Social Shutdown

Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.03.10
Current Song – Subdivisions (Rush)

I experienced yet another episode of “social shutdown” recently. Social shutdown is what I call it when a conversation abruptly ends. That happens a lot with me when talking with people from school.

Why? I simply run out of things to say.

“Hi Cody, what's up?”

“Oh, not much.”

That's the conversation. How do I try to extend it after “not much”? I have tried to say something like “Oh, not much. You?” Then I get the response, whatever it is. Then I run out of things to say again.

It's not just verbally, too. It extends to social networking: way back when on ICQ and now on Facebook.

Perhaps it is best that I try to build off of the person's response to my question “You?” But what, and how do I find this in my mixed bag of things to say? Why can't I find something truthful to say? Social shutdown begins.

I have overheard conversations that continue forward after the introductory “what's up” with the mentioning of some sort of factual data of that person. But what do I say? The time it takes for me to come up with that bit of information is a turn-off. Social shutdown begins.

I don't know the best way to tackle this. Is there a list of sample questions to help continue the conversation? I don't know. A little help here?

Once I find this out, I think I can tailor the right question to the right person.

So I tried to find these questions – and then, out of nowhere, my imagination showed that I seem dull asking question after question after question after question after question after question. I'm not supposed to be conducting an interview, that's my sports job! However, interviewing has been my only means of communication to people that I do not know. So that seems to carry over to people I haven't seen in a while.

Now, how to prevent a conversation from turning into an interview.

Listening skills. I've been a very poor listener, and get distracted very easily. This is probably another trait of journalism, as my goal is to get quotes and not really talk to the person. Note to self: This is probably why the quotes in my stories are SO dull.

I have to listen more to what the person has to say. I do so with a smile, if you don't know by now. So I kind of get it now – I'm a poor conversationalist because I am a poor listener.

Now, to help the listening skills.

I have found in broken conversions I've had in the past that I converse the best when I'm talking to a single person in a room that only has the two of us. This does not happen often, however, and when it does it's a slow day at Shell. I have noticed that late at night when I'm calling one of my writers up about a story that the conversation seems to branch away from work. When this happens, I'm usually all alone in my room, or in my den; either way with nothing else on my mind.

Also I have found that I seem to converse more when I'm in the car with someone else on a long trip. Hasn't happened all that often, however. There will be one in a couple of weeks, though, as a high school sports friend and I are riding down to Riverton (near Springfield) for a basketball event.

So I guess I converse best and listen more when (1) I'm all alone by myself or with one other person in a room, and (2) there is nothing else going on in my mind.

This is actually part of my daily routine, it seems like. It happens right before I go to bed, or right before I take a nap. They are great times to catch me. And after such conversations happen more often, wouldn't I be able to chip away at the distractions and social shutdowns?

Late at night is my downtime: usually from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. Catch me if you can. Phone number is on the website somewhere.

Meanwhile, I'll spend the rest of the night staring blankly into space for the hundred-millionth time.