Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.82.10
Current Song - Endgame (REM)
Many years ago I was thinking to myself what would life be like if I hadn't moved from Rock Falls to Sterling back in the spring of '97. Surely life would have been different. But the sticking point of all of that was, what would life be in regards to having friends, happiness, and my biggest worry at the time - having a girlfriend.
Once more I thought of an alternate reality, but not that of staying in RF.
I've had a lot to think about over the past couple of days. But just now, as I was wandering down a thought pattern, I found myself wondering what my life would be like without high school sports.
Nothing.
If, for some reason, my interest in high school sports was yanked from me, I would find myself alone, empty, disappointed, sad, lonely - and even more than what I am now.
Throughout high school, I wasn't able to build onto anything that I could use in the future. This includes school friends. Somehow when I tried, it was recieved very badly.
I became lonely and sullen throughout high school. Just when my world was collapsing around me, that's when I found the love for high school sports. I took it, embraced it, and stated that from that day forward I would never let it go.
If I let go of my love for high school sports, my dreams would be shattered and I don't think I'd have anything to live for. I mean, I went to college and spent five years of my life working on a mass communnication degree. If all of it was thrown away, all that time would have been a waste.
Quite often I've found myself staring death of my career and my love for high school ports at its face. Every time I've found myself in that position, I have said "No."
Personally, I have been torn apart and beaten to a bloody pulp because I simply do not want to throw away my career as a high school sports journalist.
I've made a lot of sacrifices - especially time and money - just to keep my career ambitions afloat.
I've seen my finances dwindle to the nothing that it is today. I've slept in my own cold car at state tournament games just to preserve the money I have to keep prodding on. I've starved myself to death at long marathon sports sessions just to try to keep the money afloat. Who knows what other sacrifices I have made, and they probably do not exist in my head because it has become so routine.
When I look past that face of the death of my career and my love for high school ports, I see the same nothing that I was before I fell in love with it. Life's necessities kept pushing me toward death's face. But each time I turned around and kept fighting.
High school sports and journalism is my life. I'd be a shell of my former self without it, and I don't want that happening to me.
A couple of years ago - after a few years of not going anywhere with friendships I hade tried to forge throughout school days - I wanted to try to get somewhere with friendships that fell under the same general interest of mine (high school sports). These few years were those that I literally had no support group around me. Over the past couple of years, I am trying to rebuild it through the interest of high school sports.
My presence as a journalist gave me unlimited boundaries as far as having access to people. My duty as a journalist gave me the power to interact with others - a power that I never really had during school days.
Through my love for high school sports and journalism I have met so many people from so many schools. I wanted to not just be that journalist, but I wanted to strive to be a friend and a person that can be accessible when it came to wondering what high school sports is truly like.
In the past decade of covering high school sports - and this may seem like bragging, but I think it's true - I have seen everything. I have seen every sport on every level. Big school, small school. Public school, private school. Starters and scrubs. Suburban school and poor school. All through almost every perspective imaginable.
Interview subjects, I don't feel, are simply interview subjects. That would be the slightest bit of rudeness in a way. Coaches, players, athletic directors, officials, fellow members of the high school sports media world and the like: I want to be their friend.
I feel like I have established that circle of friendship very well. And I am going to keep soldiering on with my dreams of becoming the best high school sports journalist I can be, and with the support of the people that I am around.
And to throw it all away would literally, and truthfully, be the end of one Cody Cutter.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I Sense Self-Destruction
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.52.10
Current Song - Take a Bow (Madonna)
I was given one of those demoralizing lectures this morning, and I'm really reeling right now.
REALLY feeling uncomfortable with myself right now.
Then again, reeling is something I've been doing since September.
I don't think I've ever been put in a quondam this much in my life. Apparently, I found out that careful planning for the continuation of my own life isn't the way to go about living. Apparently, I have to be like Nike and "just do it" and walk into certain situations and deal with them.
I can't.
I literally can't.
My is so automatically set on careful preperation for future endeavors, that a change in course is going to lead to an explosion.
I can't just up and move into an apartment. I need to find the money and be able to hold onto it. But apparently, I need to go into this apartment and somehow blindfoldedly go about surviving.
I've been told life doesn't work out the way I go about it.
I've been told that I can't wait for all the right things to line up, and then go.
Just do it?
I'm not ready to go all reckless abandoned yet.
Just go out there and do it? Even on the very rare occasions when I did, the effects were disasterous. For example, I just can't go out there and tell who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world my true affection for her. That'll end up being disasterous.
But apparently there are more important things to think about before even touching the thought about relationships. I can't even get on my own two feet for crying out loud.
Just do it?
I see nothing but disaster.
But I've been persuaded to "just do it."
Do I walk the path toward disaster?
Or do I sit back and continue to be pushed around.
I can't find a gray area.
My parents, and two of my brothers have made such decisions in their lives. But that's because they have a support group to help them.
I don't have a support group. Apparently I wrecked that during middle school and high school.
And now I'm alone and empty. Between a rock and a hard place.
Where do I go from here? I just do not know.
Current Song - Take a Bow (Madonna)
I was given one of those demoralizing lectures this morning, and I'm really reeling right now.
REALLY feeling uncomfortable with myself right now.
Then again, reeling is something I've been doing since September.
I don't think I've ever been put in a quondam this much in my life. Apparently, I found out that careful planning for the continuation of my own life isn't the way to go about living. Apparently, I have to be like Nike and "just do it" and walk into certain situations and deal with them.
I can't.
I literally can't.
My is so automatically set on careful preperation for future endeavors, that a change in course is going to lead to an explosion.
I can't just up and move into an apartment. I need to find the money and be able to hold onto it. But apparently, I need to go into this apartment and somehow blindfoldedly go about surviving.
I've been told life doesn't work out the way I go about it.
I've been told that I can't wait for all the right things to line up, and then go.
Just do it?
I'm not ready to go all reckless abandoned yet.
Just go out there and do it? Even on the very rare occasions when I did, the effects were disasterous. For example, I just can't go out there and tell who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world my true affection for her. That'll end up being disasterous.
