Space

Cutter's Log - Stardate 0102.91.70
Current Song - Trololo (Edward Kuhl)

I've been in sort of a funk in the past month or so. I don't feel like doing anything other than working or sleeping. When I'm not working, I want to close my eyes and lay down. When I'm not sleeping, I'm usually working.

I don't know if this is my body telling me that it wants to start a long-term catch-up-on-sleep project, or what. Maybe it's because I'm constantly finding myself bored. There are times I don't even feel like writing.

Why am I constantly bored? I think it's because I'm constantly worrying so much. Among the things I'm worrying about include the love life and friendships. The love life has been something I've always had trouble with. But before I can even think about finding a girlfriend, I have to work on maintaining friendships.

What?

You see, I feel like I never do my part in maintaining them. The few who have actually reached out to me, I've had trouble keeping it up. Apparently I have to reach out to everyone else. It's as if others are forcing me to play offense. It's like saying, “don't reach out to him, let him reach out to you.”

I can't. I don't know how. My interest levels do not match those of the people I find myself around. Wait, did I just talk like an android?

As I am typing this, I am sitting on my computer chair staring off into space. Android? Data? I'm finding myself staring off into space a lot these days. Doesn't seem like fun, doesn't it? Id' rather be having a fun time. I can't remember the last time I had a fun time with other people. Most of those with whom I've interacted with in high school seem to have this kind of fun every couple of days.

Real life is setting in. It seems as if those I was once with are drifting into a large melting pot, leaving me all alone (but not on purpose).

(10 more minutes of staring into space)

Okay, I now remember the last time – in March at March Madness in Peoria, eating wings at Hooters with some Winnebago fans. March. Four months ago.

I need to stare off some more ...