Work got the best of me yet again!

Cutter's Log - Stardate 9002.90.10
Current Song - Shattered Dreams (Johnny Hates Jazz)

The day I found out I was working at my real job the exact time both Coach Goers and Coach Pingatore would surpass Coach Van Scyoc's boys basketball wins record devastated me. I devoted about a year to this record and kept a win tracker on both coaches. I had wanted to cover the record breaking moment no matter who broke it first, although Goers and Boylan is an area team.

This became one of the many moments I would see slip past me because of my job as a cashier at a Shell station in Sterling. We had no flexibility whatsoever when it came to scheduling. I was always afraid to call in sick even when I was sick. This one girl I used to work with there worked when sick a lot, and she was let go after one too many call offs. Playing hooky from work would be devastating, too.

So I am stuck at this gas station gig that has no flexibility and is a house made of playing cards. It's the only non-journalism place that is still willing (I think) to accept me and the different ways I think and do things. Without Shell, I'm without money and without any non-journalism job. I think I possess one of the worst work ethics known to mankind.
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I have a real bad feeling that I have screwed up this "job" thing.

The journalism industry somehow took off without me right after I graduated high school. So I had to stick to common jobs and work my way up that way. Now it appears I can't even work out at these jobs anymore.

Just after the second Indian regime took over at BP, they promoted someone younger than me and hadn't been there as long as me to assistant manager. That didn't make me feel all too bad, no. This stuff happens and I realize that. What set me off was her power trip. Now at Shell there is this lady who somehow leap-frogged over me and is getting more management responsibilities. That's okay too, she is older than I am.

However, I'm getting the feeling that this "forward progress" is normal, and I am actually going backwards. In fact, I feel like I'm being pushed out very, very slowly like Chinese torture. There's nothing I can really do about it. There's nothing I can really learn from this to take somewhere else. I've got nothing else left other than NISB, which I can't make any money out of (and when I try it just makes it look worse). I've got nothing else left to take somewhere else. If Shell drains me, that's it. But I just can't adapt.