Current Song - The One You Love (Glenn Frey)
The title of this entry stems from an argument from three months ago. Here I was trying to fix the issues in my life, and what I got in response were the words "personal growth tour" (quotes included) as if I was being mocked. Needless to say, I shoved back and moved on.
Three months ago at this time, I decided to make some changes to the NISB website that I run, via the State of the Site Address.
I was pinned to a wall in many ways before I made these decisions, and I can honestly say that right now I am less stressful than I was four months ago. I don't have to worry about rushing to get things done, and I don't have to worry about having website matters interfere with what I do for work at the Shell station.
If I had kept going the way I had been, rather than make much-needed changes, I would be out of money and in a worse mental state. I could forsee this happening and I had to do what I had to do to get out of it. I basically said in the State of the Site Address that the changes were going to be made in order to reset myself and start over again.
I didn't detail all of the changes I was going to make in my life in the Address, because it would make this video more about Me than the Website.
Financially
As I mentioned earlier, there is much little stress in my life because I'm now doing things the way I want to do them, instead of have the world push me around in different directions against my own will. I can't recall a single time that I have been in a bad mood since making these changes.
Previously, I was living paycheck-by-paycheck (minus the seven-month absence). I'm not investing as much money into the website as I used to, thuis the money I'm making at work is actually going into my pocket rather than toward website expenses. This relieves that worry. Although I still split my paychecks certain ways, with one of them being website expenses.
Tying in, when I was living paycheck-to-paycheck and in the seven months I was out of work, I learned to live off very little. When the money did come my way, I worked hard to not spend so much of it and continue to make do with less. In my last entry, I mentioned an opportunity to live at a place of my own - and this would just carry on to that. If I kept on with the usual website plans, I never would have had this opportunity to live at a place of my own.
It's been two weeks since I last bought a lotto ticket, which is the longest-such stretch since coming back to work. This is something that I hope continues into the future. I have also not been to a casino since breaking even at Bettendorf two months ago. This is also someting that I hope continues into the future.
Website
When I made the address, there were certain people that thought this was the end of it. For the first time in eight years of running the website, I began to feel that doubt of its future existed in the minds of other people - and all you can do about this is ignore them. In the address, I stated that the website will NOT die. So far, it hasn't.
I've impressed myself on occasion with what I'm able to put up on the website as far as content is concerned. Certain people thought that the website wouldn't have fresh content on a regular basis, but I'm finding a way to make this happen ... slowly but surely.
The whiteboard next to my desk is still in use and it is my hope that I can build a log of content releases (something new on the website every day) that extends into the future. I still get Tuesdays off of work, with some Thursdays in there once in a while. Lately I haven't been making good use of these nights because of trying to get my life in order, but I think sometime soon I'll be able to make the usual rounds throughout northern Illinois like I used to.
And the NISB board hasn't lost a beat when it comes to traffic ... senior posters, maybe, but I think the overall mood has quieted down now that people know what I expect in message board discussion.
With what content I'm putting up, I'm starting to become more aware of who is visiting the website. Perhaps I can build on these links.
Once I'm able to build the website back to a cycle of success, I can restart the promotional cause.
I keep mentioning that I'm wanting to do more with the website, and at the same time compliment myself on the lack of stress. The difference here is this: there is ZERO outside influence pushing me around this time.
Conversation
The one-year anniversary of my almost-fatal sting at Shell went by quietly. Since coming back in April, I'd like to think I'm doing alright. That's for the rest of them to decide, not me. But the nights have certainly gone by quicker.
There's not much else to mention after that, other than my comeback ingited a spark to combat a major weakness of mine. In my first go-around, I was shy and didn't talk so much. When customers noticed that I was back, this led to more and more conversation.
And more conversation is a plus.
Working with my conversation abilities at Shell has helped me somewhat when it comes to whenever I see a friend somewhere. In what is becoming the page-turning process of the next chapter, I'm trying to find out who's in it for the long run, or whose time has passed.
Along the way, I'm finding a whole new group of people available to me. I think when most people hit college, they start to find new friends and hang out with them more. All this time I couldn't quite let go of what I already had. I guess only now, at age 26, I'm noticing that there truly DOES exist people that share the same interests as myself (mostly in the form of high school sports). These people are of many different ages, and from all over northern Illinois.
Girls
When it comes to an improvement in conversation, the topic of girls pretty much has to come up. So here it is.
Since trying to restructure the foundation of my life, I have eliminated all of my past "crush remnants" (and wrote a series of entries on this Blog about it). The process was hard, and I had to let go of three girls that lingered in my life all of this time.
This wiped the slate clean. I realized then that the whole "trying to find a girlfriend" thing was something that I could not force, but rather have it come to me.
At this point in my life, there are three avenues where she can come from:
1. My past - Which is so hard since the next chapters of their own lives have been made, and we have drifted apart since then (unless there is somehow a small link keeping us together that I don't know about).
2. Through the "Enter" door at the Shell station - Such an occurance has only happened maybe 2 or 3 times since working there, where I think she is kind of cute.
3. Somewhere within the high school sports scene - Some fan, parent, young coach, or elsewhere. This has never happened in the 10 years I've been involved with journalism. I should make an important note that it is absolutely wrong to have crushes on the girls you write about at the time, as it is not only a serious breach of journalism ethic but also something very disturbing. Even if the situation is reversed, when a girl you write about has a crush on you, it is still a serious breach of ethic if you agree to persue this (even for someone like me who has been wanting a significant other for quite some time). Ethic takes precedence over crushes in this instance. I had to battle with this challenge during my short time at Sauk Valley Media, granted I had just turned 18 at the time.
Do good things happen to those who wait?
Health
I'll end with something that is still bothering me to this day.
I mentioned in my Address that I was going to do something about my health. I'm still a big, fat sitting duck.
I don't think I'll get anywhere with the point above with where I'm at now. I know I mentioned the rental opportunity in the last entry, but I'm not sure if depriving myself of money is going to help me shed some pounds. They say fasting is the worst way to lose weight.
Now if I can just find a way to make this happen, I think I'll be going a lot faster in this process.
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