shelves filled.

We'll skip the bathroom.

Finally, my favorite room in the house ... my office! This house was meant for two bedrooms, and I converted the smallest one into office space. My previous office space was on the upstairs landing in my parent's house (in order for Dan to get into his bedroom, he had to squeeze through my chair and straddle the wall). Going into my office from the hallway, you'll find my Sterling High School varsity football sign from 2001 on the top, with an NISB sign underneath it. My door is always open, and on the door I have a basketball hoop commemorating the 1999 Rock Falls Boys Basketball team (I try to be as diverse as possible here).

The office space is only 10' x 7', but does well. It's got a closet for all of my office and media accessories. My desk is set up in the center, computer and all. It's like going into someone's work office. After all, NISB is pretty much work, isn't it? How many sportswriters in northern Illinois have their own office room? When setting it all up, I had to fumble around all of the wires, which was tough work. I have yet to clean out my desk and file cabinets, so the office isn't entirely unpacked.

I plan on having pictures on my desk of people important to me, because I think I will be spending considerable time there. The first picture I have is that of the Rock Falls Softball girls, the supersectional team picture from 2004. Next to it is one of my grandparents, and next to that is one of my Uncle Scott and Great-grandpa Cutter (opposite sides of the family in the same picture!). The immediate family pics are in the living room and I'm working on space for additional pics.

Last, but not least, the basement. As mentioned before, it's my winter jogging course. That's all for now.

Moving everything was a pain in the butt! You don't realize it until you actually do it.


GROCERY SHOPPING

One of the first things I had to do was pick out groceries. I have rarely, if not ever, shopped for groceries in bulk for myself.

I was on a tight budget and wanted to try to balance quality with the wallet.

My plan of attack started two weeks ago when I went to the three 24-hour grocery stores in Sterling (County Market, Wal-Mart and Kroger) to compare prices. Then almost out of insistance, my mom took me out to Aldi and Dollar Tree to find grocery items. Mom basically stocked my pantries full.

Then it was time to clamp down on price comparisons and cutting coupons. This was where I was introduced to Wal-Mart's "Price Match Guarentee." I took this to the test when I took a Hy-Vee flyer from one of the QC Times papers I cut down at work. Hy-Vee sometimes has two-day sales, and I took that to Wal-Mart. I got 2-liters of Dr. Pepper for 69 cents and Banquet TV dinners for 78 cents, as well as bottles of Heet for $1.19 (from a Farm and Fleet flyer). The Price Match stuff works well for trying to consolidate shopping trips into one stop, rather than bouncing around from sale to sale.

So I keep a close eye on flyers from Hy-Vee, County Market, Kroger, Walgreens and CVS. I have had some really good deals from CVS lately. Three boxes of Cheerios, after coupons, came out to $1.33 each. I was finding darn good deals on cereal to the point where adding coupons beats the big box of Aldi corn flakes ($1.49). I finally had to tell myself that I have ENOUGH cereal. I have seven boxes of cereal in the kitchen, and they'll all run out by February I bet.

Another thing I keep my eye on are deals on Campbell's soup. Most coupon flyers have something for the soup. I decided to try something out, and live like a pauper. I bought one can of the soup, heated it, and put it in a bowl. One can filled me up. CVS had a deal recently where one can of chicken noodle came out to 56 cents after a coupon. This was before County Market had its' brand for 2/$1 (I decided on just two cans of these). I think I got carried away on the Campbells, and have maybe 20 cans of chicken noodle soup in my pantry.

You just have to be on the constant lookout, and dedicate time into it for it to work out. If you don't look at flyers like a hawk and don't cut out coupons, I urge you to try this. I think you'll save at least 35% (or more) of your grocery expenses, and without having to resort to generics in the process.

I can also give out another bit of advice: the longer you hold on to your coupons, the better. My Cheerios deal at CVS was advertised just three days before my Cheerios coupons were about to expire.

I thought grocery shopping was going to be a pain in the butt at first. But digging through flyers and cutting coupons was the fun challenge for me.

When it comes to coupons, please do follow the rules on them. Even the Dollar Tree accepts these manufacturer coupons. At places like Walgreens and Dollar General, you can use one of their coupons AND a "manu" for one item (like double coupons). And I think Kroger does Double Coupons up to $1.00. Plus, when you do any price matching at Wal-Mart, coupons work for that as well.

The Hy-Vee stuff works great for price matching at Wal-Mart, as the nearest stores are in Silvis, DeKalb and Peru. I have not, however, tried price matching on things from Best Buy and CompUSA (a suburban outlet whose closest store is Naperville).

If I find anything "brand name" that I can create a good deal out of, I'll try to post them on Facebook.


***

This concludes the first Blog Entry I have written from my new house. I have to balance my finances, run to CVS, eat lunch, cash my paycheck, pack up for Normal this weekend and gas up --- all before going to work at 5 p.m. tonight.

House Update IV

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.92.01
Current Song - Borderline (Madonna)


Slowly, but surely, I'm getting things moved in little by little. Today, Tuesday and Wednesday are the last three days I'll be spending at where I'm at now before officially being on my own.

112 12th Avenue on 11/1/12. Lots of 1s and 2s here.

I now have a two-seat couch and a big, fluffy chair that will be "my chair." I got another chair to compliment the living room (thanks Rich and Laurie!), and I have that arranged accordingly.

As for the kitchen, the doors on my fridge had to be reversed - a tedious thing for me, dad and grandpa. So the words on my handles, "magic chef" and "food locker", are upside down, but that'll have to do. Cleaning the fridge was no problem, but the stove is another story. The inside and underneath the burners were easy, but there are spots on the console that need the mega-heavy-duty cleaner.

There's a coat closet near the five-point hallway, but I only have a couple of coats. I decided to give it multipile roles as a linen closet and laundry hamper.

BTW - five-point hallway means that at the center of it, spin around 180 degrees and you'll come across five doors as you rotate.

I bought many household items a while back and set them on the counter, still in their bags. I finally emptied them out and filled up the medicine cabinet, bathroom sink, and some of the cabinet space in the kitchen.

Dad says that I have more cabinet space in my kitchen than we do at home, but not as much space as the house that we had in Rock Falls 15 years ago. I tried to assign a role to each cabinet: this was the pantry, this was for the plates, this is for the cups, this is for the cereal boxes, etc. That's hard work.

With four moving days left, I have to hurry up and put things together.