But apparently there are more important things to think about before even touching the thought about relationships. I can't even get on my own two feet for crying out loud.
Just do it?
I see nothing but disaster.
But I've been persuaded to "just do it."
Do I walk the path toward disaster?
Or do I sit back and continue to be pushed around.
I can't find a gray area.
My parents, and two of my brothers have made such decisions in their lives. But that's because they have a support group to help them.
I don't have a support group. Apparently I wrecked that during middle school and high school.
And now I'm alone and empty. Between a rock and a hard place.
Where do I go from here? I just do not know.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Job Update 1/20
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.02.10
Current Song - Too Close (Next)
Got through on another round of call-ups.
Last week was filled with high school sports events. Starting with Tuesday the 10th, I've been at Winnebago, Stark County, Moline, Rochelle, Stillman Valley, Hononegah and Newark. Because of this, I planned on having a week off of covering events.
I took the week off to restart my job search. I looked up a bunch of phone numbers around northern Illinois and made a bunch of calls. This time I used some advice given to me to better my chances of getting a "yes" answer. I've got over 10 possible places throughout northern Illinois to apply to. I also have several places to check back later on.
The locations range from Sterling and Rock Falls to Camanche, Kewanee, Spring Valley, Rochelle and Byron - and places inbetween.
I'm going to dedicate all day Monday to filling out the applications, dropping them off or mailing them, or filling them out online.
Hopefully this round will bring better results. Wednesday will be a follow-up day.
Current Song - Too Close (Next)
Got through on another round of call-ups.
Last week was filled with high school sports events. Starting with Tuesday the 10th, I've been at Winnebago, Stark County, Moline, Rochelle, Stillman Valley, Hononegah and Newark. Because of this, I planned on having a week off of covering events.
I took the week off to restart my job search. I looked up a bunch of phone numbers around northern Illinois and made a bunch of calls. This time I used some advice given to me to better my chances of getting a "yes" answer. I've got over 10 possible places throughout northern Illinois to apply to. I also have several places to check back later on.
The locations range from Sterling and Rock Falls to Camanche, Kewanee, Spring Valley, Rochelle and Byron - and places inbetween.
I'm going to dedicate all day Monday to filling out the applications, dropping them off or mailing them, or filling them out online.
Hopefully this round will bring better results. Wednesday will be a follow-up day.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Tales From Tabor
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.80.10
Current Song - Around The World (Daft Punk)
St. Bede boys basketball coach Mike Kilmartin said it best after his team lost to the Rock Falls Rockets in Saturday's Rock Falls Shootout at Forrest L. Tabor Gymnasium.
"It feels good to play at home," said the Bruin coach, who also coached at Mendota for a number of years.
And the Abbey is a tough place to play in itself.
Kilmartin, who once served as athletics director at Mendota, came to the six-game Shootout a little earlier than his team did, hanging out with Rock Falls athletics director Rich Montgomery for most of the time. Their two schools were long-time rivals in the North Central Illinois Conference. Kilmartin was there for all four of the varsity games on Saturday's docket.
I'm a little crazier ... I watched eight (yes, 8) games at Tabor Gymnasium (not to say that "Killer" is crazy himself) on Saturday.
At 9:30 a.m. the Rock Falls and Princeton freshman teams played in a non-conference game. The two former NCIC rivals have had the first-Saturday-in-January date for a while now. I have a friend who is the freshman coach at Princeton, so my yearly sojourn to the Rock Falls Shootout (or Sauk Valley Bank Shootout, or whatever it is called) starts with a game that is not technically part of the Shootout.
Freshman games are usually played in almost-empty gyms, and this freshman tilt was indeed the case.
You want to know what gives Tabor Gym the atmosphere is is revered for?
Officials have claimed that the Gym is one of the most difficult places to work a game at. Of course, most of the sentiments are coming from experience working varsity games. However, the visual aspects of the Gym are so unique that it gives officials a difficult time to make calls.
And when calls are difficult to come by, coaches will get mad.
And when gyms are empty, coaches angers are especially noticed.
After taking in eight games at the Shootout, I came home and tried to take a nap. I couldn't. The noises of screaming coaches, the crowd pop of a Rock Falls three-pointer and Daft Punk in the pregame were still resonating inside my head.
While others will complain that it gives people headaches, this is why I love covering the Rock Falls Shootout. Furthermore, this is why I love covering games at Tabor Gym (notice I did NOT say I love covering Rock Falls sports ... doing so would be a breach of journalism bias).
About the Green Forrest
The main competition gymnasium of Rock Falls High School was not part of the original building complex, which was built in 1921. The original gym is located on the second floor of the main school building, and is still used for underclass games on occasion. Tabor Gym was part of an addition made to the school in the 1955.
So while Tabor is not as old as Moline's Wharton Fieldhouse (1929) or as big as Rock Island's "Rock Garden" (1958), it has a mystique of its own.
However that came in the mid-to-late 1990s.
Rock Falls boys basketball only had a few regional titles up until RFHS alum Thom Sigel started his coaching career back home. Sigel gradually built a strong program that won regional after regional, sectional after sectional, and eventually a Class A state championship in 1999.
As Rock Falls started to enjoy its newfound successes, more and more people started coming to the games.
Tabor Gym was barely big enough to hold such a strong following. Six rows of plastic bleachers on both sidelines, and another ten of wooden bleachers on the balconies above them. The south baseline is only a few feet from a wall, and the north baseline is only a few feet from the stage. The sideline space is even smaller. Plenty of people packed in such a small gym creates the tough visuals that some officials still can't master.
Then there's that pocket in the northwest corner of the gym, the one with all of the Rock Falls students in it. When regional titles were won on a consistent basis, the students in this section were known as the "Rocket Rowdies." Perhaps it was the antics of these students themselves that gave Tabor Gym its environment it is known for.
