It's Now Or Never!

Cutter's Log - Stardate 3102.11.40
Current Song - Goldberg Theme

Six years ago, I thought I had it. Graduation smashed us all into little pieces, and I was lost for a little while. Then the moment came when I found myself saying, "Cody, she's still here. She's right over there." That didn't work out, and despte a couple of even longer-shot opportunities, that was it for me.

It's been three years since last feeling this feeling. And if you know me well, you know what I'm leading up to.

Yep.

And I actually think I have a chance this time.

"Not this again! I thought you were done! Defeated. Blown out of your misery. Retreated to the small house you'll spend the rest of your life in ... alone!

You're a has-been, Cody. All you do is look at your past, because you know damn well that you are destroying your future and letting it slip through your fingertips. You know it.

Your past. Gee, this "chance". I can narrow it down to a category of about 15, of which about five or six are still left. Am I right?"

You seem awfully interested. Why should I tell you? It's not your right to know. Yet.

"Well, if I can't get it out of your mouth - don't worry, we always seem to find out who it is somehow behind your back - perhaps this will help ...

Let me tell you a story ... about a kid named Daniel. You know, your brother. You want to know why Danny is the popular kid he is today? BECAUSE HE DIDN'T TURN HIS BACK ON THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED HIM! Unlike you, Cody!

For four years, your little brother was a beloved fixture at SHS, and still is. Basketball maanger. Baseball manager. He bleeds Blue and Gold, and he loves it. They made him feel welcome at SHS, not letting his conditions deter him."

You say one more word about my brother, I swear to God ...

"Oh, no. I don't do that. You see, he took that embracement and held on to it. You, Cody, were given that same treatment. Remember?"

Yes I was. At least I think it was.

"Don't give me that debate! All your classmates knew you acted "off", so they rmbraced you. Tried to help you. Remember the "pimp walk" and the "pimp glasses"? Nathan, D.J. and Corey were trying to help you. Remember eighth grade basketball? That led to all of those managing opportunities at SHS, didn't it?

Ask any of your teammates from the Class of 2002 and 2003. They loved you. They embraced you. You were what Danny would end up being like when he was a freshman - beloved. Think about it; if you would have kept on going the same way your brother did, maybe you would have a social life right now."

Now hold it right there! If, let's say, I went down your path, Danny would have had to live in my shadow, and wouldn't get the same treatment that he got today. Would have been redundant.

I am so proud of my brother! I would do anything for him, and that includes not regretting any decision that would have ruined my brother's future. Even if it is after-the-fact.

"You don't regret it? You don't regret it?!?!? Tell that to all of the people you turned your back on. You turned your back on people that went out of their way to make you happy at SHS: classmates, teachers, coaches, superfans.

And why did you turn your back on them, Cody? Why? They know, but you won't tell them and they just can't seem to understand because of that. So let me tell you.

You turned your back on them because of your overblown ego. You traded a promising future, for what you THOUGHT was a promising future. You listened to your heart. No not YOUR heart. Your so-called heart that was revolving around ..."

STOP!

I know where you're going with that. Did I trade my blue and gold. I did. Can't deny that. But let me tell you something. I've had a lot of people falsely assume that I'm playing with fire and "gonna get ill" - to which their asses will be kicked because that's some of the harshest things you can say about someone.

"You are a failure because you listened to your desires. How'd that turn out? Oh yeah. Daaaaa! Daaaaa! Da Da Da Da Da! Not once. Not twice. Not three times. More that that. You know it. They know it. THEY know it.

Looks like this is your final chance."

If you think you are going to stop me from knowing what it's like to be in love, not a chance! If anybody from my past things they are going to stop me; put me "in my place," they're dead wrong. Dead wrong. My feelings are what they are. It's now or never. I'll find out who my friends are. I'll find out who my enemies are. Either way, I'll have a better piece of mind.

I may have an army against me. And I ask for help myself. But I will not rest until I find true love! I don't give up. Never have. Never will. No matter now much resistance I am dealt with.

"Well, good luck. You'll need it!"

We'll see about that!