Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.90.20
Years ago (over 10), before I ever thought of writing for a career, I wrote a poem to kind of put my feelings about someone in written form.
I wrote it in eighth grade and stashed it away in my bookcase for years. With Valentine's Day coming up, I was somehow attracted, like a magnet, to this book. The first poem I had written in it was "To You, My Love".
This book was written in one of those blank journal books that one could find at Borders for a couple of bucks. I wrote this poem in it, and tried to fill up the pages with little avail. Looking back at the other poems, they aren't that good. I can tell I was just trying to fill up the space.
So here is the poem, and when that day comes that I ever find that woman of my dreams, I'll see if this poem does justice.
****
"To You, My Love"
By Cody Cuttter
This is to a girl
Who I love so much
A girl so pretty
I love her a bunch
A really great girl
Who I really adore
To her I write
This poem for
You're so beautiful and you're so lovely
Totally conquering my mind
So pretty so wonderful
There's not another girl of your kind
I love you
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Valentine's Day Is One Week Away
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.70.20
Current Song - This Guy's In Love With You (Herb Alpert)
By my senior year of high school, I felt like all of the girls at both Sterling and Rock Falls were trying to prevent me from having a relationship. After a while I knew I was doing it all wrong; all my fault. I just couldn't understand why that was.
This is what sticks out in my head every Valentine's Day.
***
Each year at this time, the thoughts of past loves start to get into my head.
Here's what happens: I remember all of those V-Day card exchanges from school days, and that leads to the thoughts that come into my head whenever I saw someone I liked. In fact, I still have a fifth-grade valentine somewhere in my collection of stuff, with "xoxoxo" written on the envelope.
I was a very shy person back then (and I still am today), and I knew I couldn't establish the bond by myself. I turned to people to help me, and for some reason it would always end up backfiring on me.
I've been slapped around in fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, and eighth grade by the same group of girls.
My closest connection was in seventh grade, when I actually bought flowers for the girl that I loved at the time. And I asked her out; problem was, it was over the phone because I was too scared and nervous to do it in person. Then she announces this event to her friends, and one of them yells at me - telling me NEVER to ask her out again. Same girl that yelled at me was also trying to rattle me out of a girl that I had liked for quite some time.
It was to the point that whenever I had a feeling for someone by my eighth-grade year it just wasn't worth it. I knew I was going to get slapped around.
Then there was an event during my freshman year, and I quickly knew it was simply a distractive ploy to make me look bad. This RF girl - we've traded barbs at times - set this all up between someone and me, and I pretty much caught it. That's when I knew it was pretty much all over for me.
My methods of establishing relationships were all overshot and proved to be devestating. By high school I pretty much just sat back and waited for the right girl to come up. Trying to make the first move would just become devestating for me.
I was tired of making the first move, only to get slapped around.
So I just sat back and waited for the girl to make the first move. I'm still waiting.
But at the same time, I have had many scars and wounds from all of those times I've been mentally beaten to a bloody pulp (I've never been physically beaten up at school ever, but mentally, a million times).
It's been seven years since I graduated from high school. The wounds and scars from the girls, and their male cohorts, telling me to never fall in love again are still etched in my mind, but the pain can't be felt anymore.
But I'm not giving up.
I really feel like I can make a comeback and turn my success with girls around. I've spent a lot of time licking these wounds from school days, and I think I have found a way to build something successful. I think all of those times going out and exploring different places - restaurants, shops, quiet spots in the middle of nowhere - really helps.
To all of those girls from school, just go away. You're just going to do more harm to me than good. I hate to say that, even to the one girl I always had feelings for. But in the end, I know it'll just be more harm to me than good - but if she still has something to say about it, I'm all ears.
The slate starts clean.
It's easy for me to find a girl. It's easy for a girl to find me. However, we both have to find each other in order to truly make it work.
I'm confident that this will happen soon.
Current Song - This Guy's In Love With You (Herb Alpert)
By my senior year of high school, I felt like all of the girls at both Sterling and Rock Falls were trying to prevent me from having a relationship. After a while I knew I was doing it all wrong; all my fault. I just couldn't understand why that was.
This is what sticks out in my head every Valentine's Day.
***
Each year at this time, the thoughts of past loves start to get into my head.
Here's what happens: I remember all of those V-Day card exchanges from school days, and that leads to the thoughts that come into my head whenever I saw someone I liked. In fact, I still have a fifth-grade valentine somewhere in my collection of stuff, with "xoxoxo" written on the envelope.
I was a very shy person back then (and I still am today), and I knew I couldn't establish the bond by myself. I turned to people to help me, and for some reason it would always end up backfiring on me.
I've been slapped around in fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, and eighth grade by the same group of girls.
My closest connection was in seventh grade, when I actually bought flowers for the girl that I loved at the time. And I asked her out; problem was, it was over the phone because I was too scared and nervous to do it in person. Then she announces this event to her friends, and one of them yells at me - telling me NEVER to ask her out again. Same girl that yelled at me was also trying to rattle me out of a girl that I had liked for quite some time.
It was to the point that whenever I had a feeling for someone by my eighth-grade year it just wasn't worth it. I knew I was going to get slapped around.
Then there was an event during my freshman year, and I quickly knew it was simply a distractive ploy to make me look bad. This RF girl - we've traded barbs at times - set this all up between someone and me, and I pretty much caught it. That's when I knew it was pretty much all over for me.
My methods of establishing relationships were all overshot and proved to be devestating. By high school I pretty much just sat back and waited for the right girl to come up. Trying to make the first move would just become devestating for me.
I was tired of making the first move, only to get slapped around.
So I just sat back and waited for the girl to make the first move. I'm still waiting.
But at the same time, I have had many scars and wounds from all of those times I've been mentally beaten to a bloody pulp (I've never been physically beaten up at school ever, but mentally, a million times).
It's been seven years since I graduated from high school. The wounds and scars from the girls, and their male cohorts, telling me to never fall in love again are still etched in my mind, but the pain can't be felt anymore.
But I'm not giving up.
I really feel like I can make a comeback and turn my success with girls around. I've spent a lot of time licking these wounds from school days, and I think I have found a way to build something successful. I think all of those times going out and exploring different places - restaurants, shops, quiet spots in the middle of nowhere - really helps.
To all of those girls from school, just go away. You're just going to do more harm to me than good. I hate to say that, even to the one girl I always had feelings for. But in the end, I know it'll just be more harm to me than good - but if she still has something to say about it, I'm all ears.
The slate starts clean.
It's easy for me to find a girl. It's easy for a girl to find me. However, we both have to find each other in order to truly make it work.
I'm confident that this will happen soon.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Keep Shooting For Your Dreams
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.82.10
Current Song - Endgame (REM)
Many years ago I was thinking to myself what would life be like if I hadn't moved from Rock Falls to Sterling back in the spring of '97. Surely life would have been different. But the sticking point of all of that was, what would life be in regards to having friends, happiness, and my biggest worry at the time - having a girlfriend.
Once more I thought of an alternate reality, but not that of staying in RF.
I've had a lot to think about over the past couple of days. But just now, as I was wandering down a thought pattern, I found myself wondering what my life would be like without high school sports.
Nothing.
If, for some reason, my interest in high school sports was yanked from me, I would find myself alone, empty, disappointed, sad, lonely - and even more than what I am now.
Throughout high school, I wasn't able to build onto anything that I could use in the future. This includes school friends. Somehow when I tried, it was recieved very badly.
I became lonely and sullen throughout high school. Just when my world was collapsing around me, that's when I found the love for high school sports. I took it, embraced it, and stated that from that day forward I would never let it go.
If I let go of my love for high school sports, my dreams would be shattered and I don't think I'd have anything to live for. I mean, I went to college and spent five years of my life working on a mass communnication degree. If all of it was thrown away, all that time would have been a waste.
Quite often I've found myself staring death of my career and my love for high school ports at its face. Every time I've found myself in that position, I have said "No."
Personally, I have been torn apart and beaten to a bloody pulp because I simply do not want to throw away my career as a high school sports journalist.
I've made a lot of sacrifices - especially time and money - just to keep my career ambitions afloat.
I've seen my finances dwindle to the nothing that it is today. I've slept in my own cold car at state tournament games just to preserve the money I have to keep prodding on. I've starved myself to death at long marathon sports sessions just to try to keep the money afloat. Who knows what other sacrifices I have made, and they probably do not exist in my head because it has become so routine.
When I look past that face of the death of my career and my love for high school ports, I see the same nothing that I was before I fell in love with it. Life's necessities kept pushing me toward death's face. But each time I turned around and kept fighting.
High school sports and journalism is my life. I'd be a shell of my former self without it, and I don't want that happening to me.
A couple of years ago - after a few years of not going anywhere with friendships I hade tried to forge throughout school days - I wanted to try to get somewhere with friendships that fell under the same general interest of mine (high school sports). These few years were those that I literally had no support group around me. Over the past couple of years, I am trying to rebuild it through the interest of high school sports.
My presence as a journalist gave me unlimited boundaries as far as having access to people. My duty as a journalist gave me the power to interact with others - a power that I never really had during school days.
Through my love for high school sports and journalism I have met so many people from so many schools. I wanted to not just be that journalist, but I wanted to strive to be a friend and a person that can be accessible when it came to wondering what high school sports is truly like.
In the past decade of covering high school sports - and this may seem like bragging, but I think it's true - I have seen everything. I have seen every sport on every level. Big school, small school. Public school, private school. Starters and scrubs. Suburban school and poor school. All through almost every perspective imaginable.
Interview subjects, I don't feel, are simply interview subjects. That would be the slightest bit of rudeness in a way. Coaches, players, athletic directors, officials, fellow members of the high school sports media world and the like: I want to be their friend.
I feel like I have established that circle of friendship very well. And I am going to keep soldiering on with my dreams of becoming the best high school sports journalist I can be, and with the support of the people that I am around.
And to throw it all away would literally, and truthfully, be the end of one Cody Cutter.
Current Song - Endgame (REM)
Many years ago I was thinking to myself what would life be like if I hadn't moved from Rock Falls to Sterling back in the spring of '97. Surely life would have been different. But the sticking point of all of that was, what would life be in regards to having friends, happiness, and my biggest worry at the time - having a girlfriend.
Once more I thought of an alternate reality, but not that of staying in RF.
I've had a lot to think about over the past couple of days. But just now, as I was wandering down a thought pattern, I found myself wondering what my life would be like without high school sports.
Nothing.
If, for some reason, my interest in high school sports was yanked from me, I would find myself alone, empty, disappointed, sad, lonely - and even more than what I am now.
Throughout high school, I wasn't able to build onto anything that I could use in the future. This includes school friends. Somehow when I tried, it was recieved very badly.
I became lonely and sullen throughout high school. Just when my world was collapsing around me, that's when I found the love for high school sports. I took it, embraced it, and stated that from that day forward I would never let it go.
If I let go of my love for high school sports, my dreams would be shattered and I don't think I'd have anything to live for. I mean, I went to college and spent five years of my life working on a mass communnication degree. If all of it was thrown away, all that time would have been a waste.
Quite often I've found myself staring death of my career and my love for high school ports at its face. Every time I've found myself in that position, I have said "No."
Personally, I have been torn apart and beaten to a bloody pulp because I simply do not want to throw away my career as a high school sports journalist.
I've made a lot of sacrifices - especially time and money - just to keep my career ambitions afloat.
I've seen my finances dwindle to the nothing that it is today. I've slept in my own cold car at state tournament games just to preserve the money I have to keep prodding on. I've starved myself to death at long marathon sports sessions just to try to keep the money afloat. Who knows what other sacrifices I have made, and they probably do not exist in my head because it has become so routine.
When I look past that face of the death of my career and my love for high school ports, I see the same nothing that I was before I fell in love with it. Life's necessities kept pushing me toward death's face. But each time I turned around and kept fighting.
High school sports and journalism is my life. I'd be a shell of my former self without it, and I don't want that happening to me.
A couple of years ago - after a few years of not going anywhere with friendships I hade tried to forge throughout school days - I wanted to try to get somewhere with friendships that fell under the same general interest of mine (high school sports). These few years were those that I literally had no support group around me. Over the past couple of years, I am trying to rebuild it through the interest of high school sports.
My presence as a journalist gave me unlimited boundaries as far as having access to people. My duty as a journalist gave me the power to interact with others - a power that I never really had during school days.
Through my love for high school sports and journalism I have met so many people from so many schools. I wanted to not just be that journalist, but I wanted to strive to be a friend and a person that can be accessible when it came to wondering what high school sports is truly like.
In the past decade of covering high school sports - and this may seem like bragging, but I think it's true - I have seen everything. I have seen every sport on every level. Big school, small school. Public school, private school. Starters and scrubs. Suburban school and poor school. All through almost every perspective imaginable.
Interview subjects, I don't feel, are simply interview subjects. That would be the slightest bit of rudeness in a way. Coaches, players, athletic directors, officials, fellow members of the high school sports media world and the like: I want to be their friend.
I feel like I have established that circle of friendship very well. And I am going to keep soldiering on with my dreams of becoming the best high school sports journalist I can be, and with the support of the people that I am around.
And to throw it all away would literally, and truthfully, be the end of one Cody Cutter.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I Sense Self-Destruction
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.52.10
Current Song - Take a Bow (Madonna)
I was given one of those demoralizing lectures this morning, and I'm really reeling right now.
REALLY feeling uncomfortable with myself right now.
Then again, reeling is something I've been doing since September.
I don't think I've ever been put in a quondam this much in my life. Apparently, I found out that careful planning for the continuation of my own life isn't the way to go about living. Apparently, I have to be like Nike and "just do it" and walk into certain situations and deal with them.
I can't.
I literally can't.
My is so automatically set on careful preperation for future endeavors, that a change in course is going to lead to an explosion.
I can't just up and move into an apartment. I need to find the money and be able to hold onto it. But apparently, I need to go into this apartment and somehow blindfoldedly go about surviving.
I've been told life doesn't work out the way I go about it.
I've been told that I can't wait for all the right things to line up, and then go.
Just do it?
I'm not ready to go all reckless abandoned yet.
Just go out there and do it? Even on the very rare occasions when I did, the effects were disasterous. For example, I just can't go out there and tell who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world my true affection for her. That'll end up being disasterous.
But apparently there are more important things to think about before even touching the thought about relationships. I can't even get on my own two feet for crying out loud.
Just do it?
I see nothing but disaster.
But I've been persuaded to "just do it."
Do I walk the path toward disaster?
Or do I sit back and continue to be pushed around.
I can't find a gray area.
My parents, and two of my brothers have made such decisions in their lives. But that's because they have a support group to help them.
I don't have a support group. Apparently I wrecked that during middle school and high school.
And now I'm alone and empty. Between a rock and a hard place.
Where do I go from here? I just do not know.
Current Song - Take a Bow (Madonna)
I was given one of those demoralizing lectures this morning, and I'm really reeling right now.
REALLY feeling uncomfortable with myself right now.
Then again, reeling is something I've been doing since September.
I don't think I've ever been put in a quondam this much in my life. Apparently, I found out that careful planning for the continuation of my own life isn't the way to go about living. Apparently, I have to be like Nike and "just do it" and walk into certain situations and deal with them.
I can't.
I literally can't.
My is so automatically set on careful preperation for future endeavors, that a change in course is going to lead to an explosion.