Student sections came to be naturally. But simply cheering wasn't enough. The extravagance - the wardrobe form - and the clever chants were enough to draw the ire of players, coaches and officials alike. Over time, the students from opposing schools would make the drive to Rock Falls simply to try to out-do the Rocket Rowdies - and thus adding to the high-octane environment.
I started going to Rock Falls games during my freshman year in high school (it should be noted that I went to Sterling all of this time). Some games when Rock Falls was not playing Sterling, I would attend a Rocket game and sit with friends in the student section. I won't forget the usual chant when Rock Falls got "screwed" on a call: Seth Wade would yell out to the rest of the student section, "Boo Those Refs!" and everyone else would follow suit and yell, "BOOOOOOO!" I'm not sure what happened with this after he graduated.
The Light Show
Rock Falls boys basketball was as exciting to watch at Tabor Gym as the Chicago Bulls were at the United Center during the days of MJ. The Bulls had a light show, and this was concept was brought over to Rock Falls.
While Quincy and its dancing Blue Devil (flame and all) is a circus act, Rock Falls is a rock concert.
The gym's lights will all go off and a moving spotlight will make figure-eights around the gym. All to the tune of the introduction of Europe's "Final Countdown." When the climax of the intro music hits (the beating of the drums), the players will run out from an awning, that leads from the locker room, onto the court. Led my someone with a large "RF" flag, they'll circle around the gym and eventually wind their way to a center-court huddle.
The pregame announcements (sportsmanship, intro of officials, etc.) are all done with the lights off. Then Daft Punk's "Around the World" will start to play as the starting lineups are announced. Originally, the music would reduce in volume and still be lightly heard, when the opposing players were announced. Today, the volume is turned to zero when opponents are introduced.
After lineups the National Anthem would start to play, with the spotlight fixed on the flag next to the student section. As the Anthem played, the gym lights would gradually turn back on to a fully-lit gym. Nearly a full minute would go by until the gym was fully lit.
Former Dixon coach Steve Sandholm once quipped, "I wish the school would start paying it's ComEd bill."
Because of the light show the Rocket Rowdie student section would also bring glowing green lights of some kind, to make it look cool.
Tabor Today
In the past couple of years, Tabor Gym has gone through several rehabilitations.
The lights have since been replaced, and the pregame darkness ends with a flip of a switch - creating havoc on the eyes. The original brown plastic bleachers have been replaced by newer green ones, and the players bleacher now has back rests. The floor has been re-done. The sports-themed painted artwork, painted on the concrete walls in 1991 (there was a drawing of Andre Dawson in a Cub uniform), is gone. The pennants of the fellow conference schools are also gone, but only because of the recent conference affiliation switch.
But more importantly, the Rocket Rowdie student section isn't what it used to be from back when I was in high school (2001-05). A recent emphasis on sportsmanship has curbed the practice of upstaging opposing fans. However that hasn't diminished the mystique of Tabor Gym, still a difficult place to play in.
Teams are only allowed so many games in a season, and thus so many home games. Scheduling Rock Falls in out-of-conference games is tough to do, but the yearly Rock Falls Shootout gives teams an opportunity to compete in a tight environment.
The Shootout is over 10 years old, and brings in teams from all over northern Illinois. The furthest attractions range from Pleasant Plains, St. Joseph-Ogden and Milwaukee South Division. Teams such as Rock Island, Minooka and Hinsdale South have moved from large venues to the tight quarters of Tabor.
It's best game was a few years back, when Erie defeated West Carroll 80-78 in double overtime. It's best year was during the Mike Winters era when several Division-I recruits played: including East Aurora's Ryan Boatwright, DeKalb's Jordan Threloff, Rock Island's Chasson Randle, Sterling's Joseph Bertrand, and several others.
I was told that there is still an opening for a team to come and play next year. I'd love to see a junior-laden team (of this year) such as Hinckley-Big Rock, Kaneland or even Winnebago come over.
Speaking of Winnebago, the Rockets travel up there on Tuesday for the rekindling of what I call the "Cyberseries". Both teams had epic supersectional games that sparked a rivalry between the two. The two teams haven't played since 2006.
When Winnebago comes down to Rock Falls on Jan. 27, Tabor Gymnasium should be buzzing like never before.
I hope.
Current Song - Around The World (Daft Punk)
St. Bede boys basketball coach Mike Kilmartin said it best after his team lost to the Rock Falls Rockets in Saturday's Rock Falls Shootout at Forrest L. Tabor Gymnasium.
"It feels good to play at home," said the Bruin coach, who also coached at Mendota for a number of years.
And the Abbey is a tough place to play in itself.
Kilmartin, who once served as athletics director at Mendota, came to the six-game Shootout a little earlier than his team did, hanging out with Rock Falls athletics director Rich Montgomery for most of the time. Their two schools were long-time rivals in the North Central Illinois Conference. Kilmartin was there for all four of the varsity games on Saturday's docket.
I'm a little crazier ... I watched eight (yes, 8) games at Tabor Gymnasium (not to say that "Killer" is crazy himself) on Saturday.
At 9:30 a.m. the Rock Falls and Princeton freshman teams played in a non-conference game. The two former NCIC rivals have had the first-Saturday-in-January date for a while now. I have a friend who is the freshman coach at Princeton, so my yearly sojourn to the Rock Falls Shootout (or Sauk Valley Bank Shootout, or whatever it is called) starts with a game that is not technically part of the Shootout.
Freshman games are usually played in almost-empty gyms, and this freshman tilt was indeed the case.
You want to know what gives Tabor Gym the atmosphere is is revered for?
Officials have claimed that the Gym is one of the most difficult places to work a game at. Of course, most of the sentiments are coming from experience working varsity games. However, the visual aspects of the Gym are so unique that it gives officials a difficult time to make calls.
And when calls are difficult to come by, coaches will get mad.
And when gyms are empty, coaches angers are especially noticed.
After taking in eight games at the Shootout, I came home and tried to take a nap. I couldn't. The noises of screaming coaches, the crowd pop of a Rock Falls three-pointer and Daft Punk in the pregame were still resonating inside my head.
