So How AM I Doing?

Cutter's Log - Stardate 3102.42.30
Current Song - Straight On (Heart)

It's a habit that I mutter "good" when people ask me how I am doing.

That stems from the many times I simply lie in order to prevent myself from unknown, prolonged conversation when time is tight. I say "good" when things are either good OR not-so-good. About the only time I'll ever be honest is when I have the time and patience to engage in conversation.

"How are you" serves as the ultimate ice breaker - and here I am pushing it aside because I am constantly busy. Over the years, this gave my friends and classmates the impression that I was rude. However, I simply didn't know how to interact.

So how AM I doing?

Seems like I have to write an entire novel to answer that question these days. So here it is.

***

I'm exhausted. I will be finishing my seventh or eighth straight 40-hour work week. I haven't done that since the summer after high school graduation at Crest. That job brought to light the issues with my back and knees. My back was sore every day and my knees hurt to where I needed to crouch down on the assembly line to ease the pain.

After all this 40-hour stuff recently, my knees are weak once again and my back is getting sore around the center. My knees are a "big" problem. Sometimes they feel like giving out when I get off work, getting that jerking feeling. It's money, yes, but I feel like crap every night.

A lot of people I know are engaged in multiple money-making jobs. I fail to have the stamina necessary at this time to accomplish this. I don't know if there is a supplment or something that I should take in order to improve this.

***

Since putting off website stuff (Day 3 of the Hiatus), I feel like I have a much-clearer head. Like a door flew open and sucked things out. However, I still find myself thinking about issues in the high school sports scene: Upstate-Downstate Treatment, Four-Class Basketball, and the portrayal of varsity stars in media. One thought will lead to another, which winds up eating into my time.

I have thought of a way to relieve this: I took tiny pieces of paper and wrote down ...

Four-Class Basketball (MP/Simeon)
Upstate-Downstate Treatment
NIB 5/5
Portrayal of varsity stars in media

... and folded them out and placed them in a ziploc sandwich bag. That way I won't look at what I wrote down.

When I come back briefly in late May, I hope to put all of these things in a mega-column. Once things are written down, I'll try not to think of them until then.

***

Weight-wise, I have to get back on track. That explains the knees. The four weeks of State Finals stuff threw me off, but I intend to get back with the increased free time.

***

But I think the biggest thing for me right now is to try to have fun. All of the stuff I'm going through is not fun. If I had more fun, I don't think I would be so stressed.

I can't wait for sunny days, so that I can watch some softball games.
I yearn for classmate get-togethers, so that we can catch up and remain in touch.
One day I hope I can be lively at a bar (while remaining a permanent DD).
I hope my Lotto #s come in to where I can win something.
I hope that something I write on here will actually grab someone's attention so we could discuss (and learn).

Perhaps then, "good" will mean something.

I hope that fun days are ahead, without me being pressured.