I can't just up and move into an apartment. I need to find the money and be able to hold onto it. But apparently, I need to go into this apartment and somehow blindfoldedly go about surviving.
I've been told life doesn't work out the way I go about it.
I've been told that I can't wait for all the right things to line up, and then go.
Just do it?
I'm not ready to go all reckless abandoned yet.
Just go out there and do it? Even on the very rare occasions when I did, the effects were disasterous. For example, I just can't go out there and tell who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world my true affection for her. That'll end up being disasterous.
But apparently there are more important things to think about before even touching the thought about relationships. I can't even get on my own two feet for crying out loud.
Just do it?
I see nothing but disaster.
But I've been persuaded to "just do it."
Do I walk the path toward disaster?
Or do I sit back and continue to be pushed around.
I can't find a gray area.
My parents, and two of my brothers have made such decisions in their lives. But that's because they have a support group to help them.
I don't have a support group. Apparently I wrecked that during middle school and high school.
And now I'm alone and empty. Between a rock and a hard place.
Where do I go from here? I just do not know.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Job Update 1/20
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.02.10
Current Song - Too Close (Next)
Got through on another round of call-ups.
Last week was filled with high school sports events. Starting with Tuesday the 10th, I've been at Winnebago, Stark County, Moline, Rochelle, Stillman Valley, Hononegah and Newark. Because of this, I planned on having a week off of covering events.
I took the week off to restart my job search. I looked up a bunch of phone numbers around northern Illinois and made a bunch of calls. This time I used some advice given to me to better my chances of getting a "yes" answer. I've got over 10 possible places throughout northern Illinois to apply to. I also have several places to check back later on.
The locations range from Sterling and Rock Falls to Camanche, Kewanee, Spring Valley, Rochelle and Byron - and places inbetween.
I'm going to dedicate all day Monday to filling out the applications, dropping them off or mailing them, or filling them out online.
Hopefully this round will bring better results. Wednesday will be a follow-up day.
Current Song - Too Close (Next)
Got through on another round of call-ups.
Last week was filled with high school sports events. Starting with Tuesday the 10th, I've been at Winnebago, Stark County, Moline, Rochelle, Stillman Valley, Hononegah and Newark. Because of this, I planned on having a week off of covering events.
I took the week off to restart my job search. I looked up a bunch of phone numbers around northern Illinois and made a bunch of calls. This time I used some advice given to me to better my chances of getting a "yes" answer. I've got over 10 possible places throughout northern Illinois to apply to. I also have several places to check back later on.
The locations range from Sterling and Rock Falls to Camanche, Kewanee, Spring Valley, Rochelle and Byron - and places inbetween.
I'm going to dedicate all day Monday to filling out the applications, dropping them off or mailing them, or filling them out online.
Hopefully this round will bring better results. Wednesday will be a follow-up day.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Tales From Tabor
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.80.10
Current Song - Around The World (Daft Punk)
St. Bede boys basketball coach Mike Kilmartin said it best after his team lost to the Rock Falls Rockets in Saturday's Rock Falls Shootout at Forrest L. Tabor Gymnasium.
"It feels good to play at home," said the Bruin coach, who also coached at Mendota for a number of years.
And the Abbey is a tough place to play in itself.
Kilmartin, who once served as athletics director at Mendota, came to the six-game Shootout a little earlier than his team did, hanging out with Rock Falls athletics director Rich Montgomery for most of the time. Their two schools were long-time rivals in the North Central Illinois Conference. Kilmartin was there for all four of the varsity games on Saturday's docket.
I'm a little crazier ... I watched eight (yes, 8) games at Tabor Gymnasium (not to say that "Killer" is crazy himself) on Saturday.
At 9:30 a.m. the Rock Falls and Princeton freshman teams played in a non-conference game. The two former NCIC rivals have had the first-Saturday-in-January date for a while now. I have a friend who is the freshman coach at Princeton, so my yearly sojourn to the Rock Falls Shootout (or Sauk Valley Bank Shootout, or whatever it is called) starts with a game that is not technically part of the Shootout.
Freshman games are usually played in almost-empty gyms, and this freshman tilt was indeed the case.
You want to know what gives Tabor Gym the atmosphere is is revered for?
Officials have claimed that the Gym is one of the most difficult places to work a game at. Of course, most of the sentiments are coming from experience working varsity games. However, the visual aspects of the Gym are so unique that it gives officials a difficult time to make calls.
And when calls are difficult to come by, coaches will get mad.
And when gyms are empty, coaches angers are especially noticed.
After taking in eight games at the Shootout, I came home and tried to take a nap. I couldn't. The noises of screaming coaches, the crowd pop of a Rock Falls three-pointer and Daft Punk in the pregame were still resonating inside my head.
While others will complain that it gives people headaches, this is why I love covering the Rock Falls Shootout. Furthermore, this is why I love covering games at Tabor Gym (notice I did NOT say I love covering Rock Falls sports ... doing so would be a breach of journalism bias).
About the Green Forrest
The main competition gymnasium of Rock Falls High School was not part of the original building complex, which was built in 1921. The original gym is located on the second floor of the main school building, and is still used for underclass games on occasion. Tabor Gym was part of an addition made to the school in the 1955.
So while Tabor is not as old as Moline's Wharton Fieldhouse (1929) or as big as Rock Island's "Rock Garden" (1958), it has a mystique of its own.
However that came in the mid-to-late 1990s.
Rock Falls boys basketball only had a few regional titles up until RFHS alum Thom Sigel started his coaching career back home. Sigel gradually built a strong program that won regional after regional, sectional after sectional, and eventually a Class A state championship in 1999.
As Rock Falls started to enjoy its newfound successes, more and more people started coming to the games.
Tabor Gym was barely big enough to hold such a strong following. Six rows of plastic bleachers on both sidelines, and another ten of wooden bleachers on the balconies above them. The south baseline is only a few feet from a wall, and the north baseline is only a few feet from the stage. The sideline space is even smaller. Plenty of people packed in such a small gym creates the tough visuals that some officials still can't master.
Then there's that pocket in the northwest corner of the gym, the one with all of the Rock Falls students in it. When regional titles were won on a consistent basis, the students in this section were known as the "Rocket Rowdies." Perhaps it was the antics of these students themselves that gave Tabor Gym its environment it is known for.
Student sections came to be naturally. But simply cheering wasn't enough. The extravagance - the wardrobe form - and the clever chants were enough to draw the ire of players, coaches and officials alike. Over time, the students from opposing schools would make the drive to Rock Falls simply to try to out-do the Rocket Rowdies - and thus adding to the high-octane environment.
I started going to Rock Falls games during my freshman year in high school (it should be noted that I went to Sterling all of this time). Some games when Rock Falls was not playing Sterling, I would attend a Rocket game and sit with friends in the student section. I won't forget the usual chant when Rock Falls got "screwed" on a call: Seth Wade would yell out to the rest of the student section, "Boo Those Refs!" and everyone else would follow suit and yell, "BOOOOOOO!" I'm not sure what happened with this after he graduated.
The Light Show
Rock Falls boys basketball was as exciting to watch at Tabor Gym as the Chicago Bulls were at the United Center during the days of MJ. The Bulls had a light show, and this was concept was brought over to Rock Falls.
While Quincy and its dancing Blue Devil (flame and all) is a circus act, Rock Falls is a rock concert.
The gym's lights will all go off and a moving spotlight will make figure-eights around the gym. All to the tune of the introduction of Europe's "Final Countdown." When the climax of the intro music hits (the beating of the drums), the players will run out from an awning, that leads from the locker room, onto the court. Led my someone with a large "RF" flag, they'll circle around the gym and eventually wind their way to a center-court huddle.
The pregame announcements (sportsmanship, intro of officials, etc.) are all done with the lights off. Then Daft Punk's "Around the World" will start to play as the starting lineups are announced. Originally, the music would reduce in volume and still be lightly heard, when the opposing players were announced. Today, the volume is turned to zero when opponents are introduced.
After lineups the National Anthem would start to play, with the spotlight fixed on the flag next to the student section. As the Anthem played, the gym lights would gradually turn back on to a fully-lit gym. Nearly a full minute would go by until the gym was fully lit.
Former Dixon coach Steve Sandholm once quipped, "I wish the school would start paying it's ComEd bill."
Because of the light show the Rocket Rowdie student section would also bring glowing green lights of some kind, to make it look cool.
Tabor Today
In the past couple of years, Tabor Gym has gone through several rehabilitations.
The lights have since been replaced, and the pregame darkness ends with a flip of a switch - creating havoc on the eyes. The original brown plastic bleachers have been replaced by newer green ones, and the players bleacher now has back rests. The floor has been re-done. The sports-themed painted artwork, painted on the concrete walls in 1991 (there was a drawing of Andre Dawson in a Cub uniform), is gone. The pennants of the fellow conference schools are also gone, but only because of the recent conference affiliation switch.
But more importantly, the Rocket Rowdie student section isn't what it used to be from back when I was in high school (2001-05). A recent emphasis on sportsmanship has curbed the practice of upstaging opposing fans. However that hasn't diminished the mystique of Tabor Gym, still a difficult place to play in.
Teams are only allowed so many games in a season, and thus so many home games. Scheduling Rock Falls in out-of-conference games is tough to do, but the yearly Rock Falls Shootout gives teams an opportunity to compete in a tight environment.
The Shootout is over 10 years old, and brings in teams from all over northern Illinois. The furthest attractions range from Pleasant Plains, St. Joseph-Ogden and Milwaukee South Division. Teams such as Rock Island, Minooka and Hinsdale South have moved from large venues to the tight quarters of Tabor.
It's best game was a few years back, when Erie defeated West Carroll 80-78 in double overtime. It's best year was during the Mike Winters era when several Division-I recruits played: including East Aurora's Ryan Boatwright, DeKalb's Jordan Threloff, Rock Island's Chasson Randle, Sterling's Joseph Bertrand, and several others.
I was told that there is still an opening for a team to come and play next year. I'd love to see a junior-laden team (of this year) such as Hinckley-Big Rock, Kaneland or even Winnebago come over.
Speaking of Winnebago, the Rockets travel up there on Tuesday for the rekindling of what I call the "Cyberseries". Both teams had epic supersectional games that sparked a rivalry between the two. The two teams haven't played since 2006.
When Winnebago comes down to Rock Falls on Jan. 27, Tabor Gymnasium should be buzzing like never before.
I hope.
Current Song - Around The World (Daft Punk)
St. Bede boys basketball coach Mike Kilmartin said it best after his team lost to the Rock Falls Rockets in Saturday's Rock Falls Shootout at Forrest L. Tabor Gymnasium.
"It feels good to play at home," said the Bruin coach, who also coached at Mendota for a number of years.
And the Abbey is a tough place to play in itself.
Kilmartin, who once served as athletics director at Mendota, came to the six-game Shootout a little earlier than his team did, hanging out with Rock Falls athletics director Rich Montgomery for most of the time. Their two schools were long-time rivals in the North Central Illinois Conference. Kilmartin was there for all four of the varsity games on Saturday's docket.
I'm a little crazier ... I watched eight (yes, 8) games at Tabor Gymnasium (not to say that "Killer" is crazy himself) on Saturday.
At 9:30 a.m. the Rock Falls and Princeton freshman teams played in a non-conference game. The two former NCIC rivals have had the first-Saturday-in-January date for a while now. I have a friend who is the freshman coach at Princeton, so my yearly sojourn to the Rock Falls Shootout (or Sauk Valley Bank Shootout, or whatever it is called) starts with a game that is not technically part of the Shootout.
Freshman games are usually played in almost-empty gyms, and this freshman tilt was indeed the case.
You want to know what gives Tabor Gym the atmosphere is is revered for?
Officials have claimed that the Gym is one of the most difficult places to work a game at. Of course, most of the sentiments are coming from experience working varsity games. However, the visual aspects of the Gym are so unique that it gives officials a difficult time to make calls.
And when calls are difficult to come by, coaches will get mad.
And when gyms are empty, coaches angers are especially noticed.
After taking in eight games at the Shootout, I came home and tried to take a nap. I couldn't. The noises of screaming coaches, the crowd pop of a Rock Falls three-pointer and Daft Punk in the pregame were still resonating inside my head.
While others will complain that it gives people headaches, this is why I love covering the Rock Falls Shootout. Furthermore, this is why I love covering games at Tabor Gym (notice I did NOT say I love covering Rock Falls sports ... doing so would be a breach of journalism bias).
About the Green Forrest
The main competition gymnasium of Rock Falls High School was not part of the original building complex, which was built in 1921. The original gym is located on the second floor of the main school building, and is still used for underclass games on occasion. Tabor Gym was part of an addition made to the school in the 1955.
So while Tabor is not as old as Moline's Wharton Fieldhouse (1929) or as big as Rock Island's "Rock Garden" (1958), it has a mystique of its own.
However that came in the mid-to-late 1990s.
Rock Falls boys basketball only had a few regional titles up until RFHS alum Thom Sigel started his coaching career back home. Sigel gradually built a strong program that won regional after regional, sectional after sectional, and eventually a Class A state championship in 1999.
As Rock Falls started to enjoy its newfound successes, more and more people started coming to the games.
Tabor Gym was barely big enough to hold such a strong following. Six rows of plastic bleachers on both sidelines, and another ten of wooden bleachers on the balconies above them. The south baseline is only a few feet from a wall, and the north baseline is only a few feet from the stage. The sideline space is even smaller. Plenty of people packed in such a small gym creates the tough visuals that some officials still can't master.
Then there's that pocket in the northwest corner of the gym, the one with all of the Rock Falls students in it. When regional titles were won on a consistent basis, the students in this section were known as the "Rocket Rowdies." Perhaps it was the antics of these students themselves that gave Tabor Gym its environment it is known for.
Student sections came to be naturally. But simply cheering wasn't enough. The extravagance - the wardrobe form - and the clever chants were enough to draw the ire of players, coaches and officials alike. Over time, the students from opposing schools would make the drive to Rock Falls simply to try to out-do the Rocket Rowdies - and thus adding to the high-octane environment.
I started going to Rock Falls games during my freshman year in high school (it should be noted that I went to Sterling all of this time). Some games when Rock Falls was not playing Sterling, I would attend a Rocket game and sit with friends in the student section. I won't forget the usual chant when Rock Falls got "screwed" on a call: Seth Wade would yell out to the rest of the student section, "Boo Those Refs!" and everyone else would follow suit and yell, "BOOOOOOO!" I'm not sure what happened with this after he graduated.
The Light Show
Rock Falls boys basketball was as exciting to watch at Tabor Gym as the Chicago Bulls were at the United Center during the days of MJ. The Bulls had a light show, and this was concept was brought over to Rock Falls.
While Quincy and its dancing Blue Devil (flame and all) is a circus act, Rock Falls is a rock concert.
The gym's lights will all go off and a moving spotlight will make figure-eights around the gym. All to the tune of the introduction of Europe's "Final Countdown." When the climax of the intro music hits (the beating of the drums), the players will run out from an awning, that leads from the locker room, onto the court. Led my someone with a large "RF" flag, they'll circle around the gym and eventually wind their way to a center-court huddle.
The pregame announcements (sportsmanship, intro of officials, etc.) are all done with the lights off. Then Daft Punk's "Around the World" will start to play as the starting lineups are announced. Originally, the music would reduce in volume and still be lightly heard, when the opposing players were announced. Today, the volume is turned to zero when opponents are introduced.