Today I plan on emptying out the garage of my remaining stuff, as well as my bedroom closet. Tuesday was originally spent grocery shopping, but that has been pushed to Wednesday. I think I'll take Tuesday off from moving things around, with the exception of one minor thing.

Thursday will be the big day where everything goes. The quicker everything gets in the house, the quicker I can disperse everything around it. Plus, that's when I go over the final arrangements of the lease. After that will be trying to determine all of the change-of address situations. I think I'll spend Friday on that.

I still need a doormat and trash receptacles.

I'm struggling with trying to label things. For example, "my place" for the past 15 years is now going to have to be called "mom and dad's place." And, "the rental" (because my grandparents own it) is now "my place."

House Update III

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.52.01
Current Song - Yester Me, Yester You, Yesterday (Stevie Wonder)

I've been coming over to my new house nearly every day now. My grandparents (who own the place) have been working hard at getting it all set up for my arrival.

The carpets are shampooed, and that means I can move some of the larger things in already. I have some things in the garage that need relocating as soon as possible because of all of the rain we've had. I would rather start moving things in little by little because I think the work schedule is going to be a bit erratic in the next couple of weeks.

Tomorrow I'm arranging to have the fridge picked up from downtown Sterling, as well as a stove from rural Morrison. That, and a chair from one of my grandparents' friends will also be going in - with that comes another television set.

I made a snap decision tonight about the television. I will NOT be getting cable installed right away. I have determined that cable was going to be a bit more of an expense than what I first thought. I will, however, have the Internet hooked up after the moving date. I'll have three television sets when I start: two of them I'm not sold on working, and will find out once I have enough in my to have cable installed.
I can always read books. Hey, it worked in the early 20th century.

***

The grocery decisions are coming along well, and I'll be getting some help from my parents in some of that. I didn't expect this, so it increases the reserves in what I had originally budgeted (set aside from a long time ago) for move-in stuff (appliances, households, groceries, etc.). So I won't be going in broke.

But next week is going to be very tight when it comes to pay. We're almost back at full strength at work, so I'm down in the hours category for now. That's alright when it comes to time next week, because I'll be shuttling back and forth these few blocks throughout it.

Grocery shopping will happen on Tuesday.

***

As moving day gets closer and closer, there are more and more things that I need to put on a "want list" for the house. I thought I had it all thought out in advance, but there are always things that I overlook.

There is one additional place that I am going to look at for some free stuff before moving on to the list below:

Rug for the living room, to compliment the light-colored carpet
Shower curtain
Door mat
Mop
Two- or three-seat couch

Facebook's SCE is a place to start.

House Update II

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.32.01
Current Song - Barefoot on the Beach (Michael Franks)

The break from sportswriting is underway. During this time, my mind is on the moving process. I'll be back for the IHSA State Volleyball Finals.

A supplemental challenge that comes with living on my own is trying to lose weight - the thing that I've written about constantly, but never wind up doing.

I'm buying the food now, and am on a tight budget. I know deprivation doesn't work, but this would still allow me to cut back on poritions or face bankruptcy.

To try to save money in this start toward things, I'm going to try to do some things that I've always wanted to do but never get around to it.

1. Walking to Work - I actually tried this for a brief time during the final days of my first stint at Shell, before it got colder. This is a one-half mile, one-way trip for me, so it translates into the one-mile walk. My knees are starting to hurt a little, so I would like to do this in babysteps. Once I get down to a somewhat-comfortable weight (well, no weight is "somewhat-comfortable"), I'll bring out the bicycle.

2. Riding The Bike - "The Bikeride" was 10 years and many pounds ago, unfortunately. For longer trips, the bike should suffice. (Bank, Insurance agency, light grocery trips, Comcast, the 3 high schools, relatives, etc.). Obviously the car will have to do in longer trips, and in the winter. I'll be living along Sterling's Bike Path, and the trail picks up right across the street from my front door. So riding to Rock Falls is easier.

Funny thing is, this pedestrian bridge across the river makes it so that things in Rock Falls are closer. The closest gas station (one that I can actually go to) is the Casey's on Dixon Avenue. Plus, it is actually closer to the Rock Falls Wal-Mart from my house than it is to Sterling's. The canal path acts as a chute of sorts, with the challenge being trying to ride up the hill at the Dillon Home.

3. Challenging The Portions - I'll admit to using more than the recommended portions of things. When I get a glass of milk, it has to be toward the top. When I buy a one-liter of pop, I can't save the rest in the fridge. In trying to cut back on portions, this kills two birds with one stone: less intake and stretching the grocery bill.

4. Basement Space - My basement has enough open space, and I measured it to one-fifth of a side of a city block. If there are 18 blocks per mile (my predetermined guess from a long time ago), then it takes (18 x 5) 90 laps from wall to wall for make for one mile. This will work out well when I have something large running on the computer, such as uploading a video file onto YouTube. In this downtime, I can just go to the basement and start walking these 90 paces.

Heck, I could even try to JOG these 90 paces. I'm not at the sight, comfortably, to be jogging out in public. You don't want to see that.

***

I have spent some considerable amount of time lately trying to nail down a grocery plan. Natrually, living on your own means wanting to eat whatever you want. However, I cannot do this as it would probably lead to serious health problems. While I am certainly capable of having the freedom to eat what I want, it's best for me to stick to a frugal way of grocery shopping.

I'm one of those people that cannot stand to eat those generic brands of foods: you know, foods that are canned or boxed with the grocer's name on it. Especially perishable generics. The grocer is mainly in business to supply places for food to be bought, not to create food. Plus, generics visually scared the heck out of me since seeing those bright yellow packages in black font at Eagle's. How boring.

I had to debate whether or not to buy them now and work up, or buy them when the pinch starts to really hurt. I'm going to try to suck it up. Let's see how this works. I'm planning on buying non-perishable generics in the first shopping trip, and name-brand perishables. That is, unless a name-brand coupon beats the generic.

After work one night, I made a trip to the three 24-hour grocers in town. With a list of common staples on a post-it note and a pen, I went to the three stores to compare prices. You'd think that one would have the lowest prices on everything ("always"), but the other two stores had some things cheaper. I have yet to check out those stores that actually close, but I'll make a prediction that most of my stuff may come from the Walton Mart. Some items will come from other stores. The good thing about that is this: I don't have to waste gas to go from store-to-store, but rather ride or walk to these select places.