While others will complain that it gives people headaches, this is why I love covering the Rock Falls Shootout. Furthermore, this is why I love covering games at Tabor Gym (notice I did NOT say I love covering Rock Falls sports ... doing so would be a breach of journalism bias).
About the Green Forrest
The main competition gymnasium of Rock Falls High School was not part of the original building complex, which was built in 1921. The original gym is located on the second floor of the main school building, and is still used for underclass games on occasion. Tabor Gym was part of an addition made to the school in the 1955.
So while Tabor is not as old as Moline's Wharton Fieldhouse (1929) or as big as Rock Island's "Rock Garden" (1958), it has a mystique of its own.
However that came in the mid-to-late 1990s.
Rock Falls boys basketball only had a few regional titles up until RFHS alum Thom Sigel started his coaching career back home. Sigel gradually built a strong program that won regional after regional, sectional after sectional, and eventually a Class A state championship in 1999.
As Rock Falls started to enjoy its newfound successes, more and more people started coming to the games.
Tabor Gym was barely big enough to hold such a strong following. Six rows of plastic bleachers on both sidelines, and another ten of wooden bleachers on the balconies above them. The south baseline is only a few feet from a wall, and the north baseline is only a few feet from the stage. The sideline space is even smaller. Plenty of people packed in such a small gym creates the tough visuals that some officials still can't master.
Then there's that pocket in the northwest corner of the gym, the one with all of the Rock Falls students in it. When regional titles were won on a consistent basis, the students in this section were known as the "Rocket Rowdies." Perhaps it was the antics of these students themselves that gave Tabor Gym its environment it is known for.
Student sections came to be naturally. But simply cheering wasn't enough. The extravagance - the wardrobe form - and the clever chants were enough to draw the ire of players, coaches and officials alike. Over time, the students from opposing schools would make the drive to Rock Falls simply to try to out-do the Rocket Rowdies - and thus adding to the high-octane environment.
I started going to Rock Falls games during my freshman year in high school (it should be noted that I went to Sterling all of this time). Some games when Rock Falls was not playing Sterling, I would attend a Rocket game and sit with friends in the student section. I won't forget the usual chant when Rock Falls got "screwed" on a call: Seth Wade would yell out to the rest of the student section, "Boo Those Refs!" and everyone else would follow suit and yell, "BOOOOOOO!" I'm not sure what happened with this after he graduated.
The Light Show
Rock Falls boys basketball was as exciting to watch at Tabor Gym as the Chicago Bulls were at the United Center during the days of MJ. The Bulls had a light show, and this was concept was brought over to Rock Falls.
While Quincy and its dancing Blue Devil (flame and all) is a circus act, Rock Falls is a rock concert.
The gym's lights will all go off and a moving spotlight will make figure-eights around the gym. All to the tune of the introduction of Europe's "Final Countdown." When the climax of the intro music hits (the beating of the drums), the players will run out from an awning, that leads from the locker room, onto the court. Led my someone with a large "RF" flag, they'll circle around the gym and eventually wind their way to a center-court huddle.
The pregame announcements (sportsmanship, intro of officials, etc.) are all done with the lights off. Then Daft Punk's "Around the World" will start to play as the starting lineups are announced. Originally, the music would reduce in volume and still be lightly heard, when the opposing players were announced. Today, the volume is turned to zero when opponents are introduced.
After lineups the National Anthem would start to play, with the spotlight fixed on the flag next to the student section. As the Anthem played, the gym lights would gradually turn back on to a fully-lit gym. Nearly a full minute would go by until the gym was fully lit.
Former Dixon coach Steve Sandholm once quipped, "I wish the school would start paying it's ComEd bill."
Because of the light show the Rocket Rowdie student section would also bring glowing green lights of some kind, to make it look cool.
Tabor Today
In the past couple of years, Tabor Gym has gone through several rehabilitations.
The lights have since been replaced, and the pregame darkness ends with a flip of a switch - creating havoc on the eyes. The original brown plastic bleachers have been replaced by newer green ones, and the players bleacher now has back rests. The floor has been re-done. The sports-themed painted artwork, painted on the concrete walls in 1991 (there was a drawing of Andre Dawson in a Cub uniform), is gone. The pennants of the fellow conference schools are also gone, but only because of the recent conference affiliation switch.
But more importantly, the Rocket Rowdie student section isn't what it used to be from back when I was in high school (2001-05). A recent emphasis on sportsmanship has curbed the practice of upstaging opposing fans. However that hasn't diminished the mystique of Tabor Gym, still a difficult place to play in.
Teams are only allowed so many games in a season, and thus so many home games. Scheduling Rock Falls in out-of-conference games is tough to do, but the yearly Rock Falls Shootout gives teams an opportunity to compete in a tight environment.
The Shootout is over 10 years old, and brings in teams from all over northern Illinois. The furthest attractions range from Pleasant Plains, St. Joseph-Ogden and Milwaukee South Division. Teams such as Rock Island, Minooka and Hinsdale South have moved from large venues to the tight quarters of Tabor.
It's best game was a few years back, when Erie defeated West Carroll 80-78 in double overtime. It's best year was during the Mike Winters era when several Division-I recruits played: including East Aurora's Ryan Boatwright, DeKalb's Jordan Threloff, Rock Island's Chasson Randle, Sterling's Joseph Bertrand, and several others.
I was told that there is still an opening for a team to come and play next year. I'd love to see a junior-laden team (of this year) such as Hinckley-Big Rock, Kaneland or even Winnebago come over.
Speaking of Winnebago, the Rockets travel up there on Tuesday for the rekindling of what I call the "Cyberseries". Both teams had epic supersectional games that sparked a rivalry between the two. The two teams haven't played since 2006.
When Winnebago comes down to Rock Falls on Jan. 27, Tabor Gymnasium should be buzzing like never before.
I hope.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Job Update & Finances
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.70.10
Current Song - Deacon Blues (Steely Dan)
Because of the intense work with the website, I've been having less time to spend on trying to find a job.