After lineups the National Anthem would start to play, with the spotlight fixed on the flag next to the student section. As the Anthem played, the gym lights would gradually turn back on to a fully-lit gym. Nearly a full minute would go by until the gym was fully lit.
Former Dixon coach Steve Sandholm once quipped, "I wish the school would start paying it's ComEd bill."
Because of the light show the Rocket Rowdie student section would also bring glowing green lights of some kind, to make it look cool.
Tabor Today
In the past couple of years, Tabor Gym has gone through several rehabilitations.
The lights have since been replaced, and the pregame darkness ends with a flip of a switch - creating havoc on the eyes. The original brown plastic bleachers have been replaced by newer green ones, and the players bleacher now has back rests. The floor has been re-done. The sports-themed painted artwork, painted on the concrete walls in 1991 (there was a drawing of Andre Dawson in a Cub uniform), is gone. The pennants of the fellow conference schools are also gone, but only because of the recent conference affiliation switch.
But more importantly, the Rocket Rowdie student section isn't what it used to be from back when I was in high school (2001-05). A recent emphasis on sportsmanship has curbed the practice of upstaging opposing fans. However that hasn't diminished the mystique of Tabor Gym, still a difficult place to play in.
Teams are only allowed so many games in a season, and thus so many home games. Scheduling Rock Falls in out-of-conference games is tough to do, but the yearly Rock Falls Shootout gives teams an opportunity to compete in a tight environment.
The Shootout is over 10 years old, and brings in teams from all over northern Illinois. The furthest attractions range from Pleasant Plains, St. Joseph-Ogden and Milwaukee South Division. Teams such as Rock Island, Minooka and Hinsdale South have moved from large venues to the tight quarters of Tabor.
It's best game was a few years back, when Erie defeated West Carroll 80-78 in double overtime. It's best year was during the Mike Winters era when several Division-I recruits played: including East Aurora's Ryan Boatwright, DeKalb's Jordan Threloff, Rock Island's Chasson Randle, Sterling's Joseph Bertrand, and several others.
I was told that there is still an opening for a team to come and play next year. I'd love to see a junior-laden team (of this year) such as Hinckley-Big Rock, Kaneland or even Winnebago come over.
Speaking of Winnebago, the Rockets travel up there on Tuesday for the rekindling of what I call the "Cyberseries". Both teams had epic supersectional games that sparked a rivalry between the two. The two teams haven't played since 2006.
When Winnebago comes down to Rock Falls on Jan. 27, Tabor Gymnasium should be buzzing like never before.
I hope.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Job Update & Finances
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.70.10
Current Song - Deacon Blues (Steely Dan)
Because of the intense work with the website, I've been having less time to spend on trying to find a job.
Next week brings another busy workload as far as the website is concerned. I've got games at Stark County and Moline next week, with Tuesday up in the air between two locations. A feature and a couple of columns are also on the docket. Hopefully I can squeeze in some time next week to tend to more personal things - I am having this Saturday (Jan. 14) off of everything, and I'm back at it on Monday (Jan. 16) at Hononegah's MLK Tournament.
At this present time, I have some of it to kill. I'm waiting on a story to come in, and after I post it I'm headed to bed. Gotta be at the RF Shootout at 9:30 a.m. and staying 12 hours.
Right now, I have one app on file and that is at the RF Pizza Hut as a delivery driver. Casey's in Sterling is also looking for one, and I think I can ask for a relief clerking position on top of that. Other than these two, there is still not much available to me.
I want to take a day (Saturday perhaps) and round up all of the phone numbers I have called in the past 2 months and ask again. There had to have been over 150. My phone will probbaly be fried when its all said and done. But I can at least get back on my feet and start tackling these applications once more. I recieved a little bit of assistance, as one of my writers has told me he'll look out for any gas station openings near DeKalb (where he lives). After four days of driving to Plano and back, anywhere seems like a short drive.
As for what finances I currently have, there's not much left in the tank from Christmas. My gasoline expenses are covered.
I got screwed out of a buyer for my Yamaha keyboard recently, and I'm back to selling it once again. Aside that - and a 5X Kyle Busch Shell polo shirt - I don't know if there's anything left in my bedroom that is sellable. The baseball cards can't sell on its own, and packaging them into a bundle is too cumbersome to sell.
I just need time.
Current Song - Deacon Blues (Steely Dan)
Because of the intense work with the website, I've been having less time to spend on trying to find a job.
Next week brings another busy workload as far as the website is concerned. I've got games at Stark County and Moline next week, with Tuesday up in the air between two locations. A feature and a couple of columns are also on the docket. Hopefully I can squeeze in some time next week to tend to more personal things - I am having this Saturday (Jan. 14) off of everything, and I'm back at it on Monday (Jan. 16) at Hononegah's MLK Tournament.
At this present time, I have some of it to kill. I'm waiting on a story to come in, and after I post it I'm headed to bed. Gotta be at the RF Shootout at 9:30 a.m. and staying 12 hours.
Right now, I have one app on file and that is at the RF Pizza Hut as a delivery driver. Casey's in Sterling is also looking for one, and I think I can ask for a relief clerking position on top of that. Other than these two, there is still not much available to me.
I want to take a day (Saturday perhaps) and round up all of the phone numbers I have called in the past 2 months and ask again. There had to have been over 150. My phone will probbaly be fried when its all said and done. But I can at least get back on my feet and start tackling these applications once more. I recieved a little bit of assistance, as one of my writers has told me he'll look out for any gas station openings near DeKalb (where he lives). After four days of driving to Plano and back, anywhere seems like a short drive.
As for what finances I currently have, there's not much left in the tank from Christmas. My gasoline expenses are covered.
I got screwed out of a buyer for my Yamaha keyboard recently, and I'm back to selling it once again. Aside that - and a 5X Kyle Busch Shell polo shirt - I don't know if there's anything left in my bedroom that is sellable. The baseball cards can't sell on its own, and packaging them into a bundle is too cumbersome to sell.
I just need time.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
When You Get Punched, Smash The Heck Away
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.50.10
Current Song - Power Rangers Theme
No joke on the song.
The only way anyone will pry NISB from me or from existance, is if they do it from my cold dead hands.
You can put me in a corner. You can fire away. But I will keep clawing back. I will not lose. You can not beat me.
Current Song - Power Rangers Theme
No joke on the song.
The only way anyone will pry NISB from me or from existance, is if they do it from my cold dead hands.
You can put me in a corner. You can fire away. But I will keep clawing back. I will not lose. You can not beat me.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
"Talk, Cody, Talk!!" - The '12 N.Y.R.
Cutter's Log - Supplemental
I'm trying to use the experience with the prettiest girl in the world (mentioned in last entry) to help me connect with girls - something that has been a major problem in my life for quite some time.
Which leads to New Year's Resolutions!
-----------
The biggest NYR of all in the past has been my weight. So, alright, I found another positive in that I was able to actually DROP weight for the first time ever. I'm still nowhere near what I should be. I've found out that setting a particular finish-line for a weight-loss goal only makes things harder.
Lately I let the course of the day work its wonder and that's how some of the weight came off. But with the post-Christmas stress in covering ten games in five days it's starting to come back a little bit. But after today the website-related travel, going to Plano and back four days out of five, is done with. No more late nights and long drives in that regard. Now it's back to business, and I believe I'll do well in this regard. So weight isn't a NYR this year.
An improvment in my social life will be this year's NYR.
I do a lot of my talking on my Blog. That is because if I actually said every word I typed, word-for-word, I would get tongue-tied. Then when I do talk, I have noticed myself stuttering and stammering, and repeating myself as if I'm rewinding the conversation.
I have almost 200 audio clips of interviews I have conducted for stories on the website. I'm going to erase them all soon to clear up space, and I think I'll take note of the times I flubbed sentences, stuttered, stammered, and drew blanks.
Since most of my foreign interaction happens to come in the form of the postgame interview, I will work on fixing up my interview sessions. That includes introducing myself in full (no "I'm Cody from the Website" like I did earlier this week), and listening and trying to engage in some sort of small talk - as opposed to just being there for the purpose of getting story quotes.
What hurt me most in this regard was not covering enough games over the course of the school year. The more times I cover games, the more interactive I think I can be, and all for the same topic of things - sports.
Only then can one thing lead to another.
Since I plan on covering a few more things than usual (due to being out of work), I'll see how this goes and take baby steps toward progression.
There can't be a threshold to attain for such a resolution such as this. I guess by December 31, 2012 (That's December 31, NOT December 21) I'll look back on the year and see how far I have come in my social life.
I'm trying to use the experience with the prettiest girl in the world (mentioned in last entry) to help me connect with girls - something that has been a major problem in my life for quite some time.
Which leads to New Year's Resolutions!
-----------
The biggest NYR of all in the past has been my weight. So, alright, I found another positive in that I was able to actually DROP weight for the first time ever. I'm still nowhere near what I should be. I've found out that setting a particular finish-line for a weight-loss goal only makes things harder.
Lately I let the course of the day work its wonder and that's how some of the weight came off. But with the post-Christmas stress in covering ten games in five days it's starting to come back a little bit. But after today the website-related travel, going to Plano and back four days out of five, is done with. No more late nights and long drives in that regard. Now it's back to business, and I believe I'll do well in this regard. So weight isn't a NYR this year.
An improvment in my social life will be this year's NYR.
I do a lot of my talking on my Blog. That is because if I actually said every word I typed, word-for-word, I would get tongue-tied. Then when I do talk, I have noticed myself stuttering and stammering, and repeating myself as if I'm rewinding the conversation.
I have almost 200 audio clips of interviews I have conducted for stories on the website. I'm going to erase them all soon to clear up space, and I think I'll take note of the times I flubbed sentences, stuttered, stammered, and drew blanks.
Since most of my foreign interaction happens to come in the form of the postgame interview, I will work on fixing up my interview sessions. That includes introducing myself in full (no "I'm Cody from the Website" like I did earlier this week), and listening and trying to engage in some sort of small talk - as opposed to just being there for the purpose of getting story quotes.
What hurt me most in this regard was not covering enough games over the course of the school year. The more times I cover games, the more interactive I think I can be, and all for the same topic of things - sports.
Only then can one thing lead to another.
Since I plan on covering a few more things than usual (due to being out of work), I'll see how this goes and take baby steps toward progression.
There can't be a threshold to attain for such a resolution such as this. I guess by December 31, 2012 (That's December 31, NOT December 21) I'll look back on the year and see how far I have come in my social life.
Good Riddance to 2011 (for me at least)
Cutter's Log - Stardate 2102.10.10
Current Song - Subdivisions (Rush)
Last year at this time, I was enjoying a walk through downtown Chicago and wanted to celebrate in the streets to ring in 2011. I happened to be hungry in the last half-hour of 2010 and had dinner at a restaurant on Wacker Drive. It was a more closed setting, with fewer people so I had a little better time in regards to having fun with people I didn't even know.
I christened my new year with a tinking of my glass of Pepsi with someone's bottle of Miller Lite.
This year, I'm sitting in front of the computer on my desk trying to get caught up on stories from Plano's Christmas tournament.
I christened my new year with a swig of a half-empty plastic bottle of Pepsi and gently hammering it down on my desk.
Buh-Bye, 2011!
Now let me continue limping into 2012.
I don't think I have ever had a year with more negative memories than postive ones. If you're a follower of this Blog (and with what has happened this year, who else is following this anymore?) you can read all about it in the Blog Archive to your right.
For now, I'd like to simply sum up what 2011 has been like - one last time thinking deep into these memories before simply moving on to an EVEN BETTER 2012.
1. Loss of Job - It's been four months, and I still haven't quite gotten over losing my job at the Shell station due to an alcohol sale violation. It was the second sting I had been in this year, as I had failed a cigarette one in February. Of course, this comes after a 2010 that I was named Employee of the Year for.
I still can't explain why one thing led to another, if that even happened. Shell had been the best job I had (even over SVN) and was the longest-tenured job that I had. Then to see it all come to and end ... it's like a chip leader in poker suddenly having an early exit after a few hands.
I can't change what happened. But there are a couple of parts of me that changed as a result of what happened.
First and foremost, my income fell. Going through the past four months without making money, and doing what I do with the website, is an experience I never want to have again. However, I realize that people go through this often. But at the same time, however, I still want to say that I don't ever want to go through this again. Right now I am scrablming to get finances in order.
Secondly and just as importantly, my morale fell. Because I was no longer behind the Shell station counter, I didn't get to interact with the usual customers that I had. My small talk, something very important to me as I'm not that sociable, was improving because I had been doing this for three years. Without the job, I kind of fell back into silent mode.
Lastly, my confidence fell. Because I had this sting violation, it will be front-and-center in my work history. In the past couple of months, I had applied for jobs at gas stations, and I'm very sure I was passed over again, and again and again because of these sting violations. Because I sensed this was happening, I didn't feel like sending out more applications and resumes as December dragged on.
Oh, there's more to this burden of a 2011. And right now there are a couple of immediate priorities I have to take care of before getting back in the job-hunt mode.
2. Losses of Hubba, Roger and Carol - Three of the children of my great-grandpa Holloway all passed away in the same year. The emotional toll is undescribable, and I can't even describe it.
Because I haven't gone out much outside of my work with high school sports, college classes, and my job and all, I rarely ever got to see Hubba, Roger and Carol. Sometimes I wish I did more often, and it's too late. These losses, in a way, helped reinforce my focus on my family.
But after going through all of that, I at least know where they are at. And they are not suffering anymore.
3. Another Loss - As I mentioned, regular customers at Shell were important to me. One elderly couple, Bill and Dorothy Schrader, were always there each night I worked. They played the lottery every night, with a small stack of Pick 3 tickets and scratch-off tickets. Dorothy had been in decline as the year went on due to Alzheimer's Disease, and had to be put in a nursing home. She passed away in July.
Because she was there every day, I had to see the decline first-hand. It wasn't a great experience.
4. Personal drama on the Message Board - This year was by far the worst year when it came to moderating the NISB Message Board. The attacks between posters was getting absolutely sick, and I had to do something about it. What I did was apparently over-the-top, and I not only lost the posters I was having problems with, but also some others that were on there simply for the wrong reasons.
To sum that up: In Winnebago in September, I was looked as a pretty good person. Now, I'm apparently the "Northern Illinois Sports Bitch."
5. A disasterous final weekend of Softball - With funds running low, I could only afford to cover the Class 3A/4A Softball Tournament by myself. We had three teams there: Marengo, LaSalle-Peru and Moline. Marengo and Moline won state titles. L-P took second. The exhaustion was dreadful, with back-to-back drives to and from Peoria mentally wrecking me.
6. A disasterous State Football Final weekend - We had four football teams in the State Finals in football this year, and since this happened after the Shell firing the funds were extremely low. Nothing done on time. Over-exhaustion. However, we did use a laptop for the first time, and that's the only think I can see an improvement on.
7. A disasterous Plano Christmas Classic - only in terms of NISB coverage. The tournament itself was wonderful. Bill and I worked out a plan to cover this year's tournament - the first with a record 24 teams - extensively. I made flyers and Bill wanted them out on the table "day one, hour one" at Plano. They were there, and they were still there after Belvidere won the tournament. Once again, nothing done on time and over-exhaustion. Both myself and Bill. Some coverage ideas never came to fruition.