Of course, time is important. Everyone around me is always complaining about not having enough time. It's not time's fault, it's yours. When we say we don't have enough time, its always those luxury things that take up the space. The first thing I'd do is cut the luxury. Do I deserve these things? That's not up to me. So it takes me an hour to ride my bike to and from the Wonder Bread store in Rock Falls for the cheap, day-old bread (I can do with day-old bread). So what? I have the time to do it. I schedule this in advance, with luxury only as a last resort and not because I "deserve it."

Plus, it bundles the need to get bread with the hour of exercise.

House Update I

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.01.71
Current Song - Undun (Guess Who)

So much for a Blog break.

I got most of my household necessities figured out. I'm in need of a used steel shovel, though. I'm looking at spending no more than $3 on it. Got a bunch of things I bought new to return to the Walton Mart: new rake, new gas can, new box of nails, and possibly the new shovel. (Basically, I'm looking for a cheaper shovel).

The fridge has also been found, and I'm waiting on my dad to okay it (as he is helping me pay for that).

That leaves an electric range. I'm willing to go no more than $150 on it.

Groceries will be undertaken after that, with what money I have left to spend and the refund money. I've got a microwave that I know works, as well as a crock pot and toaster that I don't know if they work or not. I guess until I find a range, the hot groceries will have to be microwaveable.

With groceries comes meal planning. Right now I'm a bad meal planner. When I find my own dinner, I usually find just that one thing (just Hot Pockets, or just Soup). I don't have the time to supplement the main dish with the side vegetable or side fruit. I guess improving on this comes with learning as you go. I wonder if a can of corn dumped in tupperware works?

I'm expecting a rough patch in the wallet come the week I move. So for the time being I'm hoping I can stretch my groceries out as far as possible.

Finally, I'm debating about what to do when it comes to water. I've looked at water filters that are hooked up to the faucet; the system and one refill adds up to roughly $35 at the Walton Mart. One refill is good for 1,000 gallons, according to the box. Either water filters or one of those big huge water cooler jugs. I haven't done the math on which is more economical.

Ahh, Christmas ... the big stimulus!

Busy Busy Busy

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.80.10
Current Song - Pop Muzik (M)

Folks, this will be my final Blog entry until I get settled inside my new house. (You'll just see longer Facebook posts if something otherwise happens).

I just got done planning the next seven days. Today is the second of three straight days off, which doesn't happen often. So I'm trying to make the most of it.

I plan on writing about something regarding the Columbus Day XC Invitational @ Amboy today (the whole reason why I asked for this day off of work). After that I got four more places to go to and write something about.

As for the house, I'm hoping to make cable/internet arrangements this week, as well as appliances and groceries. I've got most of my possessions boxed up and set aside in my bedroom awaiting the moving day. Just got to deal with my closet and my desk.

The hope is to make the house look more like a home, rather than a college dorm room.

The week after this one? Plenty of stuff on slate to write about. I'll just have to tackle them one after another before the announced website Leave of Absence date. I'm just covering football that week. All of this concludes with the Week 9 Observations piece - then three weeks to myself.

Readers, I'll see you next month!

I Think They Understood

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.60.01
Current Song - My Sharona (The Knack)

I went into last night's assignment not sure what to expect.

This past summer I had to make some decisions that weren't too popular with this area that I was about to enter. Had to do it.

Last night was my first night back into the territory that "I had left behind." When I cut that rope, I didn't know if I was going to hear the end of it from those in that area.

I had thought they would refer to me as the scum of the Earth for what I did. I went back knowing full well that the reaction was going to be either way.

But ... it all turned out good.

I wasn't disrespected and they were thankful for my presence.

Translation: I wasn't sure how my relationship would be with the Little 10 Conference after having to release my writing staff (the conference's three best-known writers). There was no tension at all, but rather the same warm feeling that I have always felt when covering something that way.

I'm down, but I won't let them down.

I See You

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.30.01

Hi! Remember me?

I've heard about you. You're kinda frustrated with something right now.

I've been down that avenue before.

I know what it's like to be frustrated at not getting what you want and search for. I've changed the game plan also at times.

What makes me different, however, is that I've never experienced such a feeling. I've been around many people, the best of the best, but wasn't able to make anything work out.

Presently, I am a wreck. I'm in the middle of transitioning into larger living quarters, and getting on my own two feet. There's plenty of space this time, much of it I probably won't use.

Getting off on my own means trying to find myself some happiness.

Seems like you're trying to find happiness also.

Maybe we can work something out.

You know me. You know what I'm capable of. I'd be willing to get myself straight if it means making you happy.

Call me.

Time To Take Back What Was Once Mine

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.52.90
Current Song - The Way (Fastball)

This seems familiar.

Since November of last year, I had seen control of my NISB website slipping away from me. I found the issue with the content side not too long ago and reversed it. I took back what was once mine and didn't let anyone take it away from me.

I won't be decieved like that again.

I'm at this same feeling when it comes to the Message Boards of the website.

I personally know of someone who is trying to blow up the message board, because he thinks he's God. It took me a while, but I finally figured him out and how he operates.

Everything was going great until nearly three years ago. The floodgates opened and the message board is filled with mildew. They say things have never been better on there. I beg to differ.

When long-time message board posters are telling me they are sick of the talk and walk away, this hurts. When coaches are telling me about people on a message board (including one coach during warmups before a STATE FINAL GAME), this really hurts.

They say posts have gone up. They have. However, the geography of the audience has whittled down to 1/8th of what I consider my coverage area. Even when I am trying in vain to expand the geographical reach of this website by gamers, features, etc. on areas that aren't popular on the message board.

What turns these people off are the antics of this new breed of message board posters; many of them are simply this one guy. I'm sick of playing Whack-A-Mole.

I have come to the conclusion that this is a coordinated effort to destroy my message board between him and several of his friends, some of which are trying to con me in on being their friends. (There is one instance where I'm suspecting where someone's involvement in this would lead to the print/online Cold War. To you, whose side are you on?)

I will not let NISB suffer the same fate that the NCIpreps board suffered eight years ago. This is the same group of uncontrollable people which led to the killing of that.

I can't simply remove the mildew from the board manually without cause. But what can be done is drowning all of it out to make it appear small. This I can't do alone. Much of my former base consisted of current NIB-12 posters, mixed with Three Rivers, Big 6 and Rock Falls/Dixon/Bureau County posters. These are the people that brought integrity and respect to this message board, both of which has been lost with this mess.

