Rocky Thoughts

Cutter's Log - Stardate 1102.20.40
Current Song - Take Me Home (Phil Collins)

I think it all started when our dog's leash broke under my "watch" at 1:30 a.m. on Tuesday.

Usually I wait for him to bark, but after a while there was no barking. When his leash was found severed I spent all night looking for him.

This led to a lot of self-doubt in my ability to think straight. I was chided from all angles regarding this event with my dog. The recovery process from this sudden rocking of the ship was very difficult.

Then came a blow I really did not need. I live with the parents, and they are still willing to do my laundry. I have had a habit of turning my clothes inside-out when taking them off. For some reason I've always lifted from the bottom up instead of the top up. The result is that the shirts are inside-out when I put them in the hamper.

Now I should know better to leave the clothes in the hamper looking the correct way. However, just the mention of this fact sent me into an even deeper rut, and thus the ship was rocked a little harder.

***

You see, this is a struggle between myself and reality. I, like everyone else, have dreams to do what we WANT to do and like doing it. I kind of have that already. But with every little reminder that I'm not up to par with reality, it sets me back a little.

(I have stared blankly for 20 minutes)

I'm forgetting things, and am falling way behind the progress of the other 24-25 year olds that I know. For those who looked back on my intellect from long ago and thought I had high hopes, don't cry for me. Instead, cheer me on as I take on this force that is reality and find a way to be successful in it and regain my ground.

First, I would like to seek and maim those who are detrimental to my success. Then again, I don't know.