The only thing that saved me was a Thursday detour to Prophetstown to cover the Hinckley-Big Rock and Prophetstown girls - 120 less miles to drive. Even that couldn't fully save me: I flubbed two interviews there, and for some reason I introduced myself as "I'm Cody, from the Website" to one of the girls.
8. The Week of Bad Driving - It all started the next couple of weeks after I was let go. Several missed calls. More importantly was a spin-around while driving in Normal during the State Volleyball finals. Then a week later, I was caught speeding in front of White Pines Park. I went back to Oregon to pay the fine, and then on my way back I almost rear-ended someone in front of Lowell Park in Dixon.
I had to park somewhere and try to get a hold of myself. The following week on my way down to Champaign for football, it felt like a longer drive because I was going slower than I was last year.
9. Realizing who my friends really are - As time simply goes on, there are more and more acquaintences from school days that fall out of touch. They either are too busy, or are simply tired of you. Somehow, I felt that the latter was happening to me. An example of this is simply looking at my friends' Facebook walls and comments, and then looking at mine. So, in trying to get my social life back in order, I prioritized my life a little better. More on this later.
10. The drama with brothers - When your brothers are noticing that you're in decline, and all they do is pester you about it, that's a problem. Somehow I don't get messages across to them as well as I should; and when I do, they think I'm the stupid one. A year of that hasn't reached the apex of revenge, but I was able to cool it with some thinking of my own.
11. An overall December collapse - In addition to the trouble at Plano, I saw all of my problems come to a head after overhearing a discussion amongst family members. What I took out of it was this: I'm slow, lazy, forgettable, and too in-tuned to the website that I run.
All told, January 1 should be the start of a brand new positive feeling. As for last year, I could not think of a single positive feeling other than improved traffic on the website. If there was, it has been overshadowed by the disasters of the year.
But - the more I think of it, there were two things that did stand out in 2011.
1. A few negative things came together, and I rolled that up into something positive. This was the Christmas present project I made for my brothers.
I started work on it a few months ago by tracking down the short family tree. The bulk of it was finding all of the cousins. I never fully completed it, but packaged what I had into five copies of what's called "The Six Degrees of the Cutter Crew." I have a feeling that the brothers really liked it, and mom and dad, grandpa, grandpa, and anyone else I shared this with really thought good things of this idea of mine.
For me personally, it opened up a few links with people I was related to.
2. This is going to sound very strange, but the only other thing I can think of as a postive in 2011 was that I saw someone who I think is the prettiest girl in the world.
Did I get to talk with her? Yes, and that went off without a hitch. Haven't talked with her since, however, and that was a couple of months ago. But it wasn't anything outside of the whole point why I wanted to talk with her in the first place.
How did this actually help me? It wasn't hard to tell who I had crushes on when I was in school. But this girl, was simply better than anyone I had fallen in love with in the past. This includes you-know-who, you-know-who and you-know-who. Therefore my drive was a little pumped up. I figured if I had any sort of shot at winning her heart I had to change a few things around in my life.
Now of course, simply doing that for this one girl would be borderline insane. However, I'm trying to use this experience to help me connect with girls - something that has been a major problem in my life for quite some time.
Current Song - Subdivisions (Rush)
Last year at this time, I was enjoying a walk through downtown Chicago and wanted to celebrate in the streets to ring in 2011. I happened to be hungry in the last half-hour of 2010 and had dinner at a restaurant on Wacker Drive. It was a more closed setting, with fewer people so I had a little better time in regards to having fun with people I didn't even know.
I christened my new year with a tinking of my glass of Pepsi with someone's bottle of Miller Lite.
This year, I'm sitting in front of the computer on my desk trying to get caught up on stories from Plano's Christmas tournament.
I christened my new year with a swig of a half-empty plastic bottle of Pepsi and gently hammering it down on my desk.
Buh-Bye, 2011!
Now let me continue limping into 2012.
I don't think I have ever had a year with more negative memories than postive ones. If you're a follower of this Blog (and with what has happened this year, who else is following this anymore?) you can read all about it in the Blog Archive to your right.
For now, I'd like to simply sum up what 2011 has been like - one last time thinking deep into these memories before simply moving on to an EVEN BETTER 2012.
1. Loss of Job - It's been four months, and I still haven't quite gotten over losing my job at the Shell station due to an alcohol sale violation. It was the second sting I had been in this year, as I had failed a cigarette one in February. Of course, this comes after a 2010 that I was named Employee of the Year for.
I still can't explain why one thing led to another, if that even happened. Shell had been the best job I had (even over SVN) and was the longest-tenured job that I had. Then to see it all come to and end ... it's like a chip leader in poker suddenly having an early exit after a few hands.
I can't change what happened. But there are a couple of parts of me that changed as a result of what happened.
First and foremost, my income fell. Going through the past four months without making money, and doing what I do with the website, is an experience I never want to have again. However, I realize that people go through this often. But at the same time, however, I still want to say that I don't ever want to go through this again. Right now I am scrablming to get finances in order.
Secondly and just as importantly, my morale fell. Because I was no longer behind the Shell station counter, I didn't get to interact with the usual customers that I had. My small talk, something very important to me as I'm not that sociable, was improving because I had been doing this for three years. Without the job, I kind of fell back into silent mode.
Lastly, my confidence fell. Because I had this sting violation, it will be front-and-center in my work history. In the past couple of months, I had applied for jobs at gas stations, and I'm very sure I was passed over again, and again and again because of these sting violations. Because I sensed this was happening, I didn't feel like sending out more applications and resumes as December dragged on.
Oh, there's more to this burden of a 2011. And right now there are a couple of immediate priorities I have to take care of before getting back in the job-hunt mode.
2. Losses of Hubba, Roger and Carol - Three of the children of my great-grandpa Holloway all passed away in the same year. The emotional toll is undescribable, and I can't even describe it.
Because I haven't gone out much outside of my work with high school sports, college classes, and my job and all, I rarely ever got to see Hubba, Roger and Carol. Sometimes I wish I did more often, and it's too late. These losses, in a way, helped reinforce my focus on my family.
But after going through all of that, I at least know where they are at. And they are not suffering anymore.
3. Another Loss - As I mentioned, regular customers at Shell were important to me. One elderly couple, Bill and Dorothy Schrader, were always there each night I worked. They played the lottery every night, with a small stack of Pick 3 tickets and scratch-off tickets. Dorothy had been in decline as the year went on due to Alzheimer's Disease, and had to be put in a nursing home. She passed away in July.
Because she was there every day, I had to see the decline first-hand. It wasn't a great experience.
4. Personal drama on the Message Board - This year was by far the worst year when it came to moderating the NISB Message Board. The attacks between posters was getting absolutely sick, and I had to do something about it. What I did was apparently over-the-top, and I not only lost the posters I was having problems with, but also some others that were on there simply for the wrong reasons.
To sum that up: In Winnebago in September, I was looked as a pretty good person. Now, I'm apparently the "Northern Illinois Sports Bitch."
5. A disasterous final weekend of Softball - With funds running low, I could only afford to cover the Class 3A/4A Softball Tournament by myself. We had three teams there: Marengo, LaSalle-Peru and Moline. Marengo and Moline won state titles. L-P took second. The exhaustion was dreadful, with back-to-back drives to and from Peoria mentally wrecking me.
6. A disasterous State Football Final weekend - We had four football teams in the State Finals in football this year, and since this happened after the Shell firing the funds were extremely low. Nothing done on time. Over-exhaustion. However, we did use a laptop for the first time, and that's the only think I can see an improvement on.
7. A disasterous Plano Christmas Classic - only in terms of NISB coverage. The tournament itself was wonderful. Bill and I worked out a plan to cover this year's tournament - the first with a record 24 teams - extensively. I made flyers and Bill wanted them out on the table "day one, hour one" at Plano. They were there, and they were still there after Belvidere won the tournament. Once again, nothing done on time and over-exhaustion. Both myself and Bill. Some coverage ideas never came to fruition.
The only thing that saved me was a Thursday detour to Prophetstown to cover the Hinckley-Big Rock and Prophetstown girls - 120 less miles to drive. Even that couldn't fully save me: I flubbed two interviews there, and for some reason I introduced myself as "I'm Cody, from the Website" to one of the girls.
8. The Week of Bad Driving - It all started the next couple of weeks after I was let go. Several missed calls. More importantly was a spin-around while driving in Normal during the State Volleyball finals. Then a week later, I was caught speeding in front of White Pines Park. I went back to Oregon to pay the fine, and then on my way back I almost rear-ended someone in front of Lowell Park in Dixon.
I had to park somewhere and try to get a hold of myself. The following week on my way down to Champaign for football, it felt like a longer drive because I was going slower than I was last year.
9. Realizing who my friends really are - As time simply goes on, there are more and more acquaintences from school days that fall out of touch. They either are too busy, or are simply tired of you. Somehow, I felt that the latter was happening to me. An example of this is simply looking at my friends' Facebook walls and comments, and then looking at mine. So, in trying to get my social life back in order, I prioritized my life a little better. More on this later.
10. The drama with brothers - When your brothers are noticing that you're in decline, and all they do is pester you about it, that's a problem. Somehow I don't get messages across to them as well as I should; and when I do, they think I'm the stupid one. A year of that hasn't reached the apex of revenge, but I was able to cool it with some thinking of my own.
11. An overall December collapse - In addition to the trouble at Plano, I saw all of my problems come to a head after overhearing a discussion amongst family members. What I took out of it was this: I'm slow, lazy, forgettable, and too in-tuned to the website that I run.
All told, January 1 should be the start of a brand new positive feeling. As for last year, I could not think of a single positive feeling other than improved traffic on the website. If there was, it has been overshadowed by the disasters of the year.
But - the more I think of it, there were two things that did stand out in 2011.
1. A few negative things came together, and I rolled that up into something positive. This was the Christmas present project I made for my brothers.
I started work on it a few months ago by tracking down the short family tree. The bulk of it was finding all of the cousins. I never fully completed it, but packaged what I had into five copies of what's called "The Six Degrees of the Cutter Crew." I have a feeling that the brothers really liked it, and mom and dad, grandpa, grandpa, and anyone else I shared this with really thought good things of this idea of mine.
For me personally, it opened up a few links with people I was related to.
2. This is going to sound very strange, but the only other thing I can think of as a postive in 2011 was that I saw someone who I think is the prettiest girl in the world.
Did I get to talk with her? Yes, and that went off without a hitch. Haven't talked with her since, however, and that was a couple of months ago. But it wasn't anything outside of the whole point why I wanted to talk with her in the first place.
How did this actually help me? It wasn't hard to tell who I had crushes on when I was in school. But this girl, was simply better than anyone I had fallen in love with in the past. This includes you-know-who, you-know-who and you-know-who. Therefore my drive was a little pumped up. I figured if I had any sort of shot at winning her heart I had to change a few things around in my life.
Now of course, simply doing that for this one girl would be borderline insane. However, I'm trying to use this experience to help me connect with girls - something that has been a major problem in my life for quite some time.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
It's Sad Anymore
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.72.21
Current Song - Just The Two of Us (Bill Withers)
Apparently in this time of progression in one's life, I am in decline for some reason.
Apparently I'm not on top of things. Apparently my three little brothers have all passed me over and have discarded me as nothing but unsalvagable trash. What did I do to deserve that? Is it because I try to be true to my oldest-brotherly obligation to give them the world? I try to do things to help establish themselves as prepared individuals for the real world, and apparently that is a stupid mistake. Apparently I've taught them so much that they are unhappy with how I go about my own business.
I mean, try to establish a relationship with a girl. I'll try to go the extra mile for my brothers in this case, because I know it is too late for me. It was too late for me a long time ago.
If you were at it on your own, what would you do? Don't rely on me to spoonfeed you whenever I am present. Bad decision.
Now they've surpassed me in more terms than imaginable, and I'm paying for it. They're smarter than me, and how did that happen????
I think I know why. What did they have that I didn't? Yes, some sort of social life.
I've told this story countless times, but in a nutshell it was difficult for me to make friends. I made a few, but I just never seemed to keep up my end of the rope. There were things that I wanted to do, and morals that I stuck to, and things kind of drifted apart.
One worshipped things I didn't like, and another passed around a joint. My morals come first. In fact, there is this real cute girl I like somewhere in northern Illinois, but I will stick with my morals and say that I am too old for her and this is not right. I want do do the right thing, but sometimes that leads into a deeper downward spiral. Thank the Lord that I don't drink, smoke or snort. Any dismissal of what morals that had been mentioned will lead to a bad reputation, and I don't want that.
Up until my freshman year, I had "best friends." Then one thing led to another and it was me that did the pulling away from them. They made some choices that I didn't agree with, and I simply walked away. I wanted to look for more lifelines, and I event went backward for a while (to Rock Falls). Nothing truly materialized.
Now I am sitting on a chair in front of a computer for most of the day. And when I'm not doing that, I'm covering a sports event or sleeping.
High school sports is really the only thing that is keeping my mouth moving, and I've made friends through that circle. But when I'm covering games, often times I don't know anyone else at the particular game. I have had people tell me that I should do more Sterling and/or Rock Falls games, and that way I would be around people that I know, but there is this thing called journalistic neutrality that beckons me away from that.
Lately I have tried to establish friendships with coaches and athletes during games I cover. The key word is "try." Obviously they have lives of their own, and I don't see them hardly any more after the postgame interview.
***
So getting back to the current day, I think my lack of social life has made me extremely so in so many regards. There is a bag of chips that is sitting on top of my computer printer, and I don't know when I'll ... okay, I just put them back downstairs.
It's things like that which are mentally pummeling me at this time. I apparently forget to do a lot of things, and get ticked off when I'm told to do something - but that is because my train of thought has just been interrupted. I'm likely formulating a story and then I'm told to pick up Dan at the school; my train of thought has just been interrupted.
Things like this are drawing the ire of my own parents. Now their patience has worn thin. If I don't do something about it, things are going to get worse. But how do I start? Where do I start? What's it going to take to contribute my fair share in this house that me, my parents and Danny all live in. The sacrifices just seem like too much.
My parents are worn out themselves, and here I am struggling to get my mind in order.
I think back to how Mike, Chris and Dan are all as good as they are. What's the X-factor in all of this? An enjoyable, worry-free life with a strong support group. I have none of that.
It's going to be a long, tough road.
These are the things that make me cry.
Current Song - Just The Two of Us (Bill Withers)
Apparently in this time of progression in one's life, I am in decline for some reason.
Apparently I'm not on top of things. Apparently my three little brothers have all passed me over and have discarded me as nothing but unsalvagable trash. What did I do to deserve that? Is it because I try to be true to my oldest-brotherly obligation to give them the world? I try to do things to help establish themselves as prepared individuals for the real world, and apparently that is a stupid mistake. Apparently I've taught them so much that they are unhappy with how I go about my own business.
I mean, try to establish a relationship with a girl. I'll try to go the extra mile for my brothers in this case, because I know it is too late for me. It was too late for me a long time ago.
If you were at it on your own, what would you do? Don't rely on me to spoonfeed you whenever I am present. Bad decision.
Now they've surpassed me in more terms than imaginable, and I'm paying for it. They're smarter than me, and how did that happen????
I think I know why. What did they have that I didn't? Yes, some sort of social life.