Together, we can restore something that will make high school sports in this area something to cheer about and be happy of.

F****ing with me has its consenquences.

In the name of high school sports, the revolution to take back the NISB Message Board has commenced. Let's quarantine this crap.

Who's with me?

First House Starter Kit

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2012.42.90
Current Song - Boomin' Bump (John Baker)


At this point I am 100% committed to the new house, and all I have to do is sign the lease to make it official.

I plan on officially moving in November 1.  

112 12th Avenue, Sterling  

I'll have a lot to bring in from my bedroom, as well as the closets around the house and the basement. However, there are many, many things that I still need in order to maintain the appearance and make it look presentable.  

Problem is, I would like to do this without spending as much money as possible. Lucikilly, this coincided with the final day of Sterling/Rock Falls's Garage Sale Days - where many houses sell stuff from their yard. I was occupied all of Saturday, so I did my searching on Sunday.  

I did some searching for a dresser last Sunday to no avail. Along the way, I stopped to get gas at one of the Shell stations that I once worked at. "Who goes garage saleing on a Sunday?"  

I do.  

To me, Sundays are the best time for it. This is the tail end of the sale and people are more and more willing to let go of things for a low price.  

With an area map in my car, I planned on hitting the south subdivisions of Rock Falls first and working my way up to the north subdivisions of Sterling.  

So here's what I got (in order):  

My little coffee table, and a placemat for the top of it.
My popcorn bowl
A metal sign that reads, "deadlines make me laugh"
My hard-plastic set of plates and bowls
My halloween candy basket
A Christmas centerpiece that has a six-inch fake Christmas tree on it (This will actually be my Christmas Tree until I get a bigger one)
My toaster, which I find suspect now
Two telvision sets - these were actually free! (whether they work or not will be determined later)
My clothes dresser priced for $30 and I was able to knock down to $15 (skelton keys included)
--Thanks to the guys there for hauling it back to my house!
A pair of fake wine glasses for the kitchen
--Thanks Johnna!
My mini-vacuum
My Rock Falls Rockets pennant, for the sports collection
My kitchen table: round with a glass top (and $5, too!)
--Thanks Dalan!
My vacuum cleaner
--Thanks Jessica!
Two lamps
My wall clock
Placemats
My flatheads and phillips' screwdrivers
My dinner table chairs  

--- All for $55  

All but three things were bought in Rock Falls. By the time I made it across the river, I knew time was running out. I got the dinner table chairs in Sterling, and I originally bought just the one. The person there mentioned that the other chair is in the house, and he was maybe looking at selling that one also. The chair is white and would normally go in a living room, but I looked at it as a dining room chair (hard wood vs. a cushioned chair - that's a no-brainer) and a living room chair when the time calls for it.  

I had to haul the chair in my trunk in such an oblong way that bungee cords were necessary. After bringing it back home is when I looked at it as a dining room chair. So I went back across town to that sale and asked to buy the other chair.  

By this time I could only find one more sale, and they were putting things back in the garage. Was there anything in particular I was still looking for? I showed them my list, and they referred me to the Dollar Tree. So with no time for more garage sales, I planned on spending the rest of my money at the DT. This trimmed my list down a bit, but there's still quite a few things left to buy.  

Also bought at the DT were a few picture frames. This not just has to do with pictures, but something I read in one of the books I bought Thursday @ Barnes and Noble.  

The books are still in my car, and I don't plan on reading them extensively until I get settled in. These were the best three books at B&N that had anything to do with moving out and getting on two feet (so I guess I deprived Rockford's youth of this opportunity, unless they bring in more books).  

I had arrived at Ottawa early the next afternoon for a football game, so I started on one of the books to occupy time. Just the first six pages had those "make a list and save it" demands. Hence, the picture frames.

As for the rest of the list, a trip to the Walton Mart will suffice.  

My hope is to have my house look like the insides of all of my relatives, and not just a college dorm room.

House Visit

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.02.20
Current Song - The Way (Fastball)

I'm about 80% committed to getting a house of my own.

Well, it's not technically my own. My grandparents own it.

I went through the house yesterday to get a sense of where the rooms are at. It's pretty much one story plus a basement, with the second story being an attic.

It's the SE corner of 12th Avenue and 2nd Street in Sterling, just a few blocks down from where I live now. My cousin Joshua and his wife lived there previously. Just a short walk across my side lawn, one more back yard and then 1st Street is my grandparents' house. My brother Chris is three blocks across and then two blocks up. So I'm not too far away from home.

The house has got to be at least 100 years old, with the outside looking like the same concrete foundation seen on some houses along Leroy Avenue in Rock Falls (the only way I can describe it). The front door leads straight out to the corner of the block, giving the house a diamond "V" shape when looking at it.

There are two bedrooms: I'll be sleeping in the larger one and I'll be using the smaller one as my office. This may be a small house by size standards, but I think I'll have more than enough room to work with. The attic and basement are pretty much storage areas for things I don't have now, but once I get settled in I think I'll find a use for these.

Lately I've been making a list of household starter things: such as dish soap, a vaccum cleaner, silverware, etc. Then there's groceries, and I'm just going to feel my way through it. Then there's the really big stuff, since this is an unfurnished place: something to sit on, a television, fridge, microwave, stove (maybe), kitchen table/chairs, lawnmower, etc.

I have a feeling that once I get couch and television in my living room, the rest of the room is going to be a blank void. I'm not one for "blank" living quarters. I get this from my mom. Our living room has a bunch of decorations, fake plants, chimes and such.

My office, for sure, won't be a "blank" room. I'm already picturing that in my mind -

The office is about 7 feet one way and 10 feet the other, and is carpeted. I got my desk (my great-great grandmother's) in the middle of the room with a chair behind it and a chair in front of it for visitors to my office. For the walls, I have saved up these high school sports programs over the years that I really have no use for other than posterity sake, so I want to cut the covers off of them, put them on posterboard and try to fill the walls with them. 

That leaves room for my college sportswriting awards, my diploma and degree, and a space for a team pic of my favorite high school sports team EVER. I just need to find one, as I don't have one : (

When We Were Being Followed

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2012.81.90
Current Song - Careless Whisper (Wham!)

I never had success with girls in high school, except for being the No. 1 fan of the Rock Falls Softball team. That was pretty much the closest I came to girls. Still, I had a long way to go from there.