Next week brings another busy workload as far as the website is concerned. I've got games at Stark County and Moline next week, with Tuesday up in the air between two locations. A feature and a couple of columns are also on the docket. Hopefully I can squeeze in some time next week to tend to more personal things - I am having this Saturday (Jan. 14) off of everything, and I'm back at it on Monday (Jan. 16) at Hononegah's MLK Tournament.
At this present time, I have some of it to kill. I'm waiting on a story to come in, and after I post it I'm headed to bed. Gotta be at the RF Shootout at 9:30 a.m. and staying 12 hours.
Right now, I have one app on file and that is at the RF Pizza Hut as a delivery driver. Casey's in Sterling is also looking for one, and I think I can ask for a relief clerking position on top of that. Other than these two, there is still not much available to me.
I want to take a day (Saturday perhaps) and round up all of the phone numbers I have called in the past 2 months and ask again. There had to have been over 150. My phone will probbaly be fried when its all said and done. But I can at least get back on my feet and start tackling these applications once more. I recieved a little bit of assistance, as one of my writers has told me he'll look out for any gas station openings near DeKalb (where he lives). After four days of driving to Plano and back, anywhere seems like a short drive.
As for what finances I currently have, there's not much left in the tank from Christmas. My gasoline expenses are covered.
I got screwed out of a buyer for my Yamaha keyboard recently, and I'm back to selling it once again. Aside that - and a 5X Kyle Busch Shell polo shirt - I don't know if there's anything left in my bedroom that is sellable. The baseball cards can't sell on its own, and packaging them into a bundle is too cumbersome to sell.
I just need time.
Current Song - Deacon Blues (Steely Dan)
Because of the intense work with the website, I've been having less time to spend on trying to find a job.
Next week brings another busy workload as far as the website is concerned. I've got games at Stark County and Moline next week, with Tuesday up in the air between two locations. A feature and a couple of columns are also on the docket. Hopefully I can squeeze in some time next week to tend to more personal things - I am having this Saturday (Jan. 14) off of everything, and I'm back at it on Monday (Jan. 16) at Hononegah's MLK Tournament.
At this present time, I have some of it to kill. I'm waiting on a story to come in, and after I post it I'm headed to bed. Gotta be at the RF Shootout at 9:30 a.m. and staying 12 hours.
Right now, I have one app on file and that is at the RF Pizza Hut as a delivery driver. Casey's in Sterling is also looking for one, and I think I can ask for a relief clerking position on top of that. Other than these two, there is still not much available to me.
I want to take a day (Saturday perhaps) and round up all of the phone numbers I have called in the past 2 months and ask again. There had to have been over 150. My phone will probbaly be fried when its all said and done. But I can at least get back on my feet and start tackling these applications once more. I recieved a little bit of assistance, as one of my writers has told me he'll look out for any gas station openings near DeKalb (where he lives). After four days of driving to Plano and back, anywhere seems like a short drive.
As for what finances I currently have, there's not much left in the tank from Christmas. My gasoline expenses are covered.
I got screwed out of a buyer for my Yamaha keyboard recently, and I'm back to selling it once again. Aside that - and a 5X Kyle Busch Shell polo shirt - I don't know if there's anything left in my bedroom that is sellable. The baseball cards can't sell on its own, and packaging them into a bundle is too cumbersome to sell.
I just need time.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
When You Get Punched, Smash The Heck Away
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.50.10
Current Song - Power Rangers Theme
No joke on the song.
The only way anyone will pry NISB from me or from existance, is if they do it from my cold dead hands.
You can put me in a corner. You can fire away. But I will keep clawing back. I will not lose. You can not beat me.
Current Song - Power Rangers Theme
No joke on the song.
The only way anyone will pry NISB from me or from existance, is if they do it from my cold dead hands.
You can put me in a corner. You can fire away. But I will keep clawing back. I will not lose. You can not beat me.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
"Talk, Cody, Talk!!" - The '12 N.Y.R.
Cutter's Log - Supplemental
I'm trying to use the experience with the prettiest girl in the world (mentioned in last entry) to help me connect with girls - something that has been a major problem in my life for quite some time.
Which leads to New Year's Resolutions!
-----------
The biggest NYR of all in the past has been my weight. So, alright, I found another positive in that I was able to actually DROP weight for the first time ever. I'm still nowhere near what I should be. I've found out that setting a particular finish-line for a weight-loss goal only makes things harder.
Lately I let the course of the day work its wonder and that's how some of the weight came off. But with the post-Christmas stress in covering ten games in five days it's starting to come back a little bit. But after today the website-related travel, going to Plano and back four days out of five, is done with. No more late nights and long drives in that regard. Now it's back to business, and I believe I'll do well in this regard. So weight isn't a NYR this year.
An improvment in my social life will be this year's NYR.
I do a lot of my talking on my Blog. That is because if I actually said every word I typed, word-for-word, I would get tongue-tied. Then when I do talk, I have noticed myself stuttering and stammering, and repeating myself as if I'm rewinding the conversation.
I have almost 200 audio clips of interviews I have conducted for stories on the website. I'm going to erase them all soon to clear up space, and I think I'll take note of the times I flubbed sentences, stuttered, stammered, and drew blanks.
Since most of my foreign interaction happens to come in the form of the postgame interview, I will work on fixing up my interview sessions. That includes introducing myself in full (no "I'm Cody from the Website" like I did earlier this week), and listening and trying to engage in some sort of small talk - as opposed to just being there for the purpose of getting story quotes.
What hurt me most in this regard was not covering enough games over the course of the school year. The more times I cover games, the more interactive I think I can be, and all for the same topic of things - sports.
Only then can one thing lead to another.
Since I plan on covering a few more things than usual (due to being out of work), I'll see how this goes and take baby steps toward progression.
There can't be a threshold to attain for such a resolution such as this. I guess by December 31, 2012 (That's December 31, NOT December 21) I'll look back on the year and see how far I have come in my social life.
I'm trying to use the experience with the prettiest girl in the world (mentioned in last entry) to help me connect with girls - something that has been a major problem in my life for quite some time.