I've told this story countless times, but in a nutshell it was difficult for me to make friends. I made a few, but I just never seemed to keep up my end of the rope. There were things that I wanted to do, and morals that I stuck to, and things kind of drifted apart.
One worshipped things I didn't like, and another passed around a joint. My morals come first. In fact, there is this real cute girl I like somewhere in northern Illinois, but I will stick with my morals and say that I am too old for her and this is not right. I want do do the right thing, but sometimes that leads into a deeper downward spiral. Thank the Lord that I don't drink, smoke or snort. Any dismissal of what morals that had been mentioned will lead to a bad reputation, and I don't want that.
Up until my freshman year, I had "best friends." Then one thing led to another and it was me that did the pulling away from them. They made some choices that I didn't agree with, and I simply walked away. I wanted to look for more lifelines, and I event went backward for a while (to Rock Falls). Nothing truly materialized.
Now I am sitting on a chair in front of a computer for most of the day. And when I'm not doing that, I'm covering a sports event or sleeping.
High school sports is really the only thing that is keeping my mouth moving, and I've made friends through that circle. But when I'm covering games, often times I don't know anyone else at the particular game. I have had people tell me that I should do more Sterling and/or Rock Falls games, and that way I would be around people that I know, but there is this thing called journalistic neutrality that beckons me away from that.
Lately I have tried to establish friendships with coaches and athletes during games I cover. The key word is "try." Obviously they have lives of their own, and I don't see them hardly any more after the postgame interview.
***
So getting back to the current day, I think my lack of social life has made me extremely so in so many regards. There is a bag of chips that is sitting on top of my computer printer, and I don't know when I'll ... okay, I just put them back downstairs.
It's things like that which are mentally pummeling me at this time. I apparently forget to do a lot of things, and get ticked off when I'm told to do something - but that is because my train of thought has just been interrupted. I'm likely formulating a story and then I'm told to pick up Dan at the school; my train of thought has just been interrupted.
Things like this are drawing the ire of my own parents. Now their patience has worn thin. If I don't do something about it, things are going to get worse. But how do I start? Where do I start? What's it going to take to contribute my fair share in this house that me, my parents and Danny all live in. The sacrifices just seem like too much.
My parents are worn out themselves, and here I am struggling to get my mind in order.
I think back to how Mike, Chris and Dan are all as good as they are. What's the X-factor in all of this? An enjoyable, worry-free life with a strong support group. I have none of that.
It's going to be a long, tough road.
These are the things that make me cry.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
A Christmas Present Well Worth Creating and Sharing
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.52.21
Northern Illinois looks to have a green Christmas this year with no snow on the ground.
But that's quite alright.
Whatever we are celebrating at this moment – be it Christmas, Hannukah or Kwanzaa – paints us a picture filled with snow and songs. But don't need snow in order to get into the Holiday spirit. Typically today is spent around lots of family. For some families, it's the only other time outside of maybe Thanksgiving that a bunch of family members will gather around.
When you see your family today, think about how you are made up as a person. Very likely, it is because of those family members that are a generation or more older.
“You are who you are because of the people around you” is a philosophy that I often use to trace backward the traits that define ourselves. The people around you, if you are planning or attending a gathering today, is most likely family.
Family is an important aspect in the life of yours truly. Perhaps it's because so much of it is close around.
Nearly everyone on both my mother's side and father's side of my family reside somewhere within northern Illinois. Sure, there are a few people that have went far, far away, but most have remained not too far away from where I live and thus are more available during great times of need.
2011 had its fair share of sorrow when it came to my extended family. My great uncles Roger and Elmer, brothers, lost battles with cancer within eight months of each other. My great aunt Carol, the pair's sister, saw Alzheimer's get the best of her on the day we laid Roger to rest. Three siblings that were no longer a part of us on this Earth in eight months is more than enough to bear. Cancer also claimed the life of my great-granduncle Everett this year. So I've been at more than enough funerals this year.
Perhaps the saddest thing about funerals is that it is one of the rare times that the extended family all flocks together for something. Because me and my brothers are so young – I'm 25 years old and the oldest of four brothers – we don't recall some people that come up for the deaded occasion, even though we know they are related to us.
I had some personal losses as well outside my family, and after a few things came together I set out on a project to work on. I wanted to get this done by Christmas.
What I've been working on over the past four months, when I'm not doing anything high school sports-related, is a family record that details all of our relatives – direct relatives, aunts, uncles and cousins – and tells how they are related to us. (By “us” and “we” I refer to the four Cutter Boys: myself, Michael, Christopher and Daniel). I gave them copies of the book for Christmas presents.
“The Six Degrees of the Cutter Crew” lists every possible relative that we have from four generations above us, and then descending back down across many different paths that detail the families of our aunts and uncles, great aunts and great uncles, and great-grandaunts and great-granduncles. In essence, we each have eight sets of great-great-grandparents, and the book tracks down every every descendant of each of the eight sets.
The book details exactly how we are linked with certain cousins of ours. For me and my brothers, it also tells us how many more cousins we have in addition to what we already know.
Are you related to me? If you live in northern Illinois and your last name is either Cutter, Reeser, Holder, Metzler, Holloway, Tighe, Roselieb or Hanell, chances are there is some sort of easy-to-explain relation between us. Then there are many other names that would take up most of this piece and make it cumbersome.
In my work with area high school sports, I was able to trace what schools have educated my ancestors and cousins. I was also able to figure out which of my ancestors, and their descendants, have served the United States in our past wars.
One relative that comes to mind is my great-granduncle Homer Roselieb. Homer was the second-oldest of 13 Roselieb children born between 1898 and 1918 in the Erie-Prophetstown area, and was the first of four siblings to serve. Homer was in the Army during the first World War as a young man, but died during the Influenza outbreak.
Because Homer died a young man without any children, there was little to tell of him as his brothers and sisters lived out their years. All of the 13 Roselieb children have since passed, leaving no one left with any direct link to him. In addition, Homer is buried at a cemetary in Erie while his brothers and sisters are all buried at a cemetary near Spring Hill, just south of Erie.
The purpose behind this book is to ensure that such relatives like Homer Roselieb, a very young man who served his country, are not forgotten as the four Cutter Boys grow older.
Another relative, my half-great-uncle Jarrod Roselieb, served during the Vietnam War and received a Purple Heart after his plane was shot down. None of my brothers knew that, or even know who Jarrod was, until they read the book.
Within the brotherly quartet, we take for granted our familiarity with our aunts, uncles and first cousins. Researching involved asking my oldest relatives what they know of their aunts, uncles, great aunts and great uncles, and first cousins. I could recall such relatives in a heartbeat, but it was a little difficult for the older folks to recall theirs. That's because there was no concrete record of such. Now, within the Cutter Crew, there is a solid object that can be preserved and passed on to future generations.
As we grow older, generations before us will eventually pass on. I have only remembered one great-great-grandparent, and that was who we called “Granny Perry.” All of my great-grandparents have passed away, the last coming in 2009. Only one direct relative from three generations ahead of me is still living, and that is my great-granduncle Sam. Another great-granduncle of mine, George, has passed but his wife, Geraldine, is still living. Another great-granduncle of mine, Stan, has passed but his wife, Lucy, is still living.
It so happens that the age gap between me and my youngest brother, Daniel, is great enough that he cannot recall as many older relatives as I can. As we were gathering in our living room during this green Christmas, I took more time to show Danny around the book because he recalls so little.
The present was well worth the drives to Rochelle for information on the Holloways and Rockford for information on the Tighes.
Snow may not be on the ground to make it feel like Christmas, but the Christmas feeling in terms of family was certainly there.
Northern Illinois looks to have a green Christmas this year with no snow on the ground.
But that's quite alright.
Whatever we are celebrating at this moment – be it Christmas, Hannukah or Kwanzaa – paints us a picture filled with snow and songs. But don't need snow in order to get into the Holiday spirit. Typically today is spent around lots of family. For some families, it's the only other time outside of maybe Thanksgiving that a bunch of family members will gather around.
When you see your family today, think about how you are made up as a person. Very likely, it is because of those family members that are a generation or more older.
“You are who you are because of the people around you” is a philosophy that I often use to trace backward the traits that define ourselves. The people around you, if you are planning or attending a gathering today, is most likely family.
Family is an important aspect in the life of yours truly. Perhaps it's because so much of it is close around.
Nearly everyone on both my mother's side and father's side of my family reside somewhere within northern Illinois. Sure, there are a few people that have went far, far away, but most have remained not too far away from where I live and thus are more available during great times of need.
2011 had its fair share of sorrow when it came to my extended family. My great uncles Roger and Elmer, brothers, lost battles with cancer within eight months of each other. My great aunt Carol, the pair's sister, saw Alzheimer's get the best of her on the day we laid Roger to rest. Three siblings that were no longer a part of us on this Earth in eight months is more than enough to bear. Cancer also claimed the life of my great-granduncle Everett this year. So I've been at more than enough funerals this year.
Perhaps the saddest thing about funerals is that it is one of the rare times that the extended family all flocks together for something. Because me and my brothers are so young – I'm 25 years old and the oldest of four brothers – we don't recall some people that come up for the deaded occasion, even though we know they are related to us.
I had some personal losses as well outside my family, and after a few things came together I set out on a project to work on. I wanted to get this done by Christmas.
What I've been working on over the past four months, when I'm not doing anything high school sports-related, is a family record that details all of our relatives – direct relatives, aunts, uncles and cousins – and tells how they are related to us. (By “us” and “we” I refer to the four Cutter Boys: myself, Michael, Christopher and Daniel). I gave them copies of the book for Christmas presents.
“The Six Degrees of the Cutter Crew” lists every possible relative that we have from four generations above us, and then descending back down across many different paths that detail the families of our aunts and uncles, great aunts and great uncles, and great-grandaunts and great-granduncles. In essence, we each have eight sets of great-great-grandparents, and the book tracks down every every descendant of each of the eight sets.
The book details exactly how we are linked with certain cousins of ours. For me and my brothers, it also tells us how many more cousins we have in addition to what we already know.
Are you related to me? If you live in northern Illinois and your last name is either Cutter, Reeser, Holder, Metzler, Holloway, Tighe, Roselieb or Hanell, chances are there is some sort of easy-to-explain relation between us. Then there are many other names that would take up most of this piece and make it cumbersome.
In my work with area high school sports, I was able to trace what schools have educated my ancestors and cousins. I was also able to figure out which of my ancestors, and their descendants, have served the United States in our past wars.
One relative that comes to mind is my great-granduncle Homer Roselieb. Homer was the second-oldest of 13 Roselieb children born between 1898 and 1918 in the Erie-Prophetstown area, and was the first of four siblings to serve. Homer was in the Army during the first World War as a young man, but died during the Influenza outbreak.
Because Homer died a young man without any children, there was little to tell of him as his brothers and sisters lived out their years. All of the 13 Roselieb children have since passed, leaving no one left with any direct link to him. In addition, Homer is buried at a cemetary in Erie while his brothers and sisters are all buried at a cemetary near Spring Hill, just south of Erie.
The purpose behind this book is to ensure that such relatives like Homer Roselieb, a very young man who served his country, are not forgotten as the four Cutter Boys grow older.
Another relative, my half-great-uncle Jarrod Roselieb, served during the Vietnam War and received a Purple Heart after his plane was shot down. None of my brothers knew that, or even know who Jarrod was, until they read the book.
Within the brotherly quartet, we take for granted our familiarity with our aunts, uncles and first cousins. Researching involved asking my oldest relatives what they know of their aunts, uncles, great aunts and great uncles, and first cousins. I could recall such relatives in a heartbeat, but it was a little difficult for the older folks to recall theirs. That's because there was no concrete record of such. Now, within the Cutter Crew, there is a solid object that can be preserved and passed on to future generations.
As we grow older, generations before us will eventually pass on. I have only remembered one great-great-grandparent, and that was who we called “Granny Perry.” All of my great-grandparents have passed away, the last coming in 2009. Only one direct relative from three generations ahead of me is still living, and that is my great-granduncle Sam. Another great-granduncle of mine, George, has passed but his wife, Geraldine, is still living. Another great-granduncle of mine, Stan, has passed but his wife, Lucy, is still living.
It so happens that the age gap between me and my youngest brother, Daniel, is great enough that he cannot recall as many older relatives as I can. As we were gathering in our living room during this green Christmas, I took more time to show Danny around the book because he recalls so little.
The present was well worth the drives to Rochelle for information on the Holloways and Rockford for information on the Tighes.
Snow may not be on the ground to make it feel like Christmas, but the Christmas feeling in terms of family was certainly there.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Life as NISB Publisher, With a 64 oz. Mega Chill
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.02.21
Current Song - Just The Two of Us (Bill Withers)
Every night is becoming a long one.
It's 4:45 a.m. as I type this line in my Blog.
Recently, I made a decision to increase my work load as far as Northern Illinois Sports Beat is concerned. I'm not employed right now, and when there's no high school sports stuff going on, I tend to get bored. With the personal funds fizzling and no money for gas in my car, I'm literally rotting at home. So I decided to do something about this emptiness, and that was to simply write more stories.
It all started last week, when trying to figure out an assignment scenario with Bill. Somehow we wound up talking about the possibility of getting something on the website every day. Now we came to this conclusion, I'm not certain. Would it happen together? Not likely. But on my own?
I go to my thinktank every time such a situation occurs. This thinktank is my car, and I travel around my "NISB kingdom" to try to generate a thought. Knowing this would require some thought, I stopped at the Super Pantry in Dixon and picked up a 64-ounce Mega Chill cupfull of Dr. Pepper to keep me awake and stimulated. I literally know all of the backroads of northern Illinois, and I wound up driving somewhere near Serena on a backroad (ironically, not too far from where Bill lives) before I turned off onto a gravel road all of a sudden.
This was at 1:30 in the morning. I stopped along the road and shut my car off. Nothing but pitch black, the moon, a large cloud, and some raindrops here and there. It was at that time when I thought about a couple of features that I once did for the website: Athlete Q&A and Team Spotlight.
I had always thought about bringing them back, but I haven't written any of them in almost five years. But if this was going to fill up content, then so be it. Somewhere in my files, I thought I had a list of specific TS and QA questions but wanted to draft up another just in case I didn't find it. Then of course, with the commitment to more writing I had to think about how to rearrange other things in my life to accomodate this.
Ever wonder why such a setting allows me to think better? It's dark, so there is not much for my eyes - and thus my brain - to comprehend. And since I'm at an unfamiliar place, there is not any memory recall of where I'm at or where I had been at one time. It feels like I'm disappearing into thin air. At home I see the same things every day. So that explains it. Call it Aspergian.
When I got back home I plopped my IHSA calendar on my desk and looked up a bunch of high school sports schedules. One day at a time I started to fill in assignments to do up until Jan. 10. A mix of game stories, columns, as well as the Team Spotlight and Athlete Q&A.
Then I drafted up the questions to ask on a piece of paper to carry around to the games I am going to cover. Every night I'm tweaking the piece of paper and it is a mess at the moment.
Friday is the big day: game article on the Forreston Boys Basketball Holiday Tournament championship game, a Q&A on a player from Rockford Christian Life, and the Team Spotlight on either Aquin or Byron. Since Forreston and RCL were playing in a fifth-place game, the Q&A came first. It was kind of a different scenario than in sessions past, as the kid lost his game. Only after doing the interview did I realize that my questions were flat and corny. But the session was done, and I planned it for a Wednesday release. Then came the 2-in-1 sessions with the Byron people. My TS questions were okay, but thought I could do better. But still, the session was done and I planned it for a Monday release.