The memories that stick out in my mind are those that many people consider just an ordinary day. Since I had little success with the opposite gender, moments that many percieve as small are huge to me.

So let's go back to ...

Well, it took me a long time to figure out the date of this memory. You see, the memory is so huge that I can't even remember when exactly it happened. After about two hours of thinking about it, it was Week 5 of the 2003 football season.

So let's go back to Week 5 of the 2003 football season:  The only time any hint of jealosy involved me and a girl.

I was working for PSO at the time, on the Sterling Football beat. The year prior, I had asked for permission to cover a Rock Falls game. I told them I was going to Homecoming with one of the girls (a lie, but a believeable one), and went on to cover Rock Falls vs. Mendota - the game that Isaiah got injured and Robbie ran into me while I was taping on the sideline. RF won that game.

The following year I tried to pull of the same excuse. I told them I was going to Homecoming with another girl (which was actually almost true, see the third-to-last paragraph) In this game, Rock Falls was taking on Hall -Week 5 of the 2003 football season.

I don't remember much of this football game, mostly because Hall crushed Rock Falls 34-6. I do remember walking to that game because I didn't have a working bicycle at the time (the "Geneseo" bike had broken down, and the loaner bike from my boss had to be returned). From my house to Hinders Field is about 2 miles one-way. All I was tasked to do was write an article.

Along the way to the field I'm sure I talked to several of my friends. Like last year, I was in the middle of the Rock Falls team box trying to take game notes and such. So much for this game, 34-6. Needless to say, the commotion amongst friends had started to take over the student section rather than watching the late stages of the game. This spilled to the area outside of the stands after the game.

I remember walking toward the gate when a group of friends called me over. Within this group was one of the girls. (She knows who she is).

Somehow I guess the conversation had turned to wondering if I rode my bike there. I said I walked here, and they thought it was far for me to walk two miles to a game.

I don't know what happened next, but a disagreement between girlfriend and boyfriend sounds familiar, but the next thing I know this girl had called me outside of the group and we walked away. Her hand was across my shoulders and we were walking close to each other. She had heard that I walked home, and offered me a ride back to my place.

We were walking to her car, which was parked along 15th Avenue. Her boyfriend followed and was all confused - or angry, or I don't know - as we hopped in her car.

"I'm taking Cody home!"

Well, this was a first. I had never been in a car ALONE with a girl. (I had been in a car with four girls once, but never with just one). While noting the generosity she had given me with the ride back home, I had wondered what was up with this whole discussion between boyfriend and girlfriend. She seemed to be angry at him for whatever reason.

Now picture this: there is a disagreement between boyfriend and girlfriend, and the girl takes another boy to her car with her and offers him a ride home. What do you think the boyfriend would do about this? Keeping in mind, he knows that I have known her for quite some time (and not just some stranger).

He follows us.

We go across First Avenue Bridge and head under the railroad tracks. I guess that was where she noticed that her boyfriend was following her, and I seem to remember her not being too happy about it.

To be quite honest, I have no idea what we were talking about in the car. I seemed to remember not making much conversation, while she was a little sad.

I think about that thought and a bunch of "what ifs" come to mind. One of the moments where having autism fails me miserably. If only I were able to make more conversation I think things would have been different.

We arrived at my place, and there is not just one car following us, but two cars: the boyfriend's and another car with a couple more friends (Kody and Kal).

I thanked her for the ride back home.

I walked inside my house and sat on the couch wondering about this feeling. What kept coming into my mind was all of the "what ifs." Who knows what would have transpired had her boyfriend not followed us home.

Damn my shyness!

Cody's Bachelor Pad?

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.71.90
Current Song - Roll With The Changes (REO Speedwagon)

I thought deeper about the rental property.

After talking with my brother Chris about it, he told me that the bills attached with the rent for one of his friends's places wasn't all that substantial. Needless to say, this gave me some more confidence in wanting to make a move on this rental.

Thinking about the rental came only after searching for a clothes dresser during a runaround at rummage sales. All of the area rummage sales yesterday didn't have a clothes dresser, but there was a small antique place in Dixon that had one I sort of liked. Six small drawers and a top that a placemat should fix - $69. The store had a 20% sale to knock this purchase to less than $60 after tax.

I have never shopped for a clothes dresser before, so I don't know what to expect with pricing. The department stores have those put-it-together-yourself pieces that I am really no good at. I think I'll be looking at the paper more for garage sales. Sterling/Rock Falls is supposed to have its second "garage sale days" of the year this coming weekend. It's too bad I'm working from 8-2 on Friday. So hopefully there will be a dresser on Saturday.

Once I get this dresser, I'll be able to work on cleaning my bedroom more. I could only get part of it done before breathing in quite a bit of dust. I moved by bed over to another side of the room, and bought new blinds for my windows.

There's a space that I'd like to put my dresser, and that leaves some wall space for tacking on some stuff (if I find more). Next up is trying to find a place that recycles old stereo systems, as I have two that are no longer in working order. This frees up shelf space for more books that I have lumped in a corner. This takes care of two of the four walls of my room.

Next up is another trip to the Walton Mart, as I completely forgot to get other things when I got the blinds. Plastic storage containers, a special bulb for this desk lamp that hasn't been used in a couple of years, and a white marker for my LED color-changing blackboard.

My old clothes dresser has fallen apart and only two drawers remain. I use these two for storing more stuff; one of them for all of my electronic equipment and its chargers. The other is just a mess.

To pretty much sum it all up, I'd like to transfer about half of my bedroom either into plastic storage containers, or garbage. So if I do wind up moving into the rental, there won't be so much to organize and move around.

Literally, my room could be stretched into a whole house.

Just finding the time to clean the room is a challenge between work and website.

***

Off to the rental.

I drove by it last night and it didn't catch me until then that it had a small second-story level. And a deck in the back. I've been in the inside of it a couple of times, but the last time was a few years back.

Now it's just a matter of having the money to maintain all of this. As I mentioned a couple of entries ago, I need to set aside $175/week (24.5 hours/week) just to maintain living quarters. I just have to find a way to stretch the remainder of that, and at the same time add an additional source of income. The beginning necessities would simply come from savings.

When I was investing heavily into my website for a couple of years (until three months ago), much of my paycheck went to that. I'd simply be reverting myself to that kind of life once more.

