As I doubted my future ... Again

Cutter's Log - Stardate 8002.32.10
Current Song - She Blinded Me With Science (Thomas Dolby)

Call me an idiot for doing so. I've done foolish things before, but I was caught doing one recently at work.

I have to get my chores done by 12:30 PM when I close. On days when I can't get them done, I'll clock out at 12:30, or fifteen till, and work off the clock to get caught up. There are nights I won't leave the building until 1:15. You see, I started doing this after I was told I had to be out the door at 12:30.

I knew all along I couldn't do that, and so I tried to curve the rule by doing this. Well, I can't do that anymore. So now my work time has really been scrunched down. The first time I did this I felt like I wasn't able to do it. I kept telling myself I give up. Now every time I walk into work I expect an earful from anyone. Therefore, I don't even get anything from there (I'll go to the other three Shells in Sterling/Rock Falls).

You see, I think they're just trying to get me back on track - back to doing everything correctly. But each job I've ever had I've been a sinking ship from day one. What makes me believe that the next job I'll have will be different?

As you can tell, I have a problem with ground rules. If I don't like the rules, I'll either make up my own, or curve them so I can survive. If I feel like I'm being used as a pawn for someone else's gain, I'll be very critical. Should I just sit there and take this abuse?

So now I can't curve the rules. I guess I can't survive.

It made me think of my proposed column idea to SVN, similar to what Andy did when I was there. I've had that thing in the file cabinet since Salem was sports editor. However, the only reason I'm staying away from there is because I KNOW that I'm going to have conflicts.