Since the Forreston Tournament article was a 1 3/4 gamer, I figured it would take me a while to write it. Sure did, and I only had four hours of sleep before needing to wake up and make the drive to St. Bede for the Lady Bruins' game against unbeaten Annawan. The plan was to do a gamer and a TS on the winner. I didn't have time to change my TS question sheet, but figured the second time around would bring better results. Kind of. Got home, and another gamer written.
Then the next day I pieced together the Byron Boys Basketball Team Spotlight. I hadn't written one in five years. When I got done with it, I said to myself, 'Damn this is long.' The next night with Annawan's wasn't much of an improvement - four typed pages.
Before writing the Annawan piece, I went to the gas station to refill my 64-ounce cup. Only $0.84. I planned for a busy night tonight, writing both the Annawan TS and the Athlete Q&A.
And this is just the overnight session. During the afternoon and evening, it's likely that I get a phone call from one of my writers. This time I was going back and forth between Bill and Brian over a game at Hinckley-Big Rock. Then sometimes pressure will mount and I'll just say to myself 'forget it, I'll cover it.' That's been resolved.
After writing the TS and Q&A, more thoughts occured to me. Great, more things to think about late at night after getting done laying out the website.
I just did a Team Spotlight on Annawan Girls Basketball. Then I get to thinking someone is going to ask me when I'm going to write one on the Aquin girls, or the Hinckley girls, or the Marquette girls, or the Newark girls, or the Sterling girls. Or the Moline swimming team. Then how many athletes are going to call me and say that they too want a Q&A?
Luckilly, my Mega Chill is only 3/4 empty. But there's no gas in the car.
I'm not covering anything today (Tuesday) and already have the Q&A written, so the time spent with the website tools will be minimal until Wednesday night: posting the H-BR/Marquette gamer, and covering a wrestling meet at Sterling.
Why can't I just disappear into thin air right now?
So if you are out driving in the middle of nowhere at 1:30 in the morning and see a green car parked along the side of the road ...
No, you idiot! I'm brainstorming under absolute silence!
Either way, please do not disturb :)
Current Song - Just The Two of Us (Bill Withers)
Every night is becoming a long one.
It's 4:45 a.m. as I type this line in my Blog.
Recently, I made a decision to increase my work load as far as Northern Illinois Sports Beat is concerned. I'm not employed right now, and when there's no high school sports stuff going on, I tend to get bored. With the personal funds fizzling and no money for gas in my car, I'm literally rotting at home. So I decided to do something about this emptiness, and that was to simply write more stories.
It all started last week, when trying to figure out an assignment scenario with Bill. Somehow we wound up talking about the possibility of getting something on the website every day. Now we came to this conclusion, I'm not certain. Would it happen together? Not likely. But on my own?
I go to my thinktank every time such a situation occurs. This thinktank is my car, and I travel around my "NISB kingdom" to try to generate a thought. Knowing this would require some thought, I stopped at the Super Pantry in Dixon and picked up a 64-ounce Mega Chill cupfull of Dr. Pepper to keep me awake and stimulated. I literally know all of the backroads of northern Illinois, and I wound up driving somewhere near Serena on a backroad (ironically, not too far from where Bill lives) before I turned off onto a gravel road all of a sudden.
This was at 1:30 in the morning. I stopped along the road and shut my car off. Nothing but pitch black, the moon, a large cloud, and some raindrops here and there. It was at that time when I thought about a couple of features that I once did for the website: Athlete Q&A and Team Spotlight.
I had always thought about bringing them back, but I haven't written any of them in almost five years. But if this was going to fill up content, then so be it. Somewhere in my files, I thought I had a list of specific TS and QA questions but wanted to draft up another just in case I didn't find it. Then of course, with the commitment to more writing I had to think about how to rearrange other things in my life to accomodate this.
Ever wonder why such a setting allows me to think better? It's dark, so there is not much for my eyes - and thus my brain - to comprehend. And since I'm at an unfamiliar place, there is not any memory recall of where I'm at or where I had been at one time. It feels like I'm disappearing into thin air. At home I see the same things every day. So that explains it. Call it Aspergian.
When I got back home I plopped my IHSA calendar on my desk and looked up a bunch of high school sports schedules. One day at a time I started to fill in assignments to do up until Jan. 10. A mix of game stories, columns, as well as the Team Spotlight and Athlete Q&A.
Then I drafted up the questions to ask on a piece of paper to carry around to the games I am going to cover. Every night I'm tweaking the piece of paper and it is a mess at the moment.
Friday is the big day: game article on the Forreston Boys Basketball Holiday Tournament championship game, a Q&A on a player from Rockford Christian Life, and the Team Spotlight on either Aquin or Byron. Since Forreston and RCL were playing in a fifth-place game, the Q&A came first. It was kind of a different scenario than in sessions past, as the kid lost his game. Only after doing the interview did I realize that my questions were flat and corny. But the session was done, and I planned it for a Wednesday release. Then came the 2-in-1 sessions with the Byron people. My TS questions were okay, but thought I could do better. But still, the session was done and I planned it for a Monday release.
Since the Forreston Tournament article was a 1 3/4 gamer, I figured it would take me a while to write it. Sure did, and I only had four hours of sleep before needing to wake up and make the drive to St. Bede for the Lady Bruins' game against unbeaten Annawan. The plan was to do a gamer and a TS on the winner. I didn't have time to change my TS question sheet, but figured the second time around would bring better results. Kind of. Got home, and another gamer written.
Then the next day I pieced together the Byron Boys Basketball Team Spotlight. I hadn't written one in five years. When I got done with it, I said to myself, 'Damn this is long.' The next night with Annawan's wasn't much of an improvement - four typed pages.
Before writing the Annawan piece, I went to the gas station to refill my 64-ounce cup. Only $0.84. I planned for a busy night tonight, writing both the Annawan TS and the Athlete Q&A.
And this is just the overnight session. During the afternoon and evening, it's likely that I get a phone call from one of my writers. This time I was going back and forth between Bill and Brian over a game at Hinckley-Big Rock. Then sometimes pressure will mount and I'll just say to myself 'forget it, I'll cover it.' That's been resolved.
After writing the TS and Q&A, more thoughts occured to me. Great, more things to think about late at night after getting done laying out the website.
I just did a Team Spotlight on Annawan Girls Basketball. Then I get to thinking someone is going to ask me when I'm going to write one on the Aquin girls, or the Hinckley girls, or the Marquette girls, or the Newark girls, or the Sterling girls. Or the Moline swimming team. Then how many athletes are going to call me and say that they too want a Q&A?
Luckilly, my Mega Chill is only 3/4 empty. But there's no gas in the car.
I'm not covering anything today (Tuesday) and already have the Q&A written, so the time spent with the website tools will be minimal until Wednesday night: posting the H-BR/Marquette gamer, and covering a wrestling meet at Sterling.
Why can't I just disappear into thin air right now?
So if you are out driving in the middle of nowhere at 1:30 in the morning and see a green car parked along the side of the road ...
No, you idiot! I'm brainstorming under absolute silence!
Either way, please do not disturb :)
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Promises, Promises
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.51.21
Current Song - Promises, Promises (Naked Eyes)
To the fans and followers of Northern Illinois Sports Beat.
I'm sorry.
I'm extremely sorry.
We were hoping for no special delays in things.
That was my goal, something NISB has never done.
I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this.
You will never see any high school sports journalist in the country work as hard as I will work the rest of the high school sports season.
You will never see someone push this website as hard as I will push it the rest of the season.
You will never see a sportswriting team work harder than we will the rest of the high school sports season.
God bless.
Current Song - Promises, Promises (Naked Eyes)
To the fans and followers of Northern Illinois Sports Beat.
I'm sorry.
I'm extremely sorry.
We were hoping for no special delays in things.
That was my goal, something NISB has never done.
I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this.
You will never see any high school sports journalist in the country work as hard as I will work the rest of the high school sports season.
You will never see someone push this website as hard as I will push it the rest of the season.
You will never see a sportswriting team work harder than we will the rest of the high school sports season.
God bless.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Dates of the Blind Kind
Cutter's Log - Supplemental
The last blog entry made me think of a struggle I've had since I first laid eyes on this girl in preschool. That was 20 years ago and nothing has worked on other girls since.
I mentioned a little about how temporary work is like going on a blind date.
Knowing me, if someone set me up on a blind date it would be with the worst girl in the school. It's a dead-end street: either you become humilated because of who your date is, or you become looked at as horrible because you made someone sad. The chances of me - someone who has never had a girlfriend - having a good blind date is one in a million. A bad blind date? one in one.
Ladies and gentlemen, the above paragraph is why I bitch a lot. And probably why no one has dared to set me up on a blind date. I don't even have mistakes to learn from yet.
They say I don't even try. That's probably I'm not at the "trying stage" yet, in fact I'm probably at some negative step, step no. -13 or something. Fix this, fix that, fix this, and tweak that and maybe - just maybe - I'll have a long shot.
Then I know now that it's all a matter of "you don't have confidence in yourself." Truthfully I don't see it, and to do at it blindfolded would lead to worse effects. Other than taking my body to American Restoration (the TV show), how do I renovate myself?
But wait, doesn't renovating myself lead to me not "being myself."
Well, crud. Back to square -13.
One college day I was bored and decided to take the eHarmony test simply to pass time. There were 258 questions, encompassing 29 dimensions of compatibility, and I must have failed somehow. 258 questions is probably the amount of questions I have to ask myself about a girl in order for her to become compatible to me.
I've tried trimming down the number of questions to ask myself. But still I can see small details that raise a red flag telling me that this is not going to work out between us. I'm too finite, and I don't know how to stop myself.
Just came to a realization - I'm too finite. That's why I can't succeed.
I think the way to cure this in regards to my struggle with girls is going through the relationship motions. From there, I can ask myself whether or not I can truly deal with such issues. When an issue arises, to stop and think about how to correct the issue and make it positive - in other words, what can I do to make it better?
If I am to improve on getting rid of my finite details, I need to have a girl above my expectation level - and at the same time be someone who is barely above, at, or barely below her expectation level. The most perfect scenario would be to pair myself with someone who looks at me as far below her expectation level, and thus be able to learn more ways to correct things. But that's just not going to happen.
It's going to take some tries in order to become perfect in this situation. I think most of my friends my age have gone through five girls already. With my special-case scenario, it'll probably take 10.
Tonight I learned that there is indeed a tomorrow.
Now it's just a matter of breaking the ice.
Any input is welcome.
The last blog entry made me think of a struggle I've had since I first laid eyes on this girl in preschool. That was 20 years ago and nothing has worked on other girls since.
I mentioned a little about how temporary work is like going on a blind date.
Knowing me, if someone set me up on a blind date it would be with the worst girl in the school. It's a dead-end street: either you become humilated because of who your date is, or you become looked at as horrible because you made someone sad. The chances of me - someone who has never had a girlfriend - having a good blind date is one in a million. A bad blind date? one in one.
Ladies and gentlemen, the above paragraph is why I bitch a lot. And probably why no one has dared to set me up on a blind date. I don't even have mistakes to learn from yet.
They say I don't even try. That's probably I'm not at the "trying stage" yet, in fact I'm probably at some negative step, step no. -13 or something. Fix this, fix that, fix this, and tweak that and maybe - just maybe - I'll have a long shot.
Then I know now that it's all a matter of "you don't have confidence in yourself." Truthfully I don't see it, and to do at it blindfolded would lead to worse effects. Other than taking my body to American Restoration (the TV show), how do I renovate myself?
But wait, doesn't renovating myself lead to me not "being myself."
Well, crud. Back to square -13.
One college day I was bored and decided to take the eHarmony test simply to pass time. There were 258 questions, encompassing 29 dimensions of compatibility, and I must have failed somehow. 258 questions is probably the amount of questions I have to ask myself about a girl in order for her to become compatible to me.
I've tried trimming down the number of questions to ask myself. But still I can see small details that raise a red flag telling me that this is not going to work out between us. I'm too finite, and I don't know how to stop myself.
Just came to a realization - I'm too finite. That's why I can't succeed.
I think the way to cure this in regards to my struggle with girls is going through the relationship motions. From there, I can ask myself whether or not I can truly deal with such issues. When an issue arises, to stop and think about how to correct the issue and make it positive - in other words, what can I do to make it better?
If I am to improve on getting rid of my finite details, I need to have a girl above my expectation level - and at the same time be someone who is barely above, at, or barely below her expectation level. The most perfect scenario would be to pair myself with someone who looks at me as far below her expectation level, and thus be able to learn more ways to correct things. But that's just not going to happen.
It's going to take some tries in order to become perfect in this situation. I think most of my friends my age have gone through five girls already. With my special-case scenario, it'll probably take 10.
Tonight I learned that there is indeed a tomorrow.
Now it's just a matter of breaking the ice.
Any input is welcome.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Job Update 12/9
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.80.21
Current Song - Keep Feeling Fascination (Human League)
I'm waiting for an offer to come forward from a gas station about an hour and a half away from home. It's the line of work I'm used to.
I had a couple of stops there in the past week, and it's a good $15 in gas per day. Figuring it's about a seven-hour work day, at $8.50/hr, total pay without taxes taken out would be $59.50/day. Take that figure multiplied by .80 for about $47.60. Then take that new figure and subtract $15 to make for $32.60/day.
Still, $32.60/day is better than $0.00 I'm making currently.
Christmas is 17 days away, and it's extremely sad to me that I'm looking at the day as a stimulus rather than the Christmas spirit. A gift card for fuel (note that the term "gas card" isn't correct because they can be used for other store things) would help me get around to at least a week's worth of games in the coverage area.
Another week and a half until I have bills to pay. I know I can get through that, but if no job comes up after that then I'm really screwed. That doesn't mean that I'll close NISB; I have plenty of plans for that if the "Day of Zero" comes.
At this point I'm getting a little worried. I have six more reasonable chances left before looking at breaking my back every day. Then again, I'm worried because I bring so little to the general table of things.
***
This is like trying to hook up with a potential girlfriend. And those that know me over the years know that my luck in hooking up with girls is next to zilch.
Getting a job that I don't want to do is like going out with a girl that you don't want to go out with. You REALLY don't want to do this, and you feel that you won't make the place better with your presence.
Even worse is the blind date: temporary agencies saying that there is simply a "job opening" for a generic title. The who and what is unknown, and you only find it out when you get there.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out how to get this triangle-shaped thing into this circular hole.
Current Song - Keep Feeling Fascination (Human League)
I'm waiting for an offer to come forward from a gas station about an hour and a half away from home. It's the line of work I'm used to.
I had a couple of stops there in the past week, and it's a good $15 in gas per day. Figuring it's about a seven-hour work day, at $8.50/hr, total pay without taxes taken out would be $59.50/day. Take that figure multiplied by .80 for about $47.60. Then take that new figure and subtract $15 to make for $32.60/day.
Still, $32.60/day is better than $0.00 I'm making currently.
Christmas is 17 days away, and it's extremely sad to me that I'm looking at the day as a stimulus rather than the Christmas spirit. A gift card for fuel (note that the term "gas card" isn't correct because they can be used for other store things) would help me get around to at least a week's worth of games in the coverage area.