The more I see it, there are many "wins" for me in this:

1. I don't do a good job with keeping things clean (as you may have noticed with this entry), so this gives me an incentive to start cleaning regularly. As I mentioned thoughout these past few months, I'm trying to fix myself to make it better. This is a start.

2. I rarely mow the lawn at home because either dad, Mike or Chris does it. I'll have to mow my own lawn.

3. Laundry.

4. Fiscal responsibility.

4 1/2. Less use of the car and more walking, riding, etc.

5. Possibly putting myself in a position to feel the pinch to find a second job. Or work harder at my first.

6. I can learn to cook.

7. I can learn about maintenance. Basically saying, this living quarters is a classroom laboratory.

8. (And perhaps most importantly) I will be living by myself, where no one can disturb me, where no one can ask me for computer time, where no one can question what I do and how I do things, and such-and-such. That is, unless I allow company - and company is always welcome (which gives me an incentive to point No. 1).

This is the bachelor pad.

Until she comes into my life.










Which reminds me, I need to fix up my bedroom to something like this:

And add in a champagne bar as well.

With music like this in the background:

"Personal Growth Tour": Three Months Later

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.41.90
Current Song - The One You Love (Glenn Frey)

The title of this entry stems from an argument from three months ago. Here I was trying to fix the issues in my life, and what I got in response were the words "personal growth tour" (quotes included) as if I was being mocked. Needless to say, I shoved back and moved on.

Three months ago at this time, I decided to make some changes to the NISB website that I run, via the State of the Site Address.

I was pinned to a wall in many ways before I made these decisions, and I can honestly say that right now I am less stressful than I was four months ago. I don't have to worry about rushing to get things done, and I don't have to worry about having website matters interfere with what I do for work at the Shell station.

If I had kept going the way I had been, rather than make much-needed changes, I would be out of money and in a worse mental state. I could forsee this happening and I had to do what I had to do to get out of it. I basically said in the State of the Site Address that the changes were going to be made in order to reset myself and start over again.

I didn't detail all of the changes I was going to make in my life in the Address, because it would make this video more about Me than the Website.


Financially

As I mentioned earlier, there is much little stress in my life because I'm now doing things the way I want to do them, instead of have the world push me around in different directions against my own will. I can't recall a single time that I have been in a bad mood since making these changes.

Previously, I was living paycheck-by-paycheck (minus the seven-month absence). I'm not investing as much money into the website as I used to, thuis the money I'm making at work is actually going into my pocket rather than toward website expenses. This relieves that worry. Although I still split my paychecks certain ways, with one of them being website expenses.

Tying in, when I was living paycheck-to-paycheck and in the seven months I was out of work, I learned to live off very little. When the money did come my way, I worked hard to not spend so much of it and continue to make do with less. In my last entry, I mentioned an opportunity to live at a place of my own - and this would just carry on to that. If I kept on with the usual website plans, I never would have had this opportunity to live at a place of my own.

It's been two weeks since I last bought a lotto ticket, which is the longest-such stretch since coming back to work. This is something that I hope continues into the future. I have also not been to a casino since breaking even at Bettendorf two months ago. This is also someting that I hope continues into the future.


Website

When I made the address, there were certain people that thought this was the end of it. For the first time in eight years of running the website, I began to feel that doubt of its future existed in the minds of other people - and all you can do about this is ignore them. In the address, I stated that the website will NOT die. So far, it hasn't.

I've impressed myself on occasion with what I'm able to put up on the website as far as content is concerned. Certain people thought that the website wouldn't have fresh content on a regular basis, but I'm finding a way to make this happen ... slowly but surely.

The whiteboard next to my desk is still in use and it is my hope that I can build a log of content releases (something new on the website every day) that extends into the future. I still get Tuesdays off of work, with some Thursdays in there once in a while. Lately I haven't been making good use of these nights because of trying to get my life in order, but I think sometime soon I'll be able to make the usual rounds throughout northern Illinois like I used to.

And the NISB board hasn't lost a beat when it comes to traffic ... senior posters, maybe, but I think the overall mood has quieted down now that people know what I expect in message board discussion.

With what content I'm putting up, I'm starting to become more aware of who is visiting the website. Perhaps I can build on these links.

Once I'm able to build the website back to a cycle of success, I can restart the promotional cause.

I keep mentioning that I'm wanting to do more with the website, and at the same time compliment myself on the lack of stress. The difference here is this: there is ZERO outside influence pushing me around this time.


Conversation

The one-year anniversary of my almost-fatal sting at Shell went by quietly. Since coming back in April, I'd like to think I'm doing alright. That's for the rest of them to decide, not me. But the nights have certainly gone by quicker.

There's not much else to mention after that, other than my comeback ingited a spark to combat a major weakness of mine. In my first go-around, I was shy and didn't talk so much. When customers noticed that I was back, this led to more and more conversation.

And more conversation is a plus.

Working with my conversation abilities at Shell has helped me somewhat when it comes to whenever I see a friend somewhere. In what is becoming the page-turning process of the next chapter, I'm trying to find out who's in it for the long run, or whose time has passed.

Along the way, I'm finding a whole new group of people available to me. I think when most people hit college, they start to find new friends and hang out with them more. All this time I couldn't quite let go of what I already had. I guess only now, at age 26, I'm noticing that there truly DOES exist people that share the same interests as myself (mostly in the form of high school sports). These people are of many different ages, and from all over northern Illinois.


Girls

When it comes to an improvement in conversation, the topic of girls pretty much has to come up. So here it is.

Since trying to restructure the foundation of my life, I have eliminated all of my past "crush remnants" (and wrote a series of entries on this Blog about it). The process was hard, and I had to let go of three girls that lingered in my life all of this time.

This wiped the slate clean. I realized then that the whole "trying to find a girlfriend" thing was something that I could not force, but rather have it come to me.

At this point in my life, there are three avenues where she can come from:

1. My past - Which is so hard since the next chapters of their own lives have been made, and we have drifted apart since then (unless there is somehow a small link keeping us together that I don't know about).

2. Through the "Enter" door at the Shell station - Such an occurance has only happened maybe 2 or 3 times since working there, where I think she is kind of cute.

3. Somewhere within the high school sports scene - Some fan, parent, young coach, or elsewhere. This has never happened in the 10 years I've been involved with journalism. I should make an important note that it is absolutely wrong to have crushes on the girls you write about at the time, as it is not only a serious breach of journalism ethic but also something very disturbing. Even if the situation is reversed, when a girl you write about has a crush on you, it is still a serious breach of ethic if you agree to persue this (even for someone like me who has been wanting a significant other for quite some time). Ethic takes precedence over crushes in this instance. I had to battle with this challenge during my short time at Sauk Valley Media, granted I had just turned 18 at the time.