Which leads to New Year's Resolutions!
-----------
The biggest NYR of all in the past has been my weight. So, alright, I found another positive in that I was able to actually DROP weight for the first time ever. I'm still nowhere near what I should be. I've found out that setting a particular finish-line for a weight-loss goal only makes things harder.
Lately I let the course of the day work its wonder and that's how some of the weight came off. But with the post-Christmas stress in covering ten games in five days it's starting to come back a little bit. But after today the website-related travel, going to Plano and back four days out of five, is done with. No more late nights and long drives in that regard. Now it's back to business, and I believe I'll do well in this regard. So weight isn't a NYR this year.
An improvment in my social life will be this year's NYR.
I do a lot of my talking on my Blog. That is because if I actually said every word I typed, word-for-word, I would get tongue-tied. Then when I do talk, I have noticed myself stuttering and stammering, and repeating myself as if I'm rewinding the conversation.
I have almost 200 audio clips of interviews I have conducted for stories on the website. I'm going to erase them all soon to clear up space, and I think I'll take note of the times I flubbed sentences, stuttered, stammered, and drew blanks.
Since most of my foreign interaction happens to come in the form of the postgame interview, I will work on fixing up my interview sessions. That includes introducing myself in full (no "I'm Cody from the Website" like I did earlier this week), and listening and trying to engage in some sort of small talk - as opposed to just being there for the purpose of getting story quotes.
What hurt me most in this regard was not covering enough games over the course of the school year. The more times I cover games, the more interactive I think I can be, and all for the same topic of things - sports.
Only then can one thing lead to another.
Since I plan on covering a few more things than usual (due to being out of work), I'll see how this goes and take baby steps toward progression.
There can't be a threshold to attain for such a resolution such as this. I guess by December 31, 2012 (That's December 31, NOT December 21) I'll look back on the year and see how far I have come in my social life.
Good Riddance to 2011 (for me at least)
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.10.10
Current Song - Subdivisions (Rush)
Last year at this time, I was enjoying a walk through downtown Chicago and wanted to celebrate in the streets to ring in 2011. I happened to be hungry in the last half-hour of 2010 and had dinner at a restaurant on Wacker Drive. It was a more closed setting, with fewer people so I had a little better time in regards to having fun with people I didn't even know.
I christened my new year with a tinking of my glass of Pepsi with someone's bottle of Miller Lite.
This year, I'm sitting in front of the computer on my desk trying to get caught up on stories from Plano's Christmas tournament.
I christened my new year with a swig of a half-empty plastic bottle of Pepsi and gently hammering it down on my desk.
Buh-Bye, 2011!
Now let me continue limping into 2012.
I don't think I have ever had a year with more negative memories than postive ones. If you're a follower of this Blog (and with what has happened this year, who else is following this anymore?) you can read all about it in the Blog Archive to your right.
For now, I'd like to simply sum up what 2011 has been like - one last time thinking deep into these memories before simply moving on to an EVEN BETTER 2012.
1. Loss of Job - It's been four months, and I still haven't quite gotten over losing my job at the Shell station due to an alcohol sale violation. It was the second sting I had been in this year, as I had failed a cigarette one in February. Of course, this comes after a 2010 that I was named Employee of the Year for.
I still can't explain why one thing led to another, if that even happened. Shell had been the best job I had (even over SVN) and was the longest-tenured job that I had. Then to see it all come to and end ... it's like a chip leader in poker suddenly having an early exit after a few hands.
I can't change what happened. But there are a couple of parts of me that changed as a result of what happened.
First and foremost, my income fell. Going through the past four months without making money, and doing what I do with the website, is an experience I never want to have again. However, I realize that people go through this often. But at the same time, however, I still want to say that I don't ever want to go through this again. Right now I am scrablming to get finances in order.
Secondly and just as importantly, my morale fell. Because I was no longer behind the Shell station counter, I didn't get to interact with the usual customers that I had. My small talk, something very important to me as I'm not that sociable, was improving because I had been doing this for three years. Without the job, I kind of fell back into silent mode.
Lastly, my confidence fell. Because I had this sting violation, it will be front-and-center in my work history. In the past couple of months, I had applied for jobs at gas stations, and I'm very sure I was passed over again, and again and again because of these sting violations. Because I sensed this was happening, I didn't feel like sending out more applications and resumes as December dragged on.
Oh, there's more to this burden of a 2011. And right now there are a couple of immediate priorities I have to take care of before getting back in the job-hunt mode.
2. Losses of Hubba, Roger and Carol - Three of the children of my great-grandpa Holloway all passed away in the same year. The emotional toll is undescribable, and I can't even describe it.
Because I haven't gone out much outside of my work with high school sports, college classes, and my job and all, I rarely ever got to see Hubba, Roger and Carol. Sometimes I wish I did more often, and it's too late. These losses, in a way, helped reinforce my focus on my family.
But after going through all of that, I at least know where they are at. And they are not suffering anymore.
3. Another Loss - As I mentioned, regular customers at Shell were important to me. One elderly couple, Bill and Dorothy Schrader, were always there each night I worked. They played the lottery every night, with a small stack of Pick 3 tickets and scratch-off tickets. Dorothy had been in decline as the year went on due to Alzheimer's Disease, and had to be put in a nursing home. She passed away in July.
Because she was there every day, I had to see the decline first-hand. It wasn't a great experience.
4. Personal drama on the Message Board - This year was by far the worst year when it came to moderating the NISB Message Board. The attacks between posters was getting absolutely sick, and I had to do something about it. What I did was apparently over-the-top, and I not only lost the posters I was having problems with, but also some others that were on there simply for the wrong reasons.
To sum that up: In Winnebago in September, I was looked as a pretty good person. Now, I'm apparently the "Northern Illinois Sports Bitch."
5. A disasterous final weekend of Softball - With funds running low, I could only afford to cover the Class 3A/4A Softball Tournament by myself. We had three teams there: Marengo, LaSalle-Peru and Moline. Marengo and Moline won state titles. L-P took second. The exhaustion was dreadful, with back-to-back drives to and from Peoria mentally wrecking me.