Another week and a half until I have bills to pay. I know I can get through that, but if no job comes up after that then I'm really screwed. That doesn't mean that I'll close NISB; I have plenty of plans for that if the "Day of Zero" comes.
At this point I'm getting a little worried. I have six more reasonable chances left before looking at breaking my back every day. Then again, I'm worried because I bring so little to the general table of things.
***
This is like trying to hook up with a potential girlfriend. And those that know me over the years know that my luck in hooking up with girls is next to zilch.
Getting a job that I don't want to do is like going out with a girl that you don't want to go out with. You REALLY don't want to do this, and you feel that you won't make the place better with your presence.
Even worse is the blind date: temporary agencies saying that there is simply a "job opening" for a generic title. The who and what is unknown, and you only find it out when you get there.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out how to get this triangle-shaped thing into this circular hole.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Smoothing Things Out
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.50.21
Current Song - One Headlight (The Wallflowers)
I went downstairs to get a sandwich and a pop before writing this blog entry. Just by walking on the floor I woke up the dog. Thus, I woke up my dad. When I can't even move around the house at night, that's a problem. At night I feel like I'm pinned to a particular spot in my house.
Then again, most people are pinned to a particular spot at night - their beds.
I've been reminded many times over the years that it's best for me to wake up in the morning and sleep at night. When I was working, I couldn't be up all day and then go to work because I was slack around 11 p.m. and not get stuff done. I changed my routine around to where I woke up an hour before going into work for the night. That worked out well and I got my stuff done, and then when I came home I was wanting something to do. That's how I got introduced to Antenna TV: Hitchcock at midnight, Burns and Allen at 1 a.m., Jack Benny at 2 a.m., then to ESPN for Sportscenter at 3 a.m. and going to bed after that.
Even for covering games a considerable distance from home; I'd get home at midnight and have a story to type. The line of work pretty much makes me stay awake at 1 a.m. Now with this going on at home, I really don't know what to do. It has been suggested to me that I stay in one location during the night, either upstairs in bed, upstairs on the computer, or downstairs on the couch. Not going back and forth. Pretty much, getting my sandwich and pop at 11 p.m. and heading upstairs for the computer without having to go down at night.
Then if I get a job that makes me walk in the back door at 2:30 a.m., what's going to happen then? Do I sleep in the car and wake up at 7 a.m.? Roy's going to wake up no matter what, and when he wakes up he think's it's morning when it's really nighttime.
If only I could wake up as quick as Roy, and sleep as quick as my dad. BTW my dad works at the new wind farm near Paw Paw, which is a lot of work to do so he does get really tired when he comes home.
But other than getting to a regular sleep schedule, the reason why I wanted to write this post was to try to figure out how to get myself back into physical confidence. Since I literally cannot afford to eat out, this helps me from not eating things that are not good for me.
Now to find a way to move more. Today I went out grocery shopping for the home. Since I rarely do major grocery shopping, I'm one of those guys who you see at the market making an appearance in aisle 1, then 6, then 4, 5, 9, 7, 2, 1 again, 3, 5 again, etc. Most regular shoppers, since they've done it enough to know where everything is, will tailor the grocery lists up and down according to aisle. Mentally I can't do that. But physically, I don't mind doing that because I move around a lot. Plus, what always helps is parking at the far end of the parking lot.
As to outside of grocery shopping, going on a walk is going to be a little difficult for me because its is cold outside. But that's pretty much what I'll have to do in order to get myself going physically. Walking when its cold out is nothing new to me. Challand and SHS were a 3/4-mile walk from where I live, sometimes in the dead of winter with snow on the ground. There were times that I walked from my house to RFHS for basketball games, which is a four-mile round-trip. I wonder if the more I walk will help me, or will I bail out due to the weather?
It also used to be that when I went on drives to games, I would stop at the gas station and not just put gas in my car, but grab a bite to eat along the way. Can't do that anymore. Then with concession stand prices are what they are, I'd rather bring my own stuff in my bookbag.
I have also thought of incorporating walking exercises with the locations of where I cover games. Park elsewhere in town and walk to the school, and walk back when done. It's not like I'm on deadline or anything with the stuff I write. I have something in Sandwich and Rochelle this week, so I'll scope something out maybe.
Just anything to get myself back in good health. Who knows, maybe I'll be well enough to start, oh, running?
For confidence, I look no further than the previous post (see the post below):
Current Song - One Headlight (The Wallflowers)
I went downstairs to get a sandwich and a pop before writing this blog entry. Just by walking on the floor I woke up the dog. Thus, I woke up my dad. When I can't even move around the house at night, that's a problem. At night I feel like I'm pinned to a particular spot in my house.
Then again, most people are pinned to a particular spot at night - their beds.
I've been reminded many times over the years that it's best for me to wake up in the morning and sleep at night. When I was working, I couldn't be up all day and then go to work because I was slack around 11 p.m. and not get stuff done. I changed my routine around to where I woke up an hour before going into work for the night. That worked out well and I got my stuff done, and then when I came home I was wanting something to do. That's how I got introduced to Antenna TV: Hitchcock at midnight, Burns and Allen at 1 a.m., Jack Benny at 2 a.m., then to ESPN for Sportscenter at 3 a.m. and going to bed after that.
Even for covering games a considerable distance from home; I'd get home at midnight and have a story to type. The line of work pretty much makes me stay awake at 1 a.m. Now with this going on at home, I really don't know what to do. It has been suggested to me that I stay in one location during the night, either upstairs in bed, upstairs on the computer, or downstairs on the couch. Not going back and forth. Pretty much, getting my sandwich and pop at 11 p.m. and heading upstairs for the computer without having to go down at night.
Then if I get a job that makes me walk in the back door at 2:30 a.m., what's going to happen then? Do I sleep in the car and wake up at 7 a.m.? Roy's going to wake up no matter what, and when he wakes up he think's it's morning when it's really nighttime.
If only I could wake up as quick as Roy, and sleep as quick as my dad. BTW my dad works at the new wind farm near Paw Paw, which is a lot of work to do so he does get really tired when he comes home.
But other than getting to a regular sleep schedule, the reason why I wanted to write this post was to try to figure out how to get myself back into physical confidence. Since I literally cannot afford to eat out, this helps me from not eating things that are not good for me.
Now to find a way to move more. Today I went out grocery shopping for the home. Since I rarely do major grocery shopping, I'm one of those guys who you see at the market making an appearance in aisle 1, then 6, then 4, 5, 9, 7, 2, 1 again, 3, 5 again, etc. Most regular shoppers, since they've done it enough to know where everything is, will tailor the grocery lists up and down according to aisle. Mentally I can't do that. But physically, I don't mind doing that because I move around a lot. Plus, what always helps is parking at the far end of the parking lot.
As to outside of grocery shopping, going on a walk is going to be a little difficult for me because its is cold outside. But that's pretty much what I'll have to do in order to get myself going physically. Walking when its cold out is nothing new to me. Challand and SHS were a 3/4-mile walk from where I live, sometimes in the dead of winter with snow on the ground. There were times that I walked from my house to RFHS for basketball games, which is a four-mile round-trip. I wonder if the more I walk will help me, or will I bail out due to the weather?
It also used to be that when I went on drives to games, I would stop at the gas station and not just put gas in my car, but grab a bite to eat along the way. Can't do that anymore. Then with concession stand prices are what they are, I'd rather bring my own stuff in my bookbag.
I have also thought of incorporating walking exercises with the locations of where I cover games. Park elsewhere in town and walk to the school, and walk back when done. It's not like I'm on deadline or anything with the stuff I write. I have something in Sandwich and Rochelle this week, so I'll scope something out maybe.
Just anything to get myself back in good health. Who knows, maybe I'll be well enough to start, oh, running?
For confidence, I look no further than the previous post (see the post below):
Sunday, December 4, 2011
In the Best Way I Can Describe It
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.40.21
Current Song - Love Is Blue (Paul Mauriat)
I'm one of those guys who believes in love at subsequent sights. First sight just isn't right; once you get to know the girl then the feeling start to build.
I'll never forget laying my eyes on the most beautiful girl in the world. I don't know if there's any other girl I want to look for after this one. Everything about her struck me as beautiful. But there's more to just that. I actually got to talk with her, and I could feel the magnetic vibe - at least on my end - as our eyes crossed paths, more like a tunnel of emotion. I was in love, love with the most beautiful girl in the world.
Normally, talking to her would be difficult to do since it is very diffiult for me to get into discussion with anyone. Her? Somehow my conversation pieces went very smoothly - but about something else and not love. I almost always got a stutter when talking to ANYONE. Not her. I don't think it was me, but someone was helping me. I was trying to break away because we both had to go away at some point. But the lasting memory I will never forget. Certainly someone who looks so beautiful can act so beautiful. She had it all, and I wanted more.
I felt like I was in another world as we talked, all the weight - a lot of it for me - was lefted from the ground. Literally I felt like I was in heaven, and she was right there to guide me along the way. Her smile and the way she spoke to me made the feeling get deeper. Somehow I got teh impression that she enjoyed this conversation well, evident in how our eyes fixed on each other.
I know I'll see her again. When, I'll never know. But preferably the choice should not be my own, but rather by the powers to be. As for now there will be plenty of reminders all around me, reminding me of the most beautiful girl in the world. I yearn the paths to cross once more, and may one day let my true feelings known. Missing her will make me feel blue, and they say love is blue.
But blue is love. Love = blue - that color alone will remind me of the most beautiful girl in the world.
I love you.
Current Song - Love Is Blue (Paul Mauriat)
I'm one of those guys who believes in love at subsequent sights. First sight just isn't right; once you get to know the girl then the feeling start to build.
I'll never forget laying my eyes on the most beautiful girl in the world. I don't know if there's any other girl I want to look for after this one. Everything about her struck me as beautiful. But there's more to just that. I actually got to talk with her, and I could feel the magnetic vibe - at least on my end - as our eyes crossed paths, more like a tunnel of emotion. I was in love, love with the most beautiful girl in the world.
Normally, talking to her would be difficult to do since it is very diffiult for me to get into discussion with anyone. Her? Somehow my conversation pieces went very smoothly - but about something else and not love. I almost always got a stutter when talking to ANYONE. Not her. I don't think it was me, but someone was helping me. I was trying to break away because we both had to go away at some point. But the lasting memory I will never forget. Certainly someone who looks so beautiful can act so beautiful. She had it all, and I wanted more.
I felt like I was in another world as we talked, all the weight - a lot of it for me - was lefted from the ground. Literally I felt like I was in heaven, and she was right there to guide me along the way. Her smile and the way she spoke to me made the feeling get deeper. Somehow I got teh impression that she enjoyed this conversation well, evident in how our eyes fixed on each other.
I know I'll see her again. When, I'll never know. But preferably the choice should not be my own, but rather by the powers to be. As for now there will be plenty of reminders all around me, reminding me of the most beautiful girl in the world. I yearn the paths to cross once more, and may one day let my true feelings known. Missing her will make me feel blue, and they say love is blue.
But blue is love. Love = blue - that color alone will remind me of the most beautiful girl in the world.
I love you.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
A Word About This Blog, and Recent Posts
Cutter's Log - Supplemental
It's been about an hour since I posted the recent Job Update. After looking at it once more, it seems like I am doing a lot of whining and complaining.
That made me look back at recent posts, and it's more of the same - whining and complaining. I live in a city where kids my age wanted to take the first train out of town after graduation because they were "sick of all the drama that goes on in this town." In other words, they were sick and tired of people like me talking about my problems and such.
I realize I have this problem of talking up way too much drama. But one day I don't want to be displaying drama as much as I have lately. If all goes well, I won't do this anymore.
Once all of the drama goes away, perhaps better things will come to my life. Like, I don't know, a girl? As mentioned in the last post I had a soft spot for a bunch of girls in my life, but working so much has caused that to fade away. Don't get me wrong, there are still those times when my heart spins and beats wildly, but after that nothing's there.
And it's not just a girl, but spending more time with the people I enjoy hanging out with and not have to worry about so much.
I hope that one day, soon, this will be a reality.
It's been about an hour since I posted the recent Job Update. After looking at it once more, it seems like I am doing a lot of whining and complaining.
That made me look back at recent posts, and it's more of the same - whining and complaining. I live in a city where kids my age wanted to take the first train out of town after graduation because they were "sick of all the drama that goes on in this town." In other words, they were sick and tired of people like me talking about my problems and such.
I realize I have this problem of talking up way too much drama. But one day I don't want to be displaying drama as much as I have lately. If all goes well, I won't do this anymore.
Once all of the drama goes away, perhaps better things will come to my life. Like, I don't know, a girl? As mentioned in the last post I had a soft spot for a bunch of girls in my life, but working so much has caused that to fade away. Don't get me wrong, there are still those times when my heart spins and beats wildly, but after that nothing's there.
And it's not just a girl, but spending more time with the people I enjoy hanging out with and not have to worry about so much.
I hope that one day, soon, this will be a reality.
Job Update 11/30
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.03.11
Current Song - Miami (Will Smith)
I decided rather than drive into Rockford, or the Quads or DeKalb, that if this recent round of gas stations does not work out, then I'll consider light factory work locally.
There are a few stations left on the "hoping" list that I have sent applications to. I'm hoping to get an answer by late next week or else I will move on. It won't be the first time I literally wrecked my body in order to sustain an income.
I once had a packing job for two months, and a factory job for three hours. The latter was at Dana, where hand skills were plenty and I had none.
After high school I needed money to help fund my college education and there were no newspaper openings available. I hated walking into temporary agencies because I felt like I was better than this kind of reputation. (I sure had an ego back then). Burton found me work at Crest Foods in Ashton.
The first days are literally orientation: food safety, OSHA, and a couple of other meetings. Then we went into the factory area, and I was placed on Line 2, which I think is one of the three fastest lines. When applying at Burton, I had to take a skill test with my hands. Apparently I didn't do so well, and they didn't put me in a packing position. Instead they looked at big, burly me and thought I was good enough to stack boxes onto pallets.
That first week was an uphill climb. The last day of training on that line involved packing six boxes of packaged something into a box - which meant boxes were flying off of the line. I was just too slow to keep up with it and the trainer did most of the work that day. But I was stuck to my own line, Line 25, which was upstairs in a seperate room.
I worked two months on Line 25. Once in a while I would fill in on Line 24. The particular line was a rice line, meaning there were 24 packages of rice in each box that I had to stack on pallets. There were certain ways these boxes had to be stacked, and certain ways boxes had to be wrapped. Since boxes were coming off of the line non-stop, and pallets could only be stacked so high, sometimes I was pushing pallets outside the room and seeing boxes fall off of the line because I was so slow.
Then the feet were killing me every day. They laid out this rubber "comfort" rug that had circular holes in them - hardly confortable. I didn't think the maximum Dr. Scholl's padding would do much help. Every night when I came home from work I had to lay down and rest. My back was sore from lifting. My feet were sore from standing on them for a long time. Eventually I had to ask for restroom breaks just to catch some sitting time.
I finally left when Sauk started its fall semester, because my classes were in the morning. But the toll this job took on me was what I called devestating. I'm very reluctant to do work and chores that involve bending my back. Instead of bending over, I have to balance my body on one foot and keep my back fixed on one position. Standing on my feet made me not want to walk around a lot (and by looking at me, you can figure out what THAT led to). Even when I worked at gas stations I couldn't stay on my feet for hours at a time. I needed to sit down and catch breaks. With every passing day the pain would lead to a more sedentary me, and making me worse physically. And even mentally because I wasn't able to move around as much as far as personal emotions go. I used to be energetic when it came to trying to find a girl of my dreams. It just seems anymore that this has been buried deep underneath other worries.