Do good things happen to those who wait?


Health

I'll end with something that is still bothering me to this day.

I mentioned in my Address that I was going to do something about my health. I'm still a big, fat sitting duck.

I don't think I'll get anywhere with the point above with where I'm at now. I know I mentioned the rental opportunity in the last entry, but I'm not sure if depriving myself of money is going to help me shed some pounds. They say fasting is the worst way to lose weight.

Now if I can just find a way to make this happen, I think I'll be going a lot faster in this process.

Offer on the Table

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.21.90
Current Song - Barefoot on the Beach (Michael Franks)

Ever since leaving Sauk Valley Media eight years ago, I have been waiting for that journalism offer to pounce on.

I've heard of many writing openings over this time: LaSalle had a couple, BCR had a couple, QC Times had a couple, and both DeKalb and the Northwest Herald had a couple. In all but one instance, I was unable to find it in me to put together a resume/portfolio because of the high cost of relocation. Simply put, I was not ready to move away and live somewhere on my own.

I didn't know how much rent, water, electric, cable, gas, and phone was all going to add up to over the course of a single month. And whether I would be able to keep up with payments. I never really know a rough figure.

Until an offer was made to me recently.

The living quarters is a small house in the neighborhood that I live in. Probably more living space than I need, but the inside is predominantly white (plants and pictures can fix that). Combined expenses outside of Cable would add up to $700/month.

I make $9/hour at Shell. So let's do the math:

Actual money per hour (after taxes) would be 9 x 0.80 = $7.20/hour.
Hours needed to work/month in order to pay for it would be 700/7.2 = ~ 97.25 (divided by 4 = 24.50).

Basically, I would need to set aside a whole $175/week just for living quarters alone.

My average hours/week for the fall and winter I predict will fall at around 28. (28 x 7.2 = ~200). This would leave me with around $25 in money per month for everything else (groceries, gas, website stuff, Internet, cell phone, personal).

I would literally have to cut everything down to where there's no bone left in order to move in without changing where and when I work. I don't know if the Tightwad Gazette can help me on this one. This stage of frugalness may be permanently damaging to my social life - or even destroy it.

Unless some freak absense or vacation happens at work, I don't see myself getting anything over 30/week. What would help is if I picked up just a single shift elsewhere in the company (amounting to another $50 in my pocket/week), but even this occurance is becoming more rare.

I would almost have to man up and find a full-time job during the daytime, preferrably something from 6-2. This would give me some break time before working the nights at Shell or driving to a sports event. But this would literally give me ZERO outside time, and just 3 hours of sleep a night.

My reluctance on finding a second job of this nature is the worry of not being physically able to keep up. The last 6-2 job I had was stacking boxes at Crest. After the half-hour drive from Ashton, I would immediately lay on my bed for five hours because I was so sore afterward. This can't happen for a two-job arrangement.

Bottom line:  My stamina sucks!

Most of it is the physical wreck that I am in. Part of it is the lack of desire to do such work, as it isn't the kind of work that I enjoy doing. (The kind of work that I enjoy doing is covering high school sporting events).

I hate drinking coffee, as it is too hot and I fear of becoming one of those morning divas. 5-Hour Energy is only good for 5 hours.

I don't want to overwork myself and get a heart attack. Yes, you can get those at 26 years of age. But at the same time, I need to survive.

Survive, and still be able to accomplish my dreams.

If I find myself willing to take on this challenge, hopefully I can find myself able to keep it up in a different set of living quarters far, far away. Perhaps I can actually move away and reside somewhere - the barrier that's preventing me from taking a writing job.

Speaking of the sports journalism stuff, this year I'm working on bulking up my bag of magic tricks in the form of oddball features, columns and the like. I think I have gamers down pat, except for the clock race against deadline. Once I stuff my repitoire with the bag of tricks, that's the lone writing thing that I need to work on. Problem is, I don't have the proper equipment (laptop) to perform this. With my website, I have always had the luxury of taking all night to write a story in time for a morning reader.

The only time I had a laptop while covering a game was this year's Class 4A state football final between Richmond-Burton and Rochester. I'd like to say I did pretty well with real-time writing during that game (in my opinion), but I haven't done this often enough.

Then there's designing the pages of the newspaper. Most newspapers use InDesign, which co$t$. Plus, I just don't know what to design with it outside of newspaper pages. It's one of those things that apparently I need to have, but have no use for personally.

Everything depends on whether I can ride this storm out with this rental offer.

The Significance of 11

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.11.90
Current Song - Amazing Grace

We lost another member of the evening coffee klatch at Shell last week. Brenda Roberts passed away on Thursday night. The Roberts, her and Joe, would come in and sit at the tables most nights at the Shell station when I was working.

As did the Schraders, Dorothy and Bill. Dorothy passed away 14 months ago this week.

Brenda's funeral is today, the 11th of September. 11 years since the attacks. The time of the funeral? 11 a.m.

It seems fitting. Joe and Brenda were married on the 11th day of the 11th month of 1961.

"They closed down City Hall. They closed down the banks on our wedding day," Joe told me one night.

No, this wasn't a little town somewhere near Tupelo. This was Waukegan.

Of course, November 11 is Veterans Day. :)

The Answer To This Question Is ...

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.60.90
Current Song - Love Is (Herb Alpert)

I think I got it now.

When my classmates had their little girlfriends, they started out as just friends that were girls.

To think it took me 15 years to realize this.

I have struggled with making friends over the years.

So it all starts with establishing friendships. When it comes to friends and other people, I think there are 5 kinds of friendship. This will look silly, but is the easiest way I can describe it:


1. The one-off meeting: Which is common for me when interviewing people for sports stories.

2. Your surroundings: Those that are around you constantly, my schoolmates, sportswriting colleagues and co-workers/customers.

3. Friends: Just like #2, but you'll talk to them maybe once or twice weekly within or outside of the common surrounding.

4. Good Friends: Just like #3, but the meetings occur more often. You do things together regularly.

5. Best Friends: You are literally inseperable, and such a bond is determined to last forever.


When it comes to girls, #5 pretty much means we were meant for each other. I think what it takes to find your true love is to achieve that #5 level. I look at this list and all of the girls that I know, and over time only a few #3's come to mind. I'd say most of the people I know fall under #2. Getting to that #3 level is where I struggle quite a bit.