6. A disasterous State Football Final weekend - We had four football teams in the State Finals in football this year, and since this happened after the Shell firing the funds were extremely low. Nothing done on time. Over-exhaustion. However, we did use a laptop for the first time, and that's the only think I can see an improvement on.
7. A disasterous Plano Christmas Classic - only in terms of NISB coverage. The tournament itself was wonderful. Bill and I worked out a plan to cover this year's tournament - the first with a record 24 teams - extensively. I made flyers and Bill wanted them out on the table "day one, hour one" at Plano. They were there, and they were still there after Belvidere won the tournament. Once again, nothing done on time and over-exhaustion. Both myself and Bill. Some coverage ideas never came to fruition.
The only thing that saved me was a Thursday detour to Prophetstown to cover the Hinckley-Big Rock and Prophetstown girls - 120 less miles to drive. Even that couldn't fully save me: I flubbed two interviews there, and for some reason I introduced myself as "I'm Cody, from the Website" to one of the girls.
8. The Week of Bad Driving - It all started the next couple of weeks after I was let go. Several missed calls. More importantly was a spin-around while driving in Normal during the State Volleyball finals. Then a week later, I was caught speeding in front of White Pines Park. I went back to Oregon to pay the fine, and then on my way back I almost rear-ended someone in front of Lowell Park in Dixon.
I had to park somewhere and try to get a hold of myself. The following week on my way down to Champaign for football, it felt like a longer drive because I was going slower than I was last year.
9. Realizing who my friends really are - As time simply goes on, there are more and more acquaintences from school days that fall out of touch. They either are too busy, or are simply tired of you. Somehow, I felt that the latter was happening to me. An example of this is simply looking at my friends' Facebook walls and comments, and then looking at mine. So, in trying to get my social life back in order, I prioritized my life a little better. More on this later.
10. The drama with brothers - When your brothers are noticing that you're in decline, and all they do is pester you about it, that's a problem. Somehow I don't get messages across to them as well as I should; and when I do, they think I'm the stupid one. A year of that hasn't reached the apex of revenge, but I was able to cool it with some thinking of my own.
11. An overall December collapse - In addition to the trouble at Plano, I saw all of my problems come to a head after overhearing a discussion amongst family members. What I took out of it was this: I'm slow, lazy, forgettable, and too in-tuned to the website that I run.
All told, January 1 should be the start of a brand new positive feeling. As for last year, I could not think of a single positive feeling other than improved traffic on the website. If there was, it has been overshadowed by the disasters of the year.
But - the more I think of it, there were two things that did stand out in 2011.
1. A few negative things came together, and I rolled that up into something positive. This was the Christmas present project I made for my brothers.
I started work on it a few months ago by tracking down the short family tree. The bulk of it was finding all of the cousins. I never fully completed it, but packaged what I had into five copies of what's called "The Six Degrees of the Cutter Crew." I have a feeling that the brothers really liked it, and mom and dad, grandpa, grandpa, and anyone else I shared this with really thought good things of this idea of mine.
For me personally, it opened up a few links with people I was related to.
2. This is going to sound very strange, but the only other thing I can think of as a postive in 2011 was that I saw someone who I think is the prettiest girl in the world.
Did I get to talk with her? Yes, and that went off without a hitch. Haven't talked with her since, however, and that was a couple of months ago. But it wasn't anything outside of the whole point why I wanted to talk with her in the first place.
How did this actually help me? It wasn't hard to tell who I had crushes on when I was in school. But this girl, was simply better than anyone I had fallen in love with in the past. This includes you-know-who, you-know-who and you-know-who. Therefore my drive was a little pumped up. I figured if I had any sort of shot at winning her heart I had to change a few things around in my life.
Now of course, simply doing that for this one girl would be borderline insane. However, I'm trying to use this experience to help me connect with girls - something that has been a major problem in my life for quite some time.
Current Song - Subdivisions (Rush)
Last year at this time, I was enjoying a walk through downtown Chicago and wanted to celebrate in the streets to ring in 2011. I happened to be hungry in the last half-hour of 2010 and had dinner at a restaurant on Wacker Drive. It was a more closed setting, with fewer people so I had a little better time in regards to having fun with people I didn't even know.
I christened my new year with a tinking of my glass of Pepsi with someone's bottle of Miller Lite.
This year, I'm sitting in front of the computer on my desk trying to get caught up on stories from Plano's Christmas tournament.
I christened my new year with a swig of a half-empty plastic bottle of Pepsi and gently hammering it down on my desk.
Buh-Bye, 2011!
Now let me continue limping into 2012.
I don't think I have ever had a year with more negative memories than postive ones. If you're a follower of this Blog (and with what has happened this year, who else is following this anymore?) you can read all about it in the Blog Archive to your right.
For now, I'd like to simply sum up what 2011 has been like - one last time thinking deep into these memories before simply moving on to an EVEN BETTER 2012.
1. Loss of Job - It's been four months, and I still haven't quite gotten over losing my job at the Shell station due to an alcohol sale violation. It was the second sting I had been in this year, as I had failed a cigarette one in February. Of course, this comes after a 2010 that I was named Employee of the Year for.
I still can't explain why one thing led to another, if that even happened. Shell had been the best job I had (even over SVN) and was the longest-tenured job that I had. Then to see it all come to and end ... it's like a chip leader in poker suddenly having an early exit after a few hands.
I can't change what happened. But there are a couple of parts of me that changed as a result of what happened.
First and foremost, my income fell. Going through the past four months without making money, and doing what I do with the website, is an experience I never want to have again. However, I realize that people go through this often. But at the same time, however, I still want to say that I don't ever want to go through this again. Right now I am scrablming to get finances in order.
Secondly and just as importantly, my morale fell. Because I was no longer behind the Shell station counter, I didn't get to interact with the usual customers that I had. My small talk, something very important to me as I'm not that sociable, was improving because I had been doing this for three years. Without the job, I kind of fell back into silent mode.