My biggest problem is that physically I don't know if I'll be able to stay on my feet for hours at a time doing repetivitve motions. I think the only way that can be fixed is if I am able to drop some weight - and that cannot be simply done overnight.
Right now I have to decide if my body will be able to do so much work in order to get so much money. I don't want to tear apart my body, but if this job economy stays this way I don't think I'll have a choice other than to ruin my body - both physically and mentally - in order to survive and make ends meet.
Current Song - Miami (Will Smith)
I decided rather than drive into Rockford, or the Quads or DeKalb, that if this recent round of gas stations does not work out, then I'll consider light factory work locally.
There are a few stations left on the "hoping" list that I have sent applications to. I'm hoping to get an answer by late next week or else I will move on. It won't be the first time I literally wrecked my body in order to sustain an income.
I once had a packing job for two months, and a factory job for three hours. The latter was at Dana, where hand skills were plenty and I had none.
After high school I needed money to help fund my college education and there were no newspaper openings available. I hated walking into temporary agencies because I felt like I was better than this kind of reputation. (I sure had an ego back then). Burton found me work at Crest Foods in Ashton.
The first days are literally orientation: food safety, OSHA, and a couple of other meetings. Then we went into the factory area, and I was placed on Line 2, which I think is one of the three fastest lines. When applying at Burton, I had to take a skill test with my hands. Apparently I didn't do so well, and they didn't put me in a packing position. Instead they looked at big, burly me and thought I was good enough to stack boxes onto pallets.
That first week was an uphill climb. The last day of training on that line involved packing six boxes of packaged something into a box - which meant boxes were flying off of the line. I was just too slow to keep up with it and the trainer did most of the work that day. But I was stuck to my own line, Line 25, which was upstairs in a seperate room.
I worked two months on Line 25. Once in a while I would fill in on Line 24. The particular line was a rice line, meaning there were 24 packages of rice in each box that I had to stack on pallets. There were certain ways these boxes had to be stacked, and certain ways boxes had to be wrapped. Since boxes were coming off of the line non-stop, and pallets could only be stacked so high, sometimes I was pushing pallets outside the room and seeing boxes fall off of the line because I was so slow.
Then the feet were killing me every day. They laid out this rubber "comfort" rug that had circular holes in them - hardly confortable. I didn't think the maximum Dr. Scholl's padding would do much help. Every night when I came home from work I had to lay down and rest. My back was sore from lifting. My feet were sore from standing on them for a long time. Eventually I had to ask for restroom breaks just to catch some sitting time.
I finally left when Sauk started its fall semester, because my classes were in the morning. But the toll this job took on me was what I called devestating. I'm very reluctant to do work and chores that involve bending my back. Instead of bending over, I have to balance my body on one foot and keep my back fixed on one position. Standing on my feet made me not want to walk around a lot (and by looking at me, you can figure out what THAT led to). Even when I worked at gas stations I couldn't stay on my feet for hours at a time. I needed to sit down and catch breaks. With every passing day the pain would lead to a more sedentary me, and making me worse physically. And even mentally because I wasn't able to move around as much as far as personal emotions go. I used to be energetic when it came to trying to find a girl of my dreams. It just seems anymore that this has been buried deep underneath other worries.
My biggest problem is that physically I don't know if I'll be able to stay on my feet for hours at a time doing repetivitve motions. I think the only way that can be fixed is if I am able to drop some weight - and that cannot be simply done overnight.
Right now I have to decide if my body will be able to do so much work in order to get so much money. I don't want to tear apart my body, but if this job economy stays this way I don't think I'll have a choice other than to ruin my body - both physically and mentally - in order to survive and make ends meet.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Job Update 11/28
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.82.11
Current Song - Sweetheart (Franke and the Knockouts)
Serious blow to my morale today.
Since I left Shell, it seems like I've been having a bout with dementia. With each passing day and each passing rejection, this gets worse. Matters with NISB makes things a whole lot worse. Somehow the will to get out and do something just isn't there. It's like my world is simply falling apart - AND NO THIS ISN'T MEANT TO BE CREATIVE PROSE WRITING, IT'S THE DARN TRUTH!!!!
I'm beginning to find out that most of the places I'm applying for conflict with the very existance of Northern Illinois Sports Beat. It's either one or the other. Seems like an easy decision, right? My sportswriting career means more to me than anything else. If I destroy that, I will have nothing left - because outside of that I truly do have nothing else.
So, to the job update. More places were dropped from consideration because it seems like the usual scheme of things is starting on "nights and weekends." Nights and weekends literally destroys the website, and thus my goals and ambitions. There's got to be another way.
Hope for something that fits well is fading fast. But I'll continue the calls. Off to the next round.
Current Song - Sweetheart (Franke and the Knockouts)
Serious blow to my morale today.
Since I left Shell, it seems like I've been having a bout with dementia. With each passing day and each passing rejection, this gets worse. Matters with NISB makes things a whole lot worse. Somehow the will to get out and do something just isn't there. It's like my world is simply falling apart - AND NO THIS ISN'T MEANT TO BE CREATIVE PROSE WRITING, IT'S THE DARN TRUTH!!!!
I'm beginning to find out that most of the places I'm applying for conflict with the very existance of Northern Illinois Sports Beat. It's either one or the other. Seems like an easy decision, right? My sportswriting career means more to me than anything else. If I destroy that, I will have nothing left - because outside of that I truly do have nothing else.
So, to the job update. More places were dropped from consideration because it seems like the usual scheme of things is starting on "nights and weekends." Nights and weekends literally destroys the website, and thus my goals and ambitions. There's got to be another way.
Hope for something that fits well is fading fast. But I'll continue the calls. Off to the next round.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Job Update 11/24
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.42.11
Current Song - Ride Captain Ride (Blues Image)
Made some callbacks this morning, even though it was Thanksgiving morning. Normally managers are not in, but I decided to take my chances today.
No progress was made, but I eliminated two more candidates today because they had already hired: Ladd Casey's and Spring Valley Shell.
That leaves five Casey's stores, the Geneseo Beck's and two Family Video stores left to look at. I'm making the Casey's callbacks on Monday, with the other three being made on Friday morning. Clinton Kwik Star has yet to call me back after an inquiry.
I have one more gas station in mind, in Somonauk, that I'll look at on Monday. If that fails to pan out, I have two more favorable chances left, both pizza delivery.
NEXT STEPS:
1. Then it will be off to the next round of job applications: Kewanee, LaSalle-Peru, Cambridge, Utica, Sandwich, Somonauk, Plano, Genoa, and Hennipen.
2. DeKalb/Sycamore
3. Rockford
4. Quad Cities
5. Temp agency, breaking my back and destroying my mental capacity - I may not be the same person again after this.
There has been NOTHING in the local newspaper classified section other than jobs with prior experience necessary.
Current Song - Ride Captain Ride (Blues Image)
Made some callbacks this morning, even though it was Thanksgiving morning. Normally managers are not in, but I decided to take my chances today.
No progress was made, but I eliminated two more candidates today because they had already hired: Ladd Casey's and Spring Valley Shell.
That leaves five Casey's stores, the Geneseo Beck's and two Family Video stores left to look at. I'm making the Casey's callbacks on Monday, with the other three being made on Friday morning. Clinton Kwik Star has yet to call me back after an inquiry.
I have one more gas station in mind, in Somonauk, that I'll look at on Monday. If that fails to pan out, I have two more favorable chances left, both pizza delivery.
NEXT STEPS:
1. Then it will be off to the next round of job applications: Kewanee, LaSalle-Peru, Cambridge, Utica, Sandwich, Somonauk, Plano, Genoa, and Hennipen.
2. DeKalb/Sycamore
3. Rockford
4. Quad Cities
5. Temp agency, breaking my back and destroying my mental capacity - I may not be the same person again after this.
There has been NOTHING in the local newspaper classified section other than jobs with prior experience necessary.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Job Update 11/22
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.22.11
Current Song - Magnet and Steel (Walter Egan)
Three callbacks to places resulted in three different outcomes.
The first one, to the Savanna BP, can now be thrown out the window because they had hired someone during the time my application letter was being sorted in the US postal service.
The second one, to the Ashton Casey's, hadn't recieved it yet and told me they would probably recieve it by Wednesday. But the call was salvaged in a sense by letting them know that I mailed an application.
The final one, to the Thomson Casey's, so far nearly sunk the ship. They weren't hiring yet, but did get my mailed application. The comment of my hopes being diminished because I lived in Sterling really ticked me off - but I didn't show any anger at all. Then came question to me as whether or not Sterling was hiring. I said no (three weeks ago I called Sterling's Casey's with a no answer). In the end, though, the application is still out there in the waiting pile. It still made me want to inquire to Sterling's Casey's once more, though.
Given the mailing time of my most recent stack of application letters, I'll make my next call-around before Dakota Football kicks off @ State on Friday morning.
As mentioned yesterday, I made a callback to the Kwik Star in Clinton, and I'm waiting for a call back from them today - just as to the status of the job application.
Some people think getting a job is a right-there-right-then process, and you know of your chances once you hand over that application. That's not the case in this day of age. It takes a while, and I respect that. I learned from the Cash For Gold inquiry nearly a month ago that there are people out there more desperate than I am. I just don't want to be one of those people.
Current Song - Magnet and Steel (Walter Egan)
Three callbacks to places resulted in three different outcomes.
The first one, to the Savanna BP, can now be thrown out the window because they had hired someone during the time my application letter was being sorted in the US postal service.
The second one, to the Ashton Casey's, hadn't recieved it yet and told me they would probably recieve it by Wednesday. But the call was salvaged in a sense by letting them know that I mailed an application.
The final one, to the Thomson Casey's, so far nearly sunk the ship. They weren't hiring yet, but did get my mailed application. The comment of my hopes being diminished because I lived in Sterling really ticked me off - but I didn't show any anger at all. Then came question to me as whether or not Sterling was hiring. I said no (three weeks ago I called Sterling's Casey's with a no answer). In the end, though, the application is still out there in the waiting pile. It still made me want to inquire to Sterling's Casey's once more, though.
Given the mailing time of my most recent stack of application letters, I'll make my next call-around before Dakota Football kicks off @ State on Friday morning.
As mentioned yesterday, I made a callback to the Kwik Star in Clinton, and I'm waiting for a call back from them today - just as to the status of the job application.
Some people think getting a job is a right-there-right-then process, and you know of your chances once you hand over that application. That's not the case in this day of age. It takes a while, and I respect that. I learned from the Cash For Gold inquiry nearly a month ago that there are people out there more desperate than I am. I just don't want to be one of those people.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Job Update 11/21
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.12.11
Current Song - Ride Like The Wind (Christopher Cross)
Monday is the first business day back, and I woke up a little too late to make morning status calls.
But I still tried to call a couple of places to see what the status of my applications were. The Clinton Kwik Star would let me know tomorrow. On a down note, Sterling's Dollar Tree had already hired its seasonal staff - therefore rejecting me.
Tuesday will be a very busy day. I'll go back to making status calls in the morning before making a drive up north for a little bit. Then at 4:00 I'll be covering the Dixon-Sterling girls bowling meet. It's been a long time since I covered bowling, but I feel I'm prepared for it.
Current Song - Ride Like The Wind (Christopher Cross)
Monday is the first business day back, and I woke up a little too late to make morning status calls.
But I still tried to call a couple of places to see what the status of my applications were. The Clinton Kwik Star would let me know tomorrow. On a down note, Sterling's Dollar Tree had already hired its seasonal staff - therefore rejecting me.
Tuesday will be a very busy day. I'll go back to making status calls in the morning before making a drive up north for a little bit. Then at 4:00 I'll be covering the Dixon-Sterling girls bowling meet. It's been a long time since I covered bowling, but I feel I'm prepared for it.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friends Keep You Afloat
Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.91.11
Current Song - One More Time (Daft Punk)
Right now I'm not doing so well, if you haven't figured that out already. I just mailed more applications tonight on my way back from the Boylan-Lake Zurich football game. Having to apply to such places like Kingston, Ladd and Geneseo are a big sign of things not going so well.
More often than not when I feel down like this, I tend to rant, complain, explode, and get very angry as I write these things on my Blog. Then posting things like that on Facebook's news feed and giving people the impression that I'm some sort of whinebag.
Maybe I am a whinebag when it comes to times like this. However, if I kept it all inside I would feel much worse than how I am now. So I sometimes feel the need to post angry diatribes on my blog and snippets of it on Facebook. At the same time, I have to remember that there are people I know that are faring much worse than I am at this time; it's mentally difficult to do that, but I want to try.
Right now is a perfect example; but I don't want to get angry right now.
If you are reading this, and accessed this from my Facebook wall, you are on my Facebook friends list for a reason - as a friend or a relative. See, I only have 175 Facebook friends. Most of my more active friends have over 500 Facebook friends. Now I know more than 1,000 people through many different sources. But only a select few (and those few who I've asked and they've ingored) get to be my Facebook friends.
Most of you I have known since school. I grew up with you. You know as much as I do that I wasn't much of a chatterbox growing up. I'm still not that way, although I have tried to break out of that shell on occasion. So we don't hang out that much, but I have looked to you as inspiration of some sort.
To be concise, I thank you, everyone, for all of the times we have shared over the years. Hopefully one day I'll be able to recover from this mess and once again find the passion to be a better person. I'm always looking for support, and when a similar time comes regarding you, I will try to do my best to return the favor.
Peace all!
Current Song - One More Time (Daft Punk)
Right now I'm not doing so well, if you haven't figured that out already. I just mailed more applications tonight on my way back from the Boylan-Lake Zurich football game. Having to apply to such places like Kingston, Ladd and Geneseo are a big sign of things not going so well.
More often than not when I feel down like this, I tend to rant, complain, explode, and get very angry as I write these things on my Blog. Then posting things like that on Facebook's news feed and giving people the impression that I'm some sort of whinebag.
Maybe I am a whinebag when it comes to times like this. However, if I kept it all inside I would feel much worse than how I am now. So I sometimes feel the need to post angry diatribes on my blog and snippets of it on Facebook. At the same time, I have to remember that there are people I know that are faring much worse than I am at this time; it's mentally difficult to do that, but I want to try.
Right now is a perfect example; but I don't want to get angry right now.
If you are reading this, and accessed this from my Facebook wall, you are on my Facebook friends list for a reason - as a friend or a relative. See, I only have 175 Facebook friends. Most of my more active friends have over 500 Facebook friends. Now I know more than 1,000 people through many different sources. But only a select few (and those few who I've asked and they've ingored) get to be my Facebook friends.
Most of you I have known since school. I grew up with you. You know as much as I do that I wasn't much of a chatterbox growing up. I'm still not that way, although I have tried to break out of that shell on occasion. So we don't hang out that much, but I have looked to you as inspiration of some sort.
To be concise, I thank you, everyone, for all of the times we have shared over the years. Hopefully one day I'll be able to recover from this mess and once again find the passion to be a better person. I'm always looking for support, and when a similar time comes regarding you, I will try to do my best to return the favor.
Peace all!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)