No. 40

Cutter's Log - Stardate 0102.90.40
Current Song - I Thank You (ZZ Top)

From kindergarten to college, there have been 39 different girls I have either had crushes on or thought was kind of cute. No. 39 was a year ago, and No. 38 was a few years ago.

No. 40 has appeared just recently. With nos. 38, 39 and 40 I have come up with the same thought after thinking about them:

I will not be good enough for them.

When I have high thoughts of her, I immediately come to the conclusion that it's not going to work out. And it will all be because I'm not fit for a relationship. I don't know how I could train for something like this - and if I did, wouldn't it be treated as if it was business-like? No one wants that. No matter how hard I try, nothing I do is going to satisfy anyone.

Every time I fall in love with someone, why do I feel even more depressed? Who would have thought the next time I meet someone who I think highly of can throw a punch at my world.