It would be foolish to try to push these up the ladder just to find true love. I've come to realize that these things should happen naturally. This build-up process is how I believe it happens.

I guess I was an idiot back then. Call this a different process in this search. I should have done this years ago.

No Turning Back Now

While cleaning out my desk drawer, I stumbled upon a drawing that I made while blowing off my Psychology class.

This was around 2006 or so.

I can't remember the meaning of it when I drew this, but I think this shows the feeling that my failures at love were my fault and my fault only. The pieces represent the places in my heart and they are being shattered by my own obstacles.

I guess there's no turning back now.

If you click on the picture, you can see the full-blown version.

(Those things on the sides are supposed to be hammers)

I await the angry responses.

Extreme Makeover, Cody Edition --- Part I

Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.10.90
Current Song - While My Guitar Gently Weeps (The Beatles (George Harrison))

Two weeks have passed since writing about ceasing even the tiniest romantic thoughts of the girls I knew in the past. The slate has been wiped clean and it's time to start all over.

I'm in the aftermath of all of this. I hear nothing. I see nothing but a huge mess around me, like a tornado went through my mind in this crush-erasing process.

I'm personally a disheveled mess.

One of the best pieces of advice given to me over the years is to not change who you are for nobody. I look at myself now, and if I remain the same I'm not going to get anywhere.

I think the whole point of "don't change who you are" was meant for the inside of yourself, your personality and such. I look at my inside as a shiny, marble hotel lobby. I look at my outside as a bad-side-of-Detroit-like hotel exterior.

To try to make things better, I am constructing a 3-point improvement plan to help make things better for me: Environmental/Surroundings, Outside/Physical, and Inside/Mental.

I guess this is a problem that stems from having a big heart: I have cared so much about other people that I haven't cared a lot about myself. But I feel that if I care too much about myself, I'll turn into one of those pius, pompous, arrogant, world-revolves-around-me people I can't stand.

First thing's first: Try to make an effort to be somewhat neat and tidy. Everything around me is a mess. However, I have to try to not develop something like obsessive-compulsive.

Next after that: I got to get rid of at least 150 pounds. At first glance, I look like a liability to someone. This is by far the hardest thing to do.

Finally: The continuation to improve conversation and to see things through multiple pairs of shoes.


Environmental/Surroundings

I plan on spending today - Labor Day, which I asked for off of work - on trying to get my room and office cleaned and to establish a routine that helps me ensure the long-term survival of these changes.

When you head up the stairs to the second floor of my house, you'll bump right into an oscillating fan that blows toward my computer chair. When you get to the landing, the door to my bedroom is on the right, with my computer area to the left. This serves as an extension of my bedroom because there are quite a few things in it (plus, this is the only computer in the house, and this is a safer location than people running around in my bedroom).

Right next to my door is a whiteboard that still has spring sports assignments written on it. I just never got around to updating it every week. I thought this would help me organize things better, but since I haven't updated it, the whole thing just doesn't make sense.

A bunch of cords are on the floor underneath the whiteboard. These are for the computer area, and is all hooked to a tripp-lite surge that leads under my bedroom door and into my room.

Right now on my computer desk, Danny has yet to pitch his two cans of Java Monsters. I still have yet to pitch my Nestle water bottle. Things are stacked to the left of my computer screen (from top to bottom): an extra set of headphones, the football program from Harlem/Boylan, the notepad I used at that football game, my copy of Bastian's History of Whiteside County, Danny's camera, my notebook from the Dubuque Think Session last week, my planner (another thing used for organizational purposes that I never use), and some of Mike's mail.

On the wall behind my computer is a spot usually reserved for my complimentary IHSA wall calendar (they have yet to send them out), and to the right is a corkboard that I have used for over 15 years. It takes a great amount of effort to reach over and tack something on it, thus I rarely use it. On the corkboard now are a few buttons, a picture of my uncle Scott and Great-Grandpa Cutter, an old Merrill School ribbon from 1944, a Chicago-to-Elburn Pink Line schedule, ticket stubs from Rock Island, Ottawa and the IHSA State Basketball Finals, an Ernie Banks autograph, and a business card from an editor at the Freeport paper, who is no longer there.

To the left of my desk are two two-drawer file cabinets stacked on top of each other. There are magnets, but the only thing on it is a piece of paper from a supersectional basketball game that I covered. It was on the media table and it reads "Illinois Wesleyan welcomes ... Coby Carter, NIU Sports Beat".

On top of this stack of cabinets is a bin for all of my game notes, rosters, programs, etc. It is emptied when full and put in my file cabinet when so. Also on to top of it is a chrome-green colored paper weight I bought on an art trip to Milwaukee in college.

I won't even get into detail about what's in my file cabinets and desk drawers. Let alone my bedroom and closet. I will say this about my closet: some shirts will be demoted to lounging clothes.

I'm even tired of writing about all of this.

I guess you can call me a borderline hoarder. I'd like to spend all day up here and clear things out. I tried having rummage sales, but these worked to absolutely NO avail. I can't make a profit off of this stuff, so I'm just considering donating it.

OR, on an absolute longshot, bundling and trading for things I do need. I want to set aside things that I don't want, but shouldn't really throw away. If the thrift stores won't take them, I'll simply snap a picture of these things and try to trade them away.

Whatever I do want to trade, I'll post pictures of on this Blog. I've seen many of my friends use something on Facebook called the Spring Cleaning Exchange. Perhaps if I'm really in the need of dumping stuff, I could start using that.

One of the hallmarks of the laziness that I have unfortunately obtained are the piles of folded clothes still in the baskets they were put in when laundry was done. Translation - I have no dresser. The cat will get on them. I need a dresser.

Also inside my room is a large plastic bucket (the ones commonly used for play toys and such), which I bought for a trash can purpose. This should help me get rid of the stuff in my bedroom, my closet, in my desk drawers and my file cabinets.

After the upstairs has been conquered, I'd like to work on my car.

All told, I'm trying to make things look presentable. Plus, getting rid of this stuff should make it easier for me of a moving-out takes place.

It's 4:30 a.m. as I post this. I'm going to work on getting this accomplished. Wish me luck!


***
The other two facets of the improvement plan, Outside/Physical and Inside/Mental, will be written about in later entries.