Lastly, my confidence fell. Because I had this sting violation, it will be front-and-center in my work history. In the past couple of months, I had applied for jobs at gas stations, and I'm very sure I was passed over again, and again and again because of these sting violations. Because I sensed this was happening, I didn't feel like sending out more applications and resumes as December dragged on.
Oh, there's more to this burden of a 2011. And right now there are a couple of immediate priorities I have to take care of before getting back in the job-hunt mode.
2. Losses of Hubba, Roger and Carol - Three of the children of my great-grandpa Holloway all passed away in the same year. The emotional toll is undescribable, and I can't even describe it.
Because I haven't gone out much outside of my work with high school sports, college classes, and my job and all, I rarely ever got to see Hubba, Roger and Carol. Sometimes I wish I did more often, and it's too late. These losses, in a way, helped reinforce my focus on my family.
But after going through all of that, I at least know where they are at. And they are not suffering anymore.
3. Another Loss - As I mentioned, regular customers at Shell were important to me. One elderly couple, Bill and Dorothy Schrader, were always there each night I worked. They played the lottery every night, with a small stack of Pick 3 tickets and scratch-off tickets. Dorothy had been in decline as the year went on due to Alzheimer's Disease, and had to be put in a nursing home. She passed away in July.
Because she was there every day, I had to see the decline first-hand. It wasn't a great experience.
4. Personal drama on the Message Board - This year was by far the worst year when it came to moderating the NISB Message Board. The attacks between posters was getting absolutely sick, and I had to do something about it. What I did was apparently over-the-top, and I not only lost the posters I was having problems with, but also some others that were on there simply for the wrong reasons.
To sum that up: In Winnebago in September, I was looked as a pretty good person. Now, I'm apparently the "Northern Illinois Sports Bitch."
5. A disasterous final weekend of Softball - With funds running low, I could only afford to cover the Class 3A/4A Softball Tournament by myself. We had three teams there: Marengo, LaSalle-Peru and Moline. Marengo and Moline won state titles. L-P took second. The exhaustion was dreadful, with back-to-back drives to and from Peoria mentally wrecking me.
6. A disasterous State Football Final weekend - We had four football teams in the State Finals in football this year, and since this happened after the Shell firing the funds were extremely low. Nothing done on time. Over-exhaustion. However, we did use a laptop for the first time, and that's the only think I can see an improvement on.
7. A disasterous Plano Christmas Classic - only in terms of NISB coverage. The tournament itself was wonderful. Bill and I worked out a plan to cover this year's tournament - the first with a record 24 teams - extensively. I made flyers and Bill wanted them out on the table "day one, hour one" at Plano. They were there, and they were still there after Belvidere won the tournament. Once again, nothing done on time and over-exhaustion. Both myself and Bill. Some coverage ideas never came to fruition.
The only thing that saved me was a Thursday detour to Prophetstown to cover the Hinckley-Big Rock and Prophetstown girls - 120 less miles to drive. Even that couldn't fully save me: I flubbed two interviews there, and for some reason I introduced myself as "I'm Cody, from the Website" to one of the girls.
8. The Week of Bad Driving - It all started the next couple of weeks after I was let go. Several missed calls. More importantly was a spin-around while driving in Normal during the State Volleyball finals. Then a week later, I was caught speeding in front of White Pines Park. I went back to Oregon to pay the fine, and then on my way back I almost rear-ended someone in front of Lowell Park in Dixon.
I had to park somewhere and try to get a hold of myself. The following week on my way down to Champaign for football, it felt like a longer drive because I was going slower than I was last year.
9. Realizing who my friends really are - As time simply goes on, there are more and more acquaintences from school days that fall out of touch. They either are too busy, or are simply tired of you. Somehow, I felt that the latter was happening to me. An example of this is simply looking at my friends' Facebook walls and comments, and then looking at mine. So, in trying to get my social life back in order, I prioritized my life a little better. More on this later.
10. The drama with brothers - When your brothers are noticing that you're in decline, and all they do is pester you about it, that's a problem. Somehow I don't get messages across to them as well as I should; and when I do, they think I'm the stupid one. A year of that hasn't reached the apex of revenge, but I was able to cool it with some thinking of my own.
11. An overall December collapse - In addition to the trouble at Plano, I saw all of my problems come to a head after overhearing a discussion amongst family members. What I took out of it was this: I'm slow, lazy, forgettable, and too in-tuned to the website that I run.
All told, January 1 should be the start of a brand new positive feeling. As for last year, I could not think of a single positive feeling other than improved traffic on the website. If there was, it has been overshadowed by the disasters of the year.
But - the more I think of it, there were two things that did stand out in 2011.
1. A few negative things came together, and I rolled that up into something positive. This was the Christmas present project I made for my brothers.
I started work on it a few months ago by tracking down the short family tree. The bulk of it was finding all of the cousins. I never fully completed it, but packaged what I had into five copies of what's called "The Six Degrees of the Cutter Crew." I have a feeling that the brothers really liked it, and mom and dad, grandpa, grandpa, and anyone else I shared this with really thought good things of this idea of mine.
For me personally, it opened up a few links with people I was related to.
2. This is going to sound very strange, but the only other thing I can think of as a postive in 2011 was that I saw someone who I think is the prettiest girl in the world.
Did I get to talk with her? Yes, and that went off without a hitch. Haven't talked with her since, however, and that was a couple of months ago. But it wasn't anything outside of the whole point why I wanted to talk with her in the first place.
How did this actually help me? It wasn't hard to tell who I had crushes on when I was in school. But this girl, was simply better than anyone I had fallen in love with in the past. This includes you-know-who, you-know-who and you-know-who. Therefore my drive was a little pumped up. I figured if I had any sort of shot at winning her heart I had to change a few things around in my life.
Now of course, simply doing that for this one girl would be borderline insane. However, I'm trying to use this experience to help me connect with girls - something that has been a major problem in my life for quite some time.
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