Filling An Empty Heart --- Part III

Cutter's Log - Stardate 3102.42.70
Current Song - Treasure (Bruno Mars)

Previous series entries:  Filling An Empty Heart --- Filling An Empty Heart (Part I) --- Filling An Empty Heart (Part II)


It has been about two months since I last strolled on over to the bench at 14th Avenue Park at night. I would go over there, stare at the moon and talk to God about fulfilling one of life's most cherished feelings. The one that just hasn't happened yet.

I last left wanting to find a way to strengthen and maintain friendships. Since then I'd like to think that I have a new friend in the mix. Wait, I do. It's a woman.

With this woman, I have been able to snap a couple of long streaks: I hadn't been invited over for a cookout or a gathering at someone's place in eight years (and outside of graduation parties, in about 16 years). I hadn't made my way over to someone's house on my own accord in about 14 years. A girl hadn't hugged me on her own accord in about eight years, I think.

The cookout was special because she had only invited a FEW of her friends over, and I was one of them.

She had a bonfire at her place. Her and a few of her friends. She posted on Facebook a message saying "who else wants to join?" or something like that. I decided to take it upon myself to head over there. There was something I wanted to tell her (a matter of concern), and it turned into a great gathering. When she noticed that I had arrived, there was this inital state of confusion - but that was followed quickly by a hand-across-the-shoulder feeling. I answered with one of my own.

Courage, huh?

It's weird that I only met her just a couple of days before my first trip to the park bench to talk to God about this kind of stuff.

All I can do is keep preaching all things positive. I am a nice person. I am a gentle person. I know what respect is. She has given me quite a bit in my life, and I feel that I can only thank her by doing several things for her.

I love her. I really do.

Of course there are many obstacles in the way. That's the kind of thinking that goes with wanting to plow my way toward a relationship. But you just CANNOT plow your way into a relationship.

I'm not going to as far as to say "I want a relationship with her," but rather, "let's see where this goes and make a decision afterward." Do I really want one with her? Sure. Am I going to force it? No.

I think back to my 7th grade crush and the several large leaps that I took that pretty much wound up scaring her. I also think back to the girl that liked me when I was a freshman, and how that "relationship" never worked out because she was jumping way too far over me. You learn from your mistakes, and I intend to do just that in this case.

When it comes to interests, the friendship between her and I don't quite rank among those of other girls that I've liked in the past. It used to be that I wouldn't think about wanting to try something new. However, this is something that I'm sort of willing to learn all about. 

I love her. I really do. 

Keep on keeping on ...