Signing Off

Cutter's Log - Final Entry

On April 28, 2005 I gave myself a small birthday preent. Something similar to what I got on April 28, 1998. It was a writing platform. One where I could write to myself and remind myself of things down the road.

The turning-12 present was a hardcover journal. We didn't have a computer back then. Within that journal - which I still have in my attic somewhere - I was able to write down the experiences and memories I had with the first girl I really had a crush on. This was fifth grade. I wrote about the kiss on the cheek. I wrote about the smiles back and forth throughout a certain day. I wrote about an unforgettable field trip to Galena. That and other random fifth-grade memories. That journal became a part of my backburner in sixth grade, and I didn't write in it after that.

The journal kept floating around in my bedroom during high school, unused. One month before high school graduation, I wanted to create a reminder of the steps I took toward adulthood. Only this time, I had access to a computer.

That's when #35's Waste of Space was born.

The number 35 was my football number. The Blog platform was free with the platform that I had used at the time with the Northern Illinois Sports Beat message boards. It had a black background with a geen text box. That lasted until advertising infested that platform, and the move was made to this platform you are looking at today.

This blog was more than about the transitions from adolesence to adulthood. It became a haven for all of the moments when I was down: Being out of work for 7 months, my car accident, my weight loss battles, and my stuggles with connecting with that girlfriend.

Most recently I began writing about overcoming social anxiety. What I have much to improve on, I seem to be getting a little better at coversations, small talk, and consulting other people in person about my most deepest concerns.

I look at it as a theraputic process to get my to open up more.

I've been writing here in place of talking to people. That stops now.

This will be my final post in #35's Waste of Space. It's been a geat eight-year run. But I need to be telling my concerns to others verbally - and not just writing it in here HOPING someone will read it.

To know more about me, you can add me as a friend on Facebook.

Sometimes the pressure to write will come, and I'll do so through Facebook notes.

I don't like to make these things precise, but it goes against the therapy I need in order to open up and communicate more.

Until then, Thank You for all of your support through the years. And I hop to chat with you soon.

Cody