Doing What I want to Do

Cutter's Log - Stardate 9002.52.11
Current Song - Across the Universe (The Beatles)

Today was one of those days where I wanted to just walk out and leave.

After trying to get new pumps at our store, we finally got them last week. We were toward the bottom of the list for some reason (along with Walnut and maybe Davis). There were many times the credit card readers would not work. This was one of the reasons why I yearned for new pumps.

We got them. But the network connecting register and pump doesn't want to cooperate. That's just one problem: the other involves the collective consciousness of the store's customer base. Let's talk about the latter.

There's a certain procedure to operate the new pumps. 1. Lift up the nozzle. 2. Select the grade of fuel. 3. Wait for the pump to authorize. 4. Begin pumping. Sounds like any pump out there, doesn't it?

However, there are many older customers who seem to think that their own way of doing it is the only way it will work. To them I say, please understand the English language. There is a screen on the pump. "Please wait" means please wait. "Please wait" does NOT mean hold on to the lever, or lock it. "Please wait" is not directed to the gas that's coming out, but rather a direction to you the pumper.

If anything it made me more impatient having to walk this through the customers than the impatiences of the customers themselves. I darn near had a brain hemorrhage at the end of my shift. I think I pissed off many customers today, and even a few friends. I don't normally do this, but the emotions just kept coming back with each error.

During each period of calm, I tried to imagine myself following my dreams and escaping this joint. Then it would disappear.

When I got back home, I wrote something (with the Beatles' Across the Universe humming in my head):

"I want to fly away. I want to escape from the problems that are bugging me. I can't be frustrated many times. It's happened before.

When I get tense, I imagine myself accomplishing my dreams. I lose all focus of the present. The constant interruptions get annoying. I want to break free from the annoyance and fly away toward my dreams.

I am where I am because it contains a couple of things that I want: money and friends. I have made some money and garnered a few friends. But I'm still unhappy inside.

I want to fly away and toward my dreams. But what may be in my way? If there's something, I want to rid of it.

There are those who say it cannot be done anymore. That it's closed off to new people. But not if it can be re-revolutionized by my presence.

With each passing day I dream of new ways to enhance my dream. I dream of making new friends in thise quest and establishing a friend base I can always lean on in times of need. At least they can understand where I'm coming from.

Probably the biggest obstacle I have is the timing of this dream.

I'm 23 years old. I have a lot of life left in me. If something were to destroy my dream with plenty of time left, I'd have a life for not. Thus I can create a backup plan. I know what I can do. I can create new dreams based on the experiences of prior ones. It'll be a cycle, with each version being better than the previous one.

However, what I want now is something I want to do for the rest of my life.

I have the support. I will end up having the time. But will I have the fuel to accomplish my dream? And thus fly away from the problems that are in front of me?

I want to fly away. I want to be myself, and I want to enjoy doing what I want to do.

My dreams - here I come."

Nothing's gonna change my world.

It starts with some cutting back and preservation measures.