The Thought Process

Cutter's Log - Stardate 0102.20.20
Current Song - Walkin' On The Sun (Smashmouth)

I have a unique thought process.

I was born with it. It often irritates people. It involves finding flaws with people's arguments. If I find the flaw, I'll say it. This makes people mad, and they scramble to find some way (some hurried, incorrect way) to counter the argument. It doesn't do them any good. So don't try to fool me, I'll know. Many people have tried to take advantage of the fact that I have a social weakness, and am willing to accept anything. What they don't know is that I think things way too deep. When I think of things too deep, I eventually find the flaw with the situation.

Take, for instance, a friend of mine in middle school. My friend was probably more shyer than I was. He was looking for a girl's phone number. The girl gave him a phone number. It was another boy's phone number. He didn't know it, but I did (this is what happens you when you study the student directories). I told my friend about this. I took the note with the # to the girl, and ripped it in front of her face.

"Condemn, and be condemned."

It's one thing to have fun, another to have fun at the expense at others. It's another to have fun at the expense of others who won't be able to recover from things like this. Okay, we all did this at one time or another. So did I. I knew the person I did something like this to would eventually recover from it.

I think what made me kind of an outcast among my classmates in school was the fact that I knew they were lying to me. The old "let's fool Cody" gag would always fail. Boy, were they angry that they backfired. It fooled them so bad, they didn't want to even try telling me things again.

What's the "let's fool Cody" gag?

Most of the popular kids in middle school knew I was trying to establish a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with pretty much any girl I had a crush on at that time. Once they knew I kind of liked someone, they would say something to me.

"Hey Cody, ____ likes you," with a smile on their face.

I'd say something like, "how do you know?"

"She told me."

At this point, I make a determination. Do I risk talking to her and falling flat on my face? Do I tell him he's wrong? How do I tell him I know?

I keep asking more questions. If it gets to the point where he is irritated, then I know he's lying. If he's really trying to help me, he'd continue to convince me without any knowledge of time.

They couldn't convince me. So they tried making the girls tell me. A girl would tell me so-and-so likes me, under the assumption that I would be willing to trust any girl who talks to me.

Then I get to thinking:

"Why are the girls now telling me? Maybe they're trying to fool me. The boys haven't done anything like this in a while. Certainly they would. If she really likes me, why isn't she doing something about it? Surely she is more outgoing than I am. She can't possibly be more shyer than me."

The closest time I was ever bluffed came with a girl I really liked, and the bluff came from someone (a girl) that I would NEVER expect to hear it from. The confrontation was just the two of us at a schoolground. I was going one way, and she was going another. We met at the schoolground. We talked for a while, and started pulling the gag. It came out of nowhere. Two, how did she know I liked this girl? She even re-enacted the dialogue from the girl; something about how "I like Cody Cutter." I believed it for a split second. I think I responded, "we'll see."

It gets REAL bad when the gag is pulled by the very girl I like. It's like a slap in the face. That just reads "I'm lying" all over it.

Bottom line: Dont' EVER bluff me.

It turns out every time this came up, it WAS a lie. If I was vulnerable to this abuse, I don't think I'd be the same person I am today. I'd be much worse.

I like